The Cost of Mating
Chapter Thirty-Five
SADIE
Kyros isn’t moving. Isn’t even breathing. His throat bobs, and crimson pulses beneath his ribs in uneven flashes.
“Show me,” I repeat.
I sound excited—maybe even a little too excited.
Kyros’s eyes stray toward my mouth, lingering longer than appropriate. He’s thinking about kissing me. It’s written all over his face.
“Sadie,” he whispers. It’s a warning.
One I fully intend to ignore.
“You’ve seen me,” I point out. “It’s only fair.”
I flex my hands, curling and uncurling my fingers, before reaching for Kyros. His skin is warm, practically searing, and I swallow down my nerves as I place my hand on his. It’s a gentle touch—a simple hand holding—but it’s enough.
Kyros loses control.
He moves, his mouth crashing against mine.
All the restraint he’s shown these past several days vanishes.
His tail curls tightly around my ankle, holding me captive as he kisses me with more intensity than I’ve ever known.
He holds my face with both hands, his palms pressed against my cheeks and his fingers buried into the hair at the base of my neck.
The kiss feels like a mistake the second it begins. A terrible, terrible mistake.
Still…
I kiss him back.
God help me, I kiss him back immediately.
Kyros makes a rough sound as I brush my tongue along his, the low noise sending a shiver down my spine. I want this. Want him. I’m ready to throw caution to the wind and admit as much when Kyros suddenly loosens his grip, releasing me. His tail uncurls from around my ankle.
I can practically feel his restraint slamming back into place.
He pulls away, breathing hard as he rests his forehead against mine.
“This is a bad idea.”
I shrug. “That’s never stopped me before.”
Light dances across the sharp planes of his face, and the algae’s glow catches on the crimson specks in his eyes. They look brighter now. Full of excitement.
Full of need.
His tail again coils around my leg, as if he can’t control it. I take this opportunity to touch his face, trailing my fingers over the sharp curve of his jaw and the rough stubble on his cheeks.
He gasps as I drag my thumb over his lips. They’re slightly swollen from our kiss.
“Kiss me, Kyros.”
A beat of silence.
I swallow. “Please.”
That seems to be all the encouragement Kyros needs. He shuts his eyes, his forehead still resting against mine, and leans in.
This kiss is slower. Intentional. His lips are soft, and every drag of his tongue is carefully thought out. It’s like he’s trying to memorize the feeling of my kiss. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t doing the same.
I drag my hands up his neck, and he groans into my mouth as I skim over the fins by his ears. The sound goes straight through me.
I pull back just enough to breathe. “Kyros…”
“Tell me to stop.” He trails wet, soft kisses down my neck. “Please tell me to stop, Sadie.”
I should. I know I should. Everything about this is objectively wrong, but it’s hard to care when Kyros is touching me like this. It feels too good.
“I don’t want you to stop,” I confess. I pull away further, putting several inches of space between us, and gesture toward his hips. “Show me your cock, Kyros.”
His tail lashes as he looks down. Streaks of crimson flash beneath his skin, but it’s his tail I’m most interested in. He has a cock. I just can’t figure out where.
“Do you…” Kyros blows out a breath. “Do you see the scales in front…right where a human cock would be? They’re thicker than the others, and they’re pushed out slightly because I’m aroused.”
I scan the front of his tail, borderline desperate.
Sure enough, there’s a small set of scales slightly thicker than the others. They’re flared outward, but just slightly. It’s hardly noticeable.
I give Kyros plenty of time to stop me as I reach out, dragging my fingers over the scales.
He jolts, a quiet moan tumbling from his throat.
“Tell me what to do,” I beg. “Please.”
“It’s…” Kyros hesitates. “It’s not what you’re familiar with.”
I brush my fingers over his scales again, loving the way he trembles beneath me. The scales are warmer than the others, and they’re soft. I want to explore further, but I’m nervous to hurt Kyros. I don’t know what his situation is.
Plus, if I’m being honest with myself, I want him to walk me through it.
I curl my fingertips just slightly underneath the front scales, teasing them. The skin beneath is searing, his heat radiating outward. I can only imagine what’s underneath.
I’m practically vibrating with excitement.
