26. Jane
26
JANE
“ W hat do you think you’re doing?” I whisper, voice shaky.
He steps forward, and I step back. I’m all too aware of the fact that we’re both practically naked as his eyes drink in my body.
“We have unfinished business, and I can’t hide this.” He gestures to his shorts and a whimper almost escapes. “Do you know how torturous it is to be around you all day in that skimpy little thing and not be able to rip it off of you? To try to hide what you do to me?” He palms himself over the wet material that clings to every inch of him, not hiding a single thing.
I bite my lip to keep from moaning. “It’s not like you’re making it easy on me either.” His body is just as distracting as his annoyingly beautiful face.
His muscles ripple, and I can’t even manage a laugh at the cheesy move. The air in the bathroom is vacuumed out as we stand on opposite sides of the small space. There’s less than two feet separating us and although alarm bells are going off in my head to keep that space, I want nothing more than to close it.
“I think I’ve been more than clear, Jane, and I know you’re a smart woman. But I’ll spell it out for you as many times as it takes for you to finally hear it.” He steps closer and my back hits the wall. There’s nowhere else for me to go.
And I don’t want there to be. I want to be right here.
“I want you,” he says, desperation and longing filling his voice and tickling my heart. “I want you so fucking badly I can’t think straight.” He presses his palms against the wall near my head and leans down to whisper in my ear, “My patience is running thin.”
My chest heaves and brushes against his. The damp material of my suit is cold against my blazing skin, and I shiver.
“Are you going to lie and try to deny that you don’t want me, too? Because your body told me a different story that night in the alley.” His fingers skim the straps on my shoulders and trace a teasing line around the side of my breast.
“No,” I breathe out. I’m tired of lying. Tired of denying.
“No?”
I shake my head and look at him through my lashes.
A devilish grin crosses his lips. “Then are you going to let me have you?”
“No,” I whisper.
“No?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to beg, Jane?” His voice is rich and smooth and sends a tingle down my spine. “Do you want to see me on my knees for you? Cause I’ll do it, baby. I’ll do anything to have you again.”
The steadiness of my voice surprises me as I say, “Are you all talk, pretty boy?”
Smirking, he sinks to his knees, his eyes aflame and holding mine captive the entire way down. Heat pools in my stomach as desire runs rampant throughout every inch of my body as I take in the sight of him on his knees before me. His powerful hands slide up my legs to steady himself. Or maybe he’s steadying me, because my own knees feel like they could buckle any moment.
“Do I look like I’m all talk?”
I swallow and manage to strangle out a small, “I guess not.”
He hums. “Do you think I’m all talk when I tell you I’m going to remove these now?” He fingers the ties on my bikini bottoms and looks up.
“I don’t know, but I think I’m going to find out.”
“Damn right,” he rasps. And with that, he takes one of the strings between his teeth and pulls. The knot loosens until it completely falls apart. I gasp, hands holding onto his shoulders, as he moves to my other hip. He kisses my stomach along the way, repeating the motion on the other side until my bottoms have nothing left to hold them up and they fall between us.
Instinct has me trying to cover myself, but Nikolai is quicker. He grabs my wrists and pins them to the wall.
“Not in front of me,” he scolds, looking up at me.
I squirm and avert my gaze. This is the most I’ve been exposed with anyone in a long time and even though it’s Nikolai, my insecurities creep up my neck and pull my chin down.
“Hey,” he says, gently grabbing my jaw. “Chin up, remember?”
His words send me freefalling to the past, all those years ago in his bedroom, where he told me the same thing our first time together. The reminder has my eyes turning misty, and a glow burns in my chest in gratitude that I was able to experience this with Nikolai then and get to do the same now.
While he’s broken my heart, I’ve never had to worry about trusting him with my body.
He’s always been safe.
He’s always been home.
I lift my chin high but flick my eyes down to him. He seems satisfied with what he sees because he says, “There’s my girl.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to shoot back that I’m not his girl, not anymore, but I don’t want to argue. I want to ride this out and see where he’s going to take us.
His hands curl around the back of my thick thigh and pull. I step forward like he wants, but then he instructs, “Lean back.” I do, and my shoulders rest against the wall. The position exposes me further, but the reverence in which he looks over every inch of me keeps me from shielding myself.
He playfully nips my thighs and trails kisses across them. His nose brushes against my center as he goes from one leg to the other, and I rock in his hold, needy to feel him there.
