Tainted

Kenyon

Listening to Kane Brown had Kross’s warning at the forefront of my brain. I should’ve minded my damn business, but it was too late. Zara was three drinks in and knocking the rust off her Texas Two Step . My phone vibrated, tearing my eyes away from Zara, effortlessly gliding across the wooden floor.

Sydney: Dad is forcing me to go to this campaign dinner tonight. Please, come with me.

Me: I’m handling something right now. I’ll hit you when I finish.

Sydney: Thanks Keyes.

Me: Welcome.

Zara walked toward me with her arms out, swaying her hips. “Come on!”

I waited until she was close enough to rest my palm against her forehead. “You got me here. Don’t push it,” she swatted my hand down, licking her sexy ass lips.

“Does Keyes have two left feet?”

“I could dance circles around you if I wanted to, Babygirl.”

“Prove it. Let's shake things up like a tornado in a trailer park!”

I wanted to smile but had to preserve some of my cool after how I acted earlier.

“Check, please!” I threw my arm up, and she quickly yanked it down. “You’re too deep in character right now.”

Zara fell back into her seat, welcoming the air circulating the bar. There were even a few strands of hair sticking to her big ass forehead from all her dancing.

“You sound like my Dad,” she smiled, reminiscing. “But Mom would still be tearing up the dance floor right now.”

“Why does Shana like country music so much?”

She smiled. “Mom’s a country girl at heart. I spent my summer here with Nana, but hers were spent in the country with her Grandma. She’s always loved music, and they only had one station back then, so it was country or nothing.”

“Who’s your favorite?”

“Tanner Adell. She’s that girl.”

“What’s so special about Tanner Adell ?”

Zara gave me a dramatized look of disbelief before explaining. “Some things just are, and Tanner, being that girl, is one of them.”

Discussing Tanner Adell somehow made Zara think of whisky, and now she was flagging the waitress down to order a round. I was still learning how Zara’s mind worked, so I didn’t make the connection.

The hours grew late, and I got tired of sharing Zara with the random friends she made on the dance floor. Everybody loved Zara. She had that personality that sucked you in, and right now, I wanted it all to myself. We made our way toward the exit, and I had never been happier to leave, country music fading in the distance.

“You can’t tell me those songs didn’t make you feel good?” Zara insisted, backpedaling so she could see my reaction.

“I’m not planning on going to a Hoedown, but it was aite.”

“Whatever. Everybody can’t be a walking testament of happiness. Sometimes, life gets hard.”

“That’s what you think of me?”

“I don’t know what to think of you sometimes,” she admitted.

Charley’s Juke Joint must have mixed some truth serum in those shots. Zara usually kept her inner thoughts tucked under lock and key. When she did share, it often came out discombobulated and hard to decipher. Tonight, they floated freely between us as we walked to my car.

“Damn, I got you the night off. Fed you and suffered through country music, and you don’t know what to think of your Fairy Godfather ?”

“I think you like it that way.”

“Did you find the answers you were looking for in my closet?” I asked, opening the car door.

“It actually left me more confused.”

“Why?” I asked after walking around to the other side and joining her.

Zara shook her head, declining to explain.

“Thank you for today. It was nice of you, .”

“It’s no sweat, Babygirl.”

“It is, actually. Why did you do this for me?”

“Maybe I just like making people’s day. So are we cool now?”

Zara nestled against the butterscotch leather, clasping her hands together.

“Give me a discount on my rent, and we can be,” she wiggled her brows as if trying to convince me, but I turned on her girl Tanner Adell as the soundtrack for the ride back to my crib.

I rehearsed how to handle that awkward moment where the desire to keep her to myself clashed with my ego. We celebrated Mom’s birthday, leaving Zara in a much better mood than I found her in. Mission accomplished, but I wanted more.

Zara seemed to feel the same way when we got inside, occasionally pausing while collecting her belongings. I watched her freeze in the doorway and double back to the spare bedroom before finally running out of stall tactics. I could see the wheels turning in her head, as she tried to figure out how to say whatever was on her mind.

But I pieced it together quicker than she could find the courage, so I replied, “Yes.”

She looked up, making me nervous as fuck. I didn’t know how to cure that feeling, so I headed for the kitchen despite not needing anything.

“What am I asking for?”

“You barely wanted my help today, so it can’t be anything too crazy.”

“You already said yes, so,” Zara dragged the last word out while bouncing her eyebrows.

“Yeah, so enjoy it. Tomorrow, when you’re back to wanting smoke with me, I might not be so generous.”

“Thanks, .”

