11. “Just What I Needed”
Chapter 11
“Just What I Needed”
Taz - Age 18, 1988
O n the first day of school, I slide out of my truck and meet the boys in the parking lot. Even though it’s early, the September sun beats down on me, making me thankful for my choice of baseball cap and shades. “What are we looking at?” I ask, squinting into the distance over Delzy’s shoulder.
“Why is Landry talking to that freak?” Tiffany sneers, her neon orange fingernails tapping impatiently against her ugly-ass designer purse. I glance in the direction they’re looking in and see Landry approaching a girl who stands out among the sea of students. She’s definitely new. I would’ve remembered her. She’s a stone-cold fox with long blonde hair that falls down her back and a hot pink dress that hugs her curves in just the right places. Way to go, Landry. I’m proud of him.
“Who? The blonde bombshell with the banging body over there?” Garrison teases. “Are you jealous, Tiff?”
“As if,” she responds with an eye roll and a jut of her hip. Tiffany may be fine, but she’s mad-annoying. Usually, I can tune out these hockey groupies, but today, I’m running on very little sleep and a bad attitude that’s only worsening by the second.
Delzy’s eyes narrow. “Who is she?”
Tiffany’s voice drips with venom as she replies, “That’s Ivy Owens.” She looks at Garrison and me as if we’re supposed to know what in the hell she’s talking about. My confusion is evident as I raise my eyebrows in a silent plea for an explanation.
“I can’t believe you guys don’t remember her,” Tiffany continues, her tone holding a mixture of disbelief and disgust. “She was kidnapped when we were, like, thirteen, on the way to school. It wasn’t far from here.” Memories start to bubble up from the depths of my mind, but I can’t grasp them fully.
“Oh shit,” Garrison interrupts with a gasp. “I remember now.” A sick feeling churns in my stomach as I recall the news reports and search parties that had gone out looking for Ivy all those years ago. But my own problems at the time had consumed me, leaving no room for anything else.
Landry trudges back to the group, his head hung low and a defeated slope to his shoulders. Delzy’s teasing voice breaks through the silence. “How’d it go, loverboy?”
Landry lets out a heavy sigh and shakes his head slowly. “Crashed and burned.”
Tiffany chimes in with an opinion no one asked for. “It’s probably for the best. Going anywhere near that girl is social suicide.”
Garrison confidently declares his interest. “Maybe I’ll give it a shot. The girl is smokin’. Plus, I could use a challenge.”
A laugh escapes me at his cockiness, but deep down, he’s not wrong. We all have our fair share of attention from the girls around here.
“You’re disgusting,” Tiffany adds with a sneer. “She’s not even cute.”
That girl is a babe. No wonder the girls around here are threatened. I question briefly if I’d also strike out with her, but Delzy can’t take his eyes off her. I know what that means. I’ll be nothing more than a wingman for my best friend on this one.
After a few minutes of chatting, we make our way inside. A few of the guys from the hockey team are filling us in on the latest from their recent training camp.
Delzy and I are a dynamic duo on the ice, playing for the Junior Hockey League team, the Merrimack Mavericks. The stakes are higher, and the competition is fiercer as we strive to make it beyond high school and into professional hockey. Endless days of training and traveling consume our lives during the season. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
We generally play on the same line, and as good friends, our chemistry is unmatched. Our coach anticipates college teams will scout both of us. I may be overly confident, but I predict we will successfully reach the NHL.
Neither of our paths has been easy. Growing up in a nearby town without a consistent father figure, Delzy faced plenty of challenges. He’s a latchkey kid like me, but he grew up poor. Somehow, he persevered with determination and grit. His mother eventually remarried a wealthy car dealership owner, who relocated them here right after I moved back.
We hit it off right away. It was as if some unseen force drew together our chaotic lives. I couldn’t help but gravitate toward him, and he toward me. Maybe it was because we were both struggling and holding onto hockey as the one consistent aspect of our lives. My life has been a mess for as long as I can remember, and while it still is, I try not to burden others with my problems.
Delzy knows my dad is rarely home due to his job and that my older brother dropped out of college to pursue the path of a coked-out loser. But there’s so much more to my life than that. Dark secrets and painful memories that I keep buried deep inside.
Only one person knows a fraction of what I’ve been through, and we don’t discuss it. We don’t speak at all, preferring to pretend the other doesn’t exist. I hate it, but it’s a way to cope.
