Chapter Eight
Matt
I didn’t expect it to be this hard.
Or for it to hurt as much as it does, but the second those pretty eyes filled with tears, I was ready to get down on my knees and ask for forgiveness. I wanted to apologize and confess my feelings for her, but I didn’t.
I deserve her hate.
This is my penance, my punishment for what I did.
Yet, I didn’t expect a pain like this. It’s been several hours since Ashley stormed out, and my chest aches. Still. It burns with emotions I can’t begin to describe. More than once, I’ve considered following her after all but stopped myself.
“Being scared isn’t a reason to be cruel.”
I flinch at the memory of her words. Right and deserved as they were, they sting. They hurt.
The sound of the engine outside my house has me straightening. My heart begins to race when I hear a door open.
She’s back.
She came back. Christ, how do I deal with it? How the hell am I going to stand hurting her again?
I don’t want to hurt her again.
The need to see her, smell that flowery scent again, sends me rushing out of the room and down the hall to the kitchen where the sound is coming from. I stop in the doorway, and my face drops when I see my brother standing in the room with a cookie perched between his lips.
He doesn’t notice me for a second, and when he does, he nearly drops the glass he’s holding. “Jesus fucking Christ, can you please make a sound when you move?” he says, turning to pour cold milk into the glass. “These cookies are good. Where’d you get ‘em?”
My eyes follow his to the tray sitting on the counter and the chocolate chip cookies lined up on it. Ashley. She brought cookies, and fuck, how did I repay her? By kicking her out of my house and breaking her heart.
Fuck!
“What are you doing here, Michael?”
“What? Oh, I came to see how things were going,” he says, biting into a cookie and washing it down with the milk. “You knew I was coming. Two weeks, end of the trial—that was the deal.”
“I know,” I say, a little impatient. “Look, I’m not in the mood for company right now.”
“Really? I never would have guessed,” he deadpans, but makes no move to leave. “Jesus, Matt. You’re always in a mood. How the hell does Ashley stand you?”
His words are like a slap to the face, but it’s nothing I don’t deserve. “She doesn’t. That’s why she’s not here.”
“What do you mean? Her car’s parked outside.”
My brows furrow at his words even as I move to peer out the window. Sure enough, Ashley’s car is parked where she leaves it every day. I walk outside and to her car, peering in, but it’s empty. “What the fuck?”
“What the hell is going on, Matthew?”
Michael is standing in the doorway, watching me with confusion, but I have no answer for him. Where the fuck would I even begin? How do I explain to my older brother that I am a coward who would rather break the heart of the woman he’s desperately in love with than face his own demons?
“I thought she left,” I say simply. “No, I was sure she did.” It was hard to miss the rattle of the windows when she slammed the front door earlier.
There are questions in his eyes, but he doesn’t voice them. “Do you think she walked home?”
“No, her bag and keys are still in the car. I’ll try calling her phone.” I storm back into the house and grab my phone, then dial her number. I let out a low curse when the familiar ringtone comes from inside her car.
I’m panicking. I don’t let it show, but the uncertainty of her location sends my heart galloping and fear taking over my emotions.
“She probably went for a walk or something,” Michael offers, following me back outside.
I don’t respond to him as I walk to the end of my driveway and look at the footprints.
I notice Penny’s paw prints as well, and they’re pointing east in a pattern that suggests she was running.
Michael must notice the direction I’m staring at because I hear his soft gasp. “You don’t think…”
“They headed toward the cliffs.”
“Huh, was she with someone?”
“Just her dog, Penny.”
“Wait, that’s good, right? I thought dogs have a great sense of smell that helps them find their way home.”
“Not greyhounds,” I mutter, walking further down to see if I can spot them.
“They’re built for speed, not endurance.
It doesn’t help that they’re sensitive to heat and likely to get dehydrated and exhausted quickly.
” I glance down at my watch and curse when I realize they’ve been gone for two hours.
With the weather this hot, I can’t imagine they’ll last much longer in the heat without passing out, and I know there is no shelter to find out there.
Fuuuuck!
I should have never let her leave. Of course, she’d choose to take a walk and calm down instead of driving high on emotions. If I weren’t so fucking screwed by my own demons, I would have seen it. Hell, I would have taken the damn walk myself instead of exploding at her.
