Chapter 17 #2
“When we went back to school that year, and I saw you at soccer practice… black and gold Westmore tracksuit, hair immaculately slicked-back, I lost my damn mind. I had thought about you every day that summer. Even after three months without talking, I nearly passed out the first time I saw you again. You, all breathless and sweaty in your soccer uniform—that was always my kryptonite.”
Gemma giggled, softening as she seemed to remember Caitlin using the exact phrase throughout high school.
“I felt like such an idiot after I let you leave my house that day. I should have answered your messages. No, I should have been the one to reach out in the first place. I kissed you. And God, Gemma, I wish I had chased you down the street and told you how much that kiss meant to me. But I was just a kid, for God’s sake, and I was confused about having feelings for you while I was with Troy.
But Gemma, from the second you crashed into me, I knew.
I’m sorry that I kept trying to run from it—from you. ”
Caitlin reached for Gemma’s hand. “Even now, you mean more to me than anyone in this world.”
Gemma stood and wrenched her hand free, retreating back into the dim lounge as she searched for air.
Privacy shades drawn, the only light came from a few weak yellow bulbs overhead.
It gave the illusion of being much later in the day than it actually was, the trailer becoming a hazy capsule existing outside of time itself.
Closing her eyes, Gemma tried to steady her breathing.
Hearing soft footsteps behind her, Gemma turned, jaw clenched. “You can’t say things like that to me, Caitlin.” Her voice trembled. “It’s not fair.”
“I can’t help it. It’s how I feel.” Caitlin felt her chest crack open again as she watched pain flash across Gemma’s face like a blade.
Caitlin didn’t know what took over her then, but she suddenly needed Gemma with an urgency she had never felt before.
Needed to hold her, comfort her, caress her.
She didn’t know how else to convey the ache in her chest. She closed the short distance and reached for Gemma, threading her fingers into Gemma’s dark hair as she pulled her in for a kiss.
Caitlin swallowed the surprise on Gemma’s face, and for a heartbeat, Gemma kissed her back. It didn’t last—Gemma pushed Caitlin away and took a step back, panting and glaring.
Desire flooded Caitlin as they faced off, filling every empty hollow of her being.
She wanted Gemma’s mouth on hers for longer than a stolen moment.
She wanted to press her palm to Gemma’s bare skin and rememorize its warmth.
She was tired of feeling guilty, tired of rehashing the past. This tension couldn’t be released by talking.
“Why?” Gemma asked, chest heaving, fingers brushing her swollen bottom lip. “Why can’t you just let me go?” Her voice cracked with despair.
“Gemma, I still—” Before Caitlin could finish, Gemma closed the gap between them and crushed their lips together.
Caitlin felt the world tilt beneath her.
Gemma wrapped her fingers around Caitlin’s neck.
Caitlin tightened her arms around Gemma’s waist. Without breaking the kiss, Gemma backed them toward the couch until Caitlin’s legs hit the cushion and she sank down.
Gemma followed, straddling her thighs. Caitlin hadn’t remembered this dominant side of Gemma—she liked it.
Their lips, then tongues, met in a flurry of raw passion. Gemma trailed kisses down the side of Caitlin’s neck before licking her way across the sensitive skin below her jawline.
Mmm. God, she had always loved it when Gemma did that.
Gemma gently tugged Caitlin’s earlobe between her teeth before whispering three short words.
“Fuck me, Caitlin.”
Caitlin pulled away slightly, meeting Gemma’s eyes intently. “Are you sure?”
Please say yes.
“Yes.” It came out in a whimper as Gemma bit down softly on her lower lip. That was all Caitlin needed to hear.
Gemma had intoxicated her from the day they met. After years of missing out on this high, Caitlin didn’t have to be told twice.
Caitlin loosened Gemma’s scene robe and watched the white cotton slip down her shoulders. She took her in, memorizing every new feature of Gemma’s skin in the dim privacy of her trailer.
Caitlin let her hands roam Gemma’s body, starting at the top of her chest and gliding down across her toned stomach.
Caitlin’s eyes followed, watching, as if her own hands belonged to someone else.
She had to convince herself that Gemma wasn’t an illusion, even as she let out a soft groan from Caitlin’s lap.
“You’re gorgeous, Gemma.”
