Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
Fall Semester, Junior Year of High School
GEMMA HADN’T BEEN SURE HOW her summer vacation would go, considering how badly it had started, but it turned out to be a refreshing break from the pressures at school.
When Caitlin had refused to speak to her after kissing her, Gemma had decided to turn things around on her own.
She had spent the majority of June and July visiting her friends back in Detroit.
Their group chat had been a blessing, keeping Gemma up to date even while six hundred miles away.
It had felt like she’d never left, spending the early weeks of summer with her old friends.
They had caught a Tigers game at Comerica Park, wandered Eastern Market for hours, and spent lazy afternoons cruising the river on her friend’s family boat.
By the time Gemma returned to New Hope, Pennsylvania, she’d found some peace with it all. Caitlin still crossed her mind, but the raw hurt from being ghosted by her had finally started to fade.
For most of August, Gemma had spent her free time with Darbie—lounging on a blanket in the park listening to music, riding their bikes, and shopping at their favorite vinyl store.
Today was Gemma’s last day off before soccer camp started, so she and Darbie had decided to walk to a nearby café to grab lunch together.
Since the day Gemma had met Darbie, she had been her rock.
Two months apart hadn’t changed that—text messages had continued to flow, and their friendship had picked up right where it left off at the end of the school year.
The past month had proved that Darbie intended to stay in Gemma’s life, no matter what.
“Can I tell you something?” Gemma asked, chewing a bite of her turkey and cheese sandwich.
“Always.”
“You were right.” Gemma paused. “At the end of the school year, when you had said that I liked someone, and I denied it.”
“Finally!” Crunch. Darbie had squeezed the bag of potato chips in her hand out of excitement. “Who is it?”
Gemma took a deep breath before quietly saying, “Caitlin.” Darbie’s face didn’t move. “You already knew.”
“I might have had an inkling. Thank you for telling me, though, Gem. You’ve become my best friend, and I want to be there for you.”
Gemma didn’t know why she hadn’t told Darbie sooner, but something had told her that now was the right time. She filled Darbie in on everything that had happened between her and Caitlin, swearing her to secrecy. It felt good to get this all off her chest and finally talk to someone about it.
After they had finished eating, the friends walked down Main Street, making a pit stop at the record store.
While Gemma flipped through albums in the rock section, a girl appeared on the other side of the vinyl rack. Gemma recognized her from the junior varsity team. If she remembered correctly, the girl would be a sophomore this year.
Emily? Was that her name?
Maybe-Emily lifted her head, smiling at Gemma as she caught her eye over the display. “Finally, someone else who thinks records are cool.”
Gemma laughed. “I don’t know about ‘cool,’ but I have quite a collection if you ever want to hang out sometime.” It never hurts to make more friends from the soccer team.
“Sure! Let me give you my number,” the girl said, and Gemma held out her phone.
After confirming her name with the new contact, Gemma chatted with Emily about music until Darbie was ready to leave the store.
THE LAST WEEKEND OF SUMMER break arrived without warning after a grueling week of soccer camp.
Gemma had texted Emily that same day after she had left the record store, and the two had quickly turned their small talk about music into a substantial friendship.
Emily would now catch Gemma’s eye during drills and mouth Tracy Chapman later?
After practice, they would sit for hours in Gemma’s bedroom, listening to vinyl records and comparing bruises from camp.
At first, it had been the three of them—Gemma, Emily, and Darbie.
Then Gemma noticed that Darbie had suddenly started to have “plans” in the evenings, leaving Gemma and Emily alone, a little too conveniently.
Their inside jokes had begun to turn into lingering looks, their casual touches not-so-casual anymore, and their conversations seemed to dance around what they both knew was happening.
After a Labor Day barbecue that Monday at Darbie’s house, Emily and Gemma had drifted back to Gemma’s place like they always seemed to recently.
They curled up on the couch, Emily’s head on Gemma’s shoulder, watching a new documentary about The Beatles.
When Emily tilted her face up and kissed her, Gemma kissed back.
There were no fireworks, no earthquakes, just warmth and possibility.
She liked Emily. That seemed like enough to build on for now.
