Tainted

31. Zara

31

Zara

A rriving at Sip & Scramble, you could hear the music blasting as we trekked across the parking lot. Every pair of eyes we passed seemed to be enthralled. Jewel ate up the attention while Brandy ignored it. W

We paused at the front to search the restaurant when Rajah put her mimosa down and sprang to her feet.

“Nice of y’all to finally join me! I got tired of waiting and started without y’all.” Rajah leaned in and hugged me.

“Girl, please. You were going to start either way,” I corrected her before introducing Jewel and Brandy.

My stomach was rumbling, so I picked up the menu while they discussed some girl Teagan’s tumultuous relationship with Daris. He worked security at Utopia, and she was currently on Facebook, airing out their dirty laundry.

“Iono friend, I went to school with Teagan. Cool girl, but she stayed in some shit,” Brandy confessed.

“Daris is not a saint. He used to run with the Black Vipers before Kross hired him to do security,” Jewel shared.

“And he’s been quiet as a church mouse since. The way Teagan is always dropping their son off at the club, she ain’t one to talk,” Rajah said.

I didn’t have much stake in the conversation. Daris reminded me a lot of Kross. Quiet and stoic, they only spoke when they had something to say.

Jewel flagged down the waiter and ordered mimosas for the table. I smiled awkwardly, avoiding eye contact, already plotting my excuse.

“Zara, you good? You’ve been quiet,” Rajah asked, eyeing me with a knowing look.

“Yeah, I’m good, just tired,” I smiled, trying to play it off.

“I don’t know why. All you’ve been doing is sleeping,” Brandy pointed out.

“You haven’t been doing much else either,” I retorted.

Rajah’s eyes lingered a little longer as if she could sense something was up. I hated how off I felt, but with so much uncertainty, I wasn’t ready to speak about it yet. Not my issues with Kenyon or the baby.

Brandy waved her hand, already mid-story about some ridiculous guy who tried to hit on her at the bar last night. “Girl, I swear! He had the nerve to tell me I looked ‘mature’ and thought that was a compliment. Like, do I look like somebody’s auntie to you?”

The waiter returned, setting the drinks down before everyone, and I braced myself. “I’ll just have water,” I blurted out before anyone could ask.

Jewel raised an eyebrow. “Water at brunch?”

“I don’t need a cocktail to have a good time with my girls.”

Jewel squinted at me suspiciously, but there wasn’t much time to press it, “Houston, we have a fuckin’ problem!” she yelled, forgetting we were in public.

“What?” I asked.

Instead of explaining, she slid her phone to Brandy, and all the color drained from her face as she stared at the screen.

“Well, don’t keep us in suspense. What the hell is going on?” Rajah asked.

My voice asking if she was okay broke Brandy’s trance. But she didn’t answer. Instead, she jumped up and fled to the bathroom.

“Now we know why that no good nigga didn’t want her to visit.” Jewel slid her phone across the table.

My heart ached for Brandy, reading Daniela’s Facebook post that sounded way too intimate considering Brandy was supposed to be his girl.

Hey everyone, I know it’s been a minute since I’ve posted, but I wanted to update you on my love, Otto. He’s still fighting every day, pushing through the struggles like the strong man he is. I can’t lie, it’s been tough, but if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s hold him down.

He’s got a long road ahead of him, but I’m standing right there by his side, making sure he knows he’s never alone in this fight. I promised him we’d get through this together, and I mean that with every part of me. Some days are harder than others, but seeing his strength keeps me going.

Thank you to everyone who’s reached out, checked on us, and sent prayers and love. We’re going to come out on top, just wait and see. ????

#StayStrongOtto #FightingTogether #LoveAndLoyalty

“Who’s going to tell her the last thing she needs to be doing is crying in the goddamn bathroom?” Rajah asked after leaning over my shoulder to read the post.

“Certainly not you,” I sighed, knowing it was on me.

Trudging to the bathroom, I wasn’t even sure I knew what to say. Rajah’s delivery might’ve been harsh, but she was right. It hurt right now, but this was the epitome of a blessing in disguise. Otto damn sure didn’t deserve the loyalty that Brandy gave him.

“Bran,” I muttered, tapping on the stall.

“I’m fine!”

“You will be, but it’s okay if you aren’t right now.”

“I just feel so stupid,” she sighed through the stall door because she hadn’t opened it yet.

“Hiding in the stall won’t make you feel less stupid. Come drown your sorrows in Tequila.”

Brandy snickered, and the door unlocked. Just as I suspected, her face was puffy and eyes bloodshot red from crying.

“Getting with Romello would be the ultimate get back.”

