Chapter 14
LEAH
By mid-afternoon, I hadn't managed to get Josiah off my mind. I wanted to see him, but more than that, I needed to tell him about the DNA test. And the fact more and more people were starting to believe him. I wasn't na?ve enough to think it would change anything straight away, but it was a start.
I packed up my laptop and put it away, grabbed my bag and hopped into my car for the winding drive up to his place. Slower than the last time I came up here. The snow hadn't settled, but I watched out for patches of ice. The last thing I needed was to skid off the road and hit a tree.
I finally drove past Aurora Lodge and parked in front of the cottages. He might have been at work at the lodge, but I'd try here first.
As I climbed out of my car, I knew I'd chosen right. A light shone from a small window on the side of what looked like a workshop beside his house.
"Josiah?" I called out, my shoes crunching as I walked across the gravel.
The sound of cursing came from inside right before he stepped out, wiping his hands on his grey track pants.
"What are you doing here?" He leaned against the door frame, dark eyes watching, wary, but predatory. Ready to fight or pounce.
"Just checking up on you," I said lightly. "Things were tense between us last time I was here."
"There is no us." But his eyes lingered on my lips as he spoke. "You shouldn't have wasted your time."
"It's my time, I can use it however I like." I stepped closer, trying to see into the building behind him. Failing, because his body blocked the doorway too well. I had a feeling that was purposeful.
He snort-laughed. "Touché. You're still trespassing on private property."
I cocked my head. "Hmmm, maybe. And maybe one of these cottages belongs to me."
Eyes flashing, he straightened up. "Don't start with that again."
"Starting implies I stopped to begin with," I said. "I haven't. Connor and Riley believe me. Fiona too."
Josiah rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Fuck, why did you involve her? Or any of them?"
"I told the guys because I'm dating them and I don't want to keep secrets from them," I said evenly. "And I needed Fiona's help to get a DNA sample from Gavin Clarke."
"A DNA…" Josiah echoed. "You're out of your mind."
"What if I am?" I spread my hands to either side. "If it shows I'm not related to him, we'll get on with our lives." I dropped my hands to my thighs.
"Doubtful." He crossed his ankles and supported his chin with his fingers forming a V on either side. "You seem like the sort of person who'd keep digging, even when there was nothing left to dig up."
"Are you calling me stubborn?" I said, crossing my arms over my breasts.
"I am absolutely calling you stubborn," he said. "You wouldn't be here otherwise. Tell me something, what are you going to do if that DNA test comes up negative?"
I lowered my arms and exhaled. "I don't know," I admitted. "I don't know what I'm going to do if it comes back positive, either.”
"My guess is it starts with the words 'I told you so.'" He crossed his own arms, mimicking my pose. "Right before you tip Gavin's world upside down. Do you think he deserves that?"
"I think he deserves the truth," I said without reservation. "Don't you?"
The side of Josiah's mouth twitched. "I tried to give him the truth. They wouldn't let me near him. They told me he was too fragile to hear anything I had to say."
My heart stuttered. "You didn't get a chance to tell him what you saw?"
"I just said that, didn't I? Doesn't matter; the police would have told him. If he wanted to hear it from me, he could have." He seemed more resigned than resentful.
"Were you close?" I asked. "I know you used to watch her when he was working."
For a moment, I thought he wasn't going to answer. Finally, he said, "He was like an uncle to me. My parents and Coral’s used to take turns cooking on Sunday nights. We'd all get together and eat and whatever. Until that day."
"You haven't spoken to him since then. At all?" That seemed harsh. Like they had the perfect little life up here before it was all ripped away.
"What have I said about not feeling sorry for me?" He narrowed his eyes at me. "It was what it was. I let him down. No reason he shouldn't hate me."
"As much as you hate yourself?" I asked. "Although, I still don't think you have anything to hate yourself for."
He rolled his eyes. "So you've told me."
"Connor, Riley and Fiona, they don't think you should hate yourself either," I said.
"And before you say it, they don't hate you.
The animosity towards you, they were taught by their parents.
All of them are old enough to make up their own minds now and they think differently.
They supported me in doing the DNA." I didn't add that they would also support me if I did him.
That was a whole different conversation.
"Big fucking deal." Josiah shrugged. "In case you hadn't noticed, I don't give a shit what they think."
It was my turn to roll my eyes. "In case you hadn't noticed, I don't believe that. Everyone needs human connection, even if they like to think they don't."
"That's very woo-woo of you." He didn't look like he was buying a word of it.
"It's not woo-woo, it's science," I said. "I know it's been a long time since you were at school, but you must remember science." I smiled teasingly. He was only about ten years older than me, but I couldn't resist the jab.
