Chapter Twenty-Four
Maya
Maya had hardly slept. She’d lain awake since 3am, her stomach a hive of nervous jitters. Today, they faced the Harriers. It was the first game in which they could show them Millton were contenders for the title—Maya’s last chance to win before she settled into a life of adult work.
Her last year playing football.
She’d been thinking about everything else so much, that fact hadn’t settled in until she’d opened her eyes in the early morning.
Everything was moving so quickly. The thought only amplified her dread even more. She forced herself out of bed to stop that train derailing, got dressed, and headed downstairs to make a cup of tea. Tea helped everything.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the forever-fake lily her mum liked to display—why did her mum like it so much?—when Grandma descended the stairs. She could always tell it was her from her soft steps. Her mum was like an angry banker in comparison.
“Oh. You’re up early,” Grandma commented, padding across the floor to switch on the kettle. “You want another brew?”
Maya fought a yawn with the back of her hand. “Please.”
Grandma collected the empty mug from in front of her. “You nervous?”
“Extremely.” A heavy feeling, one that she couldn’t seem to shake, had sunk low in Maya’s gut. The nightmares of being caught in quicksand didn’t help, and nor did Jamie’s absence last night. They’d got into the habit of texting each other goodnight, but Maya’s text had gone unanswered.
“Nerves are a good thing. They show you care.” She sighed, and Maya raised her eyes to look at her. “But you really don’t need to worry so much. I worry about you.”
“Well…you really don’t need to worry so much, either.”
Grandma shook her head, flicking the red tea towel at her. “I should’ve expected that one. You want a chocolate biscuit?”
She joined Maya at the table with two steaming mugs, and they raided the biscuit tin.
Dunk. Swirl. Tap twice.
“I wish I could come and watch you play,” Grandma said, her bony fingers tracing the pattern on the table. “But—”
“I wouldn’t want you to leave Grandpa on his own. It’s okay. Really.”
“He always understood the football more than me.” She placed her hand on Maya’s. “But I am proud of you, love. You’re so…driven. You certainly don’t get that from your grandparents. I always wanted to be at home looking after your mother. That was enough for me. And your grandpa, I mean, look.” She nodded towards the wonky kitchen tiles, and the half-sawn kitchen counter. Grandpa had ordered the wrong sizes and instead of exchanging them, he’d decided to saw them himself. Safe to say, it didn’t end well. “He never finished anything he started.”
“That’s okay too, though. People are different.”
She squeezed her hand. “But you’re more like your mother than you think. She was always very driven, too. Look at her now. ”
A defensive wall popped up. Maya wanted to deny it.
Grandma continued, studying her face. “I know the two of you don’t always see eye to eye.”
That’s putting it lightly.
“You’re both very stubborn. Headstrong. You want to carry the world on your shoulders. But you don’t always have to do that.”
Maya dunked another biscuit, choosing not to comment. Today wasn’t the day to open up that can of worms. She needed to keep her head.
Her mum’s heavy footsteps came clomping across the landing and down the stairs. Maya smelled her perfume before she saw her.
“Good morning!” she sing-songed as she walked into the kitchen. She raised her eyebrows when she saw Maya and placed a hand on her hip. “Was there a fire I didn’t know about? What’re you doing up so early?”
That defensive wall bore arms and loaded. “It’s a big day today,” she said through gritted teeth.
Her mum walked over to the cupboard and pulled herself a mug out. “You have an exam?”
Unbelievable. “No. Exams finished weeks ago.”
“Oh, yes. That’s right.”
Maya tightened the grip around her mug, feeling Grandma watching. She took a sip to steady herself but could feel annoyance creeping in at the sides. She didn’t have enough sleep to deal with her mother this morning.
When it was clear she wasn’t going to volunteer information, Grandma continued for her. “It’s Maya’s big football game later.”
“Oh.” Maya could almost feel the rolling of her mum’s eyes as she fetched the milk from the fridge. “That’s nice.”
She shook her head. Nice? That’s nice? Is she serious?
“Have you got something to say, Maya?” her mum asked.
Maya realised she’d said the last part out loud. She stood up, scraping her chair on the wooden floor. Grandma’s eyes pleaded with her to stop, but now the anger was controlling her.
“Do you have any idea what today means to me? You speak so much bullshit about family, and how we’re important to you, but when was the last time you took an interest in what I was doing? In what Grandma was doing? Or spent any time with us?”
Her mum pursed her lips. “I work so—”
Maya scoffed. “You’ve got your head shoved so far up Hunter’s arse, I’m surprised you don’t chew his food for him.”
