22. Margot
CHAPTER 22
Margot
C olor floods my world, dancing around me in flashes of lights despite the darkness, as all of my worries and every ounce of stress fade away the moment his lips touch mine.
The kiss is world-tilting. Life-changing. And the desire that floods me, searing me from the inside out, is far greater than anything I’ve ever felt before.
Too soon, he pulls away.
“I was tired of having bad timing,” he jokes, his crooked smile melting me all over again.
I laugh. “Me too.”
Silence envelops us, though I can hear his worry-filled thoughts as though they were screaming at me. Hoping the closeness will bring him at least some comfort, I lean into him. His arm comes around my waist, and he presses a kiss to the top of my head .
We might as well have been together for years, rather than it being mere moments from our first kiss. But that’s how things have always been with Jaxson. Since the moment I met him, he was familiar. As though I were made for him and he for me.
“How is Matty doing?” he asks. “I know today must have scared him.”
“It did, but he’s doing okay.”
“He’s strong.”
“That he is,” I reply. “How are you doing?” I sit up. “You said you were worried about Lanetti and this case, but that’s hardly the only thing you have going on.” When he doesn’t say anything, I continue, “Rosalie showing up? Your dad trying to force a reunion?”
Jaxson laughs, though there’s little humor in it. “I’d momentarily forgotten about both of them.” He shakes his head. “As far as Rosalie goes, I haven’t heard anything from her—which makes me beyond grateful. My dad and brother keep harassing me, but neither have shown up here.”
“Your brother?”
He nods. “Brad has decided to forgive our father and wants him in our lives. He’s been pushing me to move past everything that happened.”
“Have you?” I question. Forgiveness is something I struggle with, too. Even as I know not forgiving is a weight that will drown you if you’re not careful.
“I’m not angry anymore. But forgiving and letting someone back in your life are two different things. ”
“It’s hard. To move past everything.”
“It is. And now that he’s dying—” Jaxson trails off, and the first glimpse of pain over his father’s prognosis settles onto his expression. “I can’t understand why I’m upset that he’s going to be gone soon. I shouldn’t be, right? I mean, it’s not like he cared whether we lived or died.”
“Have you considered hearing him out?”
He turns to me. “So he can make excuses?”
“Maybe he won’t make excuses,” I reply. “If he’s truly trying to make amends, then maybe the prognosis is just what pushed him to do it now. It’s possible he’s been wanting to reach out to you for a while.”
Jaxson shifts his attention away from me for a moment. “Maybe.”
My gaze lands on the scar along the side of his face. One I’ve seen many times but never had the courage to ask about. Without thinking, I reach up and run my fingers along the jagged line.
“I got jumped outside of a bar,” Jaxson replies. “I didn’t drink—still don’t, thanks to watching my parents struggle with alcoholism, but I’d gone to meet my brother. I’d just gotten out of the hospital and finished my last physical therapy session, and four guys jumped me as soon as I got out of my truck.”
“What? Why?” I can all but feel the color drain from my face.
“My Marine sticker on the back of my truck,” he replies. “I guess they were looking for a fight and I happened to be in the right place. Because I was still weak, I couldn’t hold them off, and one broke a bottle, then gave me this.” He touches the scar on the side of his face. “Tyler showed up right after and we were able to fight our way out of it.”
“That’s horrible!” I cannot tear my gaze away from him. For one man to suffer so much—nearly dying overseas, his wife leaving him, nearly dying stateside—and then still cling to his faith?
“It wasn’t pleasant, that’s for sure,” he replies with a smile.
“How are you so positive about it?”
“I survived,” he replies. “I was new in my faith when it happened, and still learning, but even as I was facing them down, I had this unbelievable feeling of peace. Like, I just needed to hang on to my hope because everything was going to be just fine.”
“You are amazing, Jaxson Payne.”
“Nah. I wouldn’t say that. I’ve done plenty I’m not proud of.”
“What we’ve done in our pasts doesn’t matter,” I remind him. “Because we are cleansed by the blood of Christ. His death brought us salvation.”
