Chapter 27
LEAH
"Are you sure about this?" Connor glanced over his shoulder to where I sat between Brooks and Josiah.
His hands hadn't left the steering wheel.
He'd cut the engine, but was ready to start it again at a word from me.
He'd drive us all the way back to Aurora Hollow without complaint. Without hesitation.
If I thought ignoring the past and trying to get on with the present and future wouldn't drive me up the wall, I'd seriously consider telling him to take us home.
But no, this would hang over me for the rest of my life, always in the back of my mind.
That itch I couldn't scratch. Sooner or later I had to do this, it might as well be now.
"I'm sure," I said with as much certainty as I could muster.
Okay, to be honest the certainty was all fake.
Deep inside, I was actually terrified. Part of me wished a flare-up would come and give me an excuse to put this off.
Yeah, that was silly and I knew it. Who would prefer pain to a confrontation?
That list might be longer than I thought, but it wasn't entirely rational. Not in this context anyway.
"Let's do this."
"We're right here with you," Josiah said, giving my hand a squeeze.
"None of us is going anywhere. Okay?" He looked me in the eyes, assuring but as nervous as I was.
He'd been waiting for these answers as long as I had.
A million variations of the truth must have gone through his mind over the years.
Finally, we could find out which one was real.
After all this time, we could put this behind us.
"You better not," I growled playfully. If any one of them wanted to walk away right now, I wouldn't stop them. If they didn't look back, I wouldn't blame them. But I knew none of them would. They were all in this with me, one way or another.
"Come on then." Connor pulled the key out of the ignition and pushed open the door. As if he'd flipped a switch, we all hurried to get out of his truck and step around onto the front lawn of my mother's house.
Nothing had changed since I was here last. Nothing was out of place. Every last blade of grass was perfectly manicured. They paid good money to have it kept this way. As if somehow they'd cause offence by having slight imperfections outside the front of their house.
The house itself? Grey brick, white windows and a black front door. The place looked like any other house on the street. Nothing about it stood out from the rest.
Of course not. My mother and stepfather wouldn't want to embarrass themselves by being different. My mother was so obsessed with blending in she might have been a chameleon. On the outside at least. Behind closed doors, everything was a different story.
"No wonder you left," Riley said as we approached the front door. "This place looks like suburban Boringville. Let me guess, everyone has two-point-three kids, a dog and a cat."
"How do you have point three of a kid anyway?
" Connor asked. He pointed a finger at Riley before the other guy could answer.
"I know about mathematical statistics and all that shit.
It's a rhetorical question." He narrowed his eyes like he was expecting a smartass remark anyway. Knowing Riley, that was a fair guess.
Riley grinned. "I knew that. What makes you think I was going to take it seriously?"
"I knew you weren't," Connor told him. "I'm trying to circumvent some sort of bullshit response."
"Ask a silly question." Riley shrugged. "Do we do rock, paper, scissors to decide who’s going to knock on the door?" He raised his hand, ready to compete for the honour. As if somehow it made a difference who did the knocking. Or the ringing of the doorbell.
Brooks gave him a funny look before stepping past him and pulling a key out of his pocket. He slid it into the front door lock and turned it before pushing the door open.
"Or we could do that." Riley followed him inside. "I should have known you'd have a key. That's kind of our thing, isn't it?" He sounded slightly disappointed, like he'd been hoping for the chance to break the door down.
I hung back, my hand in Josiah's. I hadn't realised it until now, but this wasn't home anymore.
The more I thought about it, the more I understood this hadn't been home for a long time.
Was it ever? Right now, I felt like a stranger stepping into someone else's house.
As if at any moment the police would come and arrest us for trespassing.
"It's okay if you’ve changed your mind," Josiah said softly. "We can leave." He tucked me to him, his body warm against mine. The smell of pine and leather, reassuring, soothing. Home.
A stark contrast to the smell of cleaning products inside the house.
Between that and the buzz of traffic outside.
It felt like another planet. So different from the mountains.
The air wasn't as cold, but the city was colder in other ways.
Impersonal and unwelcoming. A street full of boxes where people lived their anonymous lives. Convenient to amenities, but soulless.
Here, people didn't even know their neighbours’ names. Or their business. Or if they were even home. It seemed like such an impersonal way to live.
"Brooks, what are you doing here?" My mother's voice came from the kitchen.
"We thought we'd pay you a visit," he replied.
I gave Josiah a quick glance before sighing and leading him in, letting the door close behind us.
"Who's we…" Felicity caught sight of me as I stepped into the room, Josiah beside me.
"Leah, sweetheart! This is unexpected." She stepped over to give me a hug and a kiss on my cheek.