She sucked her teeth, “Stop trying to pimp me out.”

“I’m just trying to make you feel better. Romello might be the answer.”

“I really need a drink now.”

Brandy’s mood finally brightened after a few mimosas. Rajah’s lively personality had the table full of laughter in no time. The fruity, citrus smells had my stomach turning, but being with the girls was nice.

We all left Sip & Scramble happier and more relaxed than we came, so we made plans to do it again. Rajah looped her arm through mine as we said goodbye to Brandy and Jewel, who parked in the opposite direction.

“When do you work again?”

It was a simple question. One that we asked each other often but today was different. Maybe because the reality hit that I wasn’t going back. Neither Kross nor Kenyon had told me so, but it wasn’t hard to figure. There was no way Kenyon Keyes would go for it, which left me in limbo. Not financially, because I knew he’d take care of me. That was the one thing I was sure of. I just didn’t know where that left my future, which created a stream of tears.

“Wait a damn minute! What’s with the tears?”

My chin dropped, with a war of emotions raging inside me, but I felt safe with Rajah to admit, “I fucked up.”

“Fucked up, how?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Aww, my baby is having a baby!”

“I didn’t leave my family to come here, fall in love, and get pregnant. It just feels like it’s all for nothing right now. What else am I going to do besides become Kenyon Keyes’s baby mama,” I grimaced as the words left my mouth.

“Stop it!” Rajah pinched my arm, and I tried to pull away, but she continued, “Stop it right now.”

“Ow bitch! That hurt.”

“So does listening to this pity party! Your life doesn’t stop because you’re creating one. Sometimes, looking at your creation pushes you harder than you could ever push yourself. If you love dance, like you say, you’ll make it happen.”

“I’m terrified, Rajah.”

“What did Keyes say or you haven’t told him either?”

“He knows but hasn’t said much. Things are a mess right now, only making me crazier.”

“I highly doubt he’s second-guessing the baby. If his Babygirl gives him a Babygirl, please, you’d never have to do shit else in life. Trust me.”

“It’s not that.” Rajah was waiting for me to explain, but I couldn’t. Telling his business felt like a betrayal, but I didn’t have to.

“Having his baby means embracing everything that comes with him. That’s not the kind of life you want to bring a child into or build a family around."

I glanced up at her, and Rajah shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I know every nigga getting money in this city and how they’re doing it, even if it is our boss and his brother. Deep down, you knew it too. That’s why you’re so mad at yourself, but being mad won’t make you unpregnant.”

The truth cut too close. Somewhere between the late-night conversations and how Kenyon moved around specific topics, I knew there was more to him than he let on. I just didn’t want to acknowledge the possibility that I was falling for a man with secrets too big to ignore.

“Another reason I shouldn’t be anybody’s mother.”

“What did I say about the pity party!” She threatened, holding her fingers out as a warning. “Being a mother isn’t about being perfect. It’s doing the best you can and showing up. So if you want this baby, have it and show up. If you don't, we can stage a fall to cover up the abortion because there’s no way in hell you can keep your man if you don’t.”

Nothing Rajah said was funny, but I found humor in the lengths she would go to help me.

“Aww, you do love me!” My hands flew to my chest in a dramatic fashion that made Rajah stick her finger down her throat. Watching the motion made me want to throw up everything I consumed at brunch.

“Just don’t go telling everybody,” Rajah complained.

“Oh, I’m shouting it from the rooftop.”

“You’re like that annoying ass sister I never asked my mama for, but I like having you around to be a pain in my ass.” she finally cracked a smile and pulled me in for a much-needed hug, “So don’t fret my dear. Titi has your back and leave that damn baby with its daddy when all else fails.”

I hugged Rajah tightly, thankful for her honesty and eager to escape the weight of my thoughts. When I pulled up to Nana’s I smiled at her sitting on the porch enjoying the afternoon breeze.

“Brunch must have done you some good. You look happier,” she smiled as I sat down.

“Girl time is always good. How are you feeling today?”

“Any day I can sit on my porch is a good day.”

“I missed sitting out here with you.”

“Hopefully, I live long enough to sit out here with your baby.”

Thankfully, she couldn’t see my eyes widen, staring at the cars passing by.

“What are you talking about, woman?”

“Oh please. I know you and Kenyon are having sex. Those bowed legs tell me he’s good at it, too. The kind of good that makes you slip up and not use condoms.”

“Alright, I’m going inside now,” I groaned, pushing up from the porch swing, “Call me if you need anything.”

She chuckled, amused at her own wit, “You too.”

“Brandy got more bad news. She might need some extra love today.”

