Chapter one #3
Bray bundled me into a giant hug as he approached. The display of affection always managed to make me feel uneasy. Not because I didn’t want to feel that close to someone, but because I did.
“People are watching.” I pushed Bray’s burly form from me and glanced as disapproving looks landed on us, muttering under their breath.
“Forget them, Gen. I’ll take them on. All of them.” He grinned at me, his dimple poking into his cheek.
I wobbled, nausea swirling in my stomach.
Tell him. Tell him now.
“The lambs will be coming soon.” He pulled me towards fields where the flock was pastured. “The ewes are fatter than my father on solstice!”
“Bray!” I scolded him but laughed despite myself.
But the thought of telling him I was leaving echoed through me.
With Bray’s pull, I lost my sense of urgency. Like a pebble into a pond, my plans vanished beneath the surface.
We sat atop a slab of stone in the pale rays of the low sun, idly for hours watching the puffs of sheep waddle by, their shaggy coats ready to be shorn once the frost cleared the hills.
It would be weeks, maybe months, before spring really touched these parts. Would I come back after the frost left?
Beside me, Bray plucked at sharp spears of grass that poked through the patches of snow as we sat in near silence. His back was hunched, his jaw hardened.
“Everything all right?” My hand landed on his forearm, and his eyes dropped to follow the touch.
His warm eyes were wide as he glanced between where my hand was and my face etched with gentle concern. His mouth opened but closed again before anything came out.
A wave of something in me had me pulling my hand back.
Blades of grass tumbled from him as he stood, and he offered me his hand. Bray pulled me to him in the same movement until we were tangled closely.
Heat bubbled under my skin, making me fidget.
“No one can see us.” Bray smiled.
I had to tell him.
He let go when I pushed back, and I hesitated.
Maybe I didn’t have to tell him.
Leesha could tell him when I was gone.
Yes, that would be better.
Easier.
I had slept my last night in my cramped bed. The medicine of leaving this place clogged my throat until it felt choked. But things could only get better if I left.
My bedroom already had the baby’s bassinet waiting under the window. The small room held no memories, no nightmares—just cobwebbed corners and creaking floorboards. No one had ever tucked me under my blanket at night or come running when I cried. It was just a room.
I patted the silvery silk blanket until it was neatly arranged in a square. My thumb brushed over the blue embroidery of the motif in the corner, the same rounded diamond shape with three wavy lines that hung around my neck—a silk blanket for an abandoned child.
Leesha would have more use for the blanket than I ever could.
Some part of me wanted to cling to it. To stay swaddled in it. Someone had cared enough to wrap me in it. To give me something to keep me warm, to remember them by.
“For the baby.” I handed the cool moon-pale fabric to Leesha. It flowed over her fingers as she took it, eyes wide with unspoken emotions.
“At least they can have something to remember me by.” I offered an unsteady smile. Did Leesha even want the baby to know me? To be associated with the fae that had darkened their door?
Jon nodded his thanks but said nothing.
The crystals of adamyte plinked gently in the leather satchel at my leg.
This was it.
My muscles ached with a yearning to hug them, to say goodbye in some way. But years of stunted expression stilled them until it burned.
“Stay away from the larger cities.” Leesha held her belly, cradling it protectively.
I smiled at her. “I have to look everywhere. There are more fae in the cities, more people to speak to.” I pinched the necklace between my fingers and swung it back and forth. “Someone has to know something.” I said a prayer and a hope to the forgotten gods, to no one in particular.
Leesha’s face furrowed a little at that. “The fae king in the north—There are stories …”
“He’s a king.” I redid the buckles of my pack for the third time.
“He controls trade, taxes. But they say he never leaves. He can’t be that terrible.
” I tried to soothe her. “It’s different now.
” I waved off their concern. “He won the war, but that was years ago. It’s all political now.
Cities and councils hold the power. He’s just a figurehead.
” I looked between the two of them. Jon’s gaunt features were the mirror opposite of Leesha’s soft round beauty.
Neither of them was convinced by what I said, but they didn’t argue.
Jon handed me a waxen packet. “My mother’s salted pork. It keeps well and should last you a few weeks if you’re careful with it.” My throat tightened as Jon cleared his.
How was this goodbye? How was it so hard? Even knowing this wasn’t my home, this wasn’t my real family, I was struggling to corral the tears behind my eyes.
I didn’t look back as I aimed for the path that would take me from Shadowfall.