32
Ashlynn
Just Pretend – Bad Omens
I have been back home for a few days now and haven’t left the house. To say I am nervous about leaving would be an understatement. So, I have relied on delivery services for food at this point. Neha and Heath have been stopping by every day to make sure I am doing okay. I have to plaster a smile on my face because I am not okay, and the only person I want here with me, has been MIA since I saw him at the hospital. He’s still leaving my texts unread and not calling me back.
Later in the day, Neha comes over, and we hang out with a movie marathon. “You know, if you want to leave the house, I’ll go with you. So, you’re not alone.” Neha tells me this as she makes both of us a tea to drink.
“Thanks Neha, I appreciate that and appreciate that you have hung out with me all day.”
She pours the tea into mugs and hands me one. Leaning on the island, she asks, “Still haven’t heard from Anthony?”
I start getting teary-eyed and try to push down my emotions. “No, I haven’t. I don’t understand why Neha. Does he think I am mad at him for this, because that girl Joanna was obsessed with him?”
All Neha can do is shrug her shoulders because no one knows what is going through Anthony’s head and why he is pulling away.
After Neha heads home for the night, I head to bed to see if I can get any sleep. I have always been a restless sleeper, but since the attack, it has been worse. When I do manage to get some sleep, I jerk awake from the slightest sounds. I am on the cusp of dozing off when I get a text notification. Rolling over to grab my phone off the nightstand, I see that it's 12:45 AM, and I am shocked to see who it is.
I let out a loud sigh because he hasn’t cared to contact me, and now suddenly, he expects me to get up and go to his hotel room to talk and of course I am going because I just want to know what is going on with him. I know Neha is back home with Nick; I don’t want to take her time away from him while he is in town. I hope Heath is home and is willing to drive me to the hotel. It’s late at night, so I feel bad calling, but I have no choice, because I am still nervous about going places on my own. Picking up my phone and hitting the call button, Heath answers right away. “Ashlynn, is everything okay?”
It brings a small smile to my face with how caring Heath is for me. He’s been such a good friend to me. “Yes, I am fine. I hate asking you this because it is so late, but can you give me a ride to Anthony’s hotel?”
Heath is quiet on the other end, and finally, he says, “Yeah, I’ll be over soon.”
After that, we hang up and I get out of bed to get ready. I just throw on a pair of black leggings, a gray t-shirt, and an oversized black sweater that also has an oversized hood on it to hide the side of my face. I haven’t been out in public since I have been home, so I don’t want people to stare at the injury to my face.
I am sitting in my living room waiting on Heath, and my heart is pumping like crazy. I can’t stop bouncing my leg up and down. I only fidget if I am nervous. I see headlights pull into the driveway and before I know it Heath is at my door to get me. “Thanks for coming Heath; I could have walked out to your car.”
Putting his arm around my shoulder, he tells me, “You know I won’t let you walk out by yourself!”
Since leaving the hospital, Heath’s protectiveness has increased. Opening the car door for me and closing it once I am inside, he walks around and gets in. “So, he finally decided to contact you, huh?”
I lean my head on the headrest and look over. “Yeah and apparently, this couldn’t wait until later today. He said we need to talk. I don’t know Heath; I have a bad feeling.”
Heath stays quiet on the drive over and so do I. I start getting a sinking feeling once the hotel is in our sight. We park and walk inside. Once we are off the elevator on the floor for Anthony’s room, Heath turns to me. “I’ll be here waiting for you, okay? Take your time.”
I give him a small nod and a tight smile. He turns and sits down at the little sitting area they have right when you get off the elevator.
I walk up to Anthony’s room and take a deep breath before I knock. He opens the door after a few minutes of me standing out in the hall. He hardly acknowledges me and turns around quickly to the point I have to catch the door, so it won’t close on me. Walking into his room, he has his bags all packed up. “Are you leaving? Going back to Greenville?”
He sighs like he is annoyed with my questioning. “It would appear so. I am leaving first thing tomorrow morning.”
He is organizing his carry-on as he tells me this. All I say to him is “oh, okay.”
I feel awkward standing in his room; he won’t even look at me and has barely acknowledged me. Finally, I muster up the courage to just ask what is going on. “Anthony, can you please stop and look at me? Tell me what is going on?”
He finally stops moving and sits on the edge of his bed. I kneel in front of him and place my hand on his forearm. He looks at me, with dark circles under his eyes like he hasn’t slept in days and smells of liquor. Dropping his head again, he lets out a breath. “Ashlynn, I’m done with us. I’m leaving tomorrow and not coming back.”