“Otto?” she asked, and I nodded. “It seems like all he brings is bad news.”

“And a new girlfriend.” Banana Girl shifted to me faster than I’d seen her move since I’d returned. “She made a long post on Facebook and tagged Otto so Brandy saw it.”

“She better let Egg Head’s new dummy deal with it and move on with her life.”

I laughed it off and made my way upstairs, determined to devise a plan for my future. Rajah was right. There was no point in wallowing in pity. The sun dipped low, casting a soft, orange hue across the sky, thinking about what I wanted. Dance was still at the center of it because I wasn’t ready to give up on that yet. I just hoped my body cooperated post-pregnancy.

Kenyon tapping on the door before pushing it open interrupted my thoughts. He didn’t say anything at first. Just leaned against the doorframe watching me. That had become a new habit he’d picked up since Kross called out my pregnancy.

“I didn’t run away. I’m still here in one piece,” I announced, breaking the silence.

“Good.

“Did you tell Banana Girl about the baby?”

“No, but I didn’t need to. She’s just waiting to hear it from you,” he replied.

I bit my lip, debating whether or not to say it. “Maybe something sweet will make me feel brave,” I admitted softly. “Like a candy apple.”

His brow raised, but a smile tugged at his lips. “A candy apple?”

I nodded, a slight grin slipping through my defenses. “From Luna’s.” The last part came out quieter, almost like a confession.

He studied me for a moment before nodding. “Aite. Let’s ride.”

Kenyon and I drove in comfortable silence as the city lights blurred past, heading for the boardwalk. By the time we arrived, the sky was dark, and the soft hum of the ocean filled the air. The salty breeze lifted my hair, and the sound of the waves calmed the nervous flutter I hadn’t been able to shake all day.

When we finally reached Luna’s Sweet Treats, I couldn’t help but smile at seeing the candy apples waiting for us. After we grabbed our order, I didn’t wait until we found a spot to settle. I had been thinking about Luna’s all day and finally had it in my grasp.

“How brave are you feeling now?”

I chewed, enjoying the sweet-salty combination. “I don’t know yet. I think I need a few more bites.”

“You’re scared to tell Banana Girl how nasty you’ve been?”

Kenyon thought I was laughing at his joke, but watching his stride made me think about Banana Girls’ comment earlier. I would never admit it to her, but she was right.

“Have you told your mom since you’re talking?”

“It’s no point if you’re not keeping it.” His blunt honesty replaced the calmness between us with eggshells. “We need to talk.”

“You’re initiating the talk? This should be good.”

“If you weren’t carrying the Golden Child, I’d trip you for being a smart ass right now.”

We found a quiet spot to sit near the edge of the boardwalk, where Kenyon leaned back, glancing at me with a slight smirk.

“What do we need to talk about, Kenyon Elijah?”

“I have a decision to make, and I can’t do that without knowing where your head is. So what are we doing?”

“What kind of decision?” I asked slowly.

“Javier wants to give us a promotion. I don’t know if I want it, but saying no doesn’t guarantee a normal life. I wouldn’t even know what that felt like. Especially with my brother still in it because I’d never leave him hanging. So I might as well get some money for my trouble instead of doing it for free. But I might have a kid to think about. You to think about, so I feel stuck and don’t like that feeling.”

“That’s because you want to control everything and everybody.”

“It’s not just that. When I think about the shit that makes me happy, it ain’t this.”

“What does make you happy?”

“Cars. You most days,” he smirked, causing my lips to form a thin line, “This baby, but I’m always gonna be Eric Keyes’ son.”

He flattened his palm against my stomach, and it was impossible not to return his smile. It seemed like the moment Kross uttered the magic word, this bump appeared overnight.

“That doesn’t have to be all that you are. You know that otherwise, you wouldn’t be looking at warehouse space.”

“You are nosey as fuck, you know that?”

“I actually wasn’t trying to be. You left your stuff in the living room, and Banana Girl asked me to get it up.”

“Yeah, okay. You sure you’re okay with that?”

I wanted to walk away, but if there was no out for Kenyon, there wasn’t one for me and this baby. Either way, I was stuck, and I’d rather be stuck with him than without.

“I want to be. It’s just that everything we had was built on lies,” I admitted.

“Then we rebuild it on the truth.”

His words made me warm all over.

“I guess you’re out of training now. You handled that like a real boyfriend.”

“C’mon. We need to get my baby some real food.”

“I’m not hungry,” I pouted.

“Hate to break it to you, Babygirl, it’s not just about you anymore.”

“You’re switching up on me already?” I asked.

“Never, but you have to feed my baby.”

