2. Her
TWO
HER
Jack
I gasped awake, thrashing, my skin tearing against cold metal. I blinked, wincing at the pain. Another white room. My wrists, ankles, and neck were all restrained with thick metal cuffs, holding me upright in a chair.
And simmering under it all was a thrum, thick in my blood.
She’s here. She’s here.
Mine.
I willed that pulsing reminder to shut the fuck up.
“Care to explain what just happened in there?” Baxter asked, standing over me. Those gray eyes weren’t so fucking dead anymore.
“Baxter, is this really—” Harvey, somewhere to my right, began, but Baxter held up a hand.
“It’s for his own good … isn’t it, Jack?” Baxter continued, taking a seat on the desk behind him. “His … abilities aren’t fully contained. And he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Do you, Jack?”
Anger rumbled deep in my chest, but I forced it down. “No.”
Play this fucker’s game, Jack. Play the game, get back to Blaire.
But SHE’S here!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Baxter watched me, interest lighting his eyes to a truly fucking creepy silver. “It’s fascinating, really. You’re on a good seven times the highest dose we’ve ever administered in the past, and your body is still fighting. I wonder if your upbringing has made a difference, or maybe it was the donor material … In any case, we have no Shifters that are even close to what you have the potential to—”
Baxter cleared his throat, standing. “Well, that’s enough of my scientific ramblings. Back to the pressing concern. What happened in there? What triggered your … inner beast, to overcome the suppression drugs?”
Don’t tell him about her.
I clenched my jaw and managed a shrug.
“Care to elaborate?” Baxter asked, taking a step closer. The urge to slash out at him with the claws that still tipped my fingers was dizzying.
“Your guess is as good as mine,” I grunted. “Unlike everyone else in that room, I only found out I was a fucking monster when a bunch of other fucking monsters tried to beat me to death for being like them, but not quite enough like them.”
I broke off, silently cursing myself for saying so much when Baxter’s brows raised at my words.
“Ah … I did hear that the Greenrock clan of Pureblood Shifters had gone to the dogs—pardon the pun. They recently killed their alpha, if I recall.”
I shrugged again. I might have overheard Farida saying something about that. But I wasn’t going to tell this asshole. Everything about him sent warning alarms screaming in my skull.
Do not trust. Do not trust.
“That sort of culture, unfortunately, seems to be encouraged among Pureblood Strangers. It’s been simmering for decades … over a century, in fact, under the reign of their current Coalition Chancellor. I wonder if you’ve heard of him—Fortis is his name.”
I stiffened, only sheer stubbornness keeping my face neutral. I had a very vivid memory of Farida describing Fortis to Blaire.
One of the craziest things about the Vault under Stranger Than Fiction—space and distance seemed to mean nothing down there. I’d escaped after the horrendous blood-feeding-cum-in-pants experience, running down the endless stacks of books. But when I stopped, I could still hear them talking as if they were only a row away.
So yes. I knew about Fortis. I knew how corrupt he was, and how little he cared for human lives. I knew about the ‘tithe’ he demanded from his own people. I knew that he liked to play with young immortals … and while Farida hadn’t gone into detail, I could just imagine the sorts of things he liked to do to those kids …
But I didn’t want Baxter to know that I knew. I didn’t want Baxter to know anything.
“Like I said,” I grated, “I have barely any fucking idea what all of this is about. I don’t even really understand what I am, or why the fuck this was done to me.”
Baxter tapped his chin. “You were on a scholarship to LSU … football, if I’m not mistaken?” He acted like he was asking me a question, but he obviously knew everything about me.
Do not trust. Do NOT TRUST.
I said nothing. But behind me, Harvey, who was already a fucking traitor in my eyes, said, “Yes, he’s an excellent wide receiver.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from growling. Bad idea. My teeth were still sharper than normal, and blood flooded my mouth. It might have been my own, but the coppery tang just made me crave more. Someone else’s.
Hers.
Fuck off.
