Chapter 26 #2
“It made me look at everything my father ever taught me sideways. It made me see how he’d backstabbed other allies in the past. But he’d also backstab me.
I decided I was justified doing what I did,” he goes on heavily.
“I needed to get revenge by sabotaging them. So I started working with Dren and the Albanians to get it done.”
“And your son…” I trail off sadly.
Pain etches itself onto his face as he closes his eyes. “It’s not Ronan’s fault Eddie’s dead. It’s… my fault. I put him up to spying on the family; I pulled him into my revenge plan. Ronan was… he was just protecting what was his.”
“Lochlan, you felt alone. You were isolated,” I start, but he shakes his head.
“It doesn’t excuse it. It doesn’t make it alright that I put my son in a grave.”
“You would’ve never done those things if you knew what would happen!
” I interrupt. “It’s easy to say afterward what you would and wouldn’t have done.
Hindsight’s twenty-twenty, right? But you were locked up in a maximum security prison, about to waste almost a decade of your life there!
Who knows what anybody would start thinking after that.
After you were the only one to take the fall for everybody. ”
“Listen, don’t defend me,” he says simply. He opens his eyes, the shade of green morphing into a darker, deeper hue. “I’ve told you before, I’m not a good man. I’m the reason you’ve suffered, brat. I’m the one who brought it all to your doorstep.
“I kidnapped you. Took you away from your life as you knew it. Made you suffer for weeks in that hellhole estate. Tormented you at every fucking chance and sold you to the Bratva. Even tonight… it never would’ve happened if I hadn’t gotten you mixed up in my shit.
You’ve been traumatized because I brought it on you. It’s on me.”
“That’s not tru—”
“It is true,” he grunts. “It’s why I let you go that night. You were fucking bruised and bleeding. It’s why I’ve stayed away these past few weeks. I couldn’t be around you when all I do is make you suffer. Without even fucking trying—”
“You’re right!” I call out, cutting him off. “Everything you just said? One hundred percent facts. If you hadn’t kidnapped me, none of this would’ve happened.”
His brow creases as if pained all over again, but I plunge on. My hands come up to hold his face, the coarse hairs on his beard scratching my palms.
“If you had never done any of those things, I’d still be the same old me,” I say.
“I would’ve kept living in my fake little curated world.
Brunches at Café Boulud. Shopping trips at Bergdorf’s.
Vacations in the Maldives. Boyfriends like LaMalfa.
If you never did what you did, I would still probably be dating his pompous ass.
“But you said it yourself—you can’t hide from what’s real forever.
I was wearing rose-colored glasses, Lochlan.
I was hiding from things that were staring me in the face, like my Dad’s infidelity and losing my Mom, because it was easier to focus on the sparkly jewelry and latest fashion week.
I’m still me. I’m always gonna do me and will always love those things.
But I was using them to hide from what was real. ”
“Real?” he says. “You didn’t need to be held captive to know what was real.”
“Maybe not. But the darkness you brought into my life taught me some things. You ripped off the rose-colored glasses and made me see the world for what it actually is. Made me see my father for what he actually was.”
“That’s not exactly a gift, brat.”
“Okay… also maybe not. But I’d rather know the truth than keep living a lie.
” I stroke my thumb across his cheekbone, my head tilted up toward his as I peer at him.
“You know what else? I learned that I can deal. When shit gets real, I’m still gonna shine.
I’m still the same Chantal, and I’m strong enough to handle it.
I’m not just some spoiled brat who falls apart when things get hard… or when I break a nail.”
“I learned that firsthand. You hung in there longer than I thought you would.”
A small smile teases my lips. “I know I did. I’m tougher than I look.”
He bows his head, face hovering inches from mine as if he’s so tempted to kiss me he can barely hold himself back.
The look in his eyes says it all: Lochlan Callahan is captivated by me. He’s so damn into me he’s naturally drawn to me.
“So believe me when I say you brought this whole situation to my doorstep, but I don’t blame you. You’ve always been yourself. Always the real you. You don’t tell lies or sanitize anything. You stand on business, and that’s what I want,” I say. “I’m tired of the fakeness. I want what’s real.”
