Chapter 31
Aspen
I’ve broken two mugs so far at work today, much to the dissatisfaction of Kevin. But I think he could tell by the look on my face that this wasn’t the time to scold me for it. When I walked in earlier, he took one look at me and said, “Rough night?”
You could say that.
I didn’t end up salvaging my night with my friends as hard as I tried.
Not the drinks, not the company, not the distractions could get my mind off of my argument with Reid.
When I told my friends about it, they at least all understood and validated my feelings about the whole thing. That made me feel slightly better.
Reid tried calling me this morning before work, but I still don’t want to talk to him. Not yet. I know I said some hurtful things to him, but I don’t know if I’m ready to apologize and mean it.
Not while I still can’t stop thinking about Jane and him interacting all afternoon, me sitting right there in the mix, and having no idea about their history.
Especially not when she’s so beautiful and probably experienced and I’m…
Nope. I cut off that train of thought.
“I’m going to unload the new shipments. You good up here?” Kevin asks, breaking me out of my stupor. I’ve been wiping down all the tables, but who knows how long I’ve been standing at this one, frozen in thought.
“Yeah. All good,” I call out. There’s barely anyone here yet anyway. Although, hopefully that’ll change tonight. Kevin is trying out a trivia night in hopes of getting some more traffic through here.
God, I’m dreading that. Usually I’d be excited at the prospect of more customers, more tips. But for once, I could use a quiet night.
The smell of bleach fills my nose as I continue wiping down all the tables in the place. I go to switch out my bucket of water when the door chimes.
Speak of the fucking devil.
Reid walks in, long legs quickly eating up the space between us. His face is determined, and I’m surprised that I’m surprised that he’s here. He knew I’m working today. And if I wasn’t going to answer his calls or texts, he’s not the kind of guy to just take that and give me space.
I drop the water bucket with a heavy thud in the sink, taking my time to ring out the cloth and hang it over the side. Then I wash my hands, lathering up the soap. The entire time, I feel his gaze on my back like a brand. But he doesn’t say anything. Waits patiently.
I finally dry my hands off and turn. He’s leaned up against the bar. That piece of wood is the only thing separating us right now.
I raise my chin. “Can I help you?”
“You didn’t answer your phone,” he practically snarls, but the lines on his face show exhaustion, not anger. There are dark circles under his eyes. Did he sleep at all?
“Hmm, must’ve been on silent.”
His nostrils flare as he inhales deeply. “I didn’t know if you made it home safe last night, or made it into work today.”
“Well”—I gesture to our surroundings—“you got your answer.”
He purses his lips, biting back whatever retort he wants to say. I almost wish he wouldn’t. His hands are behind his back, clearly hiding something from me. I try to peer around his large frame, but he shifts.
I arch my brows at him, waiting.
With a resigned swoosh of his arm, he swings a bag of clementines between us. “I brought you a snack.”
Damn my stupid heart for fluttering. He remembered my favorite snack. My stomach growls at the sight since I’ve been too upset to eat anything today.
I work to keep my expression neutral as I take the bag from him, but he’s sure to brush his fingers against mine when he hands it off. That small contact sends sparks through my blood.
Damn him too.
“Thank you,” I say cooly. “Is that all you came here for?”
“I wanted to talk to you. In person.”
“Well, I’m busy working.”
He glances pointedly around the relatively empty bar. When he looks back at me, I simply cross my arms. “Alright, well can you take a break?”
“I don’t get a break for another hour.”
His jaw ticks. “Fine,” he says through gritted teeth. “I’ll wait.” He walks stiffly over to an armchair near the back of the place and plops down. I suppress a grin at the awkward way his large frame fits on the small piece of furniture.
Tucking the clementines away, I go back to cleaning the pumps to our coffee syrups, feeling his gaze on me the entire time.
I could take a break now. Hell, we could talk while I work.
It’s not busy enough and there’s no one close enough to overhear.
But I want to make him wait. Make him sweat it out a little longer.
