Chapter 30 Lila
Lila
The restaurant is warmer than I expected, or maybe it’s just my nerves heating me from the inside out.
Anthony sits across from me, no mask between us now, just his actual face, handsome and open, watching me with those intense eyes that seem to see straight through me.
I fidget with my chopsticks, unsure what to do with my hands when they’re not hidden under a table or wrapped around a coffee mug.
This is strange. Being on an actual date with the man who’s been watching me for months, who’s seen me at my most vulnerable, who knows more about me than anyone.
Except maybe Mia and Valerie. And yet, it also feels like the most natural thing in the world.
“I recommend the dragon roll,” Anthony says, breaking the silence that’s settled between us. “And the spicy tuna. Both are excellent here.”
I nod, grateful for the mundane topic. “I trust your judgment.”
When the server comes and Anthony orders for both of us, the rolls he mentioned plus miso soup, edamame, and sake that arrives warm in small ceramic cups. I take a sip, letting the alcohol burn down my throat, steadying my nerves.
“So,” I say, setting down my cup, “is this weird for you too? Sitting across from me instead of... watching from a distance?”
His laugh is rich and genuine, crinkling the corners of his eyes. “Definitely weird. But the good kind of weird.”
“The best kind,” I agree, feeling some of the tension dissolve between us.
The server returns with our edamame, and we fall into the rhythm of pulling the beans from their pods, a simple activity that gives our hands something to do while we navigate this new territory.
“I should probably tell you something,” Anthony says after a moment, his expression turning slightly strained. “About Eli.”
My stomach tightens. “What about him?”
“Well, he streamed with GameStream… I own that company. I actually came home to do an internal investigation and his named popped up. I thought you should know that before we continue.”
“All right, is there anything else?” I ask, unsure whether I want to know or not.
“Not much that I know of right now. I can tell you that Eli may be linked to a missing person’s case.”
I sit quietly for a moment, letting that information sink in. All the times he’d left, was he hurting other women and not just cheating?
Anthony cuts through my thoughts, changing the subject. Sensing that I’m starting to spiral. I can’t handle any more information about Eli right now. I just got free from him.
“And Mia,” he says
“What about her?”
“She threatened to tell you everything if I didn’t do it myself.” He pops an edamame into his mouth, chewing slowly. “After that night at the club, when she recognized me, she gave me an ultimatum. Said if I didn’t come clean by the end of the month, she’d tell you herself.”
I laugh, picturing Mia’s fierce expression as she laid down the law to her brother. “That sounds like her.”
“She was right, of course,” he continues, leaning forward slightly. “You deserved to know the truth. But then... everything happened with Eli, and it didn’t seem like the right time to dump more complications on you.”
The mention of Eli’s name again sends a chill through me, despite the restaurant’s warmth. I take another sip of sake, letting its burn chase away the cold memories.
“Is that why you stayed away?” I ask. “These past two months?”
Anthony’s eyes soften. “I wanted to give you space. I knew being with Mia and Valerie would help you heal better than anything I could offer at the time. And I didn’t want you to feel pressured or confused about... whatever this is between us.”
The consideration in his words touches me. After years with Eli, who only ever thought about his own needs and desires, Anthony’s thoughtfulness is like water in a desert.
“I appreciate that,” I say quietly. “The space helped. But I also missed... something. Someone. I just didn’t let myself acknowledge who.”
Our miso soup arrives, steaming in small black bowls. I wrap my hands around mine, soaking in the warmth.
The server brings our sushi, colorful rolls arranged artfully on black platters. We eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, the delicate flavors of fresh fish and rice filling my mouth. Anthony wasn’t wrong about the dragon roll. It’s delicious.
As I watch him across the table, chopsticks moving with grace between plate and mouth, something shifts inside me.
The attraction I’ve felt since that first meeting at the bookstore hasn’t faded with time or distance.
If anything, it’s grown stronger, deepened into something more substantial.