We both respond to what I’ve said by inching more toward each other. I lean up into him and Lochlan comes down to me. His lips seal over mine and the warm affection instantly makes my heart flutter.
It’s our first kiss in weeks. It’s the first time we’ve been able to solidify our connection after spending so long apart.
Some would say it’s insane to be letting myself get swept up by Lochlan right now, but you know what?
Fuck it.
I need to feel good after what I’ve been through; I need the care and affection and his thick arms that wrap around me.
If anything, it’s healing. It’s enough to make the shaky sensation inside vanish.
We trade kisses for a few more seconds, simply relieved to be together again, and then we untangle ourselves long enough to move to the bathroom.
I was serious when I said we’re both pretty nasty and are in desperate need of some bathing.
We revert to what we know—the full-sized Roman tub in my bathroom. It seems appropriate given our history with bathtubs.
I smirk at him as I twist on the faucets and he dims the lights. We meet at the side of the tub and strip away the last of our undergarments. His boxers fall as I unhook my bra and then roll off my panties.
Lochlan holds out his hand to help me into the tub. I don’t miss how his gaze scans the length of me, greedily taking in every thick, plump curve he’s missed for weeks.
Steam is filling the room as we slide in together. Lochlan brackets me, the security he provides even by sitting behind me so damn comforting.
I release a soft sigh, tilting my head back onto his shoulder. I’ve added a bath bomb and a few drops of lavender oil to not only turn the water a frothy purple but to spread the soothing aroma through the room.
“This is… this is what I needed,” I murmur. “After the fuckery that was tonight.”
“Mm,” he hums. He kisses the tip of my shoulder, his arms swathed over my hips. “This is what I needed after three fucking weeks in condemned buildings.”
“Is that where you’ve been all this time?”
“You don’t want to know, brat. They made the estate look like summer camp. The rats at these places? The size of cats—and small dogs.”
I shudder, tempted to retch. “Don’t even put that mental image in my head! This is my relaxation bath time. Not let’s talk about freakishly huge rodents time… which is never. If I have my way, I won’t ever see another rat or mouse for as long as I live.”
He grunts. “You live in New York City, and you even take the subway sometimes. Fat chance, brat.”
“Okay, point made. But that just reminds me I need to hire a new driver.”
His laugh is throaty and thick and pierces straight through me. It makes me laugh too as his arms tighten around me and he hugs me against him.
It’s proof that Lochlan Callahan might be a bad man as he says; he might be the villain he’s built himself up to be.
But at the end of the day, he’s still a man who’s fallen for a woman. A man who has given up going down the path of revenge for a woman he’s decided is worth more.
…that woman just so happens to be me.
“So what now?” I ask once our laughter dies down.
He drops a kiss to the edge of my jaw. “Don’t know. Haven’t thought that far ahead… for once.”
“Tonight was… a lot.”
“Understatement.”
“How about,” I say slowly, “how about we just… chill for a while? Me and you. Here. On my turf for once.”
“Negotiating terms again,” he says, and I peek at him from over my shoulder with a smirk. He’s already grinning at me, a glint in his gaze. “Your apartment is doable. But what about privileges?”
I cackle, clapping my hands together. “Not you asking for privileges! Excuse me, Mr. Psychopath, but I’m not holding you captive like you did me. Remember?”
“Brat, your entire apartment is pink. You have a furry rug and a teddy bear on your bed and a fluffy cat that has a diamond collar. It might not be the same kinda captivity… but it’s punishment enough.”
“Alright, fine. My turf, and you… get to have your way with me.”
“Those terms are agreeable.”
“So long as you also eat my pussy.”
“That’s hardly a punishment, brat.”
He squeezes my hips and then pulls me back tighter against his chest, sending water splashing over the edge of the tub. My cackling laughter grows louder as I squirm and try to escape him.
“Lochlan!”
“Always negotiating benefits in your favor,” he growls, nipping at my jaw. “Fuck, one of the many things I can’t get enough about you.”
We settle eventually for the relaxing bath we both had in mind, but that’s only after I’ve gotten my way and Lochlan’s gotten a chance to fondle my goodies and make me feel comforted and cared for.
It’s not a solution to the mess from tonight. Everything that went down is still an unsolved hot mess. But it’s what we both need in the moment, and for us, that’s all that matters.