Chapter Twenty-Six ~ Fiona #2
When I set off on my first solo adventure all those years ago, I quickly realized I wasn’t taking everything in.
Even when I was enjoying myself, my thoughts were often on the next thing: the next city, the next famous landmark I wanted to see, along with the lesser-known places I learned about along the way.
At times, it felt like a checklist, and that wasn’t the sort of traveller I wanted to be.
With that newfound awareness, I trained myself to live in the moment. Plans obviously needed to be made, and it was fine to look forward and get excited, but the most important thing was to enjoy what was happening in the present.
I remind myself of that numerous times as the next few hours seem to move in slow motion.
When we crowd around the table to enjoy the feast Mum prepared in honour of my homecoming, I remind myself to soak in my loved ones’ voices and the sound of their laughter.
When we move into the living room after dinner, I tell myself to savour the warm, safe feeling of being surrounded by people who know me, accept me, and love me unconditionally.
Even with those reminders, I have to fight the urge to jump up, grab Nathan’s hand, and drag him away to someplace quiet.
I eye him across the living room. I’ve done a good job at hiding my impatience all evening, but I’m getting antsy.
If the way Nathan keeps shifting in his chair and glancing at his watch is any indication, he’s eager for this night to be over too.
We lock eyes, and he goes completely still. I can’t read his expression.
The sound of Liam clearing his throat startles me. He gives me what can only be described as a smirk as he looks pointedly between Nathan and me. Busted. The smirk eases into a gentle smile as he makes a show of peering at his watch and slapping his knees to draw everyone’s attention.
“I hate for this evening to end, but maybe we should let Fiona get some rest, eh?” he says, rising from the couch. “It’s been a long day, and she’s still on UK time.”
When we’re all gathered around the front door a few minutes later, I give Liam an extra-tight hug. “Love you,” I whisper.
“Love you too. Glad to have you back.” He kisses my cheek and then turns to wrap his arm around Joss, who waves over her shoulder as Liam ushers her out the door.
When Nathan is the only one left, Mum makes some excuse about checking in with Aneesha, even though we all know Aneesha will be in bed by now since she has to get up early to start baking at the café.
As I watch her hurry up the stairs, catching the small smile she flashes in my direction, I’m filled with warmth.
I just hope that feeling remains once Nathan and I have our talk.
“Want to take a walk out back?” I ask.
At Nathan’s nod, we don our shoes, and head to the backyard.
Without a word, we bypass the treehouse and continue down to the creek.
I stuff my hands in my pockets so I won’t be tempted to reach for Nathan’s hand.
He’s been friendly all evening, but he hasn’t revealed even a hint at how this conversation will go.
After the way we left things three weeks ago, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.
That’s not going to stop me from laying my heart at his feet one more time, though.
The minute we reach the bridge, Nathan turns to face me. “I need to tell you something, Fiona.”
“I want to hear what you have to say, but can I go first?” I ask, my voice shaking slightly. “I’ve been planning this speech for the last week, and I need to get it out.”
One side of his mouth curves up, and he nods.
I suck in a deep breath and let it out in a rush.
“I’ve missed you, Nathan. I’ve missed you so much.
And I don’t just mean these last few weeks, I mean all the years we’ve been apart, even when I wouldn’t allow myself to admit it.
Watching you walk away that night in the treehouse was one of the most painful moments of my life.
I felt like I was losing you, along with a piece of myself.
“I spent a lot of time thinking about you, and us, and the future while I was away. So much has changed over the years, and especially in the last two months, but one thing that hasn’t changed is that I love you.”
The words tumble from my mouth so fast, I can barely catch my breath. I don’t expect Nathan to tell me he loves me too, but I see it painted across his face. There’s an openness that wasn’t there before. His gaze is soft and searching. Hopeful.
“I’m planning to stay in Honeywell for a while,” I tell him.
“I still want us to figure out how to build a life together that works for both of us. I don’t know what that will look like, but I do know I don’t want to live without you anymore.
I know you’re a planner and you probably hate the idea of leaving our future up in the air, but I have faith we can figure it out.
I just need you to take a leap with me, Nathan. ”
His head cocks to the side, a strange expression passing across his features. “Murph encouraged me to do the same thing: take a leap.”
“Dad did? What? When?”
