Chapter Nine
Aweek later, I was out with Heath, golfing, of all things. We’d met up at a nearby fancy golf course in Anaheim Hills and spent some time enjoying the outdoors and catching up.
“Mia on call today?” Heath asked, placing his ball down on the second tee and setting up his shot.
“No. She’s off work today.”
His brow arched up behind his sunglasses. He didn’t even have to ask the question.
“She’s got a business meeting for this NPO project of hers,” I explained.
Heath nodded, took some practice swings with his driver. “Sounds like you’re not terribly happy about it.”
I leaned on my club, watching him. “I actually think it’s an awesome idea. I’m just not a fan of the timing.”
Heath hesitated just a moment, straightening his grip, then took his swing. We watched the drive—halfway down the fairway and into the rough.
“Fuck this damn game,” he muttered when the ball landed.
I laughed. “You’re on the second hole and you’re already cursing it out?”
He shrugged, stepped aside. “Mia has always been the quintessential overachiever, but I agree that this is a lot to take on during her intern year. I mean, her schedule has been grueling. Probably somewhere around what you would call a normal workweek, right?”
I snorted. “I haven’t worked eighty-hour weeks for a while, or I’d be divorced.”
“But now that the shoe’s on the other foot?” He darted a worried glance in my direction behind his sunglasses.
I stepped up to set my ball on the tee. “Oh, not to fear. I’ve been prepared for this. I knew it was coming. She tolerated my schedule, my being away so much. I’d be a fucking asshole if I wasn’t understanding of her schedule. She can’t be a practicing doctor without her residency.”
Heath snorted. “Well, I mean you’re already an asshole.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to be a fucking asshole.”
He nodded. “Fair.”
I took my shot. My ball, also, landed in the rough about fifteen yards past his.
“See?” he gestured. “I can already tell you’re going to win this hole. So, I stand by my assessment of your asshole-ness.”
Once we’d motored our golf cart up to the green, our conversation picked up again.
Heath volunteered his viewpoint. “I think she’s anxious to get everything started because this NPO thing is a really long process, and she wants it all in place for when she can start her practice at their clinic. Plus, it’s an empowerment thing, you know?”
I frowned. “Empowerment? How do you mean?”
Heath shrugged. “The biological sperm donor begrudgingly gave her all that money because his own wife and son insisted on it. Mia doesn’t want to use it for herself because that would be acknowledging the bastard. Plus, thanks to you, she doesn’t really need it, anyway. This gives her a chance to do something good with it.Gives her a chance to give him the big ol’ fuck you. The man who essentially destroyed what little family she had, you know? She had half-siblings she never knew, a parent she never knew. It was just her and her mom ‘til I straggled into their little family like a beaten dog.” He shook his head as he feinted a few putts, then, instead of swinging, set his putter to the side and leaned on it like a cane while he turned to me to finish his thought. “You know what she said to me the day I moved in after my dad threw me out? She said ‘I always wanted a brother. I want a big family.’ Hell, if she’d had the ability, she probably would have opened up a home for wayward kids right then and there.” He shrugged. “She’s always been like that. So I get why she feels so passionate about this clinic.”
I took a deep breath and looked away. Heath had just given me a whole lot of context that I hadn’t even considered. It explained so damn much, to be honest.
Heath turned and made his putt, setting his ball just inches from the hole. He moved up to it and lobbed it in easily. “And before you ask, no I still don’t think you deserve her.”
I laughed as I picked up my bag and took it back to our golf cart. Real men didn’t use caddies, in my opinion. “I wasn’t going to ask because I know you’ll never change your mind about it. And to be honest, I agree with you.”
But as we made small talk through the next sixteen holes, I couldn’t get his words out of my head. I always wanted a brother. I want a big family....she probably would have opened up a home for wayward kids.
I knew this about her. It was not new information, but a reminder. She’d said those exact words to me with tears in her eyes the day I’d found out she had cancer. I knew this and yet now, I chose to conveniently ignore it. She’d always wanted a big family growing up but had never gotten her wish.
I could help her fulfill that dream now. We could start a family.
I loved Emilia more than anything. But did I love her enough to face my own dark fears and give her what she dreamed of? Did I love her enough to want that dream for myself, too?
Emilia and I spent the rest of the day together watching movies at home and ordering in, cuddling in the same lounger and making love. Just enjoying being in each other’s presence alone.
But when I got a moment to myself, I found the link to all of the medical research she’d been begging me to read for months.
And I started reading.
I decided to make an appointment with an oncofertility specialist—a doctor who specialized in fertility in cancer and former cancer patients. Because I wasn’t going to do this half-assed.
I was going to be me and be thorough. I wanted the whole truth, warts and all.
But there was no way I was going to chance losing her, even if it meant telling her I could never fulfill her dream.