Olivia
She had insisted she was fine the second she came to, lying prostrate on the floor of the executive boardroom.
Over and over, she parroted the phrase, desperate for everyone to get back to the meeting in hand and let her do her job.
But no, apparently she had to be escorted downstairs and carted off in an ambulance in front of the entire office. The mortification was too much to bear.
had other emergencies – real
emergencies – to deal with. The thought made her heart drop dangerously low in her chest.
‘But surely you need to be back at work? You can’t take the whole afternoon off for me.’
‘Keep those excuses coming. I’ve got all the time in the world to hear them’ – Kate leant against the wall, tapping her foot for dramatic effect – ‘but I’d much rather listen to them over a nice cup of tea and some Hobnobs, wouldn’t you?’
Olivia bit down on the inside of her cheek. She knew there was no way out – Kate was the most stubborn human being she’d ever met – but still … the thought of letting her inside made Olivia feel sick.
‘Come on
.’ Kate fixed her with a fierce don’t-fuck-with-me look. ‘I don’t want to have to rugby tackle you for the keys. You’re in a fragile enough state as it is.’
‘Fine!
’ Olivia stuffed her key in the lock. ‘But I’m warning you, it’s kind of a mess in here.’
‘Whatever. We both know that your version of mess is my best attempt at being clean.’
Olivia held her breath as she felt the lock click. Her head was pounding as the blood rushed through her body. This was a mistake.
She pushed on the door and let it drift open.
A gigantic mistake.
‘Holy shit, what the hell
happened!’ Kate’s permanently enthusiastic face dropped as she stepped across the threshold.
Mugs of half-drunk tea and coffee were lined up like toy soldiers on every available surface.
Dirty dishes were piled high in the sink, the remnants of meals glued in rings around the edges, as stubborn and persistent as the anxiety that now lived permanently in Olivia’s chest. Items of clothing were flung carelessly on the floor alongside empty packets of
cereal bars and biscuits, the crumbs leaving speckled imprints in the carpet.
‘Olivia, what is
going on?’
‘Nothing … I just …’
She stared around, as if only seeing it properly for the first time.
‘Work got so busy and … I guess …’ The emotion was building inside her, pressing against her skin, aching to burst free. ‘I suppose I’ve let things get a bit on top of me, that’s all.’
‘A bit
on top of you? Jesus, it looks like someone’s been here and trashed the place.’
‘OK, well if it’s that bad you can leave, can’t you?’ Olivia lashed out, throwing her keys down on the table. ‘I don’t need your judgement on top of everyone else’s today, OK?’
Olivia felt shame crawl across her skin.
The memories of the day felt like a million sharp insects scuttling over her body.
The look on Phil’s face as he helped her into the ambulance.
The doctor’s concern when she burst into tears before he’d even asked what had happened.
The note he wrote her, recommending she take three months off for her health.
The realization that her world had officially come crashing down.
‘Hey.’ Kate slung her arm around Olivia’s shoulder and guided her towards the sofa. ‘There is no judgement here, I can promise you that. Only love and concern, and a little surprise.’ She squeezed her closer. ‘And it doesn’t matter about anyone else; everyone else sucks.’
‘Except it does matter. It’s my job, Kate. It’s my life
.’ Her voice broke and the tears stung her eyes.
‘And you will be back there before you know it.’ Kate sat down and pulled Olivia with her. ‘I know it feels like a big
deal right now, and you’re angry and upset and feeling all the things … but I think, in the long term, it’s for the best.’
‘For the best
?’ Olivia cried. ‘What’s for the best is that I get back to work and start making amends for what happened, not sit here wallowing in my feelings and taking time off.’
‘Olivia, you passed out because you’re overworked, stressed and totally burnt out.
Your little sister passed away less than two months ago, and you didn’t even stop to take a breath.
You’ve been nonstop your entire life, taking care of everybody except yourself, and quite frankly you look like shit and need a break. ’
‘Wow, and now I feel much better, thank you.’
‘What can I say? Good friends are always there for each other, but …’
Kate smirked, waiting for Olivia to finish the sentence. Their silly childhood saying that had become their mantra in life.
‘Come on … you can’t leave me hanging.’
Reluctantly, and through gritted teeth, Olivia obliged. ‘Only the best ones tell the truth.’
‘Exactly!’ Kate stood up abruptly. ‘Now, here’s what’s going to happen.
You, my friend, are going to go and have a nice long shower, because God knows you need to do something about this situation.
’ She gestured up and down the length of her.
