Chapter Twenty-Eight #2
“They got the idiot with the knife,” Major said, lowering the foot of the recliner the nurses must have brought in for him. He came to stand by my bed. “Take my hand and let me pull you forward. I should check your bandage.”
He held his hand out. I looked at it for a moment, trying to decide if I could touch him without anguish filling my soul.
That was when my soul reminded me that not touching him would have that effect.
He needed me as much as I needed him. I slipped my hand into his, and the breath he released told me I’d made the right decision in meeting him with understanding.
“On the count of three, blow out,” he said, so I nodded, and he pulled me onto my left side.
Fire licked at the wound, but surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be.
He inspected the bandage with his penlight and then helped me back onto the pillow, which took a bit of the pressure off the side where I lay.
“It hasn’t bled through the bandage, which is great news. ”
Once he tucked the penlight back in his pocket, he pulled a smaller chair over to my bedside and took my hand again. He was content to hold it and rub his thumb across the back, but I wanted answers.
“Who was he?” I asked, as though that answer should have followed his earlier statement.
“It’s the middle of the night. Close your eyes and get some sleep. I’ll fend off the nurses.”
“Major,” I said, the word a simple warning to the man before me.
With a sigh, he tossed his head side to side as though he were a prizefighter entering the ring.
“It was Luke West. It turns out his rap sheet was much longer than armed robbery. His juvenile record was littered with violent offenses, but it was locked, so no one knew. When he was convicted of the armed robbery charge, he was also accused of multiple violent attacks.”
“Accused but not convicted?”
“Plea deal,” he said, his jaw ticking as he ground his teeth together. “But he served his time, and they had to grant him parole. Unfortunately, it didn’t take him long to go back to his violent tendencies.”
“Gabe said he was long gone. Why was he out at the tree farm?”
“No, what Gabe said was that he couldn’t find him in town, not that he wasn’t still in the area.
There’s no way to scour all the farm acreage around here.
It’s winter, and the assumption was that he’d be in a big city where he could find shelter.
That was an assumption they shouldn’t have made.
His tracks led to an abandoned cabin on county land.
They found him inside, bleeding out. Guess he didn’t want to go back to the clink for attempted murder. ”
“Did he…” I didn’t need to finish the sentence when he shook his head.
“He survived but is in a hospital in Saginaw. They found a manifesto that outlined his past crimes and the future crimes he had planned to commit. This time, there will be no plea deals, which is a small comfort when the woman I love is lying in a hospital bed.”
“I’m glad it was me,” I said without thinking. “Imagine if it had been a guest or one of our younger workers.” A shudder went through me as he gripped my hand in both of his like a lifeline.
“I don’t want to imagine any of that. I don’t want to think about the terror that filled me when Loretta called or when the ambulance doors swung open, and you were lying there as white as the sheet covering you.
The deals I made with God in those moments will be impossible to keep, but I’ll sure as hell try, if they keep you safe from here on out. ”
“It doesn’t work that way, Major. We all face the consequences of our decisions, whether good or bad.
I made a bad decision by going out there upset, angry, and in violation of the rules.
Now I live with the consequences. I could have decided to go to Ivy’s, the diner, or somewhere else, but I chose not to. That’s not on you.”
“It is, though,” he reminded me. “You were upset because of me and not thinking clearly. You can’t tell me you would have broken the rules a second time if you hadn’t been searching for a quiet place to think and clear your head.”
“A second time?” I asked, and he smirked.
“Cameron told me we broke the rules going out there that first day, but he let it go since we were together, and he knew you were showing me the tree.”
“Busted,” I said, giggling carefully. “In my defense, it hadn’t snowed yet, so the ‘if snow, don’t go’ rule didn’t apply.”
His snort of laughter brought a smile to my face. “I think I’ll let Cameron argue this one with you when he shows up tomorrow. Go back to sleep, you’re so tired.”
“I’m not,” I promised. “The anesthesia wore off much faster this time, and the pain is well controlled.”
“Probably because I remembered what you said about the anesthesia causing problems last time, so the anesthesiologist prepared for it. Since I scrubbed in and barked orders like I was still in the army, we got the surgery done in record time. You weren’t under as long.”