“It’s such a shame that these … changes have come upon you, just as you were about to make it big in college football.” Baxter’s voice was thoughtful. If he thought I believed for one second that whatever was going on in his head wasn’t premeditated, he was either a fucking idiot, or he didn’t give a shit what I thought about him and his motivations.
My bet was on the second option.
He straightened, walked around behind the desk, and took a seat.
“Now, I’d like to be able to tell you that everything in your life could go back to how it was before. But we both know that’s impossible …” He leaned back, running his thumb over his bottom lip in an exaggerated thinking gesture. “Well, it’s not possible, yet .” His sharp gaze locked on mine.
“What if I told you that we’re working on a permanent … solution, that would help you live a normal life once more, Jack? How would you feel about that?”
I froze, but I was sure that the raging beat of my hammering heart was audible to everyone in the room. Fuck, everyone in the facility … what had Baxter called it again? Tiger or something?
“I’d … be interested,” I said carefully, neutrally. Masking the wild, stupid hope that all this could go away.
Don’t trust him.
Shut up!
But what about HER?
Shut the fuck up!
Baxter smiled indulgently, and I knew then that I wasn’t as good as I thought I was at feigning nonchalance.
“Well, Jack. You’re the perfect … candidate for a new drug we’re working on, right here in Taiga. Because of your body’s unique ability to fight off the short-term medications, we feel confident that you would benefit from the more … permanent formula we’re working on.”
Don’t trust him.
“Permanent? As in, this would all go away? The … shifting would stop?”
Baxter nodded. The small smile on his lips sent my nerves jangling, but I ignored them. I’d continue to ignore them if he could permanently cage this fucking monster.
She’s here.
I don’t give a fuck! Whatever the fuck she is, I don’t want it!
“What’s the catch?” I asked, keeping my tone distrustful.
DON’T trust him.
Baxter’s light laugh sent a chill running down my back. Followed, horrifyingly, by the tell-tale prickle of my skin growing hair along my spine. I took a deep breath, willing my body to behave the way it was supposed to.
Well, the way a normal, human body was supposed to.
“I mentioned to you when you first arrived that we might have one or two small tasks that you are … uniquely suited to. If you would be willing to assist me with those tasks, I’m sure we could come to an arrangement regarding this new medication.”
My whirring brain crashed to a halt. Blaire. How had she not even crossed my mind in all of this?
Because of—
DON’T fucking say it.
“You said, back then, that if I helped you with those tasks, you’d help me get back to Blaire. Is that still on the table?” I asked, my voice shaking.
The flicker of his eyes was barely noticeable … except my eyesight was so much better than it had been, before this shitshow started.
“Yes … well, you’re rather … unstable, in your current state. I believe that, should we administer our new drug, we’d be able to stabilize you enough that we could safely release you back into society. Back to Blaire. That’s what you really want, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
What about HER?
Fuck off!
“Well.” Baxter stood, his eyes cold and dead once more. “We are in agreement. You’ll help me, and I’ll help you. Now, I think it would be best if we dosed you heavily to get you back to your room … I didn’t like the way some of the other males in the mess hall were looking at you.” He chuckled as the door opened, and Dean walked in with a monster syringe.
A monster syringe to tame the fucking monster in me.
“Aren’t you going to tell me what you want me to do?” I asked as Dean tightened a tourniquet around my arm, slapping at the skin of my inner elbow to find a vein.
Baxter shook his head. “I’ll brief you when everything is prepared. But don’t worry, Jack. Just a couple of small tasks, and we’ll have you feeling normal and back with your Blaire again.”
My heart lurched at his choice of words, even as the sharp sting of the needle pierced my vein, and everything started to get hazy.
She wasn’t my Blaire. She was Roman’s. And she wouldn’t ever want to take a drug that would separate them. No matter what I did, my world was never going to be normal again.
But you don’t need Blaire. You just need to find HER.
I didn’t have a chance to argue with that new voice in my head before sleep overtook me.