Chapter 20
CASH
TIME has never moved so slowly for me. Every minute of each day has dragged to the point of being painful with each glance at the clock.
I swear I could hear Hazel’s voice in her apartment—sense her presence.
But the longer I stay here, the more it feels like someone else’s place, and I’m just a stranger sleeping within empty walls.
The same could be said for myself. Will Hazel feel the same way when she returns?
I’ve pushed myself away from Dale over the past week.
As he grows closer to Cady, giving her the support she needs, I’ve grown weaker.
Watching the two of them together hurts.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way. She needs someone after all she’s been through.
I just can’t help but think about Hazel and what she’s going through.
Is she suffering alone? Is Joseph or Bobby able to keep an eye on her, or give her the support she needs?
All this support that everyone else is giving to each other, and I’m here, alone, living on a wing and a prayer. It infuriates me.
I’m exhausted. My brain hasn’t stopped spinning since I got back, and it keeps me tossing and turning at night.
I try to focus on the short period of time Hazel and I spent together, but it just makes it worse that they may remain just that.
Memories. Then a barrage of scenarios attacks me, one after the other, reminding me that the memory in my office with her may have been the last time I would ever see her again.
I was so sidetracked with everything going on that day, I didn’t think to take extra time to set that moment in stone so I wouldn’t forget.
The harder I try to remember every facial expression, the sound of her voice and the way I felt, the fuzzier it becomes.
I’m losing her to the emptiness that consumes me.
I’m pulled from drowning in the depth of myself when the door flings open and Cady and Dale charge inside. She’s more alive today than she’s been in days. Dropping her bag by the coffee table, she stands before me with her hands on her hips.
“Jimmy got fired today,” she spouts.
“Okay. I’m sure it was for a valid reason,” I respond with raised brows.
“Sure was. He got busted buying drugs.”
That sure gets my attention. I sit up straight on the couch and watch her reaction. “What kind of drugs?”
“Snap.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absofuckinglutely. I was nearby when Roger started yelling, so I went to see what was going on. I saw Dustin and Bobby hauling ass to their car and taking off.”
“This could be why Phil hasn’t responded to meeting sooner. He wanted to make sure Joseph fulfilled his end of the bargain before the meeting. The money is meaningless without the drug.”
Dale nods his head in agreement. “Must be why Bobby has been MIA. Phil has been keeping him busy.”
“I’m just thankful he’s still alive. I assumed he was. Otherwise, Phil would’ve said something about killing him.”
All of us cringe thinking about Erick and how Phil told us of his untimely death.
I have no doubt in my mind that if he had killed Bobby, it would have been more extreme.
The news of Bobby, and hearing what Phil’s been up to, sets my hope aflame.
If he’s been preoccupied with Snap, then he hasn’t had time to fuck with Hazel much.
At least, that’s what I’m going to tell myself.
I can’t afford to think any differently.
PHIL
My fist makes contact with Dustin’s face in a blaze of furry. Pain shoots through my knuckle as it meets his nose, crunching the bone. His head snaps back, and vibrant red blood runs down onto his lips.
“Fuck,” he shouts, spraying droplets around him.
“My sentiments exactly,” I shout at him. “You’re getting fucking sloppy. Explain to me why the second in charge is wheeling and dealing dime bags?”
“I’ve kept up with my personal clients.” His words are muffled by the hand clamped over his face that’s dripping with blood.
“Not. Any. More. If I catch you being this reckless again, I will replace you.”
Dustin visibly gulps. He understands what is implied by my statement. He won’t be bumped down the ladder. He will be physically replaced. Just a fleeting memory on the wind. Dustin opens his mouth to explain his actions, but I raise a hand silencing him. I’ve heard enough already.
“Tend to your nose,” I tell him as I turn my back on him. “And mop that shit up.”
Dustin almost ruined everything I’ve worked so hard for.
If that dumb fuck had gotten him and Bobby locked up, there would be nothing I could do for them, and I’d have no one to distribute Snap.
No way would I trust Samuel out there alone.
He would take off the second I’d send him on a run, escaping with my drugs and money.
Meeting Cash would have been a no-go as well.
He’s been waiting to take me down and showing with no back-up would get me killed.
