Chapter Nine
Amelia
When the door shuts, I finally exhale, but then I get a whiff of his cologne when I take in a deep breath. God, why does he have to look and smell so good? It’s bad enough I sleep in his sheets surrounded by his scent, but now it’s been infused into my nostrils.
Pretending nothing happened between us is getting harder each day I spend with him.
Once I came out of my sick coma and could actually stay awake, it was impossible not to notice all the things he does for my kids and me throughout the day.
Not only does he cook and engage with them at dinner, but he also plays whatever they want for hours and never complains about their toys being all over the floor.
It’s no wonder Lily’s confused about who he is to her.
She starts and ends her day with him—getting his attention, spending time together, and he makes sure she’s happy and has everything she needs. When she was sick, he tended to her every need while keeping up with his job and taking care of Sam and me.
He’s literally perfect, but he’d be more perfect for someone else.
Instead of waiting for him to come out of the bathroom, I go to the kitchen to make my nightly tea and stop in my tracks when I find an electric kettle already boiling with water. Next to it is a variety pack of an unwind-and-relax tea sampler.
I stare at it, wondering when he did this and why. Considering I don’t even use a kettle in my own house, this feels too fancy.
After I add honey and pick out a tea bag, I pour the water into a mug, then add a splash of milk. I inhale the lavender scent and smile at how good it smells.
“Oh good, you found it.”
His voice causes me to jump out of my skin, and a little of the water spills over the edge.
“Fuck, sorry. I need a bell ’round my neck so you hear me comin’. Like a cat.”
I snort at the visual and his attempt to lighten the mood. I’ve lived alone with the kids for so long that having another adult here takes getting used to.
As soon as I face him, I regret it. Still no shirt. All bare-chested skin with a sleeve of tattoos on one arm and a very dangerous happy trail down his abdomen that goes beneath his sweats, leading to what I know is a generous and thick cock.
“You keep starin’ at me like that, I’m gonna start thinkin’ you like what you see.”
Taking a sip of my tea, I swallow hard and curse when the hot liquid burns my tongue. “I dunno what you’re talkin’ ’bout.”
“No?” He comes closer and tilts his head. “Then why’re your nipples hard?”
Looking down, I’m mortified to see he’s right. “There’s a chill in the air. Thin material.”
He nods, casually scratching over his week-old facial hair on his cheek. “Mhm. So…you’re not thinkin’ about our night together that you refuse to admit happened?”
“I’m not thinkin’ about or refusin’ to admit anythin’. I-I told you. My memory of that night is foggy. Almost nonexistent.”
“Is that right? Because I remember every second of that night.”
When he takes another step, I back up against the counter and use my mug as a barrier to keep him from getting any closer. One more inch and he’s gonna get a lap of steaming water and burnt balls.
“The way you tasted when I slid my tongue in your pussy. The scent of your arousal when you came all over my lips.” His muscular arms cage me in, and I lose the ability to breathe.
“The way you squeezed my cock when I was inside you.” His piercing blue eyes fixate on mine as if he can see right through my soul.
“And how your voice sounded when you moaned my name. It repeats on a loop like a soundtrack in my head, and I dunno if it’s a blessin’ or a curse that I can’t get it out. ”
I involuntarily gulp when he says that last part, but everything he said before that sends shivers down my spine and goosebumps across my arms. He knows I know exactly what happened between us that night, or he wouldn’t be so confident as to call me out in the most seductive way possible.
“I was tryin’ to spare your feelings,” I finally get the courage to say.
He backs up, standing to his full height. “What?”
“That’s why I acted as if I didn’t remember meetin’ you. I didn’t want things to be awkward.”
“Awkward how?”
“By explainin’ why I never reached out or wanted to discuss it. I had fun that night, but I don’t see you as anythin’ more than a one-time hookup. It’s not you, it’s me.”
Even I don’t believe the words that come out of my own mouth, but it’s better to shut this down now before it crosses a line we can’t undo.