Her mother stabbed a finger at her. “I’ve done so much for this family. Worked long hours and far from home—”
“You did that for yourself. That’s what you wanted to do. Don’t pretend that was for us, when all I wanted when I was a kid was for you to be here.”
Her mum glanced at Grandma, then back at Maya. “ What are you talking about?”
Maya exhaled, feeling suddenly shaky from the adrenaline. She didn’t know where that last part had come from. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s already clear where we come in your pecking order of priorities.”
“Stop being so childish, Maya. You’re an adult now. Start acting like one.”
“Hey. Hey. That’s enough,” Grandma interjected, but her mum continued to glare at her.
“I had to grow up a long time ago. It’s just getting harder to pretend we have anything in common anymore. Or any relationship other than an empty title.”
Her mum flinched, her perfect eyebrows pinching together.
“See ya,” Maya said to Grandma. “I’ll be back late.” She kissed her cheek, grabbed her bag, and stormed out of the door, even though her first lecture wasn’t for hours. She just needed to get away before she said anything else she’d regret.
* * *
When game time finally rolled around, Maya was pacing the changing rooms, checking her watch every few minutes. Where the hell is Jamie? She was supposed to meet her early to help set up, but Maya had already finished everything, and the nerves were tangling her stomach like hissing snakes .
The door swung open, and Maya’s eyes were drawn to Jamie’s leg as she hobbled into the room. Her heart sank.
“What happened?”
Jamie grimaced. “I was doing some strengthening exercises this morning and might have overdone it a little.”
Heat ran up Maya’s neck. She’d told Jamie to rest up until the game, and she’d done the opposite. Had she done it on purpose?
“Can you play?”
“I don’t think so.”
It was like a punch in the face. Everything was going wrong today. If Jamie was out, then that was it. Game over. Maya’s head started spiralling. They might as well throw in the towel now. She was their advantage, their top scorer.
She didn’t want to let the team down again; she’d sworn year after year that they could do it. The last few weeks, she’d worked tirelessly to try and get Jamie back into form. Jamie was going to impress the scouts. Maya was going to boost her chances of securing the job she wanted. The team were finally going to get the title they deserved. Everything had been coming together. She’d had it under control…but now it had all shattered in front of her.
She tried to squash her frown into a straight line, but Jamie reached over to trace the creases between her eyebrows .
“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s okay.”
Maya forced out a breath. The building pressures constricted her chest, making her light-headed. “That’s easy for you to say. You’ve already won this championship twice. What kind of a leader am I if we never make it? I promised them. How bad does that make me look? It’s all for nothing.”
“Don’t take it to heart. At the end of the day, it’s just football.”
Her words punched her in the gut. “ Just football?”
Her mum had rehashed that to her a million times. It was always just a game. Just a sport. A waste of time. It didn’t mean anything. But it mattered. It mattered for her job prospects, it mattered to the team, and it mattered to her. Maya couldn’t believe Jamie had said the same thing. What about the scout?
“You know what I mean,” Jamie said with a small shrug.
Her nonchalance upset her. Maya’s hackles raised. “I don’t. I thought you understood what this meant to me. To everyone on the team. What have we been working so hard for if none of it matters?”
“I’m just saying relax a bit. You’ve been so stressed about the game.”
“Of course I have!”
“Maya, don’t be like that.”
“Me? It’s you that’s suddenly acting like you don’t give a shit. Like you’ve woken up and suddenly don’t care—”
“I do care.”
“Do you?” Maya looked her dead in the eyes, heart hammering in her chest. “You’ve been acting strange for weeks. Have you even hurt your ankle? Or is that just an excuse?”
The pain in Jamie’s gaze made something shrivel inside. “You think I’d lie about that?” Jamie’s jaw hardened. “I hate liars, Maya. I don’t lie. I’ve never lied to you. Not once.”
Maya blew out a breath, trying to hold her resolve. “Maybe not. But you’ve withheld information. You’re secretive. Admit it.” Everything swarmed her brain. All the Harriers’ social media posts, the warnings from the Hornets at the tournament, Jamie’s reluctance to talk about her time with the team. She suddenly felt very stupid.
Was this Carly all over again? Was she being na?ve? Giving her heart to someone who was ultimately going to tear it into tiny little pieces?
“What are you being so secretive about?” she pushed, anger spilling over and making her take a step forward. “Why did you leave the Harriers in the first place? Finished all your conquests and needed someone new? Is that what I am? A challenge to see if you could win over someone who despised you, and I was stupid enough to go and fall for it?”