Nikolai tsks. “It’s your turn to be patient now.”
I do my best as he teases and taunts, licking and biting and kneading everywhere but where I need relief. My head spins, and I lose track of where we are and every reason of why we shouldn’t be doing this.
“You’re torturing me,” I plead.
“Now you know how I’ve felt,” he says against my skin. “Say please and I’ll give us what we want.”
Again, the desire to argue with him rises to the challenge but it gets lost beneath my need for him.
“Please.” The word is desperate and needy and I hate to say it but I also don’t think I’m capable of withholding it.
His eyes gleam with satisfaction, and he finally gives me what I want. His head disappears between my thighs and he immediately finds my clit.
I cry out as he swirls it with his tongue, flicking it gently, then sucking it between his lips. “Oh fuck,” I moan, my hands threading through his damp hair to keep him in place.
He licks his way down my slit and teases my opening, moaning at what he finds. “So fucking wet for me, Jane. You can lie with your words all you want, but this tells me everything I need to know.” He laps like a man starved, and when he brings a hand up to slip two fingers inside, I convulse.
He pumps them in slowly at first, then curls them and presses deeper. “That feels so fucking good,” I whimper. His tongue finds my clit again and circles it over and over again.
I claw at the wall, desperately seeking purchase, when one of his hands suddenly grabs mine. He laces our fingers together as I look down. He flicks his eyes up to mine, and I bring our joined hands to rest on my stomach. It’s such a grounding gesture, so at odds with the carnality with which he’s currently devouring me.
Every stroke of his tongue and pump of his fingers sends me higher and higher. My hips buck against his mouth, grinding myself on his face and he hums against me. God, it feels so fucking good.
I’m getting close and my movements start to become more erratic. My teeth ache as I slam my head back against the wall, the pain lost beneath the pleasure. I clamp my eyes shut as I moan, blindly chasing everything he’s giving me.
Stars begin to dance behind my eyelids and just as I’m about to fall over the edge, everything stops. I whip my head forward and stare at Nikolai in a daze. He sits back on his heels, licking his lips, the bottom of his face glistening with my desire.
“Why did you?—"
He abruptly stands and silences me with a bruising kiss. “I want to feel you come around my cock, not my tongue. Not this time.” He sounds as desperate as I feel that I don’t even complain about being left on the edge like that. I know he’s going to take me right back to it.
I tug the waistband of his swim trunks down and when his cock springs free, he groans in relief. The material falls to the floor and he kicks it away. One of his hands finds my hip while the other strokes himself a few times before lining himself up with my entrance. I tilt my hips forward to give him easier access. His tip brushes my clit, and I grit my teeth, the motion reigniting the tingling in my core.
I’m slick as he slides back and forth teasingly before he pauses with his tip ready to slide in.
“Say it again,” he rasps. His blue eyes shine as he looks at me, pupils dilated.
“Please.”
He thrusts forward in one smooth, hard motion, and with it, shatters every bit of resistance I’ve put up since I moved in with him.
“Nikolai!” I gasp as he bottoms out, stretching me impossibly full. My nails dig into his shoulders.
He curses softly. “C’mon, LJ. You’ve taken me before, you can take me again.” And then pulls his hips back, leaving just the tip of his cock inside, before thrusting back in. Our moans mix into one and he drops his forehead to mine. “Just as sweet as I remembered,” he whispers reverently.
Memory couldn’t do him justice, though. The years have treated him well. He’s filled out over the years, still maintaining his slim physique but his arms and shoulders are corded with muscle. If I thought he knew what he was doing ten years ago, it’s nothing compared to the determined way he moves now.
Hands gripping, pace punishing, thrusts unrelenting. He moves with such confidence, just like he does onstage. It’s mesmerizing. “You with me, baby?” He pauses and cups my chin.
“Yes, sorry,” I rasp, not realizing I had gotten so lost in my head. I rock my hips and clench around him. His eyes practically melt as they roll back in his head.
“You’re gonna pay for that,” he grits before he pulls out, grabbing my hips and turning me around. He pushes between my shoulders as he pins me against the cold edge of the sink. I bend forward, my breath fogging the mirror as my face comes close to it.
A strong hand tangles in my hair and keeps my head in place, forcing me to look in the mirror. Nikolai meets my gaze and his eyes set my entire body on fire.