“Did you just…” He huffs a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “So you admit we slept together and that you pretended not to remember it to my face, but now you’re givin’ me the most cliché excuse of a reason when in reality that usually means it is me.”
“No, I’m being genuine. There’s nothin’ wrong with you. My focus is on my kids, and I can’t afford to get distracted right now when our lives are in danger.”
He crosses his arms, blocking my view of his sexy as hell chest. “Did you tell anyone about us?”
“I told Raven since she was the one watchin’ my kids that night, but I recently found out she told Delilah, and I’m guessin’ Wilder does now too.”
He gives a tight nod.
“Did you?” I ask.
“No, but considerin’ Posey’s the one who took you home the next mornin’, she knew right away.
And since she’s a blabbermouth, I’m sure she told Bellamy, who probably told all of Willow Branch Mountain.
But from me, no, I didn’t tell anyone. Not a fan of sharin’ my personal business, especially when the woman leaves before I’m awake. ”
I wince at the sadness in his voice. “I’m sorry ’bout that. I didn’t wanna leave Raven with my kids too long since Bailey was so young. And admittedly, I was freakin’ out a little.”
“Because of what we did or who you did it with?”
“Neither…just that it happened. I hadn’t been with someone in a long time, and I wasn’t lookin’ to complicate my life after finally gettin’ some stability.
We live two hours apart, you’re Wilder’s cousin, and I didn’t wanna get between y’all either.
I can’t do a long-distance relationship.
My kids come first and drivin’ back and forth or even sharin’ what little time I have after work ain’t somethin’ I was willin’ to give up.
” I exhale in relief at finally getting the words out.
“I’m sorry for not tellin’ you right away or sooner at least, but I didn’t wanna hurt you because you’re honestly the most perfect man I’ve ever met. Seriously, how’re you still single?”
“I’m not perfect by any means. I have flaws like everyone else, you just haven’t noticed them yet.
” His crooked smile meets his eyes. “But did you ever consider I’d be the one to drive down to visit you?
And you wouldn’t have to give up time with your kids ’cause I’d wanna spend time with them, too.
I thought we shared somethin’ special that night and truly wanted to get to know you better.
All I hoped for was a chance, but I understand. Your kids should always come first.”
His words are a punch to my gut because he’s the only guy who’s ever been interested in me that isn’t a walking red flag. But how do I let go of this anxiety that what I’ve been through previously will inevitably happen again?
I set my mug down so I don’t accidentally spill it on myself or him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t allow us to explore more between us, but believe me when I say, it’s for the best. I’m not good at relationships.
Never have been. I have insane trust issues.
I always pick the wrong guy and then am devastated when I realize they’re either abusive, cheaters, liars, or all three.
The only positive that came out of them is havin’ Sam and Lily.
And they deserve a mom who can give them all her attention after years of strugglin’ to make ends meet. ”
His eyes soften with pity, which I hate. It’s the last thing I want from him.
“Your parents abandoned you when you needed ’em the most, so I don’t blame you for havin’ those kinda issues.
But if you never let anyone else in, you’re givin’ in to what they did to you.
They hold the power instead of you takin’ control of your life and livin’ it how you want.
I’m not sayin’ that ’cause I want you to change your mind ’bout me, but rather, ’bout yourself.
You deserve happiness too, and you can still have that while being a good mother. ”
Deep down, I know his words are sincere, but it doesn’t take away my fear.
“Maybe you’re right, and I’m being overly cautious, but I’d rather be alone than worry ’bout my heart or theirs.
They’re already gettin’ confused about who you are to them, so imagine if we dated and then broke up.
They’d never get to see you again. It’s why, before you, I hadn’t been with someone since Lily’s dad.
They don’t need a revolving door of men comin’ in and out of their lives. ”
“Amelia, I’m not askin’ for anythin’ from you besides to be honest with yourself.
And me. If all we can be is friends, then I’ll live with it.
But you don’t need to lie on my behalf to protect my feelings.