“I know that,” he replies. “But I still struggle with the shame.”
Reaching over, I thread my fingers through his, then pull his hand over to my Bible. We sit like this for a few minutes, hands joined on top of the worn leather cover.
“What made you leave LA? ”
“Honestly? I’m not sure.” He turns to me. “I loved my job, even when things got hard. I felt like I was making a difference, like I was helping people.”
“You were. You still are.”
He smiles at me. “When Lance came out to interview Eliza’s ex-husband, I hadn’t seen him in years. But after he left, I started feeling like I was missing something. Like maybe my future wasn’t in LA. I ignored it at first, brushing it off as just needing a vacation, but the more time went by, the stronger it got. When he asked me to fly out to help, I did so without hesitation. My friend needed me, but I always expected to go home. And then I got here, and I don’t know, I guess it just felt like this is where I belonged.”
Warmth spreads through me as he looks over at me, our gazes holding. Truth is, I’ve felt like he belonged in my life from the moment we met.
And every second we’ve spent together has just cemented that for me.
But even with that, I’m still afraid of what falling in love with this man could do to me. I didn’t feel even half of this for Chad, and he still broke my heart when things went the way they did. How am I so quick to give this kind of power over to someone else? Someone who undoubtedly has even more power over me?
“I’m a bit afraid,” I admit. “Of this. Of what we’re becoming together.”
Jaxson chuckles. “Then that makes two of us. ”
Somehow, knowing I’m not alone in my fear makes me feel even better. “Yeah?”
“Rosalie destroyed me,” he admits. “My confidence, my self-worth, she took it and crumpled it up, then tossed it in the trash. Getting into another relationship just never seemed like a good idea.”
“Chad did the same to me,” I admit. “I felt so unworthy, like I wasn’t worth him sticking around.”
“You know now, of course, that it wasn’t you, right?”
I nod. “Mostly. I still have moments of doubt.”
“When those moments hit, come find me. I’ll show you just how wrong they are.”
Turning my face toward him, I smile. When he leans in this time, the kiss is tender, a caress of our lips that I feel straight down into my toes. I long to reach for him, to bury my fingers in his thick, dark hair, but I pull back.
Jaxson lets out a breath. “I wish I would have kissed you months ago.”
“That makes two of us.”
“Hello?” I finish pouring my third cup of coffee for the day, then take a seat at the table where I’ve been going through my financials, looking for any way to reopen my doors by Christmas.
“I call with great news.” Beckett’s happy tone on the other side is like balm against the nerves that stirred when I saw her name on the screen .
“I could use some good news.”
“Well, Chad dropped the case this morning.”
“Really?” Relief removes a bunch of strain that had been on my shoulders. “You’re serious?”
“I’m not sure what got into him, likely knowing he was going to lose, but yeah. And he sent over a formal apology, which I forwarded to your email.”
“That’s amazing.”
“It really is. So, what are you going to do now?”
“Hopefully reopen the doors to my business.”
“What do you mean? What happened?”
“Someone lit it on fire.”
She’s silent for a moment, and I know it’s because she’s letting my words sink in. Beckett grew up here in Hope Springs until her family moved to Boston when she was in the seventh grade. We spent a lot of time helping out over at the B&B when it was owned by the couple I bought it from.
“Arson?” she asks.
“Yeah. There’s been a lot happening here in Hope Springs that you’ve missed. You know Lanetti Ester?”
“I do.”
“She was abducted. They found her under the Klines’ old barn.”
“Are you serious! Is she okay?”
“She’s fine now, but they still haven’t found who took her.”
“What does that have to do with your B&B?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure. But the detective who’s been staying there?—”
“Mr. Tall, mysterious, and buff? Yeah, I know of him.”
I laugh. “He believes it’s somehow related to him.”
“So wild. Apparently I need to make the trip out there so we can catch up on something other than your awful ex-husband.”
“Well, I’d offer you a place to stay, but as of now, I’m not sure how I can get my doors opened again.”
“What do you need?”
“A time machine so I can go back in time and prevent the place from burning down?”