This isn’t just physical desire or the rebellious thrill of doing something Eli would hate.
It’s not a rebound or a desperate grab for affection after years of emotional starvation.
It’s real. Real enough to survive two months of silence. Real enough to make my skin flush hot when Anthony’s gaze meets mine.
“What are you thinking?” he asks, catching me staring.
The truth tumbles out before I can stop it. “That I want you. That these two months haven’t changed that.”
His chopsticks pause halfway to his mouth. “I thought you wanted to take things slow.”
“I did. I do.” I search for the right words. “But I also spent ten years of my life not doing what I wanted. Not being who I wanted to be. I’m done with that.”
Anthony sets down his chopsticks, his eyes never leaving mine. “What are you saying, Lila?”
The sound of my name on his lips still sends a thrill through me. “I’m saying that I know what I want. And slow doesn’t have to mean... glacial.”
A smile spreads across his face, lighting up his features. “Noted.”
We finish our sushi, talking about easier things, like what books we’ve read.
A few days after he’d left those books for me, he went back and bought them for himself and read them at the same time as me.
All so we could talk about them when this day came.
We talked movies, and TV shows we binged.
I was not a fan of the character replacement for one of my favorite shows and even though he had never seen it; he agreed with me.
The conversation, though not at all sexual, has me clenching my thighs. His laugh, his happiness. The way he makes me feel like he really does enjoy spending time with me.
“Next time,” he says, handing his credit card to the server without looking at the total. “You can get the next one.”
Next time. The casual certainty of it warms me more than the sake did.
Outside, the January air hits me, cold and bracing after the restaurant’s warmth. I pull my sweater tighter around me, wishing I’d thought to bring something heavier.
“I just realized I need a ride back to Mia’s,” I say, my breath forming white clouds in the air. “She dropped me off, and I haven’t bought a new car yet.”
After the divorce, I didn’t want anything to remind me of Eli at all. It was legally in his name anyway, and I wanted as clean a break as possible. Mia and Valerie have been driving me around, but I know I need to get my own transportation soon.
“I’d be happy to take you,” Anthony says, gesturing toward the parking lot. “But all I have is the bike. Are you okay with that? It’s pretty cold tonight.”
I glance toward the sleek black motorcycle parked at the edge of the lot. I’ve never ridden one before, but the thought of pressing myself against Anthony’s back, feeling his body heat through our clothes, is too tempting to resist.
“I’m okay with it if you are,” I say, trying to sound casual.
He studies me for a moment. “You sure? January isn’t exactly ideal for your first motorcycle ride.”
“I’m sure.” I take a step toward the bike, then add, “Unless you’re trying to get out of giving me a ride?”
Anthony laughs, the sound warming the space between us. “Definitely not. Come on, then. Let’s get you geared up.”
At the motorcycle, he grabs his helmet off the seat. “This should fit well enough,” he says, placing it over my head. “And here, take my jacket, too. You’ll freeze in just that sweater. We’ll have to get you your own set as soon as possible.”
Before I can protest, he’s shrugging out of his leather riding jacket. Underneath, he’s wearing only a grey button-up shirt that clings to his chest and arms, highlighting the defined muscles I’d glimpsed that night in the VIP room. My mouth goes dry at the sight.
“Won’t you be cold?” I ask, even as he gently pulls the sleeves on each of my arms.
He shakes his head. “I’m used to it. And it’s not that far.”
The jacket is still warm from his body as I slip it on. It’s too big, of course, the sleeves hanging past my fingertips, but it’s heavenly warm and smells like him, that clean linen, woodsy scent I remember from the club.
“It looks good on you,” he says, something in his voice making me look up. His eyes have darkened, and I suddenly remember how he looked at me on those back steps, how he knelt before me in that VIP room.
I swallow hard. “Thanks.”
He helps me with the helmet, his fingers brushing against my neck as he fastens the strap. Then he swings his leg over the bike with practiced ease and looks back at me.
