CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
SAINT
Ican’t do life anymore.
Same words my mother had said in silence. Same words she couldn’t get past her lips, not until she drove herself off a cliff. I spent years wondering why she did what she did, what had made her do it, how I could have helped protect her. But I never got an answer.
Now Mason’s right here in front of me, tearing himself apart, showing me every jagged piece of him because he’s exhausted.
And maybe my mother was, maybe she couldn’t do it anymore. Maybe she wanted to end it on her own terms.
Mason betrayed me. He almost took everything from me. I tore out my heart and handed it to him, and it meant nothing.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a shadow loom over your entire existence for your whole life.
I have one as a father. He’s been there since the moment of my first cry, deciding everything about my life, deciding what’s right and wrong.
Hell, I have always wondered what would happen if my father ever knew that he hadn’t saved his son by commanding him to kill the first man who’d made him feel warmth.
I have carried that night my whole life, knowing full well that if I ever tried to commit myself to anyone or love anyone, Tobias King, mafia leader of the Black Viper Syndicate, would rain down fire and brimstone on me.
I understand him.
And I hate that I do.
I hate that he’s making me feel all these things. All these emotions that I have put aside my entire life. I hate that all week, he plagues my mind, even when I pretend he isn’t there.
I hate that he went through life always looking over his shoulder.
And I know the truth. If I cross this line again, I’m only setting us up for my father’s wrath.
“Go,” I tell him. “Please.”
“I can’t leave. Either I die here, or nothing else.”
“I can’t hurt you.” I retreat and hold back the tears clinging stubbornly to my lower eyelids. “I refuse to lay my hands on you.” I back him into the tree until his back lays flush against the rough bark.
“You’re not listening to me.”
“Mason. I gave you grace once. I won’t do it again.
” I clench my teeth together and then my hands, doing everything within my power to stop myself from closing the gap between us.
“I cannot give you what you wish for. Hell, I don’t want you to die.
But you’re not supposed to be near me…” Feeling the things I feel digs a hollow ache of betrayal in my chest. I’m a disappointment to my family.
To everything we are. “When you’re near me, I feel things.
” My eyes meet his and watch the way his chest thunders for air.
“I can’t feel things. I refuse to go back to that night. ”
“But you said you don’t want me anymore. I’m not asking you to. I was a spy, Saint. I knew that wanting you came with consequences, and I still fucking did.”
“And do you regret that?” I demand. “Do you?” I pause and wait for a response. I should keep my thoughts aligned with getting rid of him, but my emotions are tugging me closer to him even though I fight it. His hands fidget at his sides. His gaze tracks the way my jaw tightens for an answer.
“No. I don’t think I’d ever forget how light I felt that night. It reminds me less of how broken I am.”
My heart breaks because I feel the same way too. Mason reminds me of the little good I have left in me. He’s seen me at my worst, but the way he looks at me has never changed.
Our eyes lock on each other. The tension doesn’t die with the silence.
Neither of us looks away. His chest rises heavily with every breath, matching the rhythm of mine.
My gaze drops briefly to his lips before snapping back to his eyes.
Every breath I take while he’s this close is a betrayal to my family name.
My stomach tightens painfully, yet I don’t avert my gaze from him.
I lean in slowly. The distance between us collapses in a single breath as I take his lips in a velvet kiss.
My body burns with desperation. A soft moan escapes his lips. And I take it, I take his lips through the stinging disloyalty that runs through my veins.
Soft skin against soft skin.
Teeth and tongue.
The kiss goes from tender to urgent.
My hands circle his waist, and my mouth swallows his delicate moans.
I break the kiss and stare into his eyes. “I can’t forgive you.” I tell him.
“Let me earn your trust back, please, Saint.”
I hum in agreement.
“I don’t want you to die. Please find a reason to stay.” I interlace my fingers with his and caress my thumb over the back of his palm. “Any reason to stay.”
“I don’t know.”
“It doesn’t have to be now. Take it all easy.”
He nods and leans into my broad chest for an embrace. I press a kiss on his forehead. Father’s voice is in my thoughts, shaming me for how pathetic I am to go back to a man who almost destroyed my family a week after we parted.
I’m falling for Mason.
The good. The bad. Every jagged piece of him, and I don’t know what to do about it.
“Can you wait here? I need to get my car.”
“Where will we go?”
“To the house I bought for you.”
A soft smile appears on his lips, and it makes my heart warm, although the smile doesn’t last.
“Can you wait?” He nods, and I hum under my breath as I let him go.
When I’m back at the house, Cross is surprised at how long I have been gone. “Business call,” I tell him to clear up the inquisitive look on his face, and I pick up my keys and shirt from the couch. “I need to get something from the penthouse.”
“Sure. Will you make it back for dinner?”
“I’m not so sure. Another time, perhaps?”
“Sure.” He smiles at me, and I give him a stern nod before I leave, getting into my car and following the drive out of the premises. Mason’s waiting by the road when I pull up. He unlocks the door and gets in, then I hit the gas and drive.
It doesn’t take long, and we pull into the premises of the house.
It’s quiet and cool under the night sky.
I park the car in front of the compound and glance at Mason, who sits by my side.
His eyes are wide with excitement as he views the house in front of us.
A two-story luxurious duplex artfully designed from glass and wood, with a blue painting that makes it easily blend in with the environment.