“Matt—”
“I need to find her before the sun goes down and I lose their tracks.”
Michael grips my arm before I can walk past him. “I’m calling the police. You need to wait until they get here.”
“You can wait; I have to do something.”
He doesn’t stop me when I stalk back into the house.
I head straight into my garage and grab the gear I never thought I would have use for since I left the military.
I pack my rucksack with supplies and change into proper hiking boots, trying not to think of Penny and Ashley out there all alone. Scared.
Fuck, I need to find them. Soon.
This is what I trained for, and the extensive experience as a tracker from my days as a SEAL should help me locate her fast.
My left knee aches when I tighten my boots—the rebuilt joint reminding me I’m not the operator I was a year ago.
But I’m not the operator I was three months ago either.
Ashley’s bands and her bodyweight work and her steady pressure to push and her stubborn refusal to let me push past my limits have given me back enough to do this.
Enough to walk acres of slickrock and broken ground without my knee folding under me.
Enough to track. The pain I’ll experience is the kind that comes from work. I know the difference now.
Twenty years in the military, and this is perhaps the most important mission yet. If I thought losing my brothers broke me, losing Ashley would kill me.
I’ll find her. Goddamnit it!
Michael is waiting on the steps when I come out. “The police will be here soon.”
“I’m not waiting,” I tell him, crouching to tighten the laces on my boots. “I need to find Ashley soon. I will never forgive myself if something happens to her.”
“Matt, what happened between the two of you? What are you not telling me?”
I broke her heart. I betrayed her trust.
I’m going to find her and win her back, but I don’t tell him that. Instead, I walk out and follow Ashley and Penny’s steps into the desert.
Please wait for me, I silently pray. I’ll make everything right. Please wait for me.
***
I squint, the sun a burning eye in the cloudless sky. Sand stings my face as a hot wind whips around me. It’s as hot as the depths of hell, but all I can think of is the woman who’s been out here in this heat for almost three hours.
Three goddamned hours!
Christ.
I shift my eyes from the soft print of Penny’s paws to the horizon. There are so many fucking rocks that it would be hard to see her in the distance. I hope to God that they found shelter somewhere and aren’t wandering aimlessly.
I pause and listen, hoping to hear Penny’s bark, but…
nothing. The silence is only broken by the howl of the wind and the occasional cry of a hawk circling high above.
I’ve been walking for an hour and Penny’s prints are starting to fade, so I look around for a subtle disturbance of sand, a broken twig, or misplaced stone…
“South,” I mutter when I notice the path has changed and there are broken stems in the shrub, almost like someone stepped over them.
My heart races as I move closer to a small, isolated cluster of cacti and kneel for a closer look.
The crouch sends a clean ache through my left knee—but it’s the kind I can work through.
I trace my fingers over the delicate patterns on the sand, certain now more than ever that I know where they went.
My left knee twinges with discomfort as I get up and follow the fading tracks toward the rocky area that leads off toward a cliff.
Michael and I used to take this path when we were boys and our parents were alive.
We’d camp out here, trade stories, then watch the stars until dawn.
It’s no place for someone without any hiking experience.
A small whimper stops me, heart racing as I hold still and listen for it again.
And when it comes, it’s the most amazing sound I’ve heard in my entire life.
I follow the sound to a rocky outcrop, a jagged formation that offers a small amount of shade.
I push onward, my muscles burning and my throat dry as I carefully move through the uneven terrain, scanning the rocks.
My breath hitches as I spot them.
Ashley is huddled against a large boulder, her face flushed and damp with sweat, her eyes half closed against the glare.
Penny is curled beside her, panting, her tongue lolling out.
I rush toward them, relief washing through me in waves.
I damn near pass out. Penny whines softly when I reach them, nudging Ashley with her head.
Ashley turns toward the motion, blinking up at me.
“It’s okay,” I tell Penny, patting her head with my left hand as I use my right to check on Ashley. Other than a few scratches and cuts on her arms and legs, she appears mostly uninjured. “Just tired. You’re both fine. I’ll get you out of here.”
I pull out a bottle of water from the rucksack, then help Ashley sit up. She stirs, her eyes finding mine, and I am rewarded by a small smile. “You’re here,” she murmurs, lifting her hand to my jaw. “Knew you’d come.”