CHAPTER THIRTY #3
‘You’re finally right about something, I don’t owe you anything.’ I swallowed my pride, hating that I had to say it. ‘But you still owe me.’
He glanced up, brows furrowed in confusion.
‘An apology.’ My throat thickened. ‘I don’t care if what you did was within the rules. I don’t care if I would have done the same. I care that my best friend betrayed my trust and that he didn’t even bother to say he was sorry. You didn’t just make me mad, you hurt me.’
His lips parted as if to speak, but nothing came out. For the first time in the fifteen years I’d known him, Theo was speechless. He shoved the bandana into a pocket, placed the spray can on the ground and turned to face me, only a foot away.
We stood like that for a long moment. His eyes darted between mine, searching for something. I let him look. If it was sincerity he was after I had plenty. I’d been holding that wound closed for years and the scars couldn’t be more obvious.
‘Don’t run away,’ he said.
‘Excuse me?’
‘I’m about to apologize to you, but it’s going to include me saying nice things, so I need you to fight the urge to jump out of the aviary while I talk.’
‘Fine.’ I clamped my teeth together.
‘I’m sorry. Not just for racing dirty five years ago, but since that’s my biggest fuck-up, I’ll start there.
Regardless of my explanations and excuses, it was a shitty thing to do.
We always talked about flying fast and fair, but I broke that and didn’t even warn you.
Then I waited way too long to make it up to you and eased my own guilt when I finally got the chance. You deserved better than that.’
I looked away. Taicasso was watching us, his tail flicking back and forth. I followed the movement, hoping it would distract me from the tightening in my chest.
‘It’s a rare privilege to be your friend …’
I inhaled, sharp and sudden at how blunt he was. I could feel the heat and moisture building behind my eyes.
‘Which I’m not going to elaborate on now.
’ His voice softened, making it worse. ‘But I want you to know that I’m aware of what I foolishly threw away that day.
Too late, I know. I’ve been selfishly trying to get it back for months, because your friendship is valuable.
You somehow manage to be supportive and challenging at the same time, dragging your friends up with you and expecting them to be the best versions of themselves.
‘People who spend time with you end up better for it. I’ve watched it happen to Josie, Quinn and Colly for months now, kicking myself because that used to be me.
I took our friendship for granted and I’m sorry for that.
Not just for my loss, but for making you feel like you are anything less than the amazing friend you are. And if …’
I glanced back at him as he paused. He crossed his arms, then shifted his weight before dropping them back to his sides.
‘If my actions contributed in any way to you thinking you had to put up with Th—’
‘Okay!’ I slapped his arm hard enough to feel the veins of copper augments threaded inside the suit. ‘That’s a good apology. Thank you.’
His eyes were round, shining with earnestness. It was becoming unbearable.
‘If you repeat that once a week for the next year I’m sure we’ll be back on track soon after. Especially the part about me making everyone a better person, super talented, all that. Good stuff.’ I offered him a flat smile. If he was right about knowing me then he would understand.
He nodded. His dimples came back.
‘I don’t remember saying you were talented …’
‘It was implied.’ I waved aside his comment. The knot in my chest unravelled, leaving a buoyant feeling in its place.
He stroked his chin, fingers scrubbing against the shadow of stubble. ‘And saying all that nice stuff once a week for a year seems like a lot of grovelling. I think we could bring that down, no?’
I shook my head. ‘No. Because of you I had to wear Thorne’s flight suit for weeks – that shit stinks so bad. You’re getting off lightly with only a year of begging.’
He ran a hand up into his hair, smirking. ‘Sounds like a convenient excuse to get me on my knees.’
I’d planned on confronting him about the past five years, not that night. I wanted my head clear for the race and broaching that topic would undo everything.
‘Oh, please,’ I said, brushing the comment off. ‘I don’t want to hear any more of your confessions, drunk or otherwise.’
There was a flicker on his face, so fast that without my helmet visor to help I couldn’t tell what it was. His smirk was back before I got a chance to register it.
‘That was just dirty talk. It usually goes down well, but I was drunk enough to forget that Paldons get spooked by affection.’ In an instant he’d cleared the air, explaining away what he’d said.
I thought I knew him well enough to tell when he was lying, but the five years of silence had made me rusty. The only option was to take his word for it and ignore the fact that my first instinct was to question it.
I squared up to him, going up on my toes to negate our height difference. ‘Do you really want to pick a fight thirty seconds after becoming friends again?’
His brows twitched up. ‘We’re friends again?’
I shoved against him, using the momentum to walk backwards towards the aviary door.
‘Thin ice, Vaspre.’ I pinched my thumb and finger together. ‘Thin ice.’
He smirked as I shouldered my way through the doors. I glanced back before they closed and saw it morph into a genuine smile. I headed down the corridor to my next appointment, allowing myself to do the same.