Small red rose bushes surround the house, with a walkway leading up to the entrance.
The house has already been furnished, but I didn’t want to change anything unless Mason didn’t like it.
“Are you coming in?” I ask.
“Yeah.” He unlocks the door, and we both get out of the car, heading straight to the entrance in silence.
I let him in through the doors and turn on the lights in the living room.
He pauses and looks around the space. Green leather cushions are arranged in the center of the space with a bright crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.
A staircase leads up to the bedrooms on the next floor.
But downstairs, there’s a kitchen, a study\library, and an extra room for guests.
“Do you like it?” I ask. “If there’s anything you need changed, I can make calls.”
“No, nothing at all. It’s all perfect.” He turns around and faces me.
“Is Mason even your real name?” I break the silence about to dig its claws between us. His shoulders slump, brows knitting with a pinch of regret as he shakes his head.
“No,” he sighs. “My name’s Elio Layton.”
“Elio, huh?”
“Yes, Elio.”
“Give me their names.” I demand, jaw clenching as my steel gaze meets his softer one.
“It’s not that simple.”
“It is, Mason… Elio,” I correct myself.
“Don’t call me, Elio.” He bites the words out.
“Why are you protecting them? All of this could be over if you gave me their names.”
“Even if it is, you seem to be forgetting that we can’t be together.”
“This is not about our romantic relationship, Mason. This is about your safety. I need their names.”
“You don’t get it, do you? If they die at your hands, it’s their blood on my head.”
I chuckle. “You’re so na?ve, boy. This world doesn’t play fair. This world doesn’t reward innocence.”
“But it’s the only thing I have left! It’s the only good thing I have had.”
Now I see. He’s trying desperately not to acknowledge the violent parts of him, to keep them hidden the same way it’s always been. Because he’s terrified of himself and the things he could do with all that anger.
“Tell me you don’t feel angry. Merely an hour ago, you were horrified by everything that happened to you, and there’s only one common factor.
You don’t want to be a monster, fine. Let me be your devil.
Let me be everything you’re terrified of.
As long as it keeps you alive. As long as you’re safe.
As long as you never have to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life.
” I breathe forcefully as I close the gap between us, completely aware that he’d deny me this piece of information that could end it all.
Because seeing the monster in me means he gets to recognize the monster in him as well.
“If you keep protecting them, then I can’t trust you, Mason. You should leave.”
I step aside. His hands tremble at his side. His eyes search mine for certainty. If he leaves, I’m never going back on my word. I’m never choosing him again. Hell, I won’t want him, no matter how torturous it seems.
My heart hammers in my chest, counting down every second while I await his decision.
His chest rises for a hot breath. He chews his lower lip in contemplation, and he surges forward. I expect him to walk past me, but he throws himself at me.
My heartbeat slows, and relief washes over me. I wrap my hand around him.
He’s choosing me.
He’s choosing to stay.
“David Layton. Neo. Vincent Bishop. And Cyrus Deveraux.”
I knew the Bishop guy. Our families had a short-term alliance in the past, and since then, we’ve been enemies.
He knows not to cross the line when it comes to what belongs to the Kings, and he’ll pay for everything.
And Cyrus, I didn’t think he’d be a part of this at all.
Not after what happened at the Greyhouse.
“Cyrus…” I grit.
“Gravedigger. That’s how I could put two and two together.”
“Bet! I’ll have it taken care of.” I pull out my phone and send the names to Cross. I need all four of them apprehended tonight. I send a picture of Ali’s contact, too. They’re all working together. Ali will know exactly where they are since he’s been watching them from the shadows.
“But their location?”
“You don’t have to worry. My brothers will find them.” I slip my phone back into my pocket and stare at him. He doesn’t lean off my chest. He nods and tightens his hold around me. I let him hold me until all the tension racking up in his bones fades away. Until he starts feeling lighter.
“Do you want to eat something?” I ask.
“Yeah, I haven’t eaten in days.” He responds, and my lips quirk up in regret. When your life’s coming apart, everything tastes bland. And Mason’s damn near close to losing his will to live. I can’t let that happen. Not when my mother didn’t have anyone or anything to make her stay.
“You have to let me go so I can place the order.”
“No, I don’t.” He whispers, and my chest rumbles with laughter. “Missed me, didn’t you?”
“No, I didn’t.” He tightens his hand around me.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” I pull out my phone and place an order at the nearest restaurant I can find. “It’s going to take about forty-five minutes to get there.”
He pulls off my chest and looks up at me. “You really think we could make use of those forty-five minutes productively?”
My lips pull into a tight, suggestive smirk. “In what sense?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, baby.” He retreats a few steps.
“Little devil…”
“But we need to shower first. I haven’t showered all day.”
“There’s a bathroom downstairs. It’s quicker.”
“You want to fuck me in the living room?”
“Hell, anywhere will do. The kitchen counter. The study. God, I can imagine having your perfect ass bent over the desk for me. The bedroom. The porch.”
“Someone could see us.”
“I don’t give a fuck. They can watch us, for all I care. You’re mine, little devil. I hope I get to be yours, too.” He hums under his breath.
“You’re so naughty.” He giggles.
“You like me that way, don’t you?”
“I’m never admitting that.” He rolls his eyes and turns on his heel. Before he can find his way to the bathroom, I close the gap between us and snatch him up in my arms.