Chapter 20 #2
This time, I noticed something I’d missed before.
A little squiggly arrow that pointed to the three tropical flora stamps she’d affixed to the right upper corner.
Hmm. I held the postcard up to the light, but I couldn’t see anything.
My heart began to beat a little faster as I picked off the stamps with my fingernail with all the zeal I’d normally use to rub off a lottery ticket.
I told myself that this was not going to be a message from beyond. Of course it wasn’t. But any message from her would be a blessing, even a silly one from years ago.
Finally, I got the stamps off, but not until I soaked the corner of the postcard in some water I’d poured into an old coffee cup. When they finally floated off, I blotted the postcard dry on my pants.
Book that ticket! It said in tiny letters. It will change your life. ILY4ever, Liv
She’d signed it the way she signed everything. ILY4ever.
I was a little overcome. So much so that I had to sit down, which I did, and read the words over and over.
I tried to pinch my nose when the tingling started, but I just broke down. I heaved a sob. And then another. And then I started laughing. I had to close my door to get myself together.
I wasn’t a woo-woo person, but I’d always wanted to believe that Liv was somewhere up there, looking down on me. A star twinkling in the heavens, or a shooting star. A bell ringing when an angel gets its wings. But a postcard?
It wasn’t postmarked from heaven, but in my opinion, it might as well have been.
I clutched the postcard to my chest and just sat there, thinking.
About how love is a funny thing. That you can love someone a lot, but you can love someone else a lot too.
Wounds can heal, and you could move forward.
Ani was my forward. Ani was the rest of my life. And now I knew that was okay.
I wiped a tear from my face. “Thank you, Liv, for those wonderful years.” I pulled open my drawer and ran my fingers lightly over the glass of our photo. “And for looking out for me. I love you, honey.” I paused. “I always will.” I placed the postcard inside the drawer and quietly shut it.
Then I went to start living the rest of my life.
Ani
The next day was Monday, and letters in hand, I walked into a plain brick building near the hospital.
Wheeling the stroller with a Rosie dressed to impress in a sweet pink jumper over a little white collared shirt with rosebuds, I’d stopped to put on Cathy’s little pink booties with the rosebuds too, but Rosie had already pulled one off and was working on pulling off her sock too.
I’d been talking to myself in the mirror all morning in between getting both of us ready, presenting my case.
The fact that virtually everyone I knew had written me a letter so quickly and was so supportive made me even more confident that I could explain to the head of the agency, Hugo Rothstein, that I felt misrepresented.
I was heartsick about Adam, but I couldn’t dwell on it.
The stakes if I screwed this up were too high.
Had I been prideful because I wanted it all—not a half-hearted proposal given in a moment of panic?
Maybe I was too much of a dreamer, always shooting for the stars, but I believed that I was a good mother, that I was capable. I wouldn’t be intimidated.
Which was all fine and good, but life wasn’t a fairy tale, as Adam had said. Bad things happened. Sometimes the truth didn’t prevail, and what if I lost her?
He’d texted me good luck this morning, which made me cry.
Forget the marriage proposal, I wanted him by my side, with his calm collectedness, his staid reassurance that everything would be fine.
But I was no longer a runaway bride on an airplane trying to drown myself in Bloody Marys.
It was high time I learned to rescue myself.
Step One was struggling to get the stroller onto an old, crowded elevator.
Especially when Rosie finally pitched the final sock overboard right before I maneuvered her in and no one held the elevator for me.
I scooped up the sock and had to throw my body in at the last second.
And put up with dirty looks to boot. Didn’t anyone have children here in the Children’s Services building?
When the old elevator shuddered up to the third floor and the door opened, I had to blink twice. Adam stood there, dressed in a gray suit, a white shirt, and brown shoes. And a blue tie. Smiling.
I had to blink a few times to make sure he was real.
Here I’d thought that seeing him in the ER in a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, listening to a patient with his stethoscope, was sexy. If being a doctor didn’t work out, he could always audition for the cover of books like Billionaire Boss Hottie and do just fine.
I just broke down. Right there. People around me quickly flowed around the roadblock of Rosie and me and exited the elevator.
Adam jumped quickly into action, tugging on the stroller and then grabbing my arm with his other hand and getting us all out of there before the doors closed.
All the while, he was saying hi to Rosie, telling her how pretty she looked.
By this time she was a total chaos agent, grabbing her foot and trying to stick her bare toes into her mouth.
Still, she lit up on seeing him, smiling, eyes dancing.
I loved seeing him in action. But mostly, I loved seeing him here. Waiting for us. And you know what? It felt like everything I’d ever wanted. I didn’t care about a proposal. I cared about someone being there for me—for us—at every turn.
“Why are you here?” I managed, just in case he was here for that cover model shoot or something.
He took a second, scanning my face with intense eyes. Gripping my arms. Turning his full lips up into a slight smile. “I love you,” he said. “Both of you.”
I let out a sob. I was a camel’s hair close to crying anyway, but that did it.
“Life is nothing without you.” He reached up and stroked my cheek, resting his palm there. “You’re my home. I belong with you—with both of you—if you’ll have me.”
“I love you too. I’m so glad you’re here.” I kept sobbing. “But I’m terrified.”
I could barely see where I was going as he quickly steered us into a large, paneled room with a neutral-colored couch and upholstered chairs labeled Family Visitation Room. I could barely see where I was going.
As we entered the room, he closed the door, took me in his arms, and held me. “We’re not going to lose her.” I pulled back and looked up into his gentle brown eyes. He appeared calm. Confident. I derived strength from that.
He was here. That was all I needed.