I don’t know what it was about Zara, but lately, I was doing the opposite of what I was supposed to do around her. She followed me to my bedroom, and I grabbed a pillow and stuffed it behind my neck, watching her stand in the middle of the floor.

“Don’t act like you don’t know your way around,” I taunted.

Something had her stumped, so I caught a glimpse of her running her hand through her thick, curly hair, hanging in waves over her shoulders.

Kross: Are you good?

Me: Never better.

Kross: Bring me my money tomorrow.

Tossing my phone aside, if Kross kept talking to me crazy, he’d have to fight me for it. I was surprised it took his worrisome ass this long to check on me.

“Can I ask you something?” I started to hit her with the same comment she gave me earlier. She saw it, too, so she continued before my restraint wore off. “I didn’t find any sign of your girlfriend anywhere.”

“You’re smart enough to know that’s not a question.”

“Why? I’m sure she stays over. I can’t imagine you’re letting me stay and not her.”

“Because I don’t have one.” Though it was true, it felt disrespectful as fuck to Sydney by saying it. Especially to another female. Even one as pretty and exciting as Zara Nicole.

“So you go around offering threesomes to anyone. Nice.”

“Fuck no. It’s just complicated with Sydney.”

“It doesn’t bother you that she’s so infatuated with me?”

The list of things I could tell Zara was much shorter than the things I couldn’t. Admitting that it bothered me was off the table, so I pulled Zara onto the bed and pinned her petite frame with mine.

“Nah, it doesn’t because I’m infatuated with you too.”

My brain was screaming shut the fuck up. Now, I was stuck staring at Zara because I was too afraid to say anything out of fear more truth would slip out. There were no interruptions, no regulars to face, and no apartment complaints. It was just the two of us with time and opportunity.

That frightened Zara enough to drum up all her reserve strength, “Move, ,” she fussed, trying to shove my hovering body.

“If it feels good. Just let it.”

And she no longer denied the pulsing knot brewing in her stomach.

“Good girl.”

The hem of her shirt rose during the scuffle, exposing the intricate design of tulips draped in lavender that covered her side. I could’ve resisted but didn’t want to, so I kissed the flowers, forcing Zara’s words to become more breathy than she would’ve liked.

“K-k-kenyon,” but the sound of my voice and lips touching her stomach was too much to bear.

“That’s the wrong way to get me to stop Zara Nicole.” Her skin felt just as soft as it looked peeking under her shirt. “That stuttering shit does something to me.”

Usually, I was better at concealing mine, but not tonight. She was here, in my home, in my bed. It felt right that I got to have Zara because, soon enough, we’d be back in the real world.

My lips kissed her again, creating a trail to the brown morsel of chocolate I put in my mouth.

“, p-please,” she begged, shuddering from my kisses that had progressed to much more.

“Please, what?” When Zara didn’t answer, I gently tugged at her nipple between my teeth, “Tell me.”

She tried because she was so ambitious and determined that she refused to throw in the towel. Only she wasn’t in control, leaning into my body for leverage while moaning.

“I-I um. I need to shower, Keyes.”

That was the last thing I wanted to fuckin’ hear, but somehow, I made myself responsible for her every whim and desire, so I freed her nipple, adjusting her t-shirt to its original fit.

“Call me Keyes again, and I’m putting your ass out.”

“I don’t understand why it bothers you anyway. Everybody calls you Keyes.”

“The same reason Zara Nicole bothers you.”

I wasn’t the only one who was mysterious. She was, too, which is why she changed the subject.

“Do you have something I can sleep in? I didn’t plan for a sleepover.”

“You’ve already gone through my shit. Help yourself.”

She walked into the closet with her toes pointed like she was on stage. I was too busy focusing on the muscles in Zara’s calves to tell her she couldn’t sleep in a six-hundred-dollar Marni t-shirt. That’s what Zara wanted, so I didn’t argue when she walked into the bathroom to change.

It took me longer than usual to fall asleep because Zara was all over the damn bed. Syd was the only woman I’d shared mine with, and she slept like a pretty princess in one spot, unlike my guest tonight.

“If you move again, I’m kicking your ass out,” I groaned.

The wrinkles on my forehead vanished when I rolled over to her, mumbling in her sleep, her voice filled with fear.

“Zara,” I whispered, shaking her shoulder gently. “Hey, wake up.”

I shook her harder this time, her eyes flew open, wild and unfocused, She looked around the room disoriented and terrified.

“You’re safe, Babygirl,” I said quickly, trying to ground her. “It’s just a dream.”

But instead of calming down, she stumbled her way to the bathroom. The door slammed shut, and I heard the water start running. Whatever was going on in her head wasn’t just a simple nightmare.

