Chapter Fourteen
D ani had a problem, and it had started last night.
She d known exactly what she and Zaf were doing-right up until the moment he d called her perfect.
It shouldn t have mattered. It didn t matter.
She was willing to bet that a large percentage of the nation would call her perfect when she was in the middle of providing them with an excellent orgasm, and really, who would blame them?
The trouble was that, for a moment-high on sex chemicals and dopamine and whatnot-she d believed Zaf. And she d liked it.
After coming to her senses and throwing him out, she d lit a candle for Oshun and spent a short while meditating.
Dani had meant to focus on setting positive intentions-you know, as in: I intend to enjoy my new friend with benefits until his tongue falls off.
But Zaf s voice kept sneaking its way into her head, shattering her concentration with sweet, nonsensical rubbish.
There s nothing immoral about the way I want you.
Why do I want to kiss you so badly right now?
She went to bed in a foul mood.
By lunchtime the next day, her temper had fermented into violent urges.
When they met for their usual fake lunch date, and Zaf greeted her with a smile that turned her muscles to jelly, Dani fantasized briefly but passionately about throwing a chair at him.
When he bought her a Coke and made her laugh, she seriously considered pushing him into a fast-moving river.
The knowledge that these feelings were unreasonable did little to make them stop.
Fluff says our hashtag engagement is declining steadily, Zaf whispered between mouthfuls of his baked potato. The food court was quiet today, so they were risking strategic updates.
Dani looked up sharply, jolted from a daydream about biting his arse. Really? Declining?
Steadily, he repeated. But I think that s normal, after a week. Then he frowned. Actually, I don t know what the hell I m talking about, so I could be wrong. Do you think it s normal?
I-I don t know, she stammered. Social media moved quickly, that was just the way of things. So why did she feel a flare of panic, a sudden determination to stretch this viral moment out a little longer?
Probably because they d agreed to stop having sex when they ended their fake relationship-so if they ended things early , Dani would be unfairly deprived of dick. Yes, that must be it. Zaf was so good in bed, she d feel cheated if she missed out on her allotted three weeks.
But he clearly didn t feel the same, because lunch was almost over, and he had yet to suggest a repeat of last night.
Usually, Dani would bring it up herself-she had needs, after all, which was the whole point of this bloody arrangement.
But various sex chemicals had made her slow to boot him out yesterday, and he d latched on to that fact with disturbing enthusiasm.
If she came on too strong now, he might get the wrong idea again, and then she d have to horribly disappoint him.
We re still benefiting from the popularity, he was saying, oblivious to her inner (sexual, purely sexual) turmoil. Donations are increasing daily.
That s great, Dani murmured, and meant it.
She smiled when he told her about the connections he was making with local schools.
She nodded when he described the funding budgets he d applied for from bigger trusts.
She absolutely did not fantasize about shoving their food off the table, climbing across it, and kissing him senseless, because that would be ridiculous.
Public kisses could not lead to orgasms, and she was in this thing for the orgasms.
Unfortunately, lunch ended without Zaf offering another one.
By the time Dani returned home on Wednesday evening, she d decided Zaf s lack of interest in sexual shenanigans was actually a good thing.
Her schedule was far too busy to accommodate daily boinking, anyway.
The symposium was less than three weeks away.
She had seventeen days left to prepare for a panel discussion with the one and only Inez Holly, so a calm, quiet, Zaf-less night sounded absolutely ideal. Definitely conducive to research.
Unfortunately, for some reason, Dani found she couldn t get much done.
While she sat at her desk and stared blankly at the Wall of Doom, the sunlight through her window grew richer and sank lower, throwing long shadows across the room.
At some point, she got up, rummaged through the freezer, and threw some vegetarian nuggets in the oven.
Ate them. Sat down again and continued to be useless.
Briefly considered dunking herself in a saltwater bath to exorcise whatever demon of mediocrity had occupied her body.
And then, just as the sun s last rays died, Zaf called.
Hey. His voice was low and rich and comforting, whiskey and maple syrup.
Hi, she said, pushing her necklaces aside and rubbing her chest. There was an odd sensation beneath her breastbone that might be heartburn.