“Now that I can picture,” I said with a shake of my head. “You’ve seen far more of my insides than I think is normal between a couple.”
“Maybe, but there wasn’t a chance in hell I wasn’t going into that operating room even if everyone told me to stand down. My specialty may be bones, but I’ve done plenty of general surgery in my day.”
“Just maybe not on the woman you love?” she asked, and I tipped my head to the side.
“In fairness, that was a first. Well, a second, but the first time I didn’t know I loved you yet. And I do, which is why I overreacted and acted like an absolute fool. There is no excuse for it.”
“There has to be a reason for it then,” I said, turning more onto my side to get comfortable. He stood and blocked my back with pillows to help me stay on my side, placing one against my abdomen as well.
Once he was seated again, he took my hand.
“Fear of losing you,” he said. “Whenever fear hits like that.” He snapped, and I jumped.
“The PTSD takes over. My therapist says it’s common for people with PTSD to use anger to mask fear when, really, the PTSD is a response to the fear.
That doesn’t make sense, but I’m not sure I can make it make sense. ”
“You’re saying when you get scared, your brain remembers the trauma and you do whatever you can to block it?”
“That. In my case, I get defensive. It’s a way to push people back until I can escape.
In hindsight, I should have warned you that’s how mine presents itself.
I’m mature enough to know that about myself.
When you ran, I should have chased you, but by the time I pushed it back and got my feet moving, you were gone. ”
“To be clear, I wasn’t running. Leaving was to offer the space we both needed.
Then I got your text, and that’s when I realized the PTSD wasn’t an excuse.
I was standing in the clearing and remembered Becca had the same reaction several times when she worked at the diner.
I was about to text that I was on my way back when it was lights out.
” The spot on the back of my head throbbed once to remind me that I’d been stabbed and hit over the head.
“My phone is probably buried under two feet of snow now.”
“We’ll get you a new one if Cameron doesn’t find it. Don’t worry about any of that right now. Just rest.”
“It’s hard to rest with this hanging between us,” I pointed out.
“That’s fair. When I explained to Ivy how hard it was for me to talk about things that hit me emotionally from my past, she suggested I write it down for you to read so you have the background before we talk.”
“She’s good at cutting through the noise that way,” I agreed with a weak smile. “Did you do that?”
“While you were sleeping,” he agreed. “But you deserve to hear it from me, and in my opinion, it’s good practice to keep this from happening again.”
“Whatever makes you more comfortable, but I just need to know if you have a kid somewhere. It’s not a dealbreaker, to be clear, but it’s something you should have shared with me before now.”
“She’s not my daughter,” he said immediately, scooting forward to get closer.
“Right before I shipped out the last time.” He motioned at his leg, and I nodded.
“I was seeing a civilian nurse. We traveled in the same circles, and I met her at an off-base function. We weren’t mutual, and it was a casual thing, so we said goodbye and I left.
When I returned stateside, I was at the same base to complete the last few months of my enlistment, essentially working on physical therapy while handling administrative tasks at a desk.
I heard through the grapevine that she had a little girl.
The math worked, and I reached out to her, wanting to take responsibility if she was mine. ”
“Most men wouldn’t have done that,” I said. “They’d assume it wasn’t.”
“Maybe, but I’m not wired that way. If I had a child, I would not only provide for her but also want to be an active part of her life.
She came around and introduced me to Kaylee, who was the sweetest little girl you’ve ever met.
We got close again, I mean, not that close,” he clarified, and I nodded.
“But would meet up at the park with Kaylee or have dinner and spend time together. Eventually, I asked her to put my name on the birth certificate so I could pay child support and have visitation. Kaylee drove me to get better and stronger so I could take care of her alone if the day ever came. My lawyer told me to be put on the birth certificate, we’d need a paternity test, so we did one.
When it came back that I wasn’t the father, I was crushed. ”
“You wanted to be?”
“I’ve always wanted to be a father, but I realize now that I was using Kaylee as a reason to get back to living. She motivated me to get up in the morning and put my life back together so I could be there for her.”
“And when you learned she wasn’t yours?”