Chapter 15
Chapter
Fifteen
August 22 nd
8:36 P.M.
Something was different about Becca.
Connor couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was, but something had changed while they spent the day out in the woods.
Fresh air and sunshine were food for the soul.
That’s what his mom used to say to him and his brothers when they hit those preteen years and started wanting to spend more time inside playing video games than they did outside riding bikes and playing.
At the time, he’d groaned and grumbled, as had the rest of his brothers, they wanted to do what their friends were doing, but their mom was tough. Tough but loving and always fair. She insisted that growing boys needed fresh air and sunshine to grow their souls just as much as they needed copious amounts of food to grow their bodies.
In the end, they always had fun after they finished complaining about how unfair life was and how Mom didn't understand that they weren't little kids anymore.
Thirteen had been too young to lose her.
Too young for him to realize the gifts she was giving them.
Too young to realize just what a great mom she was and how lucky he was to have her.
Sorry, Mom. I hope you know that even though the guys and I were so angry with you for getting married again so soon after Dad died, it was only because we didn't understand and not that we didn't love you. We did. We loved you a lot. So much.
Enough that none of us will ever stop fighting to prove you were innocent, that you never betrayed your husband, his team, or your country. No matter the cost, we owe you that for how we treated you and how we behaved those last six months.
“Connor?”
Blinking, he saw that Becca was looking over at him, concern on her face, and he realized he’d been standing at the sink, a plate in his hand, under the running water, lost in thought.
Was he really willing to prove his mother and stepfather’s innocence no matter the cost, even if that cost was Becca’s life?
Mom wouldn't want that.
She loved Becca like another daughter, and she’d always known he was going to make her his wife one day. It was going to happen a whole lot later than he’d originally planned, but ever since they talked on the bridge that afternoon, Connor had found a certainness settling inside him.
Becca was going to say yes.
It might take her a little more time, but she was going to give him a second chance and he had no plans on squandering it.
Would continuing to fight against the men who had already proved they would do whatever it took to silence them wind up having him squander that precious second chance? It was easy to say that nothing could make him back off when it wasn't the life of the woman he loved hanging on the line.
“You okay?” Becca asked.
Forcing a smile to his lips, Connor shoved away the negative thoughts. He and his brothers would keep Becca safe the same way they’d keep Cassandra, Willow, Susanna, Essie, and Gabriella safe. They were proving that not only were they a strong unit, but they also got stronger as they got bigger.
“I’m okay,” he assured her.
She twisted her hands together and rocked from foot to foot, a sign that she was nervous. “You sure? Because I was going to suggest we light a fire in the firepit and make S’mores, but if you’d rather spend the evening alone, I can just go up to bed and leave you to it.”
“No!” The word blurted out of him in a rush. No matter his doubts and concerns, any time Becca wanted to spend with him was time well spent. “No,” he said again, calmer this time. “I don’t want you to go up to bed, I don’t want to be alone. S’mores and the firepit sound wonderful. Why don’t you gather supplies, and I’ll go get a fire started.”
For a moment she studied him, but then she relaxed and smiled. “Okay. Meet you outside in a few minutes.”
It still felt like she was up to something, but whatever it was couldn’t be bad, so Connor didn't dwell on it. Instead, he set down the plate, turned off the water, and left the dishes to drip dry on the side of the sink. He’d worry about them in the morning because right now, he wanted to just focus on Becca.
The firepit was about twenty yards from the cabin on the left side, the river side, about halfway between the building and the dock where they’d laid in the sun earlier. Already some wood sat inside, and he’d grabbed a small lock box with matches on his way out.
By the time he heard Becca approaching, he had a nice little fire going and dropped down into one of the Adirondack chairs that circled the stone firepit. He watched as she came closer, she’d taken her hair out of its braid, letting it hang down her back in a mass of kinky, black waves, and she’d thrown on a sweater since the night air was getting chilly as the summer wound down.
Her long, lean legs ate up the distance between them, and even though she had the supplies to make S’mores in her arms, she dumped them in the chair beside his, then instead of finding her own chair she planted herself on his lap.
Surprise had him freezing.
What game was his moonlight intent on playing tonight?
It was clear she was determined to follow through on whatever plan she had brewing in that pretty head of hers because he recognized the glint in her eyes.
It was her Becca means business look.
