29. Zara
29
Zara
I woke up the following day, my mind swirling with emotions I didn’t know how to untangle. There was no point in pretending to sleep any longer. With a heavy sigh, I sat up and found Kenyon sitting against the wall, his dark eyes glued to me. Last night revealed a lot, and I didn’t know what he was thinking or what was next.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I don’t know what to feel right now,” I admitted.
Kenyon nodded with his head hanging before looking up at me. His long bowlegs were stretched out in front of him.
“Doesn’t matter how ugly it is, I just need the truth. I need that from you.” Kenyon tormented himself all night, likely sitting in that same spot.
Love makes you feel weird things, like compassion for the man with more secrets than he let on. Kross and John wanted to blame me, but I was a small pawn in a much bigger game. My heart was heavy and confused, yet I somehow wanted to crawl between Kenyon’s gapped legs and fall asleep.
“You can’t ask me for the truth and not give me the same.”
Kenyon closed his eyes like he was fighting to stay calm before reiterating. He wasn’t the only one who spent all night mulling over the facts. I did, too, and It was deeper than possibly murdering two people.
“It’s something illegal. I know that much, but I need to hear it from you.”
Kenyon was struggling. Usually, when he shut down and made his mind up, he stood in it confidently. Today, he was torn.
“The things I kept from you weren’t my secrets to tell, but you’re choosing to shut me out!” I raged.
“It’s some shit I just can’t tell you because it puts us both at risk. I tell you everything I can. All the important shit, you got that and more.”
“Guess what? I’m already at risk! This baby is at risk! We’re already killing it as parents.”
“Why the fuck would you say some shit like that?”
Regardless of where we were now, this baby was made in love. I wanted to keep it, but part of that decision felt selfish. There was no room for selfishness in parenting. It was all about sacrifice and doing uncomfortable things for the betterment of your child. After last night, I couldn’t help but wonder if this baby would be better off without me and Kenyon.
“You wanna get rid of it.” It wasn’t exactly a question, more like an assumption causing him to unravel just from the thought. “How the fuck am I supposed to trust you. Trust that you got me, and the first sign of trouble, you’re ready to kill our baby and jump ship?”
“I don’t know, Kenyon!” I yelled, bursting into tears. My body felt hot from the inside out, trying to reconcile so many things at one time. “I don’t have the answers. I’m scared, pregnant and alone! I need you, but you’re not here.”
His forehead creased at the audacity of me to say something like that. “I’m right here!”
“Physically, yes, but Kenyon is not here. You’re not here with me! I am alone!”
The rage in my rant froze him for a moment, and then he stepped forward to console me, but I moved backward. Right now, I wanted the next best thing to my mom, and that was Banana Girl.
“Banana Girl. That’s what I need right now,” I advocated.
Autumn Grove seemed awful back then, but this conversation with Kenyon was much worse. At least there, I had Mom’s lap when I got stressed, but I was all alone here. Being a grown-up wasn’t about freedom and doing what I wanted like I thought. It was a complex web of problem after problem.
“Alright," he conceded, letting out a weary sigh. We’re going to Banana Girl’s. Get your stuff, and we’ll get you something to eat on the way.”
I didn’t waste time arguing about space I wouldn’t get from him. Kenyon complained about me not trusting him, but he didn’t trust me either. Until this was sorted out, I had a feeling he’d be joined at my hip, so I gathered my belongings.
The room was quiet as we maneuvered around, preparing for the day. The quietness carried into the car, where only music flowed through the speakers until Kross called. They shared a short conversation, Kross carrying most of it before Kenyon said he’d call him back so he could ask what I wanted to eat. It was hard to think about food, but it wasn’t about me for now.
We finally reached Banana Girls, and I went upstairs, knocking on her bedroom door and letting myself in.
“My Zara, I didn’t expect to see you so early.”
“I missed you,” I smiled while kicking off my shoes.
She watched me crawl from the foot of her bed, making myself comfortable beside her.
“As much as you love me, even I couldn’t make you look that sad.”
“Don’t underestimate yourself,” I joked.
Soon enough, her sharp lips would make some generalized comment prying, but she let, me off the hook for now. Nestling closer, I welcomed the solace laying in her bed provided and slept much better than last night.
I woke up feeling slightly better until Banana Girl had jokes.