“Watch me fuck you, Jane. Watch how much I missed having you.” He thrusts in one powerful move and pounds into me with renewed purpose.
I’m helpless to do anything but surrender myself to him. His jaw is razor sharp as he tries to keep himself quiet. But a muffled fuck and right there slips out from his lips and straight to my clit.
I cry out, unable to contain the pleasure rushing through my blood and searing me from the inside out. It’s too much, watching him fuck me like a man who’s worried he might never have the chance to again.
“Unless you want someone to find us, you need to be quieter,” he whispers, and I clamp my mouth shut. But a sick sense of excitement runs through me at the risk of getting caught and Nikolai must see that on my face. “Dirty fucking girl,” he says with a smile twisting his mouth.
The edge of the sink digs into my skin painfully but I like the reminder of it. That this is dangerous. That I don’t know if I should be doing this but I sent it all to hell anyway.
I’m right there. Release is so close that I can taste it but remains frustratingly out of my reach. My knuckles are white as they grip the sink and I groan. Deep lines crease my forehead in the mirror and I mumble, “Fuck, please.”
Nikolai senses my frustration and it seems to spark his own. His eyes meet mine in the mirror and they reprimand me. “Stop running from it,” he says through clenched teeth. “Don’t run from it.”
I know he’s not just talking about my orgasm.
And right now, I don’t want to run from anything anymore.
“Nikolai,” I whimper. I need more. I’m right there, hanging on the edge, I just need something to push me over. To sever that final link to my brain that is trying to cling to my own control.
He slips his hand between my thighs. His thumb finds my clit and it takes barely a swipe before I’m thrown into the deep end.
I cry out, and Nikolai slaps his other hand over my mouth, shushing me as I ride the wave of my orgasm. I pulse around him, and he hisses through his teeth. “Fuck,” he grunts before emptying himself inside of me.
His bones turn liquid and he leans into me. The sink holds us both as we catch our breath. The silence of the bathroom settles in alongside reality.
“What the hell did we just do?” I whisper, training my ear toward the door. “Do you hear anything? What if someone came looking for us?”
Nikolai’s chest heaves against mine in a heavy sigh before he straightens. He kneads my hips and trails his hands up to my shoulders, massaging them too. “I think we’re fine. If someone would’ve found us, they would’ve busted down the door.”
His hands feel like magic as they work my muscles, and I shut my eyes, trying to fall back into a state of relaxation but the reality of our situation has already burst. “You don’t seem too concerned that we just hooked up in a bathroom only feet away from my brother and our friends, all of whom are not supposed to know about us.”
His body is warm against mine as he says, “They will find out eventually. I’d rather they didn’t like this, but if you’re expecting me to be freaking out right now when I finally have you back, I’m not going to.”
I don’t want to hurt him or pop his blissful bubble, but I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. “We still have a lot to talk about, Nik.” I spin around, and his hands drop to his sides.
God, every single thought dries up as my eyes trail over his chest down to his abs and to his half-hard cock and strong thighs. His skin has remained free of ink over the years, even as his best friends created canvas of their bodies.
Non-committal to the max.
“I know we do,” he concedes, “and I'm not under any illusions that this is going to fix all of our fractures, but I’m hoping it’s a step forward.” He pauses, brow raised.
“It is.” I bite my lip and rub my arms.
His shoulders fall in relief, but then his eyes catch between my legs. “Shit,” he mutters, “we didn’t use a condom.”
I blink at him, surprised that I let myself get so out of my mind that I didn’t think to bring that up. But the trickle of his release down the inside of my thighs makes my cheeks hot. “I’m on birth control,” I say. “And I got tested after I broke up with Liam.”
“I never go without one,” he says, “and I’m in the clear, too.” He pauses for a moment. “Have you not been with anyone since your ex?”
There’s no judgment in his voice, only curiosity.
“No.”.
He doesn’t ask why or push for a reason, and I’m grateful for it. I don’t want to tell him that I’ve spent the last two years being so self-conscious of my body after Liam cheated on me that the idea of being completely exposed to another man wasn’t appealing in the slightest. My confidence has been blown in the bedroom, even if I fake it out in everyday life.
I try to step around him to grab toilet paper, but he beats me to it and kneels before me. My breath catches as he gently wipes his cum from my skin, then presses a soft kiss to each thigh. I tremble beneath his touch as my heart beats erratically.