“What are you up to?” he asked as his hands moved to grip her hips, keeping her in place in case she decided to change her mind. Holding her, even if this was all they did tonight, was more than worth it as far as he was concerned.
“I have something for you.” She held up a sonogram picture, a photo of a tiny bundle wrapped in a blanket wearing a little blue cap, a card with the smallest footprints he’d ever seen, and a pair of knitted booties. “I needed something to do with my hands after you left so I took up knitting. I wanted to make something for the baby. He was already gone before he was born but was big enough to hold for a photo. I wanted to share these with you.”
His heart ached at the knowledge he wasn't there the day Becca had gone into labor.
“This isn’t to make you sad, Connor,” she said softly.
“I know, baby. It makes me sad because it’s a reminder of my failures. But I'm so grateful you shared these with me.”
“Yeah?” Becca searched his gaze seeking the truth.
“Yes. Always yes. He was our son.”
“Carter Marsden-Charleston.”
Surprise had him tightening his hold on her hips. “You named him after my dad? And gave him my last name?”
“He was both of ours.”
“Thank you.” Tears blurred his vision, and he touched a kiss to her forehead. “Thank you for carrying my son inside you. Thank you for loving him even when you didn't know he was mine. Thank you for loving me even after I hurt you.”
“Loving you is as easy as breathing.”
“The most natural thing in the world,” he agreed.
“I wanted you last night, Connor, but I was a coward. I'm not going to be a coward again tonight,” she told him, her hands landing on his shoulders as she studied him, allowing him to see her eyes and the certainty in them.
That was way too open for interpretation for his liking.
Went against their rules, and she knew it.
“Words, Becca. I need you to use your words like a good girl,” he murmured, his voice low as fire lit inside him. If she was asking for this, if she was sure it was what she wanted, then he wouldn't hesitate to give her everything. Everything her body could take and then some.
She shivered and a dreamy smile lit her face. “I always loved it when you called me a good girl.”
“You are though, aren't you?” His hands shifted slightly, still holding her hips, but now his thumbs hovered on her soft skin, right at the edges of those tiny jean cut-off shorts she was wearing. So close to where he longed to touch her. “My good girl.”
“Yours, Connor,” she agreed, squirming a little.
“Then give me your words, baby. Tell me what you want. What you need.”
“Everything,” she answered without hesitation. “I need your hands on me, touching me, like you used to. I want your mouth driving me wild, sucking on me, licking me, making me come on your tongue. I don’t think I can survive another day ending without feeling you inside me, making me complete again.”
“Making us complete,” he corrected. Because there was no Connor without Becca, just like there was no Becca without Connor. They were two halves of the same whole, and even though Becca said she forgave him for tearing them apart, he wasn't sure he would ever completely forgive himself.
“Making us complete,” she agreed. “But first, before I let you touch me, I need to do this.”
Shifting off his lap, Connor reluctantly uncurled his fingers and let her go because one thing was certain, and that was in any making out they did, Becca would always be in control. Becca knelt before him. Not in a submissive way, neither of them was into that, although, no shade to anyone who was, but it wasn't their thing. They were equals in every way including in the bedroom.
But this wasn't about submission, this was Becca reminding herself she was safe and in control, that only what she wanted would happen between them.
So even though he ached to touch her, bring her pleasure, he didn't move as she pulled his length free. Didn't move as the heat of her mouth enveloped him. Didn't grab her hair and begin to thrust into her mouth as she sucked on him, her hands joining in the fun, touching and stroking.
This was his girl’s show, and when pleasure coiled tightly inside him, then exploded throughout him Connor watched in wonder as his beautiful, brave, strong, smart girl stared back at him with so much love in her eyes he felt like he was drowning in pleasure.
August 22 nd
8:57 P.M.
“My turn,” Connor growled before she even finished swallowing.
His hands hooked under her armpits, and he lifted her up and onto his lap like she weighed nothing at all. While Becca knew she was small, only five foot two, and weighing in at just over a hundred pounds, Toby had never been able to lift her like that. Not that there was anything wrong with him being skinny and a little on the scrawny side, at the time it hadn't mattered, but there, with Connor, seeing how strong he was, she realized she’d missed it.
Maybe a part of her had been damaged when she was assaulted that liked knowing how big Connor was, how easily he could protect her.
“You ready for my fingers, babe?” Connor asked, a reflection of the firelight dancing in his eyes, giving her a literal representation of what she knew he was feeling inside.