Jamie scrunched her eyes shut, her nostrils flaring. “I can’t believe you. Is that all you think of me?” When her eyes opened again, something was different. Cold. “I’m a flirt, I’ll admit that, but do you even know me , Maya? Hell, even if I did sleep with the whole team, why would it matter?” She looked away. “This is why I don’t tell people. They all assume. They judge me. They make stuff up.” Maya’s eyes watered as they flicked to her, Jamie’s pain flowing right into her own. “But the last person I thought would judge me was you.”
Jamie turned and limped away, the door swinging shut behind her with a clap.
“Fuck!” Maya kicked her bag against the wall just as Coach walked in.
“Thomas? What the hell is going on?” She eyed the bag now lying on the other side of the room, and the shin-pad that had fallen out of it. “Where is Mellor going?”
“Coach, I…” Maya paced the floor, struggling to bring her breathing under control. There was too much flying around her head. It happened so fast. The hurt on Jamie’s face flashed behind her eyelids, and she groaned. She shouldn’t have let her mum get under her skin, or the pressure of the game. She shouldn’t have said those things to Jamie.
She shouldn’t have done many things.
Right now, she’d give anything to run straight into the freezing sea and numb it all. Even the memory of that made her curse. Jamie had pushed Maya and encouraged her in so many ways, and she’d thrown it back in her face. What was she thinking?
“Thomas. Is everything alright?”
She stopped pacing and looked at Coach. The charismatic smile was nowhere to be seen on her permanently rosy face. Coach stepped closer and put her hand on Maya’s shoulder. The physical touch made her snap out of her head. She couldn’t crumble. Not today. She had a job to do, Jamie or no Jamie. The team were relying on her. She wouldn’t let them down.
“I’m fine, Coach. Just feeling…the pressure, I guess.”
Coach’s dark eyes twitched as she studied her a little longer. “Take five minutes,” she said. “I’m going to find Mellor, and then it’s show time.”
* * *
The first half went as well as the rest of the day had. The second was even worse. With Jamie sidelined, the team was off balance. The Harriers were physical and loud, taking any opportunity they could to get under their skin. Maya was marking their new captain, a tall brown-haired striker called Robyn.
And Robyn loved to talk. “Be aggressive, Harriers!” And shout. “Fucking move it!”
The ball pinged from team to team, both of them struggling to keep possession, but at least it was still 0-0. Maya found her attention drawing to where Jamie stood on the touchline and not on the game.
Did I really accuse her of fucking this whole team? What a dick move, Maya. Seriously.
Robyn jabbed her in the back with her elbow— typically a Jamie move—and she lost her footing, falling onto the grass. The ball flew over her head, and she scrambled up to sprint after it.
Robyn brought the ball down by her feet, dribbling up the field. Maya caught up with her, ignoring the stinging in her lungs, and jockeyed, blocking her path into the box. When Robyn attempted to sidestep her, she lunged, cutting the ball out from under her feet and slotting a pass to Noodle.
Robyn grunted in frustration and scowled at her. “Watch your back, Captain.”
“I think I’ll be fine. Thanks for your concern, though.”
She laughed, and Maya turned away, focusing on the play of the ball in the midfield. Robyn was doing everything she could to distract her, and she wasn’t going to let it work. She sucked a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled out her mouth. She’d already let her emotions get the better of her today. It wasn’t going to happen again.
As Robyn snaked her way around her, she held her in her peripheral vision, ensuring the rest of the defence were in an even line.
“Not me,” Robyn scoffed. “Jamie. I bet she’s got her claws in you already. Pretty. Just her type. I can see you looking at her.”
Maya missed her old rivalry with Jamie. This woman was purely vindictive.
“Why don’t you just shut up and play football?”
“Winding you up is too much fun. And you’re defensive, which is interesting. Have you fucked her?”
Maya gritted her teeth, trying to zone her out. Her annoyance was building.
“You fucking have. And you don’t even know her, do you?” Robyn laughed, giving Maya a shove when the ref wasn’t looking. “That’s hilarious. You’re clueless.”
“Don’t touch me.”
The Harriers’ keeper kicked the ball. Maya followed the trajectory in the air, timing it right so she beat Robyn to the first touch with her head. It cleared the midfield, and Leah chased it.
“Did she not tell you why she left? They were in it together.”
Maya froze. What the hell is she talking about now?
Robyn cackled, and heat spread up Maya’s neck. “Didn’t you wonder why her dad doesn’t come to watch the games? He’s banned.”
Jamie’s dad? Maya’s spine prickled. It had crossed her mind, but she’d assumed Jamie’s parents were busy. Or didn’t care, like her mum.
“They should both be in prison, really,” Robyn continued, her voice teasing. “Taking advantage of young women that way, auctioning off places in the squad like a brothel.”