“I don’t remember you snoring so loud. Good grief, the cows don’t have anything on you.”
“I was tired!” I chuckled, sitting up. It was dark outside, so I had to have slept for a while, but the baby and I needed it.
“You’re too young to be that tired,” Nana chastised.
Three taps came from the hallway, and I knew from the cadence that it was Kenyon. Banana Girl’s voice invited him inside, where he did a much better job pretending things were okay.
“What do you want to eat?”
“I’m not hungry,” I replied.
Banana Girl’s head flipped back and forth like she was in the live taping of General Hospital.
"You have ten minutes to pick something, or I’ll do it,” Kenyon shut the door back, and I rolled my eyes before Banana Girl turned the television off.
“Third time he’s been up here checking on you.” Usually, it would’ve elicited a smile, blushing, or maybe even a combination, but nothing was behind it today. “I’ve never seen such an attitude for a man just trying to care for you.”
“We fought, that’s all.”
“Y’all having a lot of those lately.”
“Seems like it,” I mumbled.
“It comes with the territory,” Banana Girl wrapped her arm around me, “That’s the part they leave out of all the fairytales they show little girls growing up. Nobody is going to love you exactly how you want all the time. So you work at it together because as frustrating as it is, life without them would frustrate you more.”
My neck dropped, whimpering, causing her to chuckle as she stroked my back.
“Being grown up isn’t always so fun, is it?” she asked.
“No, it’s not.”
“What’s not?” Brandy asked, busting through the door.
“Where have you been all day?” Banana Girl asked.
“I went and got my nails done with Jewel. We called you,” Brandy said, plopping on the bed.
I scooped my phone up, and there were a bunch of missed calls on the screen.
“I slept the day away. I didn’t get much last night.”
“I hope you used some protection while y’all were up all night.”
“Really, Banana Girl?” I groaned.
“Have you dreamed about fish again?” Brandy egged her on because, for once, the joke wasn’t on her.
“Nope.”
“I’m leaving this comedy club,” I sighed, scooting to the edge to hop out.
“Good, now I can have my spot back,” Brandy smirked, climbing into my previously occupied spot.
“My two big babies. What am I going to do with y’all?”
“Love us,” Brandy mumbled, resting her head on Banana Girls’ shoulder.
I paused at the top of the stairs, watching Kenyon sit on Nana's porch. Seeing him there, looking like he had something heavy on his mind, made me hesitate. Usually, I'd crack a joke, but things weren’t normal right now.
The pull to be near him was stronger than my frustration. So I pushed open the door and stepped outside, the soft creak of the wooden boards announcing my arrival. I sat down on the other side of the porch swing, the distance between us filled with things unsaid.
“Your food is in the kitchen.” He didn’t look at me, just kept his gaze ahead.
“Thanks.”
With a sigh, I channeled my inner Banana Girl and went for humor. “It feels like we’re trapped in an episode of General Hospital ,” I said, offering a playful smirk. “Hell, what’s next? You find out you’ve got an evil twin, or some long-lost sibling who was switched at birth?”
Kenyon looked over his shoulder at me, his lips twitching like he was trying to decide whether to laugh or stay serious.
I moved next to him, close enough to feel his warmth but far enough to let him have his space. “Come on, that was funny.”
Kenyon chuckled, shaking his head as he leaned back in the chair, finally letting the tension ease. “If this were a soap opera, I’d have some secret life in another country. Maybe I’m actually a prince.”
“And your evil twin would show up at the worst possible moment, throwing everything into chaos. He’d steal my medical records and convince me he’s you. Meanwhile, you’re tied up in some warehouse,” I replied, adding to the story.
Kenyon grinned wider now, looking at me with that boyish grin I hadn’t seen in a while. “Man, we’d definitely rack up some ratings with that.”
We laughed, and things didn’t feel quite so heavy between us. It was nice, even if we were just escaping into a soap opera for a few minutes.
“John wants me dead, and I’m still alive. So what happens next?” I asked.
“That’s for me to worry about. Where is Shana?”
“I’m not telling you.”
“John sees you as a threat. What will stop him from deploying every resource to find her? You want to take your chances with that, or trust me?”
Both seemed like a gamble, but I prayed this was the Kenyon I grew to love talking to. He was trustworthy and reliable. Our trust was already hanging on by a thread, and I didn’t think it could take another hit and survive.