23. Zara
23
Zara
I hadn’t slept at all. How could I when Kenyon accomplished his mission? Not to mention, I had my audition with Sonya in the morning. I had rehearsed all week, but I didn’t feel ready with everything going on.
In the wee hours of the morning, I finally closed my eyes, imagining what prophetic speech my mom would give to cure my aching heart. It was well into the morning when I fell asleep, but it didn’t last long. In need of comfort, I blasted Tanner Adell’s ‘Whiskey Blues’ while I got ready. The music was so loud that my neighbor hit the wall, but it was another reminder of Kenyon that I pushed to the back of my brain.
Walking into the studio, my heart sank. At least twenty dancers were already warming up, stretching, and practicing combinations. I glanced around the room, trying not to let the pit in my stomach grow any deeper, but I felt like a small fish in a massive ocean.
Struggling to manage my uncertainty, I wanted to call Kenyon. He’d know just what to say, but we weren’t talking.
“Focus, Zara,” I whispered, moving to an empty corner of the room to stretch.
The room suddenly stopped, as if someone had paused the television, causing me to look up.
Sonya Hayes had just walked in dressed in all black, with sleek hair tied into a low bun. Her heels clicked softly as she walked to the front of the room, reading the room of eager dancers.
“Alright,” Sonya said, her voice firm but not harsh, “Let’s see who’s serious about being here.”
Music filled the room, and I took a deep breath. This was everything I wanted, and I had to make good on my opportunity whether Kenyon was by my side or not. I had to do this for me.
"Alright, everyone," the instructor called out, clapping her hands for attention. "We're going to go through the routine again. Remember, it’s about presence as much as technique. Give it everything you’ve got."
I stepped forward with the rest of the group, finding my spot in the formation. My heart pounded as I waited for the music to start again. My arms sliced through the air, my feet glided across the floor, and I spun with precision.
“Keep those lines clean!” the instructor barked, walking through the rows of dancers. I straightened my posture and extended my arm further in the pirouette.
A flash of doubt crossed my mind as I hit a sharp turn. I quickly pushed it away, launching into the next series of moves. Sweat dripped down my neck, but I didn’t falter. Each movement was precise, and every turn was calculated.
I could feel the eyes of the judges watching, but I didn’t look their way. I had to stay in the zone, moving into the final stretch of the routine. My legs burned as I pushed harder, faster, determined to make every moment count.
I was mid-leap when the instructor shouted, “That’s it! Time!”
I landed lightly, breathless but steady, heart pounding. The music stopped abruptly, and the room fell silent. The instructor's gaze swept across the group, and I thought she was looking directly at me.
“Nice work, everyone. We’ll be calling names soon.”
The tension in the room was thick, but all I could feel was relief. I had done it. Maybe not perfectly, but I had given it everything I had. I wiped the sweat from my brow, fixing my ponytail again. The hard part was over, but the waiting had just begun.
“You’re Lily’s baby, aren’t you?” I turned to Sonya's voice behind me, “You look just like your mother.”
“If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I wouldn’t need to be here,” I nervously joked, clinging to the strap on my bag.
“I’m glad you could make it. Your grandmother speaks highly of you.”
“Thank you. It's a pleasure to meet you, too. I loved you in Dancing Shadows and Grace Unchained ! I mean, you made that entire movie with just your expressions. You didn’t even have to say a word, and it was still amazing!”
Sonya raised an eyebrow, a small smile playing on her lips as I rambled through her accolades. I realized I was babbling but couldn’t seem to stop myself.
“It took me weeks to learn the choreography from The Last Dance," I paused, realizing how ridiculous I sounded. “Sorry. I’m just nervous.”
Her smile widened slightly, and she nodded, amused. “That’s kind of you, but tell me, what do you want to do with all that admiration?"
"I want to be where you are," I said, my voice a little steadier. "Not just on a screen or behind the camera. I want people to feel something when they see me dance, the way I’ve always felt watching you.”