“I’m ready,” she said breathlessly.
Actually, she was more than ready.
She was ready to let go and move forward, ready to stop allowing the past to control her future, ready to hand her trust back to Connor and pray that this time he wouldn't wind up using it against her.
He wouldn't.
If she’d needed any more convincing, then the way he’d just reminded her that he would only touch her if she expressly asked him to, using her words, as he called it, had pushed her over.
Connor had her best interests at heart, and this time, they both knew the cost of him ever shoving aside his own needs to prioritize hers. He had promised her he’d learned from that mistake and wouldn't repeat it, and she believed him.
“Touch me, Connor,” she whispered and was rewarded by a kiss, exactly the kind she’d craved earlier. This one wasn't soft and gentle, it stoked the fires burning inside her and stole her ability to think because all she could do was feel.
When his fingers brushed against her soaked center she was almost caught by surprise.
She’d been too caught up in his mouth, his lips against hers, his tongue dueling with her own to realize anything else.
Now those fingers teased her through her panties, brushing featherlight touches along her center. She rocked her hips, trying to make him shove the thin material aside and push inside her, stroking deep, filling her up.
A moan tumbled from her lips, half pleading for more, half already reaching toward an orgasm.
Connor smiled against her lips, pulling back just enough to whisper, “Greedy tonight are we, moonlight?”
“Greedy,” she agreed as his fingers finally slipped past the cotton of her panties, circling her entrance.
“Mmm, I love knowing how badly you want me,” Connor whispered before his lips were on hers again.
While his mouth ravaged hers, his fingers brushed over her bud, then they were where she wanted them. She was already wet, and Connor slipped the first finger in with ease. It had been a long time since she was touched and there was a slight pinch as her body stretched to accommodate his finger, but it passed so quickly it was nothing more than a blip.
Another finger joined it, then a third, stretching her to perfection and getting her ready to take Connor’s long, thick length later.
Now, though, she was content to rock on his fingers, enjoying the way they felt stroking deep, catching that special spot inside her with every thrust. Connor’s large hand was easily able to reach her bundle of nerves at the same time and his thumb set up a steady pace, pressing with just the right amount of pressure as he circled it while relentlessly pumping his fingers in and out of her, working her higher, building the pleasure inside her.
When it grew too big to contain any longer it exploded.
Her scream was captured by his mouth as he refused to give up, working her through the orgasm, dragging it out, making it last forever until it consumed her body, mind, and soul.
By the time she floated back down to earth, he was already standing, carrying her back inside the cabin.
“Need a bed for this, baby,” he whispered in her ear. His lips nibbled at the skin on her neck, and she tilted her head to the side to give him better access.
“My room,” she said before he drew another moan from her as his tongue found the sensitive spot behind her ear. “I want you to do something for me tonight.”
“Anything, moonlight. There isn’t a single thing I wouldn't do for you,” he assured her as he headed up the stairs.
She hoped that was true.
Because what she needed tonight wasn't something she’d ever asked of him before. Maybe wasn't even something she’d want to do again. But tonight, she needed it. Needed it to be able to take that final step in moving on from her past. Something she’d only realized in spending time with Connor that she hadn't completely done.
“What do you want, baby?” he asked as he set her on her feet and made quick work of stripping her out of her sweater, T-shirt, shorts, and sneakers. Leaving her naked and vulnerable before him.
Only she didn't feel vulnerable.
Not with Connor.
Connor would never hurt her.
As he stripped off his clothes she went to the nightstand where she’d left it earlier, when she’d devised this plan, knowing it was what she needed.
“Ribbons?” he asked, clearly confused when she held them out to him.
“To tie me up,” she explained.
“No way in hell am I tying you up,” Connor growled, tossing the ribbons onto the floor like they’d physically hurt him.
Stepping closer, she nestled her head against his chest, willing him to understand. “You always let me be in control, and I needed that, I know I did. But now, tonight, I need to know that I can let you take control.”
“I'd never hurt you, Becca. I'd rather cut it off than cause you any pain.”
Laughing softly, she circled his “it” and stroked it gently. “I know that. It’s why I can do this with you. Only you. Teach me that it’s okay not to be in control, Connor. Help me learn that again because it’s exhausting trying to be in control of everything all the time. I don’t want to do it anymore.”
