29. Chapter 29 #2
I’d made a bargain. But no matter the foundation it had been built on—or my current mood—I would stick to it. So this was an attempt at keeping that bargain by quelling the godsdamned stupid urges that were taking root inside me, not an escape attempt.
I wasn’t even really going that far. I just needed to be away from … people. Just one person, really.
There was no one on the verdant avenue before me—just a patchwork of leafy trees breathing in the spring breeze. The dappled light fluttered across my skin like butterfly wings.
It should have calmed me.
It didn’t.
I wound under the canopy until the thicket grew around me.
Cloistered in the confines of the forest, I found I could breathe again.
The trees were different from home, but their peaceful magnificence was the same.
Occasionally, amongst the earthy browns and cool silvery trunks, my eyes caught the shimmer of something brighter.
Pale-pink trunks and lavender leaves dotted the forest. There were even leaves that seemed to shine like gold and warmth.
I’d never seen anything like them. Even the flowers grew in patches of shimmering magenta and greens.
Like they were alive with magic of their own.
My skin felt drab in the surroundings. Even the trees were magical, where I was not. But the forest’s embrace was closer to home than I thought I wanted.
Home meant something different now. It wasn’t the place I wanted to escape anymore. The shades of the memories I held for it were tinted with warm summer light, not frostbitten shadows.
I missed it. Or rather, I missed the freedom of still choosing my own path. Leaving had been my choice, and I had paid for it in more ways than I could quantify right now. And the changes that landed before me continued to mount and grow. Like pebbles in a stream threatening to block the flow.
Beneath my laced boots, the grass was soft, not frozen like in Shadowfall. The trees were wrapped with hugging vines and lazy leaves that swayed with the breeze.
It was silent here save for the soft flapping of hidden passerines that wove through their leafy solitude.
I was right to come here. The peace had loosened something in my chest. But unfortunately, it had not dispelled the delicious agony that still tore at my core.
I may have chosen to leave Shadowfall of my own volition, but every time I came face-to-face with Kaed, my choices before me became blurred, like staring at a candle too long until all the defined edges of your vision fade into all-consuming light.
I needed more than peace in this place.
Following the sound of a rushing waterfall, my path opened up from tightly packed tree limbs to a sheer rock face with a shimmering veil of water.
The noise of the crashing water into the glimmering rockpool beneath was like music that poured through me. It invigorated my limbs to move. It fed into them like pure energy, and my body matched the pulse of the water as I made for the side of the face.
The rock was dusted with tiny violets and velvet-soft shrubs. My fingers searched the sharp outcroppings of the rock until they found smooth handholds; worn away by the cascading fall, the unyielding rock inevitably gave way to its flowing elemental sovereign.
As I climbed, the ache inside me grew at first. Like my body mistook the physical strain for the touch it wanted.
I wanted Kaed physically. There was no way I could ignore that anymore.
But I wouldn’t allow myself to break under that desire.
He’d tormented me in my dreams. He’d ambushed me in the foyer. He’d left me wanting in the hallway.
This was his doing. I was here because he had pushed me here.
I reached higher to dislodge his scorching touch from my mind, shaking my wrists to loosen the tension and forget Kaed’s touch.
A bitterness grew in my stomach at the thought that I had been so pathetic as to dream about him. It was problematic, to say the least, if I was developing lust-filled feelings for my kidnapper. And a prince, I scoffed.
I climbed higher. The roaring of the water, shattering and barrelling over the ridge, blocked out any thoughts after a while.
And all I could feel was the ache in my arms. My shoulders strained and burned with the effort of hauling my body vertically up over the rugged grey stone.
It was as treacherous as the Banes in some ways here. The surface was slippery from the spray of the water instead of permafrost, but at least it wasn’t frigid. There was a warmth in the air that would never have reached Shadowfall, even on the hottest day.
And all too quickly, I was overheating from the exertion on my body, from the long-sleeve layers I wore. I eyed the top of the ridge and made the final climb in three long, lithe movements until I tumbled to the flat ledge.
I lay panting for a few minutes before sitting up to peel off the layers I wore.
I’d missed this. Being confined to such pampered living for too many weeks, my body found it yearned for the wind whipping my hair, the bite of the air as it nipped at my nose and ears until they were red.
And out here, there was no one. No one to hurt me, no one to control me. No one to command me. Or frustrate me …
In the distance, I saw the city. And she was beautiful. She was silent from here. The noise of her council chambers and sparring grounds didn’t touch me here. The heat of Kaed’s chest pressed to mine didn’t—
No.
I was here. Without him around me.
The forest I had found myself in stretched for miles. Rolling waves of every shade of green dotted with patches of lavender and delicate pink leaves. Being up this high, I could see the peacefulness of flying high above it all.
I ground my teeth at another invasive thought of Kaed and his wings and how it had felt to be truly in the air above it all.
Pushing myself to stand, I peered over the edge of the ledge to look down to the scintillating pool below.
It is warmer here …
And without more than a flickering thought, I jumped.
The splash and jolt of cool water sparkled all over my body. And it was exactly what I needed.
I floated, looking up at the cliffs, the fall and the leaves as I let the waters cleanse me.
I was glad to be in temperate water for once and not a hot, bubbling bath of fragrances that ignited my fires rather than dampen them.
I swam. I climbed. Over and over until I finally rested to dry off on the bank of the pool. Under the fluttering sunrays, I dozed.
And the day wore on until the sun slipped out of sight and stopped peeking through the trees.
Some part of me was a little surprised that I had been left alone for so long. I think I imagined that perhaps someone would have noticed the note I’d left and come charging into the glade, blustering about rules …
But the night was taking over from the long day, and there was no one here.
The remnants of tension still lingered in my body; its devious claws raking along my sensitive nerves.
As I lay on my back, the darkness gathered around me, and I should have taken that as a sign to get up. To go back. To remove myself from this peace. But I actually found some sort of comfort in the darkness that I didn’t expect.
My frustrations were now replaced with a gentle burning heat and a languid placidness as my muscles began to ache and simultaneously unspool from the tension they’d held earlier.
Lying on the bed of spongy clover and ground ivy, I closed my eyes to the new feelings tumbling through my body.
“All alone in the dark?”
My spine went rigid, and my eyes snapped open to pure night above me.