Chapter fifty-one #3
“So, everything you did tonight was calculated? A move?”
“Are we still talking about Councillor Gossan?” Kaed glowered as he stopped in front of me.
The ring felt like a lead weight on my hand.
“Lower your voices.” Tymon appeared from nowhere.
He’d stepped into something and was no doubt regretting it. “It’s fine. Kaedian was just leaving to tell everyone what we’re looking for.”
“What has gotten into you?” he practically shouted.
With that, Tymon opened his palm wide, and another shimmering dome of light appeared around all three of us. The music spilling from the glasshouse was gone, voices went silent.
“Both of you”—Tymon looked between us—“need to sort this out. Another time. Either that, or I will place both of you in silence. Separately.”
Even if Tymon was right, I felt like a child being scolded and that didn’t make my irrationally irritated mood any better.
“Just play the game.” I spat my words at Kaed.
“I am. I don’t know what game you’re playing?”
“Me?” I shouted, taking full advantage of Tymon’s magic.
Tymon seemed to be hoping the earth would swallow him. But he didn’t remove the dome, as if he knew I needed this venting cage.
“You’re the one who is acting differently.”
“And you can’t say you exactly hate how I’m behaving.” His words were wicked. Knowing. He’d felt me react to his touch. He knew I wanted him.
But it felt different now. It meant something to me. I knew it would hurt to have him and then not.
So better not to give in if we were on opposite ends of desire’s tether. It would be lust for him. I felt that too. But it was now closely laced with feelings I didn’t understand for him. And I wasn’t prepared to hurt for him.
No one said anything for a moment.
“Are we quite done here?” Tymon, the mediator between us.
Neither of us answered. Our eyes were mirrored flames of violet and blue.
“We’re done,” I said eventually, my eyes not leaving Kaed, as if I could set him on fire if I stared hard enough.
Tymon’s magic shimmered and faded, and the sound of the world around us rushed back in.
“I’ll be in in a minute.” I knew we had a job to do, but I needed space.
My chest ached, and my limbs felt like they wanted to pull apart. I’d have clawed at my skin if I thought it would get rid of the feelings inside of me.
This was Kaed’s game. And I was still a part of it. He’d asked me to stay, baited me with the hope of help for my family and that search. But was it all just for his benefit somehow?
My chin wobbled, and I was glad my back was to him.
“Imogen—” Kaed started before Tymon ushered him back inside.
Finally alone, I stood on the lawn and threw my head back to the blanket of stars and inky skies above.
I wasn’t ready to go back inside, to play a role.
Because all I wanted, and I could admit it to myself, was for it to be real.
Not pretend. I wanted him. It might be deep down inside of me, so deep maybe that feeling had been there since the very start.
But it was awake now. And he’d offered to help me, given me freedom and then a reason to stay.
He’d swayed me to him; he’d kept me even when I could leave.
Had I stayed for my family, or because he’d asked me to? Because I wanted to. It troubled me to feel the need for Kaed swim through me the way I imagined magic felt, part of you. Consuming. Woven into you like air in your lungs. It stung to want him in a different way from how he wanted me.
Godsdamned beautiful fae bastard making my life difficult from the moment I met him.
Minutes passed, and the stillness of the air soothed me until my heart steadied into a calming beat.
With a deep breath, I gathered my skirts and turned to head back in.
I halted before the doors. “Eryk. I didn’t see you. Have you been there long?”
“Long enough to wonder if you had reconsidered my offer from earlier?”
I had been thinking about his words all night. Eryk had been right. Perhaps I should have been thinking of his offer to leave this city.
Had I been foolish to stay on the promise of Kaed’s help only to end up tangled in feelings?
It dawned on me then that Eryk was probably the first person to have truly offered me a clue to my family.
Had he known I was Auroran and, in his way, tried to help me understand that?
I wanted to ask him, but all I could think of were his words from earlier. I could have left with him.
Eryk didn’t know Kaed had offered help with my family, offered me freedom. How could I explain that to him? To Eryk, he was saving me from an unhappy marriage.
I laughed at the twisted irony wrapped up in all of that. How could I explain I was unhappy because this wasn’t a marriage?
“What’s funny?”
“Nothing.” My brow knitted as a headache bloomed between my eyes. “I’m sorry, Eryk. I don’t know what to say.”
“Walk with me?”
It was hard to resist his charm, but I knew I shouldn’t give in to it.
“Please. I can’t promise Kaedian will be happy about it, but I can promise some company.”
Ease washed over me as I took Eryk’s offered arm.