Beckett laughs softly. “‘Here on earth you will face many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.’” John 16:33. I go there whenever I’m struggling beneath the weight of it all.” She sighs into the phone.
Beckett and her husband were only married two years before he passed away when the private plane he’d been flying suffered catastrophic engine failure. On top of that, during their marriage, she’d dealt with fertility issues, and when he died, I know it felt like another blow to her already tattered heart.
Kyra and I had driven out there to sit with her, pray with her, and be her sounding board when she’d been angry at the Father for taking her husband away. Helping her through that loss was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. Matty had only been about a year old, but I remember watching her hold him and praying hard that she’d be granted the chance to be a mother .
Someday.
“I’m trying to keep my head above water, but I admit that it’s been more difficult. When Chad left, I had Matty and the B&B to keep me occupied. But now, with the B&B gone?—”
“How bad is the damage?”
“Could be worse,” I admit. “I’m meeting a contractor out there later today so he can give me an estimate on reopening my doors.”
“Who are you meeting with?”
“One of Lance’s friends out of your neck of the woods. Guy named Everett Dorsey?”
She laughs. “I know all about him. Guy was on the cover of every eligible bachelor magazine before he settled down and got married. I feel like I heard the sighs of all the women sad that he was off the market.”
I smile. “Well, hopefully he’s good at his job, too. He redid the lighthouse after it burned down.”
“I heard about that. Mrs. McGinley told my mom, and she told me. So insane.”
“It really was.”
“Call me after you talk to the contractor. I want to know what he says.”
“I will.” And because I haven’t had the chance to tell anyone, I can’t help myself. “Also, you know said handsome former detective?”
She laughs. “I do.”
“We’re sorta dating. ”
“Wait, what! Seriously? What is sorta? Like, you’re not sure you like him? Or you’ve been on a date?”
“We haven’t been on an official date yet, but—I don’t know. He makes me feel—everything. Is that a thing?”
“It really is,” she replies, her tone taking on a sadness that makes my heart ache for her. “Pauly and I had a connection like that. Hang on to it, girl, because it is not easily found.”
“We kissed last night, and it was—I felt more in that moment than I had in my entire marriage to Chad. And that’s a really bad thing to say.”
“No, it’s not. I get it. Besides, Chad was—I don’t even know how to put it kindly. Difficult from the first moment you guys started dating. You were just too young to see it. We all were, or I would have warned you.”
“That’s a fair point.”
“Well, I better get going. I have a deposition starting in an hour, and I need to prepare. Call me when you’re done though, okay?”
“Will do. Thanks, Beckett.”
After hanging up the phone, I pour my coffee into a travel mug, then carry it out to my car. My parents took Matty to the beach for a picnic and some fishing, so the house is abnormally quiet. And, if I have to stare at one more spreadsheet, I might go insane.
I need to do something.
Anything.
Even if it’s just picking up some of the trash at the B&B while I wait for the contractor to show up. I’ve just started my car when my cell dings. Jaxson’s name brings a smile to my face as I open his text. Since he’s been on bodyguard duty today, I haven’t heard much from him, but we have plans to meet up for dinner at the diner.
Jaxson: I cannot stop thinking about you.
Me: Same. You’ve been on my mind all day.
Jaxson: Dinnertime can’t come soon enough. Oh, also, you should know, Michael knows that we’re seeing each other now and has decided it’s time to give me the “What are my intentions” talk, so I might be a bit late.
I roll my eyes.
Me: Just remind him that he married my best friend and I didn’t say anything about it. I can date one of his and he doesn’t get a say.
Jaxson: LOL. I’ll give it a try.
Me: How is today going?
When he doesn’t immediately respond, I go ahead and turn up the music, then start the drive. As the weight of everything I have to do starts to crush down on me, I turn the drive into a mini worship session, blasting my Christian music as loud as I can.
I belt out Strong by Anne Wilson, nearly tearing up in the process. Life really has been hard. The blows just keep coming, and even as I know that Jesus overcame the world, just as it says in John 16, it’s still hard to keep my eyes focused on Him when all I want to do is curl in a ball and cry.