I missed him more than I cared to admit. Our relationship had a lot of risks, but Kenyon’s love wasn’t one of them. Even with his faults, this baby was blessed to have him.

Kenyon let me enjoy my treat before we returned to the car to feed his baby. Every suggestion he tossed out made my skin crawl. I wanted a burger, but he refused, causing us to go back and forth until he changed the subject.

“So what will you be doing while I’m following my dreams?”

His question caught me off guard because I wasn’t expecting it.

“I don’t know. I had my audition with Sonya but never heard anything, so-.”

“When?”

“After our argument.”

Kenyon nodded, “Isn’t keeping secrets against the rules?”

“I wasn’t trying to. It happened when we weren’t speaking, and I never heard anything back,” I shrugged, not wanting to admit how bad it hurt.

“I always want to know what’s going on with you.”

Kenyon’s voice was low, but the sincerity behind his words made my cheeks heat up. He always made me feel like the center of his universe, even when I didn’t deserve it.

“I’m proud of you,” he added, his thumb brushing over the back of my hand. “Even if I wasn’t there for it. I know you killed it.”

His effortless charm made my heart race with just a few words. I looked away, hoping the dim light outside would hide just how red my face was. But I knew he could see it. He always could, and then Sydney’s call paused the background music in the car.

Kenyon sighed, clearly torn, but he answered. "What?"

I tried not to listen, but picking up the urgency in her voice wasn't hard. This was different, though, and Keyes disconnected the call from the car.

“What happened?” His voice dropped an octave, that serious tone he only used when something was wrong. The kind that made me uneasy even though I wasn’t part of the conversation.

"Don’t move until I get there," he said, hanging up and dropping the phone in his lap.

I stared at him, trying to keep my expression neutral, but I didn’t know how to feel. Not out of jealousy but because he put himself more at risk than he already was, rushing to save her from whatever.

But I couldn’t say anything. Not when he looked the way he did, driving his car like he was in a midnight race. His fingers moved a mile a minute, texting while trying to focus on the road. Before I could complain, he dropped the phone again, and food seemed like an afterthought.

I expected him to take me back to Banana Girls before the meeting, but he didn’t, so he rushed us both inside his house.

“Shaudi is on his way with your food,” he explained, stripping out his clothes as I sat on the bed.

“Thanks,” I replied, but confusion and stress affected my appetite.

Moments later, Kenyon walked out wearing black sweatpants and a hoodie hanging over his shoulder.

“That forehead is shining. Talk to me.”

“Are you going to answer me?” I asked.

“As much as I can. Honesty, remember.”

His smile usually calmed me, but tonight it didn’t.

“Where are you going?”

“Sydney’s parents’ house.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Do you think that’s smart with everything going on?”

“It’s only one way to find out.”

“That’s not funny, Kenyon. Where does that leave me and this baby?”

“Taken care of. " Angered by his transparency, I hugged my knees. “You wanted honesty.”

“Since we’re on the road to honesty,” I paused, shifting toward him, “Did you kill Tasha and Makori?”

“I’ve done horrible shit I’ll probably go to hell for, but killing Tasha and her kid isn’t one of them. She’s somewhere I can’t tell you or anybody else.”

“How? I saw the crime scene photos.”

“I’ve told you as much as I can.”

He had no reason to lie at this point, and while I appreciated him putting effort behind his words, it was a lot to take in.

Kenyon kissed my forehead, “C’mon, you need to eat,” then grabbed my hand and walked me downstairs, where Nolan and Shaudi sat waiting.

They greeted each other with head nods while Kenyon walked into the kitchen. He pulled the food out of the bag, and my heart smiled when I saw the burger until he slid the salad across the counter.

“You might be this baby’s daddy, but you’re not mine.”

“That’s debatable, but I don’t have time right now. You want me to walk out of here worried about whether you ate?”

I rolled my eyes, snatching the salad container while he smirked.

“I’ll be back. If you need anything, Shaudi’s got you.”

“Why am I always on babysitting duty?” he questioned.

“Trust me, I don’t need a babysitter,” I sneered, not really frustrated with Shaudi but more with Kenyon running into danger.

“Because you get too goddamn trigger-happy, that’s why,” Nolan chuckled.

“It’s not fair to ask, but be a good girl for me. I’ll make it up to you.”

“You better make it home in one piece,” I warned.

“And leave you to feed my baby bullshit. Not a chance.”

He was trying to erase my fears, but no amount of banter would.

“Aye, Keith Sweat. Cut out all the begging so we can get back,” Nolan complained, tossing his trash and heading for the door.

“You better bring him home,” I threatened.

“Yes, ma’am.” Nolan nodded, and they went out the door.