Chapter 8
EIGHT
CAITLIN HAD NOW BEEN IN New York City for two days, and she had spent most of that time grappling with the anxiety of seeing Gemma again.
It was overpowering, constantly feeling like she was moments away from being crushed by the weight of a boulder.
She had often wondered if she would ever see Gemma again, but she had never imagined a scenario like this.
How was she supposed to fake intimacy with someone who now resents her?
No matter what they were trying to pretend, they would never be just co-stars.
Gemma was a chapter that Caitlin had walked away from without ever fully closing. And now, every scene, every glance, every line of dialogue, would risk cracking open what Gemma clearly wanted to stay sealed shut.
The first day of Forbidden Love had arrived, and even though it was only the table read with the cast and director, this was the first time that she would see Gemma again since their less-than-ideal reunion.
Gemma had ignored Caitlin’s request to talk last week, so she didn’t know how this interaction was going to go.
After Caitlin had reluctantly gotten ready, she headed downstairs to the town car waiting for her.
Caitlin had made a habit of staying at the Peninsula Hotel whenever she came into the city.
She always chose an Executive Suite, the rooms blending classic elegance with modern luxury.
She felt her calmest here, the soothing neutral minimalism a stark contrast to the chaotic frenzy of New York City.
Her drive to the set was only fifteen minutes, assuming they didn’t get caught in traffic, so Caitlin took the moment to compose herself.
She had learned some breathing techniques in her Pilates class a few months ago that she thought might come in handy one day, and it appeared that today was that day.
Focusing on taking slow, deep breaths, Caitlin felt her phone vibrate in her lap.
Michelle: Thinking about you, good luck today!
Caitlin smiled, appreciating how thoughtful Michelle was.
She and Michelle had spent a lot more time together over the last two weeks that Caitlin was in LA.
Each day, she had found herself enjoying Michelle’s company more.
After they had slept together on their third date, Caitlin had even felt comfortable inviting Michelle into her home.
This led to a few sleepovers, which had become rare since Caitlin’s rise to fame.
Then Michelle had floated the question on her mind—what comes next?
Caitlin would be on the other side of the country for the next three months.
She had tried to be as sincere as possible, telling Michelle that she really liked hanging out with her, but that Caitlin couldn’t offer her a committed relationship right now.
Michelle had responded well enough, but she didn’t seem overly thrilled by Caitlin’s nonchalance.
They’d ultimately agreed to stay in touch whenever they had time and see what happened once Caitlin returned to LA.
But if Caitlin was being honest with herself, Michelle deserved better.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Gemma. The time that they’d be spending on set together might offer the second chance that Caitlin hadn’t even realized she wanted until now.
She’d thought that she was over Gemma, but the moment she had seen her again after so much time apart, that familiar flutter had been impossible to ignore.
Caitlin reacted to Michelle’s sweet-natured message with a heart.
She tossed her phone into her purse as the town car pulled up to the building, rolling to a stop at the curb.
She was already a few minutes late, which had been her fault—procrastinating at its finest. New York City traffic was also a bit to blame, but that couldn’t be her excuse for tardiness.
Outside of the room holding the thick script, Caitlin found Forbidden Love’s director, arms crossed, clearly waiting for her arrival. She winced as Mrs. Ryan checked the time on her watch and said, “Ms. Stone, it’s nice of you to join us.”
McKenzie Ryan was known throughout the industry for taking significant risks that often paid off.
She had a lengthy list of accomplishments, including Oscar wins for both Best Director and Best Picture.
The casts she hand-selected for her projects often went on to win their own awards as well.
This might be Caitlin’s only chance to be part of one of this woman’s Hollywood-shaking films. She couldn’t afford to jeopardize it by showing up late.
“Mrs. Ryan, I am so sorry for being late. I swear I’m normally not.
I promise it won’t happen again.” Always a perfectionist, Caitlin hated when she didn’t live up to the ideal actress that she aspired to be.
The entertainment industry was small, and word always got around whenever an actor became difficult to work with on set. It could end a career.
