Chapter 28
twenty-eight
On Monday, we invited Seth over to brainstorm the upcoming fundraiser and the app relaunch. We needed this to be a successful phase two.
Ava passed the takeout Chinese container to me. With a mouthful of rice, she said, “One more to go, and then it’s skydiving.”
I nodded. “Tripp wants to wait a few weeks before we do the fifth adventure.”
“You did just get your splint off. It’s probably not a bad idea.”
“Yeah, listen to your boyfriend on this one, sis,” Seth said. Rice spilled out of his mouth.
“Gross,” Ava said, laughing as she handed him a napkin. “But, thanks, Seth.”
“He’s not my boyfriend ... at least not officially. And I don’t know if you guys know this, but I am capable of thinking for myself.” I hated when they ganged up on me like this. Not that they did it often, but that made it so much worse when they did. It was like two tiny devils on both my shoulders.
“We know you are, sweetie.” Ava patted my head. “We just worry about you.”
“I am drawing the fifth one today, with or without you. But first, let’s get this app phase two launch worked out. It goes live right along with the NASCAR video next week. Will your team be ready?” Seth nodded. His mouth was still full of food, but this time, he gave us the courtesy of keeping it closed. “It needs to be completely bug free before the final challenge. The skydive is less than a month away. We can’t afford any missteps with the campaign ending.”
“We’re ready. Are you?” he asked.
To dive? No. To be done with these adventures … yes and no. When they were over, I’d be out of excuses to spend extra time with Tripp, but I’d be free to explore the challenge I hadn’t signed up for. Dating. A small part of me was also starting to look forward to the challenges. “I will be.” That answer would have to be enough for now.
We spent the next four hours going through every detail of the app updates and improvements with Seth. We’d already worked through the new, less thrilling adventures. I’d taken the quiz dozens of times since the first beta test, and I got a new answer each time. It matched me with bungee jumping when I took it earlier this week. I’d made my brother go back and recheck the results to ensure there wasn’t a bug. But there wasn’t. My answers had changed from the first time I took the quiz four months ago. I had changed. I should’ve expected that outcome. I hadn’t, though. Even my therapist was impressed.
During my last session, I’d told her how much fun I’d had kayaking and riding in the race car. She jokingly checked her appointment book to make sure she hadn’t brought in the wrong patient. Nope. I was still me.
Despite the subtle shift in my comfort zone, I still had the ability to turn even the smallest of situations into a complete catastrophe. Just this morning, Ava burned toast, and as soon as I smelled the smoke, I ran into the kitchen with my backup fire extinguisher in hand. Yes, I have a backup fire extinguisher. Four, in fact, one in my office, one in my bedroom, and one in each bathroom. You just never know when a spontaneous fire will break out. What can I say? I like to be prepared.
If I let myself dwell on the butterflies that took flight in my stomach every time Tripp sent a text to check in or called me, I’d fall down the rabbit hole of despair. I knew all the ways I could ruin things between us. I’d imagined our breakup almost as many times as I imagined our first kiss. Every scenario ended in disaster. We’d break up. He’d fire Savie. We’d be homeless. At least Ava had Heath. I’d be left with the pullout couch in Seth’s living room. Sometimes, I entertained the thought of Brett and Mel taking me in, but that was the nightmare situation. I wouldn’t let it come to that. Not only would I have to leave Nashville and move back to Missouri, but I’d also probably start calling him Dad or worse, start to like him. There was always the option of learning to play an instrument and becoming a street artist downtown. Or, maybe I had a promising career as an influencer who shares every panic attack as a way to relate to people or make them feel better about their own lives. Maybe a pharmaceutical company would sponsor me, and I’d get my anxiety medications free. Of course, retail and restaurant work were also on the table. The possibilities there were endless.
“Okay, so we have everything ready for the phase two launch. What about the content?” I asked, bringing us right back to the question of the day. Challenge five.
“What about it? I told you we would figure that out. Don’t stress about it.” The tediousness of the last few hours was getting to Ava, and her patience was running thin.
“It’s like you don’t even know me.” I caught her rolling her eyes and rolled mine back.
“What about the camping thing?” She asked, an idea sparking. “Won’t we be getting content then? It is one of the new adventures listed on the app.”
“Camping thing?” Seth asked.
“Oh, you’re right! I completely forgot about that.” That was a lie I hadn’t forgotten. I’d shoved it into my mental box and filed it away to worry about tomorrow as I packed my backpack. It was Tripp’s idea. He’d always loved camping and had always wanted it to be one of Take the Leap's adventures, but he didn’t think it would fit with their business model. Until we’d encouraged them to explore the less thrilling options. I’d been camping once. I was five and on a Girl Scout field trip—my last Girl Scout outing. After I freaked out when the sun started to set, the leader called Gran to come get me and politely asked that I not return. I hadn’t argued.
“Can someone please fill me in,” Seth said, irritated. “Did you forget I was here?”
“Calm down, drama king. It’s one of the new opportunities they’ll be offering with the launch, remember? We’re going out to Percy Priest Lake and camping on one of those little islands.” Ava said.
“Wait, what?” I asked. “I thought we were going to a campground?” No one had mentioned anything about an island to me. Camping on an island meant I had no way to sneak back to my car in the middle of the night. I doubted there were restrooms or showers or access to power. Islands might not even have cell service.
“All the campsites were booked. Liam said the islands are usually pretty open.” Ava shrugged as if this weren’t a big deal. “Sadie?”
“I’m fine.” Another lie. My dear old friend, panic, seized control of my body. A high-pitched ringing took hold of my ears. The massive lump in my throat made it hard to breathe. An island could also have more wild animals or snakes to worry about. What if a massive storm rolled through and flooded the island? Or a serial killer stalked the islands looking for unsuspecting campers. This was bad. Old Sadie was back. I was tempted to take the quiz again to see how dramatic the change in my results would be.
“Breathe,” Ava whispered into my ear. She’d moved closer to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “The islands are perfectly safe to camp on. I looked them up and read reviews from other campers. The weather this weekend is going to be perfect. No storms or rain.”
I didn’t have to list every detail, causing me to spiral out of control. She just knew. She kept reminding me to breathe. Her words fell into a steady cadence. Eventually, the blood thumping in my ears calmed enough to let her voice in. I focused on her and slowed my breathing to match hers. When the panic receded, I drew in one big, calming breath. For a moment, I remembered what life had been like before Tripp and Take the Leap. I remembered all the experiences I’d noped out on or didn’t even consider. I’d missed so much. I didn’t want to go back to being scared of everything and everyone.
“Thank you.”
“Good to know everything hasn’t changed,” my brother said. “Our chief catastrophizer is still present and accounted for.”
“Whatever.” I shot him what I hoped was a mean stare. “It’s getting better with every challenge, which is why I don’t want to stop or take a break. I need to keep pushing forward, okay?”
“Got it. I won’t argue with you,” Ava said, “but I am going to make sure whatever we do next is completely safe for your wrist and recovery. Can you work with that?”
“Deal. And I think I know what I want to do for the last challenge.” The idea came to me in a flash. It was one of the few challenges that didn’t immediately scare me when I’d read the list, but it would still be a challenge and out of my old comfort zone. I knew everyone wanted to wait until my wrist had more time to heal, but I was ready. I’d let them think I was taking it easy, but I’d be working with Seth on a surprise. “Seth, would you be up to help me with this one?”
“Mind telling me what it is?” Ava asked, glaring at me. Tripp wasn’t the only one overly worried about my healing.
“I do mind, actually. I’ll text you the details, okay?”
Seth gave me a quizzical look but nodded. He loved a good mystery.