I’d rather know the truth even if it’s not what I wanna hear.
Relationships aren’t easy, and it’s why I haven’t been successful at one either.
We all have baggage, trust issues, and insecurities.
It’s how you work through them to find happiness that makes the difference. ”
I want to know about his past and who he’s been with, but at the same time, I want to pretend none of them exist.
“There’s no way you’ll be single for long.
You have so many great qualities that most women look for in a partner—you keep up a beautiful home, you’re a great cook, you work hard but have a good work-life balance, you have the patience of a saint, you’re selfless, and dammit, you’re fuckin’ hot,” I blurt that last one without thinking.
“You deserve someone as equally put together as you are. Gettin’ involved with me would be like jumpin’ into a car that’s on fire and the doors auto-lock.
You’ll suffocate to death or get burned alive before someone can pull you out. ”
“Maybe it’s how you look at it…” He arches a taunting brow. “What if I came prepared in a flame-resistant suit with a breathin’ tank and brought a powerful hose? Then I could fight the fire without anyone gettin’ hurt and be a hero for puttin’ it out.”
He cock his head and smirks proudly.
“And where’re you gettin’ this water for your special hose from?”
“From whichever resource is closer. A pond. Fire hydrant. Outside faucet from a nearby building. There’s always an option.”
“You’re one of those glass half-filled types, aren’t ya?” I quip, reaching for my mug and blowing over it.
“Usually, yes…but only when it’s ’bout somethin’ I really want.”
“And that’s what? A chance with a single mom who hardly has it together?
Less than two years ago, I couldn’t afford rent, groceries, or clothes.
I would’ve lost my kids if Wilder hadn’t stepped in and given me a job and a place to live when he did.
I can’t repay him for what he did. Ever. And I hate that.”
“Why? What’s wrong with acceptin’ help? It doesn’t make you weak, Amelia. It makes you human, like the rest of us.”
“’Cause I—” I swallow down the warm liquid that soothes the back of my throat. “I don’t like owin’ people who might use it against me someday.”
“Wilder would never do that.”
“I know.” I nod with certainty. “But it’s a hard concept to accept when I was raised by narcissists who made me feel like I owed them for providin’ for me, and if I didn’t show my appreciation enough, I was called an ungrateful bitch.
Amongst many other colorful words. And like a statistic, I ran right toward the types of men who did the same thing.
So, yeah…I don’t wanna owe anyone ’cause I can’t pay them back. ”
“Amelia…” He steps directly in front of me, the mug squeezed between us with my hands tightly around it.
“Your parents are despicable and truly missed out on not only what an amazin’ person you are, but your kids, too.
It’ll always be their loss, not yours. Not everyone is like them or the men in your past. In fact, most people who wanna be a positive light in your life won’t be.
My word might not be enough to prove that I’d never treat you that way, but hopefully, I can show you so that at the very least, you feel worthy and appreciated. ”
Tears well in my eyes, and it’s only a matter of seconds before they fall down my cheeks. But I’m too overcome with emotion to move my arms and brush them away.
“No one has ever called me worthy,” I choke out, my voice cracking with each word.
“And no one has ever looked at me the way you pretend not to, so I guess there’s a first for everythin’.” He cups my chin and wipes my face, grinning coyly.
“Um…” I clear my throat, needing to put some distance between us before I lose my mind. “Thank you for the kettle and tea. Once again, provin’ you’re absolutely perfect.”
“You’re very welcome.” He shifts slightly so we aren’t touching anymore. “But I’m not. I just notice things ’bout you and wanna do whatever it takes to make your life easier and y’all happy.”
“You are in my eyes.” I shrug vulnerably.
“Less than a week here, Sam no longer has nightmares and sleeps through the night. Lily hasn’t had a single accident in her big girl pull-up.
They feel safe and secure here. You’re givin’ my kids everythin’ I’ve ever wanted to, and you did it without even realizin’ it.
You’re” I shrug again. “Too good to be true.”