Chapter 12 Lila
Lila
He stands outside my library window most nights, between the sections of dune grass. Even after I threatened him with a knife in the camera. It’s been a couple of weeks and he hasn’t made contact again. Nor has he left any more notes, assuming that he is the one who left it with the books before.
He just stands there and watches, like he’s hoping for some sort of reaction.
Eli told me I couldn’t call the police again and if whoever it was wanted to kill me, they would have already.
That is not comforting at all. Then again, it has been a very long time since he cared to comfort me, if he ever has.
After that last incident, Eli hasn’t really spoken to me either.
I prefer this over what was going on before.
I’d rather coast along alone than be in the same house with Eli.
He didn’t come home after that night for over a week, yet still seemed to know that I’d called the police.
He hasn’t stayed more than a night or two since then either.
As I sit here in my little library, alone, thoughts move from past to present, as they usually do.
My chair is facing the window but still in front of my door.
I keep all the lights in this room off when it’s dark outside so I can see him out there, wearing his strange mask with the dim lights.
It’s harder for him to see through the window.
His silhouette is lit up by the moonlight when the moon is high in the sky, reflecting off of the bay.
He stands there for hours. Watching me on his phone instead of through the window after I’ve turned all the lights off.
I can’t help the thrill I feel that moves from the fear in my heart, to the heat between my legs. Before he started watching me, I don’t remember the last time I felt that way. Thrill and not the terror Eli instills. I can’t trust him, I know he will hurt me… he has before.
Of course, I’m not stupid enough to believe this man outside won’t hurt me, either. What the hell am I hoping for, anyway? I’m married and I know if I try to leave, Eli will find me. I’m snared and can’t get away, no matter how many times I’ve tried in the past.
This almost has to be the man from the bookstore.
He’s the only run in with a man that I’ve had.
I haven’t met anyone else, and he was way too friendly when we met and followed me to my car like a lost puppy.
I can’t believe he called me gorgeous in public.
That and how the fuck he got into my house.
I thought I’d been clear when I told him no.
These staring contests are the worst. I can’t do anything else until I’m sure he’s left.
I can’t read, I can’t sleep. Though sometimes I pretend to sleep to see if he will get closer to the window, but he doesn’t.
Both he and Eli know how to manipulate the cameras.
I never seem to catch Eli’s activities or when this voyeur shows up and leaves.
Only when I see him walk away and outside cameras stop cycling, I assume he’s gone.
He could just be moving to watch me from somewhere I can’t see. Giving me false security.
Is he getting gratification from watching me or is he fucking with me?
There are a million women out there that are actually beautiful.
Worth spending time with and doting on, versus watching me, an unhappily married woman, through the window.
I haven’t meant anything to my own husband for such a long time.
So emotionally neglected that I accept attention from a lunatic.
What would it be like to be loved again, or was I ever?
Geez, I am stupid. Letting my thoughts wander to a stalker romance instead of reality.
This is unhealthy. I couldn’t stray even if it were reality.
I’m married, I can’t be that kind of person.
Even if Eli has broken his vows, I won’t.
But… Maybe I should. Would Eli even care?
I tried to tell Eli that I knew this person was hacking into our cameras, but he doesn’t think anyone else can do it because they’re not as smart as him. There are plenty of people in this world smarter than he is. He simply has a bigger ego and is high on himself most of the time.
I watch as he turns and picks something up off the ground, then steps back behind the grass.
He doesn’t come back to the window once he walks away, so I’ve gotten comfortable falling asleep after. Though his watching is oddly comforting compared to the heavy feeling that comes from Eli’s office, even when I know I’m here alone. That could be my own paranoia. These men have me on edge.