Chapter Four ~ Nathan #2
My mouth opens and closes, but nothing comes out. I don’t have an answer. Liam is right, and that irritates the shit out of me.
“Just something to think about. I’ll see you later.
” He gets the door open this time before turning back.
“Hey, you know I love you, right?” He pauses, probably because I look taken aback, but then he barrels on.
“Murph said it to both of us all the time, without any hesitation or embarrassment. And it made me realize I should do the same.”
“Being in love with an incredible woman and hearing it from her a million times a day probably doesn’t hurt either, right?” I ask.
He gets that dopey, lovesick expression that’s become a regular fixture since he met Josslyn Hazelwood four months ago. “You’re not wrong.”
I laugh under my breath. “And yeah, I know you love me. I love you too. Now get out of here.”
“Off with ye!” he says in a perfect imitation of Murph’s Irish accent.
When he’s gone, I start for the kitchen before remembering that’s where half the neighbourhood is convening.
I can picture Mae sitting at the kitchen table while people bustle around her, finding room in the fridge and freezer for the new food that has arrived since I organized everything a few hours ago.
If I had the guts, I’d stride in and tell everyone to clear out, and then I’d make Mae yet another cup of tea, get her to eat something, and then encourage her to nap or at least lie down for a while.
Frozen in indecision, I barely hear the front door open behind me.
I assume Liam has returned, since most of the neighbours wouldn’t come in without knocking or ringing the bell first. A soft gasp has me whipping around to see Fiona standing in the doorway.
My heart twists painfully at how beautiful she looks with the late afternoon sun illuminating her like a spotlight and bringing out the lighter red highlights in her hair.
“Sorry,” she says. I think the thing she’s doing with her face is an attempt at a smile, although it’s more like a grimace.
“No need to be sorry. It’s your house.”
She could let the door fall shut behind her, but instead, she takes her time closing it, giving me the impression she’s hiding her reaction to my unintentionally gruff words.
After taking far longer than necessary to make sure the door is shut, she removes her shoes and lines them up neatly with the others piling up near the closet.
She straightens and finally meets my eyes again. “I was going to try to sneak past you while your back was turned, but then I realized how cowardly that would be.”
The guilt I felt earlier makes its presence known again, burning through me.
I can’t blame her for not wanting to face me.
God knows I don’t make it easy. “If it’s any consolation, I was having my own cowardly moment before you came in.
” At her surprised expression, I wave a hand over my shoulder.
“Mae’s in the kitchen with a bunch of the neighbours.
I was wishing I could work up the courage to tell them all to go home so Mae could get some rest. She hasn’t been eating or sleeping. ”
“That’s what I was afraid of.” Her voice is almost inaudible, and her eyes are cloudy.
She touches her throat, wincing slightly before letting out a little cough.
“I’ll take care of it. I’m sure they’ll all make excuses to leave the second I walk in, but if they don’t, I’ll tell them I need some time alone with my mum.
I’ll try to get her to eat and sleep. Maybe if I offer to lie down with her… ”
She trails off, the hint of uncertainty fading from her expression as she stands up straighter and shakes out her clenched fists. This is the Fiona I’ve known my whole life: confident, take charge, and yet soft and caring. She’s exactly what Mae needs right now.
“Sounds good. Will you let Mae know I’m heading home, and tell her to call if she needs anything?
” Without waiting for a response, I stride past her to the door.
She murmurs a whisper-soft thank-you as I pass, and I give a jerky nod.
I’m halfway down the porch steps before I remember I left my boots inside.
I groan and stare at the bright red door.
A wave of exhaustion washes over me. Instead of going back inside to grab my boots like I should, I collapse onto the porch swing.
I could go around back and see if Rex is still in the treehouse.
The temptation to hide out with him is strong, but there’s no hiding from reality or the pain that comes with it.
I close my eyes and let my head fall against the high back of the swing.
Despite trying to clear my mind, my thoughts refuse to be silenced.
I’ve lived with so much inner turmoil for so long—an absent father, Fiona leaving and breaking my heart, my mom dying, and then Murph getting sick and dying—it’s possible some of my anger toward Fiona is misplaced.
She’s a safe place to direct it because she’s hardly ever around.
And she won’t stick around long now, which means she’ll be gone soon enough, and it’ll be easier.
It’s always easier not having to be near her.
To hear her voice or see her eyes—brown like Mae’s, but holding the same sparkle of curiosity and mischief as Murph’s.
To want to touch her and then hating myself for wanting to touch her. Hating myself more for hating her.
Wanting her gone is selfish, though. Having her here might be hard for me, but it’ll be good for Mae. Fiona’s not the staying sort, though. She’s not meant for Honeywell. Or for me. I accepted that a long time ago, despite what some people think.
My eyes pop open as the sound of voices moves toward the front door.
It’s too late to grab my boots now without getting caught up talking to people.
Socializing isn’t my favourite thing on a good day, and today is far from a good day.
I consider simply walking home in my sock feet or giving in to the temptation to head to the treehouse when I spot my boots sitting outside the door.
Without giving too much thought to the person who likely put them there while my eyes were closed, I cram my feet into my boots and head home.