Caitlin suddenly wanted to take her time, to rediscover every inch of Gemma’s body. With the devoted attention of a sculptor, she ran her hands along the curves of each breast and every flexed muscle rippling across Gemma’s arms, her back—all while Gemma squirmed beneath her touch.
Gemma groaned again, this time in frustration. She was clearly not in the mood for Caitlin to take her time right now. She grabbed Caitlin’s face again, the kiss even more frantic and desperate than the last.
Caitlin knew what Gemma craved, and she wanted to be the one to give it to her.
Barely touching her skin, Caitlin grazed her fingertips down Gemma’s sides, leaving a trail of goosebumps in her wake. Her right hand kept drifting lower and lower until it landed in the space between Gemma’s thighs, spread open across her lap.
With her left palm stretched across Gemma’s lower back and her right hand feeling the need between Gemma’s legs, Caitlin paused.
She looked up, watching as Gemma’s dark brown eyes melted with desire.
Holding her gaze, Caitlin pressed her two middle fingers into Gemma with a force she didn’t recognize.
All the years of regret and longing, of watching Gemma on television—magnetic and smoldering, yet unreachable—had manifested into that first thrust. Gemma was meant to be hers.
Gemma moaned, tilting her head back in pleasure as Caitlin’s fingers settled into a driving rhythm and the sound reverberated through Caitlin, as sudden and fierce as a lightning strike in the middle of a summer storm.
“God, you’re perfect,” Caitlin breathed, panting.
The nails of Caitlin’s free hand dug into Gemma’s back, clawing her way down her skin in a futile attempt to draw Gemma even closer against her as their mouths connected once again.
Gemma trapped Caitlin’s lower lip between her teeth, biting so hard that she was sure it would leave a bruise. Gemma rode Caitlin’s fingers, grinding her hips with need as Caitlin’s thumb traced quick circles around her clit. Every thrust drew more labored curses and moans from Gemma.
Caitlin’s robe had opened, now sliding down her back as Gemma sucked on the crook of her neck, seating herself deeper around Caitlin’s fingers.
With a sharp gasp of pain, Caitlin curled her fingers in response, anchoring Gemma’s body against hers with her left hand. She felt Gemma tighten around her.
A final, ragged moan rushed from Gemma as she exclaimed, “Oh my God!” and sagged into Caitlin’s embrace.
Gemma’s trembling lips found hers again as they both fought for oxygen. Caitlin held Gemma through every wave of pleasure, reveling in the pulsing grip around her fingers. She hoped the moment would never end.
When Gemma released her grip on Caitlin and her breathing had returned to normal, Caitlin slowly withdrew her fingers and wrapped both arms around Gemma, pulling her in as close as possible, wanting every inch of her skin pressed against her own.
“Shit,” Gemma blew out, resting her cheek on top of Caitlin’s head.
She refused to ever let Gemma go again. Without this, without Gemma, Caitlin’s life would always be hollow.
Before Caitlin could get lost in her thoughts, Gemma began to tug at Caitlin’s robe. She eased to her feet in front of Caitlin and opened it wide, unveiling Caitlin’s body as if her curves were a present, gifted only to Gemma.
Without moving, Gemma laid claim to Caitlin’s body with her eyes, blatantly appreciating the sight of Caitlin seated in front of her and shivering with anticipation. In slow motion, Gemma placed her hands on Caitlin’s thighs and leaned down to kiss her swollen, bruised lips.
Their eyes met for a brief moment. The pull between them was magnetic. Undeniable.
Gemma dropped to her knees in front of Caitlin, holding eye contact as she slowly spread her legs apart.
The sudden breeze sent a chill up Caitlin’s spine, and Gemma gave a wicked grin at the sight of Caitlin being offered up before her.
Then Caitlin felt Gemma’s touch, her fingers effortlessly gliding up and down through the pooling warmth. She thought she might combust right then from Gemma’s infuriating teasing.
“Do I still make you wet? More than anyone else ever has?” Gemma asked, a cocky grin on her face that suggested she already knew the answer.
Caitlin gulped out, “Yes.” Her voice was shaky, but the one word could not have been more true.