“Hop on and hold tight,” he instructs. “Lean with me when I lean, but otherwise just relax and let me do the work.”
I climb on behind him, settling myself on the small passenger seat.
There’s nowhere to put my hands except around his waist, so I slide my arms around him, feeling the solid warmth of his body through his shirt.
The contact sends electricity shooting through me, awakening parts of myself that have been dormant.
Anthony starts the engine, the motorcycle rumbling to life beneath us. The vibration travels up through my body, an unexpected sensation that makes me tighten my grip on him. I hear him inhale sharply and realize my hands are pressed against his abs, feeling the muscles tense under my touch.
“Ready?” he calls over his shoulder.
I nod, forgetting he can’t see me, then remember to shout, “Ready!”
We pull out of the parking lot and onto the main road, the cold air rushing past us. Despite the jacket and helmet, my legs are freezing where they’re exposed to the wind. I press closer to Anthony, seeking his warmth.
As we ride, something shifts inside me. Maybe it’s the vibration of the engine, or the feel of Anthony’s body against mine, or just the freedom of speeding through the night with nothing between me and the world except this man and this machine.
Whatever it is, it makes me bold in a way I haven’t been in years.
I slide my hands lower, feeling Anthony’s body tense as my fingers trace the waistband of his jeans. We’re at a stoplight, the red glow painting everything crimson. I lean forward, my chest pressed against his back, and try to make sure he can hear me when I say, “Take me to your place instead.”
He turns his head slightly, trying to see my face through his helmet visor. “You sure?”
In answer, I slide my hand between his legs, feeling the hardness already growing there. I palm him through his jeans, a rush of power surging through me as he groans, the sound barely audible over the engine.
“I’m sure,” I say, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Very sure.”
The light turns green, and Anthony accelerates perhaps a bit faster than necessary, the sudden burst of speed making me cling tighter to him. I keep my hand where it is, massaging him through the denim, feeling him grow harder under my touch.
We turn off the main road onto a street that leads toward the bay. The homes here are larger, with well-maintained lawns and expensive cars parked under their stilts. After a few minutes, Anthony slows and turns into a driveway leading to a modern townhouse with large windows facing the water.
He cuts the engine, and the sudden silence is almost jarring. Neither of us moves for a moment, my hand still resting between his legs, his body still radiating heat into mine.
“This is me,” he says finally, his voice rougher than before.
I reluctantly withdraw my hand so we can dismount. As I pull off the helmet, I realize I recognize this neighborhood. “Wait, this is only a few houses from Mia’s place.”
Anthony nods, taking the helmet from me. “Yeah, we’re practically neighbors. I bought this so I could live closer to my sister.”
The thought makes me laugh. “So all those times you were watching me, you were just... crossing over the bridge from the bay to oceanside?”
“Yeah,” he admits, looking slightly embarrassed. “It’s only about a fifteen-minute ride.”
I shake my head, still smiling. “Unbelievable.”
I look up at him, at this man who’s been a shadow and a mystery for so long, now solid and real before me. His eyes are dark with desire, his breath quickens. I reach up and touch his face, tracing the spot where the mask used to sit.
He leans down, hesitating just before our lips meet, waiting for permission.
I close the distance, pressing my mouth to his.
The kiss is gentle at first, almost tentative, but quickly grows deeper, hungrier.
His hands tighten on my hips, pulling me closer until I’m pressed against him from chest to thigh, feeling the hardness I’d been teasing on the ride here.
When we finally break apart, we’re both breathing hard, our exhales mingling in the cold night air.
“We should go inside,” Anthony says, his voice rough with want. “Before we give the neighbors a show.”
I nod, suddenly eager to see his home, to be alone with him properly for the first time. “Lead the way.”
He takes my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine, and leads me toward the front door. As we climb the steps to his door, I feel a flutter of nerves mixed with anticipation. This is it, the beginning of something new, something chosen freely and without fear.
And I can’t fucking wait.