‘And then you’re going to get into bed and sleep, whilst I sort the rest of this place out and get us some decent food. OK?’
Olivia went to protest – the thought of someone else tidying up her mess was unbearable – but Kate had already begun to frogmarch her towards the bathroom.
‘And no arguing with me, Miss Jackson. For one day only, I’m in charge, all right?’
Through the depths of her exhaustion, and the thick
blanket of despair that had wrapped itself around her heart, Olivia felt a surge of affection for her friend.
‘OK, but just for today, all right?’
*
Five hours later, Olivia emerged from her bedroom. The enormity of her pain still sat heavy on her shoulders, but the fog had cleared a little from her mind, and her body felt at least somewhat refreshed after the shower and sleep.
‘Aha, perfect timing! I was about to come and wake you up.’ Kate spun around, her mass of red hair piled on top of her head. ‘I made dinner.’
The intoxicating smell of tomato, garlic and onion greeted Olivia like an old friend, and she could see big bowls piled high with pasta and cheese.
‘This place …’ She stared around at her now immaculate living room. ‘It looks amazing.’
‘No.’ Kate strode towards her, bowls in hand. ‘It looks like your flat normally does when you’re not in the middle of an emotional breakdown. Now, sit and eat this, please.’
‘OK, who made you my mum all of a sudden?’
‘What can I say? Sometimes, even you
need to be looked after.’
Olivia didn’t argue, but only because her stomach was physically aching with hunger. She took the food and nestled down into the crumb-free, perfectly plumped sofa.
‘Thank you for this.’ She gestured around the room. ‘All of this.’
‘You’re welcome. Do you feel a bit better?’
‘Yeah, I can’t believe how deeply I slept.’
‘Your body must have needed it. Another reason why this break will be good for you.’
‘About that …’ Olivia shook her head. ‘I’ve decided I’m going to contest it. Speak to Phil, explain how much better I feel even after one day of rest, and that maybe I could come back in a week or two.’
‘You can try, my friend’ – Kate wiped a fleck of tomato sauce from her chin – ‘but a doctor’s note is hard to go against, especially given how on edge big companies are these days about health and well-being. Trust me, I’ve worked in HR. Many times.’
Olivia felt her last tiny shred of hope crumple into nothing. ‘But how the hell am I going to fill three months of time without work?’
‘Maybe you could join an evening class. There are loads of things online now. Or you could sign up to do one of those ultramarathon things. I would offer to do it with you, but we both know that won’t happen. I don’t think I could manage a thirty-minute walk in my current state.’
Olivia felt her body tighten.
‘How about a trip?’ Kate went on. ‘Ooh, maybe we could do a weekend away? Go to Paris? I’ve never been, which blows my mind because it’s so close. I could look at flights tonight, or even the Eurostar – that’s probably better for us, isn’t it?’
‘Stop!’ Olivia shouted, dropping her fork into her bowl and spattering tomato sauce all over her lap. ‘I’m sorry, I just … I can’t process it all right now.’
If Kate was offended by Olivia’s reaction she hid it well, shoving another forkful of food into her mouth and nodding in agreement. ‘Of course, I’m sorry.’
The pair sat and ate the rest of their food in silence. Olivia knew the peace and quiet would be short-lived and, as suspected, the second the final mouthful was eaten, Kate piped up again.
‘Do you think you should tell your mum and dad what’s happened? I’m happy to call them if you’re too tired.’
‘No.’ Her voice was firm and flat. ‘They have enough going on as it is.’
‘Doesn’t mean they won’t want to hear about your stuff too.’
‘Really?’ Olivia could taste the resentment building on her tongue, a sour sting against the rich tomato and basil. ‘Since when have they cared about anything other than Leah from the minute she was born?’
‘Hey, you know that’s not true.’
And she did know, but the depths of her self-pity seemed to be clouding her judgement and sending all rational thought straight out of the window.
‘Although, speaking of Leah …’ The caution in Kate’s voice made Olivia’s ears instantly prick up.
‘Earlier, when I was tidying up, I found this.’ Kate reached into her pocket and pulled out the unopened envelope, placing it between them.
‘The writing on the front looks a lot like … well, I thought it was from …’
‘It is.’
Kate’s mouth fell wide open.
‘Really? This is from Leah?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘But then why haven’t you opened it yet?’
Olivia didn’t even have the energy for a response, offering a measly shrug as a best attempt.
‘How long have you had it?’
‘Since the morning of her funeral. She left one for each of us. I came downstairs and there they were. Four of them, all lined up on the mantelpiece.’