"I was never very good at school. I preferred working with my hands." He raised one of them above his folded arms, showing off calloused, tanned skin. The kind of fingers that could stroke a girl to orgasm without breaking a sweat.
I swallowed. "I'm sure you are. How are you at making coffee? I know you're not used to guests, but it's the polite thing to do."
"I figured you weren't sticking around for long," he said unapologetically.
"I thought I would. It’s pretty up here." I turned to let my gaze linger on the creek, and the trees beyond.
"If I make you a coffee, will you go away?" He seemed resigned.
"If you make me a coffee, I'll consider it," I said.
That was all I was willing to concede right now.
In spite of him being grumpy as fuck, I liked his company.
He was both attractive and fascinating. And deep down, vulnerable and hurting.
If I couldn't take away the pain, maybe I could ease it somewhat.
He muttered something about me being annoying, but he pulled the door shut behind him and gestured toward his cottage.
"Let's get this over with."
I flashed him a smile over my shoulder as I walked towards his front door. He reached past me to open it and followed me in.
"This is cosy." I stepped carefully across worn hardwood floors and into the living area. Everything was stone and wood, like the cabin in the mountains it actually was. While the Clarke house looked like a little piece of suburban living, this looks like it grew here.
"It's all right." He turned on a coffee machine that sat on the butcher block countertop and pulled out a couple of clay mugs. He sat them both under the spouts, and waited for them to fill.
I wandered around slowly, taking in the pictures on the walls and the shelves full of books.
"I thought this would be familiar, but it's… Not."
"My mother had the place decorated about ten years ago," he said. "If you were here before, it looks different."
I nodded slowly and stopped in front of a picture of young Josiah.
He couldn't have been more than about ten, but even then he wasn't smiling.
He was staring right at the camera like he wished the photographer would hurry up and take the photo.
He wore worn jeans and a shirt that looked as though he'd rolled around in the dirt before the photo was taken.
Behind him, was an expanse of green land and a high fence.
"Where was this taken?" I asked.
"Double Maple Ranch," he said, glancing over. "My dad used to ride bulls back in the day. He thought I might like to try."
That explained the dirt.
"Were you any good?" I turned around to face him.
"I was okay." He shrugged one shoulder. "According to him, I had the makings of a champion." He seemed indifferent to that.
"You didn't agree?" I asked.
"I'm good at pissing people off. I didn't see the point of pissing off animals too. I preferred riding horses to falling off cattle. I used to think…"
"What did you use to think?" I pressed.
He shook his head. I thought he wasn't going to answer. Finally he said, "I thought it'd be fun to bring some horses up here. Take folks on trail rides through the forest. It was a dumb idea."
"I think it's a great idea," I said. "I'm surprised someone isn't doing that already.
I'd be the first to sign up." I might need a bit of help getting up, especially on a bad day, but I could sit on the back of a horse while it walked through the forest. Right?
As long as the horse was very slow and very tame.
I liked some of the wilder activities I'd done with the guys, but a horse had a mind of its own.
They might decide to buck me off if it felt like it.
Since I hadn't been on the back of one for years, starting slowly and carefully seemed like the better option.
"Your boyfriends might organise it for you.
" He turned away to add sweetener to the coffees and stir them quickly.
His back was stiff again, defensive. Like he'd spilled his deepest darkest secret to me and then immediately regretted doing it.
As if every time he opened a window a crack, he had to close a door with a hard slam and lock it tight.
Except, every time he opened up to me, I felt like I was teasing at his walls, pulling them down bit by bit.
"I think they have enough on their plates.
" I walked over to take my coffee from his hand and nodded my thanks.
"But you never know, that might be something they plan to do someday.
Maybe you and I could go for a ride sometime.
" I watched him over the rim of my cup, seeing him processing my innuendo.
He snorted, sending steam sideways. "Sweet cheeks, you wouldn't be able to handle me."
"You have no idea what I can handle," I said.
Would he believe me if I told him I fucked three guys last night?
I wasn't sure if I believed it myself. I hadn't mentioned Brooks to him yet.
I would, but so far I hadn't managed to work him into the conversation.
How did I approach that anyway? 'By the way, I'm also fucking my stepbrother.
You're okay with that, right? And by the way, they want you to join.
' Yeah, that was definitely something that had to wait for the right moment.
"You might be right there." He stepped past me and peered out the window. "We might even find out."
"What do you—" I followed his gaze. The snow was falling heavier now. Thicker. Settling on the ground where it lay.
"You wanted that coffee," Josiah pointed out.
Yes I did, but I didn't plan on getting stuck up here.