After a moment, I got up and walked to the bathroom, knocking lightly. “Zara Nicole.”

There was no answer, just more loud, shallow breaths.

“You can’t hide in the bathroom all night. What if I need to piss?”

Still nothing, so I turned the knob and stepped inside. Zara was sitting on the floor with her knees drawn to her chest. She looked so small and vulnerable, a far cry from the confident woman who kept me on my toes.

“Talk to me.”

She shook her head and pressed her forehead against her knees, trying to shrink into herself.

Crouching down, I tapped her shoulder, and she slid forward enough for me to settle behind her. She reclined into my chest, and I lost track of how long we sat on my bathroom floor.

“I won’t tell anybody you’re not as hard as you act. I’m a pro at keeping secrets. I’ve got the ‘Keyes’ to keep them safe.”

That got a tiny smile out of her, though she quickly tried to hide it.

“Keep being mysterious. I’d hate for all your groupies to find out how corny you are.”

“I’m here if you want to talk. Or, we can just sit here until you’re ready to be seen again.”

She stayed quiet for a while, then finally lifted her head. “One day, I went to work with my mom, and the next, we had to move away. It changed everything, and I couldn’t even tell you why. I hate secrets. They ruin everything.”

“Sometimes knowing the truth doesn’t change the outcome.”

“Yeah, but at least you know why something is happening instead of feeling like a bystander in your own life.” She bit her lip, clearly fighting some internal battle. “You’ve been so nice today. This is getting no fun.”

I grinned, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s no fun in kicking people when they’re down. You give your best comebacks at full strength.”

“Are you ever serious?”

“You needed that smile more than me being serious. But I’m serious about getting off this floor. My back can’t take it.”

“You’re a little too young for back problems.”

“Easy for yo’ ass to say. You were leaning on me. I was leaning on hard-ass wooden cabinets.”

We walked back into my room, and I noticed how she paused, staring at the bed. We slid under the covers, and I could tell she was still shaken. I was trying to get comfortable when suddenly, I felt her feet brush against my leg, cold as ice.

"Aye, yo!" I yelled over my shoulder with a raised brow.

"I’m freezing in this icebox you call a house," she said, wiggling her toes under the blanket and brushing them against my leg. I tensed up and gave her a stern look.

"Do it again, and I’m putting your ass on the couch.”

“They’re just toes,” Zara wiggled her toes again, just to mess with me. I peeked under the covers, lifting the blanket just enough to glance at her feet. They were perfect, just like her.

I looked up, trying to keep a straight face. “They felt a little rough rubbing my leg. I had to see what they looked like.”

She laughed harder, her body shaking next to mine, “You’re full of shit. My toes are cute, and my regulars love them.”

“Anyway, how did you get into dancing?” I asked, changing the subject because I didn’t want to think about other nigga’s admiring her body.

“Years of practice. Cheer. Tap. Ballet. Contemporary. I’ve done it all, but life happened,” she replied, nestling closer to my side.

“If life didn’t happen, what would you be doing right now?”

“Dancing somewhere other than Utopia. I probably would’ve gone to college for formal training until Beyonce opened auditions for dancers,” she replied, grinning as she snuggled back into her pillow, “Then, once I’m ready for a family and something more stable, maybe open a dance studio. What about you?”

“What about me?”

She rested her chin on my chest, and those sexy ass lips I loved quirked, “I just can’t see a man like you being content with running an apartment complex,” she rambled, then realized how her statement might come across, “No offense. I get doing what you have to do right now but if you could do anything. What would it be?”

There was no point in imagining dreams that couldn’t come to fruition. Zara wouldn’t understand that, so I chose to deflect instead.

“What does a man like me mean?”

Zara shrugged off my question, not wanting to let me into her head, and I was thankful because I didn’t have an answer. We fell asleep, and I vaguely registered the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand, but the warmth of Zara's presence made me sleep through it until the harsh click of the light sliced through the darkness.

My hand darted towards my gun until my eyes focused on the figure standing in the doorway.

“Are you going to shoot me?" Syd fussed as Zara stirred beside me, her eyes wide, staring at my gun.

“What are you doing here?” Blinking to adjust to the light, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and checked the time.

“I guess my invitation to the party got lost,” Sydney complained.

Zara scooted to the edge of the bed before peering back at me, ignoring Sydney. “Can you take me to my car now?”

Unfortunately, Syd was just as attracted to Zara, so she couldn’t watch her and curse me out. Meanwhile, I was cursing myself because I forgot to take my spare key back when Syd came over to stay.

The door shut, and just like that, Zara’s spell was broken, and Sydney was back nagging, “Really, Keyes?”