Is everything all right? He didn t usually call her.
She called him , during her five-minute rest breaks, because he knew better than to possibly interrupt her work.
Yeah, he said. Everything s fine. Except for the fact that you were kind of weird today.
Dani swallowed and twitched one of the pencils on her desk. No, I wasn t.
Yes, you were. Is it because you had a great time last night and you want to lock me up in a sex dungeon forever, but you re scared I might get the wrong idea?
She stared at the phone for a second before putting it back to her ear. Did you . . . did you just read my mind?
When Zaf spoke, she heard the hint of surprise he was trying to hide, knew her response had been unexpected. Nah. That s just the reaction I m used to after sex.
She snorted. Sure. And when was the last time you had sex, Mr. Happily Ever After?
Last night, he said.
Smooth.
Shut up. Danika . . . His words became slower, more serious.
Just so you know, I ve been thinking that maybe-maybe I should let you take the lead, when it comes to our friends-with-benefits situation.
You know, he added, since you re the one with the rules.
And since you re already doing a lot for me, with the fake dating, and everything.
Seemed like I shouldn t ask for too much.
So. That s why I didn t mention it today.
Yet again, it was as if he d read her mind. Actually, it was as if he d kicked down her mental front door and riffled through her metaphorical knicker drawer, which was, among other things, extremely rude and profoundly uncomfortable.
And you re telling me this why? she demanded.
No reason, he said mildly.
I should hope not. I m very busy, you know. It s not like I spent all day wondering about-about what you were thinking, or some such rubbish. And I certainly don t sit around fantasizing about your dick all the time.
Sure you don t, trouble. Just like you definitely didn t spend lunch staring at my mouth and drooling into your baked potato.
Zaf Ansari, you are the cockiest little shit I ve ever-
Ah, don t feel bad, Dan. I spent the whole day fantasizing about you, too.
Dani wheezed a little, then pulled herself together through sheer force of will. Her heart pounded like a drum, fairies fluttered their way through her stomach, but her voice remained steady. Of course you did. I m very memorable.
And very pretty when you come. Can t get it off my mind. But his voice was so low and rough and raw, she almost heard something different.
Can t get you off my mind.
God, did he have to be so fucking- open about it? Did he have to want her so obviously ? Did he have to make her feel so safe and so golden and so out of control?
Well, Dani said faintly. Well. If that s the case, you re probably struggling to concentrate.
I am, he sighed. I really fucking am.
Maybe . . . maybe you d better get over here, then. Please get over here. Now. Before I expire.
Yeah, he said. Maybe I should.
Their phone calls dwindled after that, because Dani developed a new routine: she d finish her research at 9 P.M. , and then Zaf would come over.
She d fuck him into exhaustion, catch her breath, maybe kiss him a little while she made herself come again-which wasn t the same as cuddling.
Cuddling didn t count if you masturbated while you did it, not even if the person in your arms whispered things like Go on, sweetheart.
I ve got you. Fuck, I love how you love to come.
Once all that was . . . dealt with, she d send Zaf home, and he d call her when he got back safely. It was a cursory phone call, of course, a security measure-but sometimes they started chatting, and she occasionally fell asleep listening to the deep, familiar rhythm of his voice.
On nights like those, she d wake up the next morning to the sound of his alarm through the phone.
Would hear him mumble sleepily, Shit, before cutting off an hours-long call neither of them had been conscious for.
The only reason Dani allowed this particular habit to continue was-well.
If she heard him waking up, at least she knew he d managed to fall asleep.
All of this meant skipping her late-night study sessions, but within a few days, she was waking up earlier and more energetic in the mornings, so she supposed it all balanced out.
Perhaps that was why her research for the panel had started going swimmingly, and why her nerves had faded, just a touch.
Excellent sex had always worked wonders for Dani s stress levels.
Sorcha said as much on Tuesday afternoon, when she found Dani in the library and announced, As your best friend, I think it s high time I was introduced to your wonderful boyfriend.
Dani marked the page of her book and stared. I beg your pardon?
I m tired of tracking your adorable dates through the Dr. Rugbae hashtag, so I thought I d join you for lunch today.