“What are you talking about?”
Robyn grinned, and the sight made Maya seethe. “She’d lay down the charm, dissolve your defences, then bam…in swooped her dad. Our ex-coach.”
“You’re lying. ”
That made no sense. Jamie would never be involved with something like that. She knew Jamie. Despite what she’d said earlier, she trusted her. This was a new low for the Harriers’ trash talk.
Robyn let out an amused grunt. “She didn’t tell you? That’s embarrassing. Hardly surprising, I suppose, with the plays she’s capable of.”
“Don’t talk about her like that.”
“She’s good, isn’t she? You wouldn’t expect it. But they’re the ones to watch out for.”
“Just shut up, Robyn.”
She clicked her tongue. “Don’t believe me? Pah. Ask her yourself.”
Taking advantage of young women? Jamie’s dad was the Harrier’s ex-coach? What else is she keeping from me?
Maya had thought Jamie’s dad looked familiar when the Mellors came over for dinner all those months ago, but she couldn’t place him. She pulled at her memories. As a coach, he always wore a baseball cap covering his face, so it was hard to tell if they were the same person. Could Robyn be telling the truth?
Nausea crept into her throat, and Maya moved down the line. Robyn followed her, her voice buzzing around her like angry wasps. The noise of the supporters grew louder too, every sound magnified as her pulse pounded in her ears. She didn’t know what to do with this information right now. Her mind struggled to focus on what was happening on the field .
“Maybe you’re in on it too.” Robyn snaked a hand around her waist. “Wouldn’t surprise me what people would do—”
Maya turned and fisted Robyn’s shirt in her hands. “Shut up! Just shut up!” She needed to make her stop, but Robyn flashed a wicked grin that only riled her more. It made no sense. Jamie had never mentioned her dad. Or anyone on the team. This was too nasty a rumour to be true, right?
She knew Jamie, didn’t she?
“What if I told you I’d fucked her too?” Robyn wet her lips. “That I loved the feel of her fingers in my pu—”
Maya shoved her. The rest of Robyn’s sentence was crushed by her fall to the ground. She screamed, clutching her face.
“She hit me! She hit me. Ref!”
Maya wished she had hit her. Her fists were clenched at her sides, just begging for the signal from her brain. The rest of her surroundings snapped into focus, like someone hitting play on a tape. The ref’s high-pitched whistle. Her teammate’s voices. The shouts and calls from spectators on the sideline.
“Captain,” the ref called, reaching for her pocket.
Maya’s stomach plummeted.
No. No. This can’t be happening. Not today.
She pulled out a red card, and Maya’s head spun. There were angry voices, her teammates shouting their disapproval, crowding the ref. But it was no use. Maya knew that .
One particular voice cut through all the noise. She turned to see Jamie running onto the field, Coach trailing behind her.
“Maya! What the hell is going on?” Jamie asked, her blue eyes wide and searching.
“You tell me. What’s all this about your dad?”
Her face fell. “It’s not what you think.”
“It is,” Robyn cut in, miraculously recovered from her punching. “Perverts.”
“It was nothing to do with me!” Jamie shouted, lunging towards Robyn, but Coach held her back.
“That’s enough,” the ref scolded. “You shouldn’t be on the field.” She turned to Maya. “I need you both to leave.”
Maya started walking towards the sidelines, insides churning and threatening to spill over. Everything burned.
Jamie followed. “It fucking ruined my life,” she said. “My dad.” She broke out in a sob that pulled at Maya’s heart. Tears were streaming down her face. “Maya. Please.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I tried to—”
“Well, you should’ve tried harder.”
“It’s embarrassing! It was the worst time of my life.”
“But you had so many chances to say something, and you didn’t. And I have to find out like this? I’ve opened up to you, and been honest, and I—” Maya shook her head, tears pricking her eyelids. “I don’t know what to think. ”
“My dad had some relationships on the team, but I didn’t know anything. And everyone was legal. It was—”
“And you said you’d never lied to me.”
“I haven’t, I swear.”
“But this is a pretty fucking big thing to keep secret, isn’t it? Like what the fuck, Jamie?”
“Maya, please.” Jamie grabbed her arm, but she shrugged her off.
“Just leave me alone. I need some time to think.” She moved on auto-pilot towards the changing rooms, everything going numb. Not even the sound of her team or Jamie’s cries could breach the surface. The only thing she could hear was her own voice swirling round and round her head. She should never have trusted Jamie. She should never have let her in. She should never have let herself get so distracted.
You’re a failure. You’ve let everyone down. You’re a fool.
The only thing she could do was listen as the tears silently fell.