Her heels made her taller than me, and her black trousers and white silk blouse made me feel scruffy.
Comfortable, but like I hadn't put any thought into my outfit before leaving this morning.
Whereas she'd probably been planning this outfit for days.
"Hi, Mom." I gave her an awkward hug back, then introduced her to Connor, Riley and Josiah.
"You're keeping some interesting company," she said, giving them appraising glances as I said their names. Clearly wondering what their relationship with me was. Assuming, correctly, the guys had relationships with each other.
"I don't think I've ever been called interesting before," Riley said.
"I bet you have," Connor told him. "You are interesting."
Riley gave him a sidelong look. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. It sounds like a consolation prize."
Connor jabbed him with his elbow. "It's not a consolation prize. There's nothing wrong with being interesting."
"It's better than annoying as hell." Brooks stepped over to the cabinet where the coffee cups were stored and started to pull some out. He checked the coffee machine before turning it on and starting to heat the water.
"As fascinating as this is," Felicity said slowly, "is there a particular reason for this visit?" She picked up her phone from the countertop and glanced at the screen. "I was just about to head out to drinks with the girls."
"Drinks can wait," I said. "We came to ask a few questions."
She laughed, but the sound was a nervous one. "If it's important, you could have called. I really have to head out—" She took a couple of steps toward the door.
"It is important," I insisted. I didn't come all this way just for her to brush me off and walk away.
I knew exactly what she was expecting and hoping for.
She'd leave and when she got back, we'd be gone.
And any potential controversy along with us.
That was how she dealt with problems. By ignoring them and hoping not to be pushed to face them.
But this wasn't going to walk out the door when she wasn't looking. She was going to listen whether she liked it or not.
She exhaled loudly and rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. "Fine." She drew the word out wearily and gestured to the living room. "I suppose we could sit down for a minute or two." As if she was doing me an enormous favour.
Resisting the urge to roll my own eyes, I stepped over and sat, the guys sitting around me.
Felicity lowered herself into a chair and placed her hands on her lap like she was queen of the house. "What is this about?" She looked from me to Brooks and back again, basically ignoring the other guys.
Silence fell for a few long moments while I gathered up the nerve to blurt out what I wanted to say.
"If there's nothing—" Felicity started to stand again.
"Am I Coral Clarke?" I said finally.
She flopped back down, staring at me. Her face was pale, bleached of blood.
“What?" Her voice was shaky. "Of course you're not. Why would you think that?"
In as few words as I could manage, I told her what I knew. At least, what I thought I knew. By the time I was done, she looked ready to cry. Of all the responses I expected, that wasn't one of them.
"Who am I?" I kept my voice low, but insistent. I needed her to be honest with me right now. I needed her to tell me the truth once and for all. Then maybe I could start to get on with my life. And Josiah could do the same.
"You're who you've always been," she said, tucking hair behind her ear and patting the rest as if it was out of place. "Why would you go up there? You know how I feel about that place."
Why was this suddenly my fault? I didn't know what I'd find when I went up there.
If I had, would I have gone? That was a question I'd never be able to fully answer.
I couldn't unlearn what I knew. If I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have met three of my boyfriends.
In spite of all the confusion, I would never regret that. Not for a moment.
"That doesn't matter now," I said evenly. "Who am I and what do I have to do with Coral Clarke? I know it's not nothing. If I'm not her, then who am I?"
Felicity rubbed a hand over her forehead. "I can't believe we're having this conversation."
"Why?" I asked. "Did you hope it'd go away? That if you didn't think about it or talk about it, maybe it would all disappear? Somehow I'd never think to ask about the past? Never realise something was going on?"
"I thought we put it behind us," she said, just this side of snappy. "In the past, where it belonged." She sniffed and wiped tears off her cheeks. "You have no idea how hard it's been. All these years, I thought…"
"What did you think?" I hated seeing her like this. I didn't want to make her cry, I only wanted to understand what was going on. "What happened?"
Did it matter this much? She looked at me like I was breaking a piece of her heart.
I could stand up and walk away right now, let her live her life and forget about all of this.
Pretend this conversation didn't happen.
Pretend I didn't know anything about a missing little girl.
Was it so important that I needed to rip my family apart?
But I couldn't walk away now. No one in this room was going to forget.
None of us was going to put it aside until we knew exactly what was what.
If I didn't insist, then one of the others would.
Connor looked like he was just about to jump out of his chair and demand answers.
Brooks was almost as impatient. If I didn't insist, one of them would.
I took a long slow breath and sat forward, towards my mother. "Who was Coral Clarke?" I asked gently.
She looked over at me with eyes so much like my own. "There is no Coral Clarke. There never was."