THE NEXT MORNING, DARBIE HONKED from Gemma’s driveway at seven o’clock sharp. Junior year at Westmore stretched ahead, feeling more like a threat than a promise. She was just glad she wouldn’t have to face it alone.
Darbie had just gotten her license the week before, which meant no more sweaty walks in August or freezing treks in January for them.
Gemma delighted in the feeling of the windows down, the radio up, and the extra twenty minutes of sleep that she had gotten.
It would still be many months until she turned seventeen herself, a fact that felt particularly unfair every time she slid into the passenger seat.
They spotted Emily waiting for them in the parking lot and fell into step together, the morning already thick with humidity.
Gemma barely registered the excited chatter around her as her stomach twisted with dread.
She had done an excellent job not thinking about Caitlin over the summer—allowing Darbie, Emily, and her friends from Detroit to serve as a distraction.
But she would no longer be able to pretend that the cheerleader with the sea glass eyes had only been a figment of her imagination.
She wished she could just hit fast-forward and skip to June.
Lo and behold, the moment that the trio stepped out onto the catwalk, Gemma’s gaze was pulled toward the auburn-haired girl standing across the quad.
Her eyes lingered, tracing the familiar curve of her smile, the way the sunlight glinted off the copper undertones of her long waves.
Catching herself, she blinked hard and turned back toward Emily, who was speaking to her, but the damage had been done. Her pulse was already racing.
Dammit.
After a whirlwind of four new classes, the lunch bell echoed. Just as Gemma was turning toward the cafeteria, Emily gently tugged her aside. Her eyes looked nervous, her fingers fidgeting with her backpack straps, and Gemma wondered what was wrong.
“Would, um, would you wanna be my girlfriend?” Emily asked, rushing over the words.
Gemma gave her a warm smile. If someone had told her a few months ago that anyone other than Caitlin would ask her that question, she would’ve laughed it off. But things change.
Standing in the hallway, heart steady, Gemma felt only a little surprised by the question.
It felt soon. They’d only been spending time together for a few weeks.
But Emily made her laugh, made her feel wanted, and being around her was…
easy. So Gemma smiled again, nodded, and leaned in.
Their kiss was soft and simple, but enough to mark the beginning of a fresh start.
After a particularly sweaty soccer practice, Gemma peeled off the shin guards that stuck to her calves. She swapped her damp practice uniform for something dry and devoid of grass stains, promising herself a proper shower once she got home.
Gemma looped her arms through her backpack and tossed her duffle bag over her shoulder, waiting for Emily in the middle of the sprawling locker room while she gathered her things from the sophomore bay.
The couple fell into step, fingers brushing as they headed toward the exit. That’s when the double doors swung open, stopping Gemma short. The entire cheerleading squad poured in, a wave of ponytails and laughter.
The room suddenly felt too small, and Gemma didn’t fight the reflex to reach for Emily’s hand. At the head of the pack, Caitlin’s smile faded as she took in Gemma, and then Gemma’s fingers, which were interlaced with Emily’s. Something sharp and wounded and pissed flashed across her face.
Caitlin shouldered herself through them without a word, breaking apart their joined hands, the rest of the squad filling in the space behind her. Any hope Gemma had had for finding neutral ground with Caitlin died right there, in the locker room doorway.
SEPTEMBER WENT BY AT A snail’s pace. Gemma had Emily’s hand to hold, Darbie to laugh with, and soccer to keep her busy.
But she secretly missed Caitlin. They stayed firmly on opposite sides of high school society, and Gemma didn’t know how to fix it.
She had a girlfriend, and she knew she shouldn’t care what Caitlin was up to.
Sometimes, she even convinced herself that she didn’t care.
But then she would round a corner and find Caitlin lip-locked with Troy, and her stomach would plummet. So much for being over her.
Gemma began switching her routes to classes so she would see less of Caitlin and her boyfriend, but it still hadn’t helped.
They were like magnets. No matter how hard Gemma tried to avoid her, she’d turn a corner and there was Caitlin.
Every single time, she had Troy’s lips on her.
It all made Gemma feel sick. The way Caitlin had kissed her and then acted like it had never happened.
The way she had run back to Troy, who Gemma assumed didn’t even know about the kiss.
She felt used. Had she only been some kind of twisted experiment to Caitlin?