Hooking a finger under her chin, he nudged until she looked at him. “You sure?” he asked, searching her eyes.
“Positive.”
“I won't tie you tight enough to hurt, not even tight enough to really hold you in place, just to give you the illusion that you're surrendering to me,” he told her, and she knew there was no point in arguing, he’d made up his mind. It didn't matter, that was all she needed, it wasn't about pain, or even being tied up, it was just about allowing her mind to let go of its need to control because it knew she was safe.
“Okay,” she agreed.
Picking her up, Connor laid her out on the bed, then scooped up the ribbons. With gentle fingers, he bound first one wrist to the bedpost, then the other. After tying her right leg to the bedpost, he held up the fourth ribbon. “Can I take your foot off, baby? I want to see all of you tonight.”
“Yes.” There was no need to hide from Connor. Besides, he’d seen the wounds when they were ugly and raw, they’d healed a lot over the last decade and looked a whole lot better than how he likely remembered them.
His smile was soft as he removed her prosthetic and set it on the floor. Then he knelt at the end of the bed and touched his lips so gently to her stump. It felt weird, her skin didn't feel normal there, not the way the rest of her skin did, but she felt the kiss, felt the love pouring from it, and when he moved on to find her next scar, tears burned her eyes.
By the time he’d kissed his way along every scar on her body, worshiping them with his lips and his tongue, she was crying.
Happy tears though.
Because he made her feel so accepted, so beautiful.
Just because she never acted self-conscious about the scars her ordeal had left behind didn't mean they never made her feel less beautiful.
They did.
Especially the way Toby used to pretend they didn't exist. Like she didn't have scars and a missing foot.
But Connor had never shied away from them, not even in the beginning when they were painful and so very obvious. He’d just accepted them as a part of her.
Now he touched kisses to her cheeks, catching her tears.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Hey now, if I'm not allowed to say sorry for hurting you then you're not allowed to thank me for loving you. I couldn’t not love you if I tried, Becca.”
She believed those words.
With every fiber of her being.
Connor’s dark head settled between her legs, and there was not an ounce of fear at her body bared and vulnerable before him. She was so secure in the knowledge that she was safe, that Becca was able to turn her brain off as his tongue swiped along her center.
Safe.
Safe to give up control and just feel.
Like his fingers had done by the firepit outside, his mouth worked her higher now. It teased her, alternating between plunging his tongue inside her and closing his lips around her bud, suckling hard as his tongue flicked at her, driving her wild.
Her fingers clutched the sheets, her head thrashed from side to side, her body squirmed as he worked her higher and higher, higher than she’d ever climbed before. It was going to be one heck of a fall when he had her tumbling over the edge.
Every time she was sure she’d reached the peak, Connor seemed to manage to push her higher still.
Then just when she thought she couldn’t take a single second longer, it rushed through her. A wave of pleasure unlike anything she had ever experienced before tore through her as she screamed Connor’s name. It touched every cell of her body, cleansing her of old fears, purging all the bad from her soul, and leaving her feeling fresh and clean again for the first time in over a decade.
There was a smug smile on Connor’s face when she blinked open heavy eyes to find him kneeling between her legs.
“You look pretty pleased with yourself,” she mumbled.
“You look thoroughly loved,” he shot back.
“Not thoroughly, not yet. Hurry up and get inside me. I’m on birth control so you don’t need a condom.”
Nothing between them tonight.
Just the two of them getting back to where they belonged.
He was already hard, and he sheathed himself inside her in one smooth thrust, filling her to completion and giving her back the part of herself that had been missing ever since he left.
There would be time later for slow and sweet, now she just wanted to feel him come inside her. Connor seemed to feel that same urgency because his pace was almost desperate as he thrust into her. His fingers claimed her overstimulated bundle of nerves quickly pushing her toward her third orgasm in the space of a handful of minutes.
She cried out, her body trying to pull away from the too-strong sensations, but there was nowhere to go. Becca waited for panic that never came, and she stopped fighting against it and allowed the pleasure to sweep through her body once again. This orgasm wasn't as powerful as the last one, but it had a beautiful peace to it, and it seemed to go on and on forever, spurred on further when she felt Connor release himself inside her.
This was what had been missing.
Connor.
Her body and her soul craved him, and now she had him back she wasn't ever letting him go again. Those men hunting her and his family could try but they would never take the man she loved away from her.