And yes, maybe it’s a test to see if he’ll stick around, or storm off in anger.
But he sits there. For the entire hour that I make myself look busy, he waits. With each minute that passes, I feel my anger dwindling to a low burn rather than a raging fire like last night.
When an hour passes, I call into the back to Kevin that I’m taking my break.
Once he comes out front, I nod my head toward Reid, beckoning him toward the door.
He immediately follows me outside and we step into the alley.
I tuck my sweatshirt tighter against the chill in the air, and Reid steps in front of me to help block the wind.
It ruffles his hair, mussing the strands and giving him an effortless beauty. His black hoodie doesn’t hide the tension running through him. It’s apparent in the cut of his jaw, the clench of his fists.
I cross my arms, partly due to the cold, and partly to protect myself. I’ve been dreading this conversation since the moment I left his house last night.
“Well,” I say. “What did you want to talk about?”
“About last night.”
“What about it?”
He sucks on his teeth, and I know I shouldn’t keep trying to bait his anger. But I can’t help it. I’m still angry. Well, mostly hurt, but the anger is there alongside it. And part of me wants to push him to see how he’s going to handle this.
He exhales a steadying breath. “I still don’t know when I should’ve told you about me and Jane hooking up, but I’m sorry that it caught you off guard like that.
And that I wasn’t there for you afterwards to reassure you that there’s nothing lingering there between any of us. I should’ve done a better job of that.”
I blink in surprise. Sure, it’s not the most grand apology ever, but it’s more than I was expecting. The words I’m sorry don’t really exist in Reid’s vocabulary.
“You’re right. You should’ve done a better job afterwards of trying to reassure me.” He opens his mouth to cut in but I continue. “But, I also didn’t make that easy for you. I didn’t try to listen to your side of it. And for that, I’m sorry.”
He deflates in relief.
“I was just feeling insecure after learning about it and instead of trying to explain that to you, I just got mad instead.”
“You have nothing to be insecure about. I promise, it was a one time thing between me and Jane and Nikolai. And I shouldn’t have thrown the other people I’ve hooked up with in your face.”
I flinch at the reminder of that. “I know you’ve experienced a lot, I’m not naive. But I would just prefer not to think about it.”
He reaches out but pulls his hand back at the last second. Scared of making the first contact, scared of being rejected. “I promise, Penny, that I haven’t once thought about anyone else since I found you again.”
That sickening feeling I’ve been carrying around in my gut since last night slowly dissolves. The sincerity on his face, in his voice, is enough for me to try to let it all go.
“We both said things we aren’t proud of,” I say, stepping closer. “But I accept your apology, if you’ll accept mine.”
A small smile lifts the corner of his mouth. “This is going better than I thought it would.”
I laugh lightly. “See what happens when you come to the table with understanding instead of anger? Things get resolved much more quickly.”
“Well aren’t you a wise one.”
“I try.”
Our eyes lock onto each other, drinking each other in. The man in front of me isn’t one I want to fight with. He’s the one I want by my side. His cheeks flush pink in the cool air, giving him a softer edge.
I want to take a picture of it.
After a moment, he speaks again, voice hesitant. “I hated being left behind last night.” His shoulders are rigid as he makes his admission.
The vulnerability he’s showing cuts me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to feel like I was abandoning you. I just needed some space.”
“I get it. Didn’t like it, but I get it. I just—maybe next time, we can still sleep in the same bed after. Just so I know…that you’re there.” That you’re not going anywhere. The unspoken words fill the space between us.
I wrap my arms around his waist. Our bodies molding to each other, like two halves so vastly different in size but somehow fit together perfectly. “Deal.”
He opens his mouth but then slams it shut. His throat works, like he’s swallowing the words he almost said. But I can see them.
See it in his eyes.
The same thing I’ve been too scared to tell him, even though I’ve felt it. I feel it. Even when I was angry at him, I knew it in my bones.
I love you.
His dark eyes soften in a way I rarely see, and it’s there. Those three words.
Neither of us say it, but we both know.