“I’m not supposed to be asleep in my own shit?”

Sydney’s nostrils flared. “Don’t even! You know what I’m talking about!”

“We’ll talk when I get back,” I groaned, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand before climbing out of bed and putting on clothes.

“I’m not going anywhere until we do,” Sydney announced, sitting on the bed and crossing her legs as the exclamation point on her statement.

The ride to Utopia was quiet. Usually, I preferred it that way, but now it signified something deeper.

Reaching the parking lot, I grabbed her phone and used it to dial myself. I could’ve gotten it from her application. That would’ve been weirder than the shit she already had me doing. Zara snatched it from my hand, but I didn’t care now that I had what I wanted. I went to open the door, but Zara’s curt tone stopped me.

“I can walk by myself!” she fussed, pushing the door open so hard that it bounced back, but she caught it again and climbed out.

We were both conflicted, so I didn’t fight her, but my need to protect her made me sit in the parking lot until she pulled off. That feeling when you don’t even know what the fuck you’re feeling gnawed at me on the way back home.

Sydney’s car was still parked beside the rose bush. When I opened the door, I didn’t expect her to be seated on the second step, hands clasped together.

“What the fuck is going on?” She yelled, shooting up on her legs to wag her finger in my face.

“Chill talking to me like you’re crazy!”

“You stood me up so you could have a sleepover with Nova?” Sydney fussed.

“I didn’t stand you up. You asked, and I told you I was in the middle of something.”

“In between Nova’s legs. That was the big something you had to handle?”

“Yeah, it was.”

Those three words drained the color from Sydney’s face. It was supposed to be her between Zara’s legs if anyone. The idea of me getting there first pissed Sydney off. It was hypocritical for Sydney to complain about spending time with Zara when she wanted the same.

“What is going on with you?” She asked, narrowing her gaze.

“You’re hollering about bullshit and wondering why I have an attitude.”

Sydney followed me upstairs, making more assumptions that I didn’t feel like hearing. Zara and I spending time together wasn’t a part of Sydney’s plan, and she wasn’t content if she wasn’t controlling shit.

“You brought her here, Keyes! To your house, and you’re acting like that’s nothing.”

“You were cool with me spending time with her when it served you. You told me to fuck her so good she’ll fuck you too. Isn’t that what you said?” I asked, replaying the conversation we had after my birthday.

“Oh, so all of this,” Sydney flailed her arm around my bedroom. “This was about me.”

“No, it wasn’t, and that’s the fuckin’ problem. You can’t have her, so I can’t either?”

“Don’t make me out to be some hypocrite,” Sydney warned.

Plopping on the bed, I yawned because this conversation took longer than I wanted. “I’m just pointing out facts, Syd.”

“Here’s another one. I was honest about my feelings and intentions. You made it seem like it was all me, and how you were cuddled with her tells me otherwise. You brought her to your house! That alone tells me everything I need to know.”

I knew what it felt like not being Sydney’s first choice. She didn’t because, in the hierarchy of women in my life, Mom was the only one above her. Now, Syd felt threatened because she was used to me coming through for her whenever she needed me.

“Not getting your way has you spiraling.”

“Fuck you, Keyes.”

“Who did it this time?”

Aside from her obsession with Zara, her parents were the only thing that could make her so erratic that she made no sense.

“Dad added adoption to his campaign platform. He wants to use my fuckin’ story to sell the dream as if he gives a fuck what women want.”

“What are you going to do about that?”

“What can I do?” She asked, sitting on the bed.

“It’s a lot you can do, but if you don’t see that, I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s not that simple.”

Sydney successfully plucked my fuckin’ nerves, but watching her fumble with her fingers over something that wasn’t her fault softened my heart. So I swept her in my arms, pulling her close enough to rest my chin on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. It’s not your fault, .”

It didn’t matter how many times Sydney tried to absolve me of guilt. We both knew her driving my car was the catalyst for everything that night.

Her lungs inhaled as much air as they could hold. “Your bed smells like her.”

“Don’t say that out loud again. You sound creepy as fuck.”

“But that’s why you love me,” Sydney smiled.

“Start trippin’ again, and love won’t stop me from putting your ass in a headlock.”

“Anyway. I’m hungry. What are we eating?” she asked like it wasn’t the middle of the night.

“I bet walking in here showing your ass has to be exhausting.”

“You weren’t answering or texting back. Excuse me for being worried about your black ass.”

“Excused, you’re feeding yourself. I’m going back to sleep.”

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore my thoughts racing. What was it about Zara that made everything different? She made everything with Sydney feel distant and old. Zara was something new. Something I hadn’t even known I was looking for.