I push the curtain aside to see Hazel sitting on the bed; a washcloth draped on the back of her neck, and her leg propped up in Joseph’s lap.
His hands run up and down her calf, rubbing in small circular motions.
It’s as if everyone around here has lost their damn minds.
Pissing off the “crazy” guy is not a smart choice.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Joseph’s face hardens, but he doesn’t stop moving his fingers. “She’s dehydrated. It’s making her muscles cramp up.”
“She’ll be just fine without your help.”
“Oh yeah, because you’re doing such a fine job of taking care of her,” he retorts.
Hazel shifts uncomfortably on the bed, watching our transaction with fear.
“You’re treading very close to crossing the line, Joseph. You’ve served your purpose. Don’t forget that.”
He chuckles and slides his hands above her knees making me see red. “Not yet I haven’t. No me, no money.”
I grab his hand and pull his index finger to the side until it pops. Hazel gasps and covers her mouth. Joseph shouts through gritted teeth as he grips his broken finger with his other hand.
“Nothing was said that you had to be in one piece. Touch her again, and I’ll break another one.”
He stands, pushing the chair backward with his legs, and walks toward the curtain. “If you don’t help her, she’s not going to be able to stand on her own at the meeting tonight.”
I smirk at him and cross my arms over my chest. “I never said she was going.”
His face goes slack when he realizes that I never planned to let her go.
Only Joseph. Hazel is mine. She’s always been mine, even when she didn’t know I existed.
I laugh as Joseph walks away and quickly sit in the seat he just vacated.
Hazel’s glassy eyes hold a river of unshed tears.
I try to decipher what she’s feeling, but it’s hard to get a read on her sometimes.
“What’s wrong? You scared?”
Hazel shakes her head, her dirty hair swinging around her shoulders. “Everything hurts,” she whimpers.
That’s what she says, but I don’t think it’s the complete truth.
She probably thought I was letting her go too.
Why she would think I’d even consider that after all we’ve been through…
final shred of hope? I haven’t done anything to make her fear me.
If anything, I’ve been gentle with her; my apology for overreacting weeks ago.
If anyone deserves an apology, it’s me. She’s pushed me to my breaking point, and not once has she said she’s sorry.
“Let’s get you in the shower. It’ll make you feel better. Plus, you’ll want to look clean tonight.” I have her full attention now.
“You’re letting me go?” she stammers.
“No.” I chuckle at her assumption. Her shoulders slump as the little bit of hope she has deflates. “Let’s get something straight, Hazel. I’m never letting you go. I’m simply allowing you your goodbyes.”
CADY
“You’re not going,” Dale and Cash say in unison.
“Why the fuck not? I want to be there. I want to see my best friend.”
“You’ll see her when we bring her back,” Cash reassures me.
He’s crazy if he thinks Phil will let her go.
I don’t care how much money Cash throws at him, Phil will find a way to get the money and run away with Hazel.
This may be the only chance we have to see if she’s still alive.
After watching Cash for the past couple of weeks, I’m not sure if he is even up for a round two.
He’s like a soulless body taking up space.
This entire situation is taking its toll on him.
“Can you promise me that you’ll bring her home?”
Cash doesn’t look at me. He only stares at the bag full of money that Dale brought back with him. His lack of an answer tells me he has his doubts too.
“That’s what I thought.” I drop my face into my hands and massage my temples.
“It doesn’t matter. You’re still not going. I’m not risking your safety,” Dale says.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned lately, it’s that tomorrow isn’t promised.
Not to you, not to me, not to anyone.” I lift my head to find Dale and Cash focused on me, their expressions grave as they remember what has been sacrificed for their greed.
“We had a good life. Then you showed up. We let you into our lives and gave you the benefit of the doubt, because that’s what good people do.
” Cash’s emotionless expression doesn’t waver.
I shake my head, frustrated with his lack of remorse.
“You know what? Nothing either of you say or do is keeping me here. I’m going to that fucking meeting.
At least then one of us will have Hazel’s best interests at heart. ”
“Fuck you, Cady.” Cash’s response is cold, and sinister.
“No, fuck you, Cash. She is like my sister—”
Cash shoves his face into mine, his hands painfully clamping my upper arms. Dark eyes drill into mine, madness swirling in their depths. “I will do anything to get her back. She means everything to me. Everything!”