The B&B looks depressing when I pull up and see the empty parking lot. With a sigh, I climb out and make my way up to the front door, unlocking it and pushing inside. Aside from water damage and the thick stench of smoke, the lobby is relatively untouched.
At least until you look to the left and get sight of the charbroiled stairway.
What once was gleaming mahogany is now singed black wood.
It makes my heart ache just looking at it.
The floor creaks behind me, so I turn. Chad is standing in the doorway, and seeing him there instantly brings a wave of fear over me. Is Knight Security still monitoring the exterior cameras? Will someone hear me if I scream?
“Hey, Margot.” He remains in the doorway, not coming any closer to me.
“What do you want, Chad?”
“I’m going to be leaving town for a bit, heading to an alcoholic rehab facility, and I just wanted to leave this.” He holds up an envelope. “Then I saw that you were here, so I figured I’d just face you.”
Crossing my arms, I don’t take the bait. “What is that?”
“An apology.”
“My lawyer said you sent one to her already. She forwarded it to me.”
“This is in addition to that. Everything I’ve done to you is wrong, and I know that. I think I knew it even in the midst of it, but I—” He trails off and rubs a hand over the back of his neck. “This is harder than I thought. I broke things off with Chelsea.”
“Am I supposed to be happy for you? ”
“No, it really doesn’t matter. I just—I don’t even recognize myself anymore. Something Jaxson said to me in the interrogation room has stuck.”
“What was that?”
He shoves the hand not holding the letter into his pocket. “He said ‘you destroyed your family. That choice was on you and you alone.’ And then reminded me that if I wanted to start a new life, I needed to get right with God and ask for forgiveness.” His eyes fill. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I ruined it.”
This is not a side of Chad I’ve ever seen before, and it throws me off. Sure, he’s gaslit me before, but this feels different. And the way he’s looking at me is different. “I don’t want to go back to when we were together.”
“I know. I’m not asking for a second chance with us. I only—I want to do what’s right by you and Matty, so there’s a check in here, too. It’s not much, but it’s everything I had in my savings account that I didn’t need for this program. I’ll be staying with my parents when it’s over, so I hope it’ll be okay if I’m in town.”
“Sure.” I clear my throat as emotion claws at me. “You’re really going to get help?”
He nods. “Matty deserves better. The alcohol changed me. The way I saw things, the way I saw myself, I know I can’t break the addiction alone. I spoke with Pastor Redding this morning, and he’s going to come sit with me once a week so we can work past the blocks I have when it comes to my faith, and hopefully, with God’s help, I’ll be able to be the father I should have been from the beginning.”
I smile even as tears fill my eyes. There’s a glimpse of the teenager I’d fallen so hard for, a small shred of hope beneath the weight of despair he’s carried ever since those two pink lines showed up on that pregnancy test. Even before then, really. “That’s great, Chad.”
He smiles. “I hope that—” A gunshot rings out, and Chad stops speaking, his eyes going wide.
I don’t even have time to scream before blood is pooling on the front of his shirt, and he stumbles forward.
I rush for him. “Chad!”
Standing behind him is someone in a mask, their gun held straight out.
“Run,” Chad urges. He tries to stay standing but falls, I manage to slow his fall, cradling him as best I can as we sink to the floor.
“There are cameras,” I tell the person as they move further inside. “They’re monitored.”
“Get up.” The voice is disguised with some kind of device, making the person sound even more menacing. They aim the weapon at Chad again. “Or I’ll finish him now.”
I get to my feet. “Okay. Please, no.”
“Get out and get into my car.”
“Margot, don’t.” Chad grips my ankle. He tries to get up again, but falls down. He’s pale, too pale, his eyes rolling back into his head.
Blood pools on the floor beneath him, and I know he doesn’t have long. So I kneel and remove his hand from my ankle. “Get Jaxson,” I whisper, then stand and pull away. The masked man grips my arm, and I feel the pressure of a weapon against my back.
“You try to fight and I put a bullet in you now, understand?”
“Yes,” I choke out.
“Good girl.”