“Great, I’m holding you to that. Let’s go inside. There’s an empty chair next to Ms. Quinn with your script.”
Caitlin followed McKenzie through the door, the sharp-faced director announcing, “Okay, everyone, let’s quiet down so we can get started.”
Hesitantly approaching the table, Caitlin saw that Gemma’s back was turned toward her.
Her body seemed to grow more tense with each of Caitlin’s steps.
Gemma’s natural black waves today reminded her so much of the fifteen-year-old she had known that the tension in her chest eased slightly.
She pulled out the vacant seat next to Gemma, who returned a half smile from less than a foot away.
It wasn’t the adoring beam that Caitlin had received countless times ten years ago, but it was a good start.
“Hey.” Caitlin’s body buzzed from the proximity of this person who had once known it so intimately.
“Hi,” Gemma said in a tone that was new to Caitlin.
The cast began reading the script line by line.
The film’s opening scenes were relatively painless as they led up to the moment when Caitlin and Gemma’s characters meet for the first time, outside a theater.
That was when things began to get more complicated—both in the script and there, sitting at the table.
Caitlin had known, of course, that they were the two romantic leads.
Watching it unfold for the first time, however, she was struck by how intense their scenes together would be.
“You look wonderful tonight,” Caitlin delivered the line to Gemma, a little too sincerely, as the scene opened on their first date. She meant it, not just in character.
“Thank you. You look stunning as well,” Gemma responded half-heartedly, and Caitlin sensed her discomfort.
Reading through their first kiss was awkward to say the least, not even pausing for the physical moment between their characters, but Caitlin sensed Gemma becoming even more agitated as they approached the movie’s emotional climax.
They set the scene—Caitlin and Gemma’s characters, Kate and Sarah, would be tangled in bed together.
Gemma stumbled through her lines. The dialogue fell flat, stripped of feeling, and Caitlin sensed how difficult the moment would be to play on screen if they didn’t confront the tension simmering between them.
It stained every exchange, every pause, every glance.
“I told him it’s over. I’ve been losing my mind without you.
I made the biggest mistake of my life by choosing him.
I’m sorry.” Caitlin’s voice was raw, suddenly sixteen again and standing on the doorstep of Gemma’s parents’ house.
Not looking at what was written on the script, she tried to get Gemma to meet her gaze. “I’m in love with you, Sarah.”
“You’re everything to me, Kate. From the moment we first kissed, I knew you were the one I wanted to spend forever with,” Gemma spoke quickly, only briefly looking up from the yellow page and catching Caitlin’s eye. “I’m in love with you, too.” The last line came out as a whisper.
The scene marked the end of today’s table read, and Mrs. Ryan excused them all for the remainder of the day. Caitlin thought that, given the circumstances, the day had gone relatively smoothly. Although she had serious doubts about how their chemistry would come across on screen.
“Gemma,” Caitlin called out, chasing after her as she took a right turn out of the building.
Gemma wasn’t slowing down, so Caitlin jogged, weaving through the busy sidewalk until she was by her side.
“Would you want to grab dinner or run some lines together?”
Gemma turned, and the slight smile from earlier had vanished. “No. I have a date to get ready for. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
Caitlin felt the blood drain from her face as she imagined Gemma dating another woman.
“I thought we could start over. The table read went well.”
“Start over? Just like that?” Gemma snapped her fingers at Caitlin. “When we’re at work, we have a job to do, which means I will be professional. But when we’re done acting for the day, you will resume being irrelevant to my life.”
Ouch.
“Fine, but you do realize that we have to talk about things at some point, right?”
“No, we don’t,” Gemma retorted sharply. “You’ve had nine years to find me, and you never tried once.
So look, I get it. It would make your life easier if I could just act like nothing ever happened.
But it did, and I don’t care if that makes you feel guilty, or uncomfortable, or whatever feeling it is that you want me to relieve you of.
Let’s just do our jobs so that we can go back to our separate lives. ”
Caitlin flattened. Time had obviously not dulled Gemma’s anger, and Caitlin couldn’t exactly blame her for it. She would probably feel the same way if the roles had been reversed.
