Chapter 26 #2
The words sounded scandalous even in an empty room.
Still, the more she thought upon it, the more determined she became. They were married. Properly married. Surely it was not unreasonable for a wife to seek out her own husband.
Charlotte sat upright abruptly before she could lose courage.
Her heart hammered as she slipped from bed and wrapped a silk robe around herself.
The corridor beyond her chamber was dimly lit by dying candles as she quietly padded toward Victor’s rooms, every step making her feel both foolish and daring.
By the time she reached his door, her pulse was racing wildly.
She hesitated only a moment before gently opening it.
Victor sat upright in bed immediately, startled by the intrusion. Candlelight flickered beside him, illuminating his bare chest and dishevelled dark hair as his eyes fixed upon her in confusion.
“Charlotte?”
The sound of her name on his lips made her stomach flutter painfully.
For one dreadful second, she wondered if she had made a terrible mistake. He looked genuinely surprised to see her standing there in the middle of the night, her robe clutched nervously around her body. Perhaps he had not wanted her to come at all.
“I am sorry,” she said quickly. “I did not mean to disturb you.”
Victor stared at her for another stunned moment before finally pushing aside the blankets and standing. “You are not disturbing me.” His voice softened slightly. “I simply did not expect you.”
Charlotte’s chest tightened at that.
Do not expect me. As though the idea of me seeking him out has never even crossed his mind.
Victor stepped closer, his expression unreadable. “Has something happened?”
“No,” she answered softly. “At least… I do not think so.”
One dark brow lifted. “That sounds ominous.”
Despite herself, Charlotte gave a small laugh. “I merely…” She faltered awkwardly. “I thought perhaps husbands and wives ought to spend more nights together.”
Understanding slowly dawned across his features then. Not annoyance. Not displeasure.
Desire.
It entered his eyes so suddenly and intensely that heat rushed through her entire body.
“Ah,” Victor murmured.
The way he said that one simple word nearly undid her entirely.
“I began to think,” Charlotte continued nervously, “that perhaps you were avoiding me.”
Victor exhaled quietly and dragged a hand through his hair. “I suppose I have been guilty of that.”
The honesty startled her.
“Why?” she asked before she could stop herself.
He gave a low, humourless laugh. “Because you are dangerous to my peace of mind, Duchess.”
Charlotte stared at him helplessly.
Then Victor stepped forward, took her face gently in his hands, and kissed her.
The ache of missing him hit her all at once.
My God.
Charlotte melted against him immediately, her fingers clutching at the front of his loose shirt as his mouth moved slowly over hers.
Every kiss felt hungry yet restrained at the same time, as though he were trying very hard not to lose himself entirely.
She had missed this, missed him more than she had allowed herself to admit.
Victor kissed her again more deeply, and Charlotte shivered beneath the warmth of his touch.
“There is my wife,” he murmured against her lips.
Her heart squeezed painfully.
He guided her toward the bed, his hands lingering at her waist possessively as though reacquainting himself with her body after days apart. Charlotte’s breath caught each time his fingers brushed her. She realized with alarming clarity just how deeply she desired him now.
I want all of him.
Victor tilted her chin upward gently. “Forgive my negligence regarding nightly husbandly duties.”
His wicked smile made her cheeks burn instantly. “You are impossible.”
“And yet you came searching for me.”
“That was clearly a moment of poor judgement.”
Victor laughed softly, then kissed her forehead. “Liar.”
Charlotte smiled despite herself as he drew her onto the bed beside him. The intimacy of simply sitting there together in the candlelight made her chest ache strangely. His hand stroked slowly along her back while she rested against him, warm and safe.
The realization struck her again with frightening force.
Victor brushed his lips against her temple. “You are quiet tonight.”
Charlotte hesitated before speaking softly. “Elizabeth mentioned children today.”
The moment the words left her mouth, everything changed.
Victor’s entire body stiffened beside her.
Charlotte slowly pulled back enough to look at him properly. The warmth vanished from his expression almost instantly, replaced by that familiar guardedness she hated. It was as though a wall had slammed into place between them.
“I see,” he said carefully.
Charlotte swallowed. “She seemed so happy speaking of great-grandchildren.”
Victor looked away first. “Grandmother enjoys fantasies.”
Pain flickered through her chest. “Is that all they are?”
His jaw tightened visibly.
“Charlotte,” he began quietly, “we discussed this before.”
“No,” she said softly. “You declared it before.”
His gaze snapped back to hers.
Victor stood abruptly and moved away from the bed, tension radiating from him now. “I have no intention of having children.”
The bluntness of it struck her like a slap.
Charlotte stared at him in silence while he poured himself a drink with slightly unsteady hands.
“We can prevent it,” he continued tightly. “As long as we are careful, there is no reason for it to happen.”
No reason?
The words hollowed something inside her.
Charlotte lowered her gaze to her lap because suddenly she feared he might see the heartbreak written plainly across her face.
She had entered his room tonight hopeful and yearning and foolishly happy merely to be near him again.
Now it felt as though the future she secretly longed for had been quietly snatched away.
“You make it sound like children are some terrible affliction,” she whispered.
Victor closed his eyes briefly. “You do not understand.”
“Then help me understand.”
He did not answer.
The silence that followed hurt more than any harsh words could have.
Finally Victor turned back toward her, his expression softer now but no less firm. “Can it not simply be enough,” he asked quietly, “for it to be the two of us?”
Charlotte’s throat tightened painfully.
Because part of her wanted desperately to say yes.
Part of her believed she cared for him enough to accept anything he offered.
But another part, the frightened girl who had always dreamed of a family of her own, was grieving.
“I do not know,” she admitted honestly.
Victor went still.
Charlotte rose slowly from the bed, wrapping her robe tighter around herself as though it might somehow hold her together. “I think…” Her voice faltered slightly. “I think I need time to sort through my thoughts.”
His eyes darkened immediately. “Charlotte, ”
“I should like to stay with my family for a little while.”
The words hung painfully between them.
For one terrible hopeful moment she thought he might refuse.
Please,cross the room and pull me back into your arms and confess that you can not bear my absence. That I matter enough for you to fight for me.
Instead Victor merely stared at her silently before giving one stiff nod.
“If that is what you wish.”
Her heart cracked quietly.
Charlotte forced herself to smile though it trembled at the edges. “Only for a short while.”
“Of course.”
Still he did not stop her.
Victor stood motionless as she walked toward the door, and somehow that hurt worst of all. She paused briefly with her hand upon the handle, waiting desperately for him to say something more.
Anything.
But the silence remained.
So Charlotte quietly left his bedchamber with heartbreak lodged painfully inside her chest, realizing at last that caring for Victor…
might be my undoing.