Gemma wrapped her lips around Caitlin’s nipple, sucking the bud gently before giving the other one the same attention. All the while, Gemma’s fingers circled between her legs, driving Caitlin insane.
“Do you want this?” Gemma asked again, as if Caitlin’s whimpers weren’t enough.
Caitlin nodded feverishly.
In between kisses, Gemma whispered against Caitlin’s stomach, “I want to hear you say it.”
“Fuck, yes. I want it. I want you inside of me. I want your mouth on me. I want you, Gemma.”
Gemma pushed into her at the same time that her tongue landed on Caitlin’s clit. Caitlin’s head tipped onto the back of the couch, her mouth open in a gasp of pleasure.
Gemma’s mouth was incomparable, and after ten years of yearning, Caitlin never stood a chance. Gemma lit a fire inside of her that no one else ever could.
She knotted her hands into Gemma’s hair, pulling her closer as Gemma’s tongue flicked faster and her fingers pushed deeper with each stroke.
“Oh my God.” Caitlin heard herself moan, the sound coming from so deep within that she barely recognized her own voice. “Don’t stop.”
The pressure was building in Caitlin’s core, threatening to tear her apart. The thought of letting go, of losing her careful control against Gemma’s tongue, unraveled her. She whimpered, submitting to the release.
Caitlin shattered. She groaned and rocked with the waves of her orgasm, holding Gemma’s head firmly between her thighs.
By the time Caitlin looked down, her vision still blooming with hazy lights, Gemma was already staring up at her with a satisfied grin on her face.
Caitlin’s breath hitched when Gemma slowly raised two fingers to her mouth and savored the taste left behind.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” Caitlin murmured.
Glistening from exertion in the weak yellow light of the trailer, Gemma was the most gorgeous woman Caitlin had ever laid eyes on.
Gemma climbed to her feet and then fastened the tie around her robe.
Caitlin took a moment before doing the same, needing to make sure she could trust her shaky legs to support her weight.
She sat back onto the cushion, and Gemma gracefully folded herself onto the couch next to her.
She draped her legs across Caitlin’s lap before gently leaning her head onto her shoulder.
Caitlin hesitantly nestled Gemma’s thighs against her body. They sat together in the quiet afterglow, matching their breaths as their heart rates settled.
“Talk to me,” Gemma said, breaking the silence and placing a hand on top of Caitlin’s.
Caitlin didn’t know where to start—the past, the present, the future? There were too many things they would need to discuss.
“Did you ever think about us? Before this movie happened, I mean.” Caitlin started with the question that had been burning on her mind for years.
Gemma just stared into Caitlin’s eyes. There was a softness in them that answered her question, but they also held a shimmer of sadness.
A knock at the door interrupted the moment, jolting Caitlin back into the present.
“5 minutes!” A producer yelled from the other side. A startling reminder of the reason they were there.
“Are you ready for this?” Gemma asked, blowing out a breath.
“I think so.” Caitlin glanced down at their hands, still clasped together. “You’re an incredible actress, Gemma. I’ve seen what you’re capable of. If we can both stay present and out of our damn heads, we can do this. Together. I’ll be with you the whole time. You and me, just like it should be.”
Gemma went still, and Caitlin was afraid she had said something wrong.
“How do you know? About my acting?”
Shit.
Caitlin hadn’t exactly planned on telling Gemma about her guilty pleasure, the show she had clung to like a life raft for the last six years. She could still retreat and keep her hand over the embarrassing truth, or she could let this moment offer Gemma a sliver of insight into Caitlin’s own grief.
“I know I broke your heart, and my own in the same process, but I never stopped supporting you, Gemma.” Caitlin squeezed Gemma’s hand a little tighter.
“Even though it hurt like hell, since the day I heard you got cast, I’ve followed every scrap of news about NYPD Intelligence.
I watched every single episode as it aired, just to reassure myself that you were okay without me. ”
Another knock sounded at the door, and a voice called through. “We’re ready for you on set!”
They held each other’s gaze for a moment longer until Gemma simply reached for Caitlin and folded her into a hug.
Gemma didn’t speak, and she didn’t need to.
Caitlin felt, with the sudden clarity of someone who had wondered for far too long, that whatever had led them here no longer mattered.
All that mattered were these versions of themselves, here, now. Together. Their story wasn’t finished.