Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
Dice
She’s asking me to lean.
Abrother.
I don’t even know how to wrap my mind around that bomb Damon just dropped.
Lot freezes mid-stride, her oversized tee sliding off one shoulder. Eyes wide. Face scrunched.
“Is this for real? What exactly did he say?”
Her questions swirl into the chaos already ransacking my brain.
I drag a hand over my beard and blow out a breath, trying to gather it all in some coherent fashion.
“He said his name is Damon. Damon Watts. He’s nineteen.
An engineering student at UPenn. Born and raised in Philadelphia.
Said some guy called Hayden Watts is his father. Apparently, he’s mine too.”
Lot’s mouth drops open. “Your father?”
“Yeah.” I nod, throat tight. “A man I never knew. Never heard from. Didn’t even have a name.
Jasinder wouldn’t talk about him, except to call him a no-good loser who bounced when she told him she was pregnant.
Not the same man Damon described. A civil engineer who loves old Motown sounds and chess.
Who never missed a single one of Damon’s basketball games.
Married twenty-two years. Devoted to his family. Ain’t that some shit?”
“God, Dice.” She shakes her head. “This is crazy. Do you believe him?”
“I didn’t at first.” I stay standing, too wired to sit. “Thought it had Jasinder’s fingerprints all over it. Some con. Fake brother tryna squeeze money outta me. I even accused him. Called it right out. Told him he wasn’t getting a dime. Threatened to call the cops.”
Her brows knit. “And?”
“He stood ten toes down. Insisted he’s who he says he is.”
“Wow.” Lot exhales, echoing my disbelief. “How’d he find out about you?”
“Said he overheard his parents talking about it a month ago. Seems the old man knew about me and didn’t do shit about it.”
Lot flinches. “Does he know Damon called you?”
“He told him not to. Said dredging up the past wasn’t fair to me.
Some bullshit like that. But Damon couldn’t let it go.
Said he was scared and conflicted, so got himself a burner.
Called twice before today and chickened out both times.
I knew something was up. Not this, but something.
” I pause for breath. “C got one of Lexie’s friends in security to trace the number.
Philly. That’s all I had to go on. Until now. ”
I rub my fist over the tight spot in my chest. “He sent a picture.” I unlock my phone and turn it to her on the photo of Damon’s face.
Lot leans in. “Shit.”
“I know.” His nose is straighter. Skin is lighter. But we’ve got the same stubborn jawline and that same small gap between the front teeth. It’s like looking into a warped mirror.
“I didn’t want to see it.” My voice cracks. “Didn’t want any of this. But I needed to know. See him real-time. We switched to video and he saw the resemblance too. Lit up with excitement. But I wasn’t feeling it.”
“That’s understandable, Dice.” She puts a comforting hand on my arm. “If it’s true, he’s had time to process this. You haven’t.”
“I believe him.”
“Okay.” She doesn’t argue the point.
“He wants to meet.”
“And what do you want?”
“Hell, if I know.”
Lot nods. “You don’t have to rush into it. But if you decide to go… Philly’s just two hours away. We could take the train or rent a car.”
I step back and drop my phone on the bed. “There’s no we in this. If I go, I’ll go alone.”
“That’s how you see it?”
“How else am I supposed to see it? I don’t know what I’m walking into. A kid who says he’s my brother. A father who bounced. It’s a whole damn mess.”
“Yeah, it is. And when life gets messy, we’re supposed to deal with it together. You didn’t tell me about the other calls or that you had someone trace the number. If I wasn’t here, would you have even told me any of this?”
“There’s no point in talking about something when I haven’t figured it out yet.”
“You don’t have to know the answers to talk to me.”
“I already dumped my past on you once. Not tryna do that again.”
Her eyes flash. “So, I’m just here for orgasms and good times, but not for the part where you let someone hold you down when it counts?”
“That’s not how it is.”
“Sounds like it to me,” she snaps. “I thought we were in this, Dice. All in. Not half-assing it. You don’t want to talk about the long-distance thing.
Just lock it away. Not telling me what you think or how you feel.
Now you want to shut me out again. That’s not a relationship.
That’s playing at one. And I didn’t put my heart out there for that. ”
“Are you serious right now?” I snap back. “You don’t think I’m all the way in?”
“I know you love me. But you still live behind those walls. And I’m here trying not to put mine back up.”
I swallow, hating the way emotion crowds my chest. “I chased after you, Lot. I laid it out. Faced your father. Put my heart on the line because I’m that locked in. Sorry if that’s not enough.”
“Don’t.” She lifts a hand between us. “Don’t throw that in my face like it’s some commitment receipt.
What you did was brave—a grand, romantic gesture.
I love you for it. But no, Dice, it’s not enough.
I want all of you. The fun. The fire. And the deep, real shit too.
Even when you don’t know what the fuck to do.
I need you to trust me to always be there. ”
“Right. Is that what you meant when you said if I don’t move to New York, we’ll have to end it? Like I was on a timeline, and if I didn’t come through then bye. Easily disposable.”
Her face falls, horrified. “That’s not what I meant.”
“That’s how it hit.”
She grabs my hand. “I went about it all wrong. I realize that now. I was scared. Scared of you building your future in Bayside, while I built mine here. Scared that those futures might never merge. I’m sorry I made it sound like an ultimatum, that my love had a shelf life.
That’s on me. But that’s not how it is. I want to be with you.
Period. I’d love it if you moved to New York, but if that’s not the right thing for you, we’ll figure it out. That’s what I should have said.”
I let her words stitch themselves into the places that had been ripped wide.
“I wasn’t brushing you off, Lot. I’ve been thinking about it too.
But all I heard was that you already had one foot out the door, and I just…
shut down. I’m not used to talking about my feelings.
Not this raw. I don’t know how to lean. Just how to push it down and keep moving. ”
She presses her hand to my chest, right above my heartbeat. “You can lean on me, Dice. I’m not going anywhere. But we’ve gotta talk. Be open. Even when it’s hard. Even when it hurts. That’s how we make this work.”
“You’re right.” I take her hand in mine, grounding myself in the connection. “I don’t know what the hell to do about Damon. He’s so sure. Like I’m this missing puzzle piece he’s been waiting to click in place. Part of me wants to meet him and part of me wants to run.
“That’s not all that different from how I feel about moving to New York.
Not because of you. But because of me.” The admission scrapes out, jagged as stones.
“Bayside is easy. Comfortable. I’m a big fish in a small pond.
When you moved, I was proud of you. In awe that you were so fearless.
I envied your courage. While you leaped, I coasted.
Stayed where it was safe. And now, seeing what you’ve built here…
playing at the club, gave me a glimpse of what’s possible.
Of what I could have had. Of what I still want.
But not gonna lie, I’m scared as fuck of falling flat and letting us both down. ”
“You won’t,” she says with fierce conviction.
“That doesn’t mean there won’t be difficult times in establishing yourself.
New York’s tough. I had my share of struggles and disappointments.
But I was doing it alone. You won’t be. We’ll have each other.
But I don’t want you to feel pressured. Not by me.
Not by Damon. Just let me walk through the rough spots and the unknowns with you. ”
I feel torn up, undone in a way I never let anyone see. She’s not asking me to have it all decided. She’s asking me not to do it alone. She’s asking me to lean.
“Okay, Web.” I touch my forehead to hers. “Let’s get through this Damon thing together first. Then we’ll figure out the rest.”