I feel like all the air was just knocked out of my lungs. “What do you mean you’re done with us?” He gets up so fast, it almost knocks me over. I also stand up. “Anthony, answer me. YOU’RE the one who called me over to your hotel room at 1 in the morning because you said we needed to talk. So, talk.” With a shaky voice, I say, “Please,” as I’m fighting back my emotions.
He has his back to me, looking at something in his backpack. “Look, I have been too distracted since being back with you. I need to get back on track and only focus on the team and myself.”
I try to hold back my emotions that are trying to bubble up. “So, I’m a distraction. WOW.”
He continues to say, “I shouldn’t have come back here after the tour left Denver or brought you out to Dallas. I shouldn’t have done any of the things I did.”
I stand in the room, frozen; I don’t know what to say. “Anthony, please don’t push me away. Tell me the truth, stop making up shit.”
Now, he is full on looking at me, showing nothing. He has no emotions and at this moment, I don’t recognize this person standing in front of me. “Ashlynn, have you stopped to consider how this whole attack has made me feel? I am drowning in guilt for what happened to you, but you haven’t cared to ask how I feel about it. It’s all been about you, the distraction.”
My chin starts to shake when he refers to me as such. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop from crying. I look down and shake my head. “Everything you have said to me these last months has been nothing but lies? I am such an idiot for believing you.”
Anthony walks past me, into the bathroom, “Yeah well you said it, not me.”
More than anything he has said to me, that one rubs me the wrong way. “FUCK. YOU. ANTHONY.” I tell him; it stalls him in his movements because I have never talked to him that way.
We are both quiet for what feels like an eternity. I am the first to talk. “You know, I hope when you are done drowning in your guilt and make it out of the storm, I hope you find the clarity you are looking for, but I will not be a part of it.”
He jerks his head my way, “I don’t want you to be part of it. You need to leave; I have shit to finish packing.”
Walking to the door to leave and not looking at him, I say, “Anthony.”
After I say his name, he yells, “God dammit, Ashlynn, just leave. You know what this is, stop delaying it. Do I need to spell it out for you?”
His outburst makes me jump. I close my eyes to muster up the last bit of fight I have for him. “After I leave here, I don’t want to ever talk or see you again. Don’t call or text me.”
“Okay, great. You won’t ever hear from me again. Bye.”
I open the door and say my last goodbye to the only boy I ever truly loved and the one who just shattered my heart to pieces. “Goodbye, Anthony Ville.”
I close the door behind me with the softest click. As I start to walk away from his room, I hear a loud crash and Anthony yell, “FUCK!”
I stop holding back my emotions; it’s no use at this point.
Once I reach the sitting area where Heath is waiting, he starts asking me about what happened. I hold my hand up and shake my head no. We then head into the elevator to go home. Back in the car, I lean my head against the window and let my tears silently fall as Heath starts driving us home. After a few minutes and through watery blurry eyes I notice that Heath is driving to his house. I turn toward him. “Why are we going to your house?”
He grabs my hand and squeezes it. “I’m not going to leave you alone tonight; you’re upset. You’re going to sleep at my house and if you want, I’ll take you to yours tomorrow.” I don’t fight it and squeeze Heath’s hand back, letting him know okay.
Getting inside the house, I go straight to the bathroom to splash some water on my face, trying to compose myself. It’s no use, though. I feel like half of me has been torn from my body. Opening the door, Heath is right there with a shot of whiskey. “Thought you might like this.”
I take it from him and throw it back. I know drinking won’t do anything, but numb my feelings for a short time. Still, I consider going to the kitchen and getting the entire bottle. I don’t, though. I rest my head on Heath’s chest and my body starts shaking with my crying. Heath just hugs me and lets me soak his shirt with my tears. “Let’s get you to bed; come on.”
We walk into the guest room; I kick my shoes off and crawl under the covers. I don’t know for how long, but Heath lays down next to me and just holds me, letting me cry. I feel like I have nothing left to cry; everything has dried up.
I sit up to ask Heath a question. “Heath, can you please do me a favor?” He stays quiet, but nods his head, I hand him my phone, and he gives me a confused look. “Can you please hide all alerts for Anthony? I don’t want to know if he tries to call or text me. I can’t see that.”
Heath takes my phone out of my hand, “I can just delete his contact for you?”
Shaking my head, I say, “I’m not ready to fully let go. Can you just hide the alerts?”
Heath holds my phone and looks at me. “Are you sure?”
I take a moment and really think about saying yes, but I don’t and decide against it. I look at Heath and tell him, “Yes, I’m sure.”