Chapter Fourteen ~ Fiona #3
I listen in silent amusement as the three of them negotiate a guest list and menu to suggest to Mum.
Their banter and familiarity with each other tell me they spend a lot of time together.
Despite my best efforts, I find my gaze landing on Nathan more than the other two, whether he’s the one speaking or not.
He’s finished his cake and coffee now, and he’s sitting back in his chair with his long legs stretched under the table, and his hands folded on his stomach.
I like seeing this relaxed side of him. It’s how I remember him from when we were younger, although it’s a side of him I haven’t witnessed in the last few years during my visits to Honeywell.
Nathan has always been serious, but he has a playful side and a wicked sense of humour too.
I’d wondered if that lightness had disappeared, but I see now it’s still there. I’m the one who disappeared.
I realize I’ve zoned out when Aneesha and Thea begin collecting all of our dirty dishes onto the tray that held Nathan’s coffee and cake.
“We’ll see you at Nathan’s party, if not sooner?” Aneesha says to me.
“Definitely. Let me know if I can do anything to help with planning.”
She promises she will, and then the two of them say their goodbyes to Nathan and me. Thea heads for the front door, waving at Mum and blowing her a kiss as she passes, while Aneesha ducks into the back with the tray of dishes.
Nathan glances at his watch, and I check the time on my phone. It’s late morning; there’s a lull in customers, which will change soon when the lunch rush begins. “You heading out too?” I ask.
“I have a few minutes.” He’s still reclined in that same casual pose. Seeing him at ease should put me at ease, but after years of experiencing his animosity toward me, this easygoing version of Nathan is throwing me off.
“When did you and Aneesha become friends?” I ask.
“Oh, umm…five years ago maybe?” The way he scratches the back of his neck and avoids my eyes tells me there’s something he’s not saying.
“Did you two date?” I ask. Hell, for all I know, they’re dating now. I don’t allow myself to examine why that thought causes a pit in my stomach.
Nathan shifts so his legs are tucked under his chair and his elbows rest on the table. “Not exactly,” he says quietly, still avoiding my gaze. “It feels strange to talk about it with you, though.”
Between the ‘not exactly’ and the ‘with you’, I’m guessing this is somehow related to sex.
Do I want to hear about Nathan’s sex life?
Not particularly. But I want him to talk to me.
I want to get back to a place where we share things.
While I’m aware our relationship will never be the same as it used to be, I do believe we can build something new and solid.
“You can,” I assure him. “If you want to. We’re friends now, right?”
One side of his mouth quirks. “Yeah. Friends.” He sighs and meets my eyes.
“Okay. I know this will stay between us.” It’s a statement rather than a question; he knows he doesn’t have to ask.
That small act of trust makes me feel light and bubbly inside, even though I suspect I’m not going to love what he’s about to tell me.
He shifts his chair nearer to mine. He’s so close now, I can smell his cedarwood and peppermint scent, paired with apple and coffee. It’s an oddly tantalizing combination.
“Aneesha and I had a…friends-with-benefits thing for a while,” he says.
“We kept bumping into each other, and eventually had coffee together. We commiserated about the minuscule dating pool in town, and how hard it was to date here when you’ve known just about everyone your whole life.
After a few more coffee meet-ups, we agreed we had chemistry, but neither of us was interested in anything other than a bit of fun.
It only lasted a few months, and it was a mutual decision to end things before they got potentially messy. ”
“Messy as in feelings getting involved?” I ask.
“Mainly, yeah. She always made it clear that her daughter was her top priority, and I respected that. Especially…” He motions to where Thea was sitting earlier, and I understand what he’s implying: Thea and Liam’s mom was a single mother too, and never made them a priority.
“We decided it was smarter and safer to stick with being friends.”
I make a quiet hum of acknowledgement.
“Does that make you see me differently?” he asks.
“What? No, of course not.”
And yet, in a weird way, it does. It somehow makes Nathan more…
human? It also makes me realize how much Nathan has changed over the years.
It’s nearly impossible for me to imagine him having casual sex.
Mum always said Nathan and Liam were made for loving.
They’re the kind of men who want to build something with a partner and create a family, whatever that might look like.
“You sure?” he asks when I fall silent without meaning to. He’s smiling slightly, but there’s a hint of uncertainty in his eyes.
“Positive,” I say firmly. “I’m just realizing how much you’ve changed over the years, and how much I’ve missed.
I thought I had changed, but you proved I’m still the same rainbow-loving, pizza-crust-first girl I always was.
” He laughs under his breath, and the soft sound eases some of the tightness in my chest. “But there are all these big things I missed or had no clue about, like you learning to play piano or your trip to Ireland. Or the depths of your relationship with my parents.”
He nods, dropping his gaze to his hands, which are folded on the table.
“None of that is bad and I’m not placing any blame,” I say quickly. “You and I didn’t keep in touch, and my parents avoided talking about you because of our history. I often asked how you were doing, but they kept it surface level, so I only ever knew basic things.”
“I get it,” he says. “We were so young when we were together. We’ve both lived a lot of life between then and now. For what it’s worth, I’m basically still the same person.”
I stare into his familiar blue-grey eyes. I used to think nobody saw me in quite the same way Nathan did. Sitting here now, I realize that’s still true. “You are, and you aren’t.”
“Same goes for you. I guess that’s the whole point of this friendship thing, though, huh? Getting to know each other as we are now.” Before I can respond, his phone chimes in his pocket. “Duty calls,” he says without looking at it.
We rise from the table at the same time.
The café has gotten busier in the last twenty minutes or so, and a trio of teens swoop in, hovering nearby until we move out of the way.
Mum is no longer behind the counter, but I decide not to seek her out since I’ll see her later.
Nathan places a hand on the small of my back as we weave through the crowd toward the door.
“Need a ride somewhere?” he asks as we step outside.
“Thanks, but I’ll walk. I’m stiff from sitting for so long.”
We stand and stare at each other for several long moments. I’m not sure which one of us cracks first, but suddenly we’re both laughing at our awkwardness.
“Okay,” he says. “Going now.” He turns toward where his truck is parked, but stops before he takes a step. “Maybe we could go for a drive or something some night?”
His words stir up memories of us as teens.
Before we got together, an invitation like that would have sent my heart racing with excitement.
Even after we got together, there was always an element of anticipation at the thought of being alone with Nathan.
With all the recent realizations of things that have both changed and stayed the same, I’m not sure how I feel about the butterflies currently taking flight in my stomach.
“Yeah,” I say. “I’ll bring the Hawkins Cheezies?”
“Only if you want to eat them with your head hanging out the window so you don’t cover my truck in orange dust,” he says with a grin that makes my stomach flip. Without waiting for a response, he waves and heads for his truck.