There was a beat of silence, and I wondered if I’d just said the wrong thing, but Sonya nodded slowly. “That’s a good start.”
I grabbed my bag and quietly slipped out of the studio. Outside, the cool air hit my face, and I needed it. Between the audition and my conversation with Sonya, I was sweating in places I didn’t know existed. Still riding the high of my audition, I texted Brandy and Jewel.
They were hanging out at Jewel’s apartment, so I met them there because the only alternative was to go home alone. Laying in her living room, my thoughts bounced between the moves I nailed and the moments I stumbled, but more than anything, I wished I could call Kenyon. Even though we weren’t speaking, he was the only one who understood how big this was for me.
“Staring at the phone won’t make his name magically pop up,” Jewel called me out.
“Nobody is thinking about Keyes,” I groaned.
“You don’t even sound right calling him that,” Jewel joked.
I rarely did. Only when I wanted to piss him off but uttering Kenyon might’ve made me burst into tears, so I didn’t.
“It’s good to see you laughing again,” I acknowledged Brandy’s smile, even if the joke was on me.
“Trying. Nana said she’d beat my ass if I came to see her with that long face one more time.”
“And she’ll do it too,” I added.
“Back in the day, she would’ve, but Lily is soft. I get her point, though,” Brandy sighed. “Romello said lying in bed crying won’t do Otto or me any good.”
“How’s it looking?” Jewel inquired, but I didn’t care enough to ask.
“Not good. Romello said Otto is thinking about taking a plea.”
“You didn’t go see him?”
“Otto doesn’t want me to see him like that. I don’t want to add to his stress right now.” Brandy shrugged.
“What nigga is locked up and doesn’t want his girl to come see him?” Jewel asked.
“He doesn’t want me to see him locked up like some animal,” Brandy yelled, defending him.
“As long as that makes sense to you. Keep getting messages from Romello.”
“Romello’s been checking on me. He’s been really sweet, actually.”
The room stilled, and Jewel glanced at me from the corner of her eye.
“It’s not like that!” Brandy rushed out.
“Maybe it should be. Romello is the kind of guy you deserve, not one sitting in jail avoiding you,” I replied.
Romello had been nothing but kind and respectful, the type of man Rodney told me to date, while Kenyon was what he warned me to avoid. What Dad didn’t prepare me for was getting my mind and heart on the same page.
“If he’s so sweet, why did you cut him off?” Brandy asked.
“Because I don’t like him the way I like Kenyon.”
“Regardless, I can’t mess with him after you. That’s just creepy and weird,” Brandy frowned.
“I didn’t have sex with him. We barely even kissed.” Another clear difference in my feelings. I had never even thought about sex with Romello. “So if you want him. Have him.”
Brandy shrugged as if it was the first time she’d considered the thought. Jewel laughed because Brandy was often on another planet than the rest of us.
“The DDs are having something Friday. We should go so Brandy can be reminded how nice Romello is,” Jewel suggested, but there was a chance I’d run into Kenyon.
I wasn’t sure if I could face the disappointment of him being unbothered while I was barely holding on.
“No thanks,” I replied.
“You need to do something other than stare at that damn phone,” Jewel complained.
“You have a lot of advice about men for somebody I never see with one,” I mumbled, flipping my phone over.
My jab was accurate, but so was Jewel’s. Brandy tried to smother her laugh with her hand but failed.
“It’s a one-strike system over here. Piss me off, and it’s on to the next, unlike the two of you,” Jewel pointed at Brandy and then me.
“Now, how did I get in it?” Brandy exclaimed.
“You should’ve been the first one in it, but it’s your life, so I try to respect it,” Jewel replied, rolling her eyes.
That was one thing we had in common. Brandy could do much better than Otto. Secretly I think he knew it, too, justifying the way he criticized her over bullshit.
“Anyway, are we going or what?” Brandy asked.
I wasn’t opposed to going out. I just didn’t want to run into Kenyon if I did.