Fuck. I forgot about this side of Nikolai. How caring, how attentive he’s capable of being.
I need to get out of here. Need to clear the fog from my brain and get my racing thoughts under control.
“We should get back out there,” I say breathily. “Who knows how long we’ve been gone.”
He grabs my bottoms from the floor and hands them to me. “Probably better if you figure out how to tie them again.”
“Incapable of tying a couple of knots?” I tease, but I’m grateful he doesn’t try to dress me himself. That might send me into the full abyss I’m currently leaning over the edge of.
“More like I’m tempted to just whisk you home and get you into my bed rather than getting you redressed and back out to the party.” He pulls his trunks on, and I pout when he tucks his cock away. He chuckles and runs a hand through his hair, pushing it off his forehead. “I see you like that idea, too.”
I do. I really fucking do.
But that’s not an option right now.
We wash our hands and straighten our suits and hair. I wipe under my eyes, only a small amount of mascara smudged since I didn’t wear much makeup today.
Nikolai’s cheeks are flushed and the blue of his eyes looks clearer than it did earlier today, but not enough that I think anyone will notice. No one else pays the same amount of attention to Nikolai’s appearance as I do.
“We good?” I ask.
Nikolai reaches out tentatively, but when I don’t move to stop him, he smiles as he brushes a lock of hair behind my ear. “You tell me, LJ. I’m following your lead.”
Not just right now as we head back out by our friends, but in whatever path we walk together from this point forward. I know in my heart he means it.
I brush my lips against his in a gentle kiss that says everything I can’t say right now. He tries to deepen it, but we’ve tempted fate enough.
“You go first,” I say, breaking the kiss, “and I’ll follow.”
The air conditioning hits like a wall of ice when we open the bathroom door. I motion for Nikolai to exit after I check that the coast is clear. This feels ridiculous, sneaking around like this again. We’re adults.
Nikolai slaps my ass as he walks by, and I yelp, then clamp my mouth shut and glare at him. He better not have left an imprint because my bikini bottoms don’t cover much.
I count to thirty, then walk down the hallway toward the kitchen. My attention is fixed toward the pool ahead, and the relief I feel at seeing my brother floating around on an inflatable lounger, oblivious to what just happened, is short-lived when someone clears their throat pointedly.
The noise startles me and I jerk my head to see Scar standing at the island in the kitchen, one hip leaned against the counter as she eats a vine of red grapes.
“You scared me,” I huff.
She chews slowly, her brown eyes narrowed. She flicks them toward Nikolai, who is settling in on the edge of the pool with his feet dangling in, and back to me. I see the gears turning in her head and what she’s putting together right now.
“I don’t know what you think you saw”— or heard , dear god —"but?—”
“You’re not about to lie to my face right now, are you?” She arches a brow but her tone is flat.
I’m rarely at a loss for words, but right now, I can’t figure out how I want to respond. I don’t want to lie to her, but telling the truth means blowing things up right now. And in the haze of trying to process whatever this now means between me and Nikolai, I also can’t think about navigating the minefield of what this is going to mean for my relationship with my brother. Not yet.
“I’m assuming you were going to tell me it’s not what you think ,” she says, popping another grape in her mouth. “But I’m wondering if it’s exactly what I think.”
“And what’s that?” I ask quietly and lean against the other side of the island, my back now facing the pool where everyone else is gathered.
“You’re rebounding from your ex with Nikolai.”
Wrong. But also, not entirely wrong. It’s more like Liam was the rebound, but semantics.
I rub the goosebumps on my arms. “It’s not like that.”
She holds her hands up. “I’m not judging. If it makes you happy, then I’m all for it. You know I care about you. But…” She glances around my shoulder, too short to see over top of it. “Does your brother know?”
My mouth is dry as I shake my head.
Scar steps closer and her face softens. “I know you’ve known Nikolai longer than I have, so I don’t feel like I need to be the one to tell you to be careful. You’re a big girl and can make your own decisions, but I also know you’re aware of how he is with women. And I guess I just don’t want to see friendships fracture more than they have for a rebound. Your brother…” She looks down at her feet. “He might act like he’s fine with how things are between him and Reid, but he’s hurting. He’s been hurting, and he misses his friend whether he admits it or not. And I don’t want to see him lose another if Nikolai fucks you over.”
