Day 12 Narragansett, RI （Day Off） #2
“For that, we’ll see if I let you come.” I flip open my phone and type a quick message. “Okay, I just told the assholes we’re going. Let’s get out of here.”
Did I say I love days off? Because I do.
MAX
Roxie: we are going to the hotel. you cunts better not come back unless you call first
I flop down on my towel, eyes scanning Roxie’s message. “Sexiled again.”
Sam lies on his back next to me, his arms stretched out over his head in the soft sand. “I guess there are some things about tour that just don’t change.”
“Mmm, even when other things are suddenly completely different.”
I glance over at him, and I let my eyes linger, just like I’ve been doing all day. You would think I’d be freaking out right now, because last night — did we have sex? I’ll have to ask him. But I’m not freaking out at all. Instead, all I can think about is getting him alone so we can do it again.
Sam’s skin is golden in the sunlight, damp from the ocean and lightly dusted with sand.
He has never had a lot of body hair, but there’s a dark trail below his navel, disappearing into the waistband of his swim trunks.
I’m flushed all over, vividly reminded of what it felt like to touch him last night, to feel him bare underneath me.
I wonder what it would feel like to put my lips right there. I wonder if he would let me.
Sam rolls onto his side and meets my gaze. “What?”
“Nothing —” I reply quickly, and my cheeks are burning. But wait — “No, actually, we can say stuff like this now, right? Because I was just thinking that you are insanely fucking beautiful and I can’t believe I never saw it before.”
It’s Sam’s turn to blush, and he covers his face with both hands. “Oh my god —”
Laughing, I reach for him. But when I grab hold of his wrists, pulling his hands down, his eyes are red-rimmed. “Sammy — what?”
“Sorry —” He stands up abruptly and strides down to the water, shaking his hands out to the side as he walks. When he reaches the surf, he stops, jamming his hands over his eyes and then tilting his head back to look up at the sky.
I’m beside him in a flash. “Dude — did I say something wrong? I’m sorry, I was just —”
“No, it’s not you, it’s just —” Sam holds out both hands to stop me from grabbing him. “Oh god, I have to — I wasn’t going to do this —”
I reach out carefully, and he doesn’t shy away when I take both of his hands. “Take your time —”
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. When he speaks again, I can barely hear him over the roar of the waves. “It’s just — I’ve wanted this for — for a while. And I was okay keeping it in, but knowing this is how you feel — that you actually want — oh, Max —”
I’m barely processing a single word that he’s saying.
All I know is that I’m drowning in — something — something big that I’m feeling for him, and I can’t hold back anymore.
I tug his hands, and he comes willingly, letting me fold him into my arms. And when I kiss him, he whimpers, his hands sliding up into my hair.
When we break apart, I put my lips next to his ear. “I do want.”
He hiccups. “It’s just — going to take me a minute to get used to the idea.”
We turn to face the ocean, and when I hug him from behind, he nestles back against my chest, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never been happier. I drop a kiss on his shoulder, and murmur, “A while, huh?”
“Please shut up.”
“Never —” I insist, and I’m about to make good on that threat. But then Sam turns over his shoulder to look at me, and his lips are right there, and I realize that there are much better things I could be doing with my time.
I can always tease him later.
SAM
It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.
I’m lying in the dark with Max, both of us wide awake, eyes fixed on each other as we wait for Roxie and Blake to settle down.
A little while ago, he met me in the bathroom under the guise of brushing his teeth, surreptitiously squeezing my waist and whispering Don’t go to sleep yet into my ear.
Now we’re holding hands under the covers, our ankles intertwined, but you wouldn’t know it from looking at us.
My free arm is folded underneath my pillow, and I can feel the towel and small bottle of lube that I’ve stashed there, just in case —
Well, it’s looking pretty likely that something is going to happen.
I can’t believe any of this. All day, my brain has been screaming, my stomach tied up in knots, barely even daring to build a castle in the air, let alone live in it.
It seems insane that this is happening. But every time I turn around, there’s Max, looking at me the way he’s only ever looked at me in my dreams. This afternoon on the beach, he kissed me in the surf as if he wanted to make up for lost time, for the kiss we didn’t have last week and all the kisses we’ve missed over the years.
And I want to pump the brakes, to find out what he’s thinking, why this is happening now, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
Because even though it feels wrong — even though it’s been only twelve days since I found Max in his room moping over his breakup with Krista — even though I know that Max is impulsive, and that he tends to jump into things without thinking about the consequences — I just can’t help myself.
It turns out, when you’ve been starving your whole life, you can’t stop gorging yourself when you’re offered a feast.
I’ve always been responsible. I’ve always done whatever my parents asked of me. I majored in nursing because I knew it was practical. I’m careful to protect my heart — as much as the stupid thing will let me.
But this time, I don’t want to be careful.
Max lifts his head off his pillow, peering over my shoulder at the other bed. The room is quiet, and I can hear Roxie’s slow breathing, interweaving with a soft snore from Blake.
“They’re out —” Max breathes.
“Good.”
Max smiles at me, and it’s too easy to tug on his hand, to roll onto my back as he climbs on top of me.
To wrap my arms around his neck and slot our mouths together.
It’s too easy to grab the back of his shirt and drag it up over his head, to lift myself off the bed just enough for him to take mine.
To sigh into his ear as we press our naked chests together.
To let myself go, to drown in his kisses, to ease his shorts down until we’re skin to skin.
And as his hips begin to move, as he pins my arms and kisses my throat, I know —
I am in so much fucking trouble.