Gemma dropped her shoulders, her anger deflating into defeat.
“Look, the past is the past, Caitlin. You really hurt me, but we’re adults now, and I’m only here for my career.
I’m not sure what you were expecting after all these years, but I’m not going to jump into your arms just because you’ve come back now. You didn’t come back for me.”
“I didn’t realize you hated me so much.” Caitlin sighed. She should have known better. She had been drawn to Gemma’s reckless resolve and fierce loyalty from the moment she had met her. She had never expected that she could end up on the wrong side of that fire.
“Hate implies that I spend time thinking about you. I don’t,” Gemma shot back, her face blank.
Caitlin flinched. She hadn’t expected them to fall back into a friendship right away, but given their history, she had hoped that Gemma might still care enough about her to hear her out. Clearly, that had been wishful thinking.
“I’ll respect whatever you want, then. Enjoy the rest of your night.
” Caitlin tried to feign indifference, walking in the opposite direction back toward her car.
She fought the urge to turn around and check if Gemma was still there, watching her stroll away.
Instead, she kept her eyes straight ahead until she was safely enclosed in the backseat.
She took a deep breath. It was going to be a long three months, but Caitlin could handle this. She had made a living from pretending.
Twenty minutes and a foggy car ride later, Caitlin made it back into her hotel. It was three o’clock, which meant that it was only noon in LA, so she decided to see if Michelle was around to chat.
Lounging back onto the light gray sofa in her suite’s living room, Caitlin tapped the number underneath Michelle’s name.
“Hey movie star, how was your first day?” Michelle answered on the second ring, sounding cheery.
“It was good.” Caitlin didn’t want to get into the specifics. How could she do so without telling Michelle about her complicated history with her co-star? “We just had the table read today, so it was easy.”
“Anything crazy to report after meeting the rest of the cast?”
“Nope! Everyone seems to be getting along well. I haven’t heard about any drama yet.” Caitlin felt a pang of guilt for not telling Michelle about Gemma, but this didn’t feel like the right moment to bring it up, either. Not that there would ever be an easy opening to address something like that.
“Any big plans tonight? I’ve heard that New York is the city that never sleeps, after all,” Michelle said playfully.
Caitlin laughed at the idea, exhausted from the day.
“Definitely not. I’m going to take a bath, run through my lines, and order some food.
I want to get to bed early tonight, tomorrow’s call time is at six a.m. But what about you?
How was your day?” She wanted to think about something, anything, as long as it wasn’t Gemma.
“A bath sounds lovely. My day’s been relaxing, so far. I went to the gym this morning and now I’m lying outside in my backyard with a book. I’ll probably have a quiet night too.”
Michelle updated Caitlin on a call that she had received two days ago—an offer for a new NBC show that would start filming its pilot season in two months, but Michelle wasn’t sure if it would be a good fit for her.
Caitlin attentively helped her weigh the pros and cons of the position, feeling her burden ease at the idea of Michelle taking on a project of her own while Caitlin was in New York.
The remainder of the conversation stayed rather platonic, and for that, Caitlin was grateful. Michelle mattered to her, even if their relationship was currently suspended in uncertainty.
After they hung up, Caitlin drifted into the bathroom and turned on the hot water, the sound of the rushing tap relieving the ringing silence in her ears.
As the tub filled, she ordered dinner from room service, her voice steady but hollow.
Drained. Then she lowered herself into the bath, her back pressing against the cool porcelain as steam curled around her.
She closed her eyes, trying to quiet the storm inside her. The ache of knowing that Gemma would never return that feeling again.
There had likely been a reason that Caitlin never reached out to Gemma in the last nine years.
Maybe she knew that if she did, then they would truly be over.
It’s possible, she had avoided Gemma, holding on to the hope that enough time would pass, that one day Caitlin could show up at the right time with the right words and win her over again.
The water was warm, the room was still, but Caitlin felt as if she were unraveling in slow motion.