Chapter 35 #2
“I knew what I should’ve done. I knew when my feelings changed.
I could go on and on about how I wasn’t sure you’d feel the same way, and how I felt my world would be too harsh for you to handle, or how I felt breaking off the engagement with Svetlana might trigger a chain reaction which might inadvertently put you in harm's way, and how I would never forgive myself if that happened. Maybe I’d throw in a little note on how some twisted part of me felt I was protecting you from the darkness in my life because you were the only part of me untainted by it all and I wanted to keep it that way.
But it would all still boil down to one single detail.
” He sucked in a deep breath. “I was a coward, and my actions or lack thereof put you in harm's way.”
Something tightened in my chest as I watched him speak, and I fought the urge to lift my hand and soothe it.
“I should’ve been honest with you, given you a chance to decide on your own.
But I was a selfish bastard and I wasn’t sure if you’d stay if you saw the whole of me.
But now I know better, and I know it should’ve been me and you navigating things and not me making decisions.
” He paused again, his eyes lifting to mine, and in them, I found a look I’d never seen before.
Or maybe I had caught a glimpse of it in the days he came over but refused to make meaning out of it. But now he was in front of me, staring at me with eyes that bled a level of honesty and devotion I wasn’t sure I was capable of handling.
“Please…” The subtle break in his voice cracked something I’d been delicately guarding inside me, shaking the foundations I’d constructed around my heart.
“You lied to me.” I hated how weak my voice sounded.
“I know.”
“You deceived me.”
“I know, baby.”
I pulled back my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “You made me look like a fool.”
“I am sorry. I’ll never be able to communicate just how sorry I am.”
The last bit of defense I’d been holding onto finally broke, and I let go of the well that had formed in my eyes.
“I was so scared, Kazimir. I thought she was going to… the baby, I thought she was going to harm it, and for days, I couldn’t step out of my…
I couldn’t…” The rest of the sob caught in my throat, but strong arms wrapped around me, catching me before I completely fell apart.
“I’m sorry, baby. I should’ve been there.” Kazimir rocked my body. “I should’ve protected you better.”
“But you didn’t. You threw me into a situation I had no clue of and left me to navigate my way.”
His arms tightened around me. “I’ll never forgive myself for that, Gen. Thoughts of what could’ve gone wrong still haunt me to this day, and I know it was all my fault.”
My sobs slowly dulled into tiny hiccups, with Kazimir still rocking me till I got a hold of myself.
“I don’t know if I can just forget what happened,” I said quietly.
“I’m not asking you to forget it,” he said. “I’m asking you to let me stay anyway.”
The space between us had closed, and what was left was a strip of air. I could see the exact moment his composure slipped.
“I am asking you to let me prove that I can be a man deserving of you, even though it doesn’t seem much like it at the moment.”
He lifted a hand to my face, brushing away a stray tear. “I’m asking you to give me a chance to earn you.”
“Kazimir.”
“Tell me to stop,” he said, “and I will.”
For some reason, my throat tightened beyond what was possible, and I couldn’t get the word out no matter how hard I tried.
Maybe I should’ve pulled away or shook my head—those would still act as forms of communication—but I realized I didn’t want to.
His mouth found mine, slow at first, careful, like he was still deciding if this was real instead of taking what he wanted the way he used to.
I let my hands find the front of his shirt, and when I didn’t pull away, the careful restraint in him gave out entirely.
He walked me backward until I met the edge of the dining table, lifting me onto it without breaking the kiss, and I felt every ounce of the wall I’d spent a month building come apart piece by piece under his hands.
There was nothing rushed about it now, none of the frantic heat of the elevator or the careless trysts in the office.
This was slow, deliberate, but consuming in a way that forced my inhibitions to the surface and completely opened him up to me.
Kazimir’s hands trailed from my neck to my back, wrapping my legs around him as he deepened the kiss to an extent I didn’t think possible.
“Kazimir…” I drawled out when his lips latched to a spot on my neck. I threw my head back, offering him more access as he nibbled with his lips and found my breasts with his hands.
Before I had a chance to completely get into the moment, I felt my ass lift off the table and Kazimir began walking in the direction of my room.
“How did you know which one was mine?”
His lips curled into the playful smile I hadn’t realized I missed till I saw it. “Instinct.”
He carefully placed me on the bed, his eyes sweeping through every part of me in a slow but deliberate procession till I felt him everywhere.
“What time does Anna return?”
“About four hours,” I replied, my voice embarrassingly breathless.
He frowned slightly. “I can work with that.”
My lips curled. “Scared?”
He pulled out the bottom of his shirt, proceeding to work the buttons. “I don’t enjoy being threatened with a fork.”
He pushed back the shirt and my tongue collapsed in my mouth. I was fucked. I mean, I hoped I would get fucked, but this was a different kind of fucked.
It was the kind that let you know just how much you felt for a person.
Maybe jumping into bed with him immediately after reconciliation was not the best course of action, but I had spent the last month trying to convince myself he was the devil in disguise and drafting a long list of why I shouldn’t believe anything he said, but it all narrowed to a fact I wasn’t sure I wanted to admit to.
“Are you okay?” His expression sobered a bit. “We don’t have to… if you don’t want to.”
“I want to.”
He flashed me the cheesiest grin. “Good, because I was probably going to go home to jerk off till I died of blue balls.”
“Kazimir!”
“I know, I know. Too soon for big jokes.”
He lowered himself to me, supporting his body with his arms so there was enough space between him and my belly.
“Thank you,” he muttered, placing a kiss on my forehead.
“For giving me a second chance.”
Another on my nose.
“For giving us a chance.”
My cheeks.
“And for giving our baby the best mother.”
His lips reclaimed mine, and this time, I let myself completely melt into him. I opened up; his deep growl when his tongue swept into my mouth hit my core with pure need.
Kazimir’s tongue dragged from my lips to the exposed skin on top of my shirt, where he nibbled a little before undoing the buttons.
“So beautiful,” he muttered, placing a kiss on each breast. “So perfect.”
He plucked a nipple into his mouth, drawing a sharp cry from me.
The sensation shot straight to my back, traveling all the way to my legs and curling my toes.
“Oh god,” I moaned as his finger found my other nipple.
My body began humming with the pleasure only he was capable of giving. The ceiling above me blurred and my eyes rolled to the back of my skull.
Kazimir continued a trail of kisses downward, leaving a path of heat in his wake till he got to my bump.