He hesitates, the skin around his eyes tightening as if he knows what he’s about to say will hurt me. “He sent me another letter. It came in the mail from his lawyer last week.”
I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. Dad wrote Nathan two letters. He wrote Mila a letter too. A small voice in my head asks ‘why not me?’ but now isn’t the time to examine this bereft sensation. “Wow. That’s…wow. Did he suggest a particular direction to take this leap?”
Nathan chuckles. “Ireland. He knew I’d be making excuses for why I couldn’t or shouldn’t go.
It’s funny, because Mae and Liam had just given me a pep talk about going to Ireland and then I went home and the letter was waiting for me.
It felt like everything and everyone was pointing me toward Ireland, so… I’m going.”
“You’re…going. To Ireland.” It comes out flat with shock, a pair of statements rather than questions.
“I leave next week. I’m planning to stay for a month, but I’m open to being flexible. Or at least I’m open to being open. Baby steps, you know?”
The sound that spills from my lips is a weak approximation of a laugh. All my careful plans, all my visions of Nathan and me building a life together, were for nothing. I feel so foolish. How could I expect him to agree to be with me, especially after how we left things three weeks ago?
“That’s great, Nathan.” My voice only shakes a bit, which I take as a win.
“I’m really proud of you. Dad would be too.
” I suddenly understand how Nathan must have felt last month when he asked for space.
It’s too hard to be this close to him when all I want to do is touch him and kiss him and beg him to be with me.
Too hard to be surrounded by his familiar scent, with the weight of those beautiful eyes on me as I look anywhere but him.
“Have you hired a business manager yet? For your new business?”
The unexpected question has me blinking in confusion. “No, not yet. We’ve been on the hunt, but we haven’t found the right person.”
“That’s good,” he says. I’m taken aback even more now than I was by his initial question until he adds, “Because it turns out I’m available for the position after all.”
“You…what?” For a moment, I wonder if I stuffed myself so much at dinner that I fell asleep at the table, and this is all a bizarre dream.
Nathan’s lips twitch. “I know you just got back, but I want you to come to Ireland with me. It scares the shit out of me not to have a long-term plan, but it scares me even more to think about a life without you. I’ve done it before, and I have no desire to do it again.”
He steps forward and takes my hands, gliding his thumbs over my knuckles.
“Let’s go to Ireland and live in the cottage like Murph wanted.
We can explore Ardmore, travel together, be together.
There’s still so much we need to learn about each other as adults, and this would be the perfect opportunity.
Mila can come stay with us if she wants, and the three of us can start making plans for the business. ”
Something moves in the corner of my eye. A flash of light, followed by another, and another. Fireflies. It’s too early in the year for them, and yet there they are, winking in the darkness. A sign, a confirmation, a green flag.
Nathan’s grip tightens on my hands, drawing my gaze back to his.
The way he’s smiling at me makes my knees wobble.
“You asked me to take a leap with you, and now I’m asking you to do the same,” he says.
“Let’s leap together. I love you, Fiona.
I want to be your best friend and your lover and your partner, both in life and in business.
And if you’ve changed your mind about us working together and you want to hire someone else, that’s fine.
I’ll still be your biggest, loudest cheerleader. What do you say?”
I let out a breathless laugh as tears stream down my face. Nathan’s smile ticks up a notch. “I thought I was going to have to convince you to come with me. Maybe even beg and plead.”
One of his eyebrows quirks. “What exactly would that look like? Just out of curiosity?”
I yank one hand free to swat his arm. Eyes gleaming, he catches my hand and brings it to his mouth to brush a kiss over my knuckles.
“My point is, it seems like neither of us needs any persuading,” I say. “I want to build a life and a home and a business with you too, whatever that looks like.”
“So we’re doing this?” Nathan asks. His voice is the one vibrating with suppressed emotion now.
“There’s no one I’d rather take a leap with than you, Nathan Holbrook. Let’s go to Ireland and dream up the most beautiful future together.”
The words are barely out of my mouth before Nathan wraps his arms around me and lifts me off my feet. My squeal of surprise turns into delighted laughter as he peppers my face with kisses. I catch his chin and hold his face still so I can look into his eyes. So beautiful, so familiar.
Fireflies continue to dance around us as I close my eyes and bring my smiling lips to Nathan’s.