Some of the guys have attended a few parties at my house, but I do my best to keep the people I care about away from there as much as possible now. Nothing good can come from being there. My Gram learned that lesson the hard way. The walls may be standing, but the memories within them are crumbling and decaying like a neglected graveyard.
Shit. It’s barely eight in the morning, and I’m already fighting against the overwhelming urge to just give up. But I can’t. Not this year. Not when it’s my last chance to turn things around before college. My fingers grip tightly onto my worn backpack as I enter the school building, preparing for my last year at Merrimack High School.
As I sit through my morning classes, my mind races, trying to keep up with the lectures and notes. Maintaining a decent GPA is crucial for me, but school itself is not my main priority. Instead, I concentrate on one goal: getting out of here and into a better future for myself and my grandmother. It’s a constant struggle, but I’ve managed to fake my way through most of my classes so far, relying on help from the occasional nerd when needed. But deep down, that won’t be enough if I want to truly succeed.
Focus. That’s all I need to do this year—one school year, nine months. I need to keep my grades up, stay out of trouble, and get into a good college. Eventually, I will have enough money to take care of my grandmother. Those are my priorities right now.
At least I’ve settled into the school day by mid-morning, and before I know it, we’re headed to lunch. Garrison said we should take off and leave campus for lunch, but Delzy wants to be careful and play it by the rules. I suspect there’s more to it. Since we got in here, he’s been sneaking looks at the new girl.
My heart goes out to her. She sits alone, lost in thought. I’ve seen her a few times today during passing periods, and she appeared lonely and confused each time.The slant of her shoulders and the distant look in her eyes speaks volumes about her lack of confidence. She’s a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit into the world around her. Despite being surrounded by hundreds of people right now, she seems to exist in her own world. I know the feeling where loneliness settles deep into your chest, and even amidst a room full of people, it eats away at you from the inside.
My eyes scan the crowded cafeteria and land on Sascha Bell as they normally do. She’s weaving through tables full of chattering students, a determined look on her face. She reaches the table where the new girl, Ivy, I think her name is, sits. Sascha slides into the seat across from her.
I can’t hear what she’s saying, but judging by the way Ivy’s shoulders are no longer up around her ears, Sascha is making her feel comforted. A few seconds later, I witness a genuine smile light up Ivy’s face as she lets out a warm chuckle.
Sascha always had a soft spot for the underdogs, those who didn’t fit in. I remember when she first saw me, a lonely kid with nowhere to call home. She walked right up to me and said, “I’ll be your home.” And she was. For almost a whole year, she was my rock until everything spectacularly fell apart at the hands of my father’s addictions.
Sascha doesn’t think I remember, but I do. I can still recall the warmth of those early September days when we first met, the feeling of belonging with her by my side. But those warm memories are tinged with the memories of the days that came later, casting out the warmth that still chills me to the bone.
I’ve been observing Sascha from afar for years now. I can see her walking down the school hallways, radiating an unapologetic sense of self. Only her physical appearance has changed since we were kids; her heart is still as pure and genuine as it was at age five. It’s a quality that always captures my admiration.
As I watch her, I’m reminded of my journey toward self-acceptance - which took much longer than hers. If only I had found that confidence when I was thirteen, maybe Sascha wouldn’t look at me with such disdain now.
As a foolish and insecure kid, I blew my chance to make things right with my best friend. My guard had been up, fueled by false bravado, and in just five short minutes, I lost the opportunity to earn back her trust. She values honesty above all else, which I couldn’t give her back then. And now, even if I could, it would be pointless. She would only throw it back in my face.
Suddenly, a deep voice interrupts my thoughts. “Hey, Earth to Taz.” Landry’s voice. With a shake of my head, I clear the clouded thoughts in my brain of a boy and girl running around a playground.
He stares at me with a sly, mischievous smirk playing on his lips. His eyes hold a hint of amusement and something else I can’t quite place.
“What?” I say, a bit defensive under his gaze.
“Nothing,” he shrugs nonchalantly, but the glint in his eye tells me there is definitely more to it than that.
Delzy speaks up, breaking the tension between us. “Let’s go, boys,” he says, leaving the bustling cafeteria. But I can’t help noticing how he steals glances back at Ivy and smiles at her melodic laughter before we exit through the large double doors.
My mind starts to race as I wonder what this all means for me. If he’s interested in getting to know Ivy better, does that mean I have a chance to work my way back into Sascha’s life? It all depends on whether they remain friends or not. But for now, I can’t help feeling hopeful about the possibilities.