“He’s not going to.” As soon as I say it, I’m surprised by the assuredness of my tone. That’s been my biggest fear, and there’s still a small voice in the back of my mind telling me to be careful, but just only minutes ago, I felt the shift. The willingness to give some of my trust back to him. He’s made me promises, and it’s time I finally allow him to follow through on them. I can’t keep doing us both a disservice by denying what is inevitable.
“But I know Walker’s going to freak when he finds out,” I say, “and I’ll do what I can to tame the impact. But please, just don’t say anything to him right now.”
Scar immediately shakes her head. “Jane?—”
“I know, I know, it’s shitty to ask you to keep this from him. I hate it, and if our roles were reversed, I wouldn’t want to either. But I just ask you for a little bit of time. This thing with Nikolai… it’s complicated. And we need some time to figure out what we’re doing before we tell him.”
“Wait, is this not just a rebound?”
“Like I said, it’s complicated.”
Scar purses her lips. “I won’t lie to your brother. We don’t do that to each other.”
And even though right now, I wish she would just agree outright and I could walk away knowing that mine and Nikolai’s secret is intact, I’m also so grateful that my brother has her. It’s the kind of statement I’d want to hear from his partner.
“I get it,” I say. “Then all I’m asking is that you don’t offer up this little nugget of information freely.”
She snorts and looks at her boyfriend. “I won’t tell him right now, but if he asks, I won’t lie.”
“That’s fair.”
“And I’m not keeping this from him indefinitely. You and Nikolai need to tell him.”
“I know. We will. We just…” I look over my shoulder at him. He leans back on his hands, head tilted toward the sky with his eyes closed. A small smile lifts the corners of his mouth, like he’s simply grateful for the sun shining down and bathing him in its warmth. I turn back to Scar and whatever she must see on my face has her eyes widening.
“It really isn’t just a rebound,” she muses.
My answer is so faint I’m not sure if she’ll hear me. “No, it’s not.”
She grabs her can of Red Bull and takes a long drink. “Well, fuck.”
I can’t help it. I let out a loud laugh, bending over the counter. Scar stares at me like I’ve lost my mind and maybe I have. It’s felt like it lately. Isn’t that how it always is when you start liking someone? You think you’re sane and capable of rational decisions and then you let them bend you over in the bathroom at a party with your friends and brother who are none the wiser.
“What’s so funny?” Carter calls out, shielding her eyes from the sun as she peers at us. “Am I missing out on something?”
Everyone around the pool is looking in at us, or at me, curiously. I wave them off and grab another drink. I then say to Scar, “You coming out?”
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
I take a good look at her. She usually keeps her face carefully blank, hiding away her emotions, but she has dark circles under her eyes and her shoulders sag as if the weight of the entire world is hanging on her small frame.
But that’s not what gives me a pause. It’s the way she’s staring longingly at the vodka soda in my hand. Almost as if she stares at it hard enough, it’ll magically fly from my hand to hers and she can cling to it.
Scar’s been sober for as long as I’ve known her and normally, she seems to be oblivious to the drinks around her. But she almost seems in a trance and worry gnaws at my gut.
“Scar,” I say gently, “are you okay?”
My question seems to snap her out of it. She straightens and clears her throat. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m just gonna run to the bathroom before I join everyone again.”
She sets her can on the counter and takes off down the hallway, then pauses and turns back around. “On second thought, I’ll use the bathroom downstairs.”
I cough and choke on the chip I just popped in my mouth. I mean, I guess don’t blame her. If that was Hayden and Carter, or even worse, Scar and my brother in that bathroom, I wouldn’t want to use it either.
I head outside and slip my sunglasses on. Walking across the hot pavement, I quicken my steps and set a towel on the pool’s edge for a seat next to Carter. Hayden stands in water between her legs, while Walker is still on his floatie and Nikolai sits on the other side of Carter.
“Where’s Scar?” Walker asks me.
“Bathroom,” I answer.
He cranes his neck toward the house, his lips tense. Something’s off. I can feel it. He slips off the float and wades through the water until he hauls himself out and quickly dries off. “I’m gonna go get her. I’ll be back.”
I glance at the other three, and everyone looks equally concerned.
It’s almost enough to distract me from the fact that now another person knows about me and Nikolai, this one the closest to my brother. The clock is ticking. I find Nikolai’s eye over Carter’s shoulder. His brow shoots up in silent question. Everything okay?
I hope so.
I really fucking hope so.