“I’m sorry I was an ass,” he said. “Forgive me.”
I didn’t tell him, Oh, that’s okay. Don’t worry about it, as I might have done in the past. This time, I tried for more honestly. I simply listened. And nodded. And he kept going.
“I realized that I’ve loved you from that moment on the plane when you barfed into my Santa bag.
There was no turning back from it. But I was so terrified to jump in.
So afraid of—well, of life. I thought I could protect myself from loving you.
But the truth is, I fell a long time ago, and I’ve been a goner ever since.
So it looks like you can’t get rid of me so easily. ”
I was sniffling, my nose was running, and of course I didn’t have a Kleenex. So I snagged a baby wipe from Rosie’s bag and blew. The fake powdery fresh scent of baby wipe was overwhelming this close to my nose, and at any other time, I might have laughed.
“Adam.” I touched his nice jacket. Looked up into his nice eyes. Kept crying. “Somehow in my heart, I always knew you loved me. But right now, I’m so afraid.”
“Don’t be. I brought reinforcements.” He made a hand gesture like a traffic cop motioning cars through a blockade. “I thought it would be great to not only bring the letters, but also to bring all the people who wrote them.”
I looked up in shock. In the doorway, people had gathered. My people—our people. Daria, my mom and dad, Mia and Sam, Brax, Caleb, Helen, Penelope, and Dylan. And guess what? Dyan and Pen were holding hands. Imagine that.
Angie, Cathy, Tom, Ivy, and BethAnn came from the ER. Even Adam’s sister Anita was there. Everyone. They all came flooding in, surrounding us, surrounding Rosie. And they all waved and cooed and made faces at our baby.
Our baby. Thinking that choked me up and made me realize that I would fight with all my might to keep her. Whatever it took.
Angie gave me a big squeeze and said, as if she’d read my mind, “We’re all here for you.”
I hugged her back, managing only a nod.
Cathy walked up with a special pair of bright green booties with daisies on them. “You’re never too young for power shoes,” she said, putting them right on Rosie’s now-bare feet. Then she grasped both my hands. “Knock ‘em dead in there.”
Dylan and Pen walked up together, arms linked, smiling.
I blinked. Did I hallucinate that? I didn’t have time to wonder, because Pen immediately hugged me.
Dylan said, “Breathe and be present.” This was accompanied by some arm movements like laying on of hands.
“Be like water,” he said in a serious tone.
“Like water?” I frowned, uncomprehending.
“Fluid, adaptable, and calm, regardless of the container you’re in.” Then he smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
Adam was watching from across the room with a slightly testy expression. I shrugged and smiled, and then he smiled back. He had nothing to fear from Dylan.
“Give ‘em hell,” Helen said, giving me the closest approximation of a smile I’d ever seen her give.
Rosie, clearly an extrovert, just kept smiling and being theatric—she kept tossing her cow, and a different person would pick it up each time. When Tom did it, she let out a laugh.
Great. An extrovert, and a flirt to boot.
Then someone else walked in. A tall guy with blonde hair, dressed in a white shirt and a tie and a lab coat. He was holding a brown shopping bag.
“Tyler?” My jaw dropped open as he crossed the room and stood in front of me. “I thought you were in New York.”
He shifted his weight and looked uncomfortable. “I got your voicemails, Ani. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back.”
Wait. Stoic, proper, country-club-raised Tyler, who’d wanted me to bend to his way of life. Who could be so callous and self-serving and unemotional—was sorry about something?
“A cardiologist friend of mine told me about the baby,” he explained. “When I heard what you did, I just—couldn’t hold on to my anger anymore.”
He sounded…human. Vulnerable. Where was the real Tyler? As I gave him a giant hug, I noticed that he looked a little thinner, acted a little nicer. I briefly wondered who or what was responsible for the transformation.
“I’m glad you’re here.” Touched by his show of support, I looked him in the eye. “I’m sorry for breaking things off the way I did.” I was finally saying my piece. “I should’ve never let things get to that point.”
“I know you’re sorry.” That sounded more like the Tyler I knew. “But I don’t want you to be. You were right about a lot of things, and that was one of them.” He held out a bag. “I brought the baby some medical books.”
I peered into the bag. “Medical books?” Rosie was clearly a genius baby, but I wasn’t sure she was ready for that.
“Yeah, you know. Board books that teach you anatomy. They’re…fun. And I wrote you a letter.” He gave the slightest, maybe a little sad, smile. “Nice to see you, Ani. What you’re doing is incredible. But then, I always knew you were amazing.” Then he kissed me on the cheek.
I felt relief. Resolution. I even felt charity toward him. Until he spoke. “By the way, I’ll be seeing you around. I just got hired into the cardiology group here.”
Oh dear.
“Do all your exes move to Oak Bluff?” Adam asked, standing at my side before I could even process that. He wrapped an arm around me and grinned, which made Tyler and everything and everyone else fade into the distance.
His broad shoulders that were strong enough to help carry the burden of everything that was happening right now.
His calm presence and warm humor made me more certain than ever that together we could make this happen—make anything happen, actually.
Not to mention that he was the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen in that suit.
And I could barely dare to think it, but he was mine.
He reached down and pulled Rosie out of her stroller and sat her in the crook of his big arms, a flowery pink rosebud—well except for the green and yellow daisies, but hey, at least she had booties on.
He smiled a big, confident smile and held out his other hand to me.
“I love you,” I said a little breathlessly. As I looked into his eyes, I felt that no one could stop us.
“I love you too,” he said as he squeezed my hand.
And together we led the way into Mr. Rothstein’s office.