“I’ll make it so good for you,” I promise, pressing my lips to the side of Kyros’s throat.
His scales twitch, quivering against my fingers. There’s no resistance to them, so I suspect they’re meant to be lifted up or pushed aside.
Kyros grabs my hand, his fingers curling around mine before he guides me behind his scales. They lift easily for us, surprisingly malleable.
“It’s—” Kyros gasps. “Underneath.” He clears his throat. “My slit is underneath.”
His tail pumps beneath us, unable to remain still.
My heart pounds as I touch the skin beneath his scales. There’s no cock to be found—instead, just a patch of soft, smooth skin. There’s something hard beneath it, but I don’t know how to get in.
“Where is it?” I ask.
“You’re touching it. Push harder.”
I press against the soft skin until it gives way. The skin is firmly sealed together, probably to prevent water from entering while swimming, but under enough pressure, it parts for my fingers.
I slip inside.
“Sadie!” Kyros’s hands fly to my hips. He holds me tightly, his fingertips digging into my waist hard enough to leave bruises. “You’re inside my pocket.”
The slit tightens around my wrist, warm and slick. The muscle flexes every time Kyros breathes, and his crimson-speckled eyes grow wide as I push in farther, until my hand is fully enveloped.
“I’ve never had a woman inside my pocket.”
His words hit like a freight train. I pause, my hand stilling. “What? Never?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Kyros takes a second to answer. He looks a little dazed, like he’s having trouble thinking straight and following our conversation. That realization brings me more satisfaction than I’d care to admit.
“It’s just not how things are traditionally done,” he eventually says.
“Well…” I lick my lips. “Do you like it?”
His hips twitch. “Yes.”
I bite back a smile and push inside the last bit. His pocket is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and I can’t help but feel an immediate sense of relief when my fingers brush against a hard cock. A very, very hard cock.
I curl a hand around it. It’s a shape and length I’m familiar with, but slightly thicker. It’s perfect.
His slit wraps tightly around my wrist, forming to my skin as I give Kyros a slow stroke.
He grunts. “Feels good.”
“Can I take it out?” I ask.
Kyros pauses, visibly nervous, before nodding. “Yes.”
“You don’t seem confident in that.”
“My cock isn’t meant to be in open water. The cold is painful.”
I hum, giving him another stroke. His pocket conforms around my hand, but it gives easily as I stroke from base to tip.
“Then how do you masturbate?” I ask.
I twist my fist around the tip of his cock. Kyros throws his head back.
“Inside.” His voice is hoarse. “I do it inside.”
I stroke him again. “Like this?”
“Yes.”
His tail lashes beneath me, and crimson erupts beneath his skin in uneven pulses.
I slide my hand all the way to the base of his cock, then feel lower. There’s nothing underneath.
“Where are your balls?”
“My what?”
“Balls. Testicles.”
Kyros still looks confused.
“Where does your sperm reside?”
“Oh.” Kyros chuckles. “They’re internal.”
Interesting. Everything about Kyros is so interesting. I stroke him again, loving the way his breath hitches and his cock twitches in my hand. I’m desperate to pull him out of his pocket so I can look with my bare eyes.
He said the cold hurts, but I know the perfect warm place for him to go.
“Where do you cum?” I ask. “Do you finish inside your pocket, too?”
Kyros gasps, then nods. “Sometimes. I try not to. Is too messy.”
I want to make him cum inside his pocket.
I tighten my grip, stroking him faster.
“Sadie… Wait…” Kyros curses again, his forehead dropping heavily against mine. “You need to understand something.”
The seriousness in his tone has my hand stilling.
“What?” I ask.
Kyros pulls back just enough to look me in the eye. “This isn’t casual for my kind.”
I’m not following.
I cock my head to the side. “What isn’t?”
“All of this.” His throat bobs as he lowers his gaze to where my hand disappears inside his pocket. “Intimacy. Sex. Mating.”
“But…” I furrow my brows. “The red bloom… Don’t you…”
Kyros shakes his head. “Some do. Many do not. I’ve historically chosen to isolate myself and wait it out.”
I don’t understand. I release his cock and remove my hand from his pocket.
“Are you a virgin?”
“No,” Kyros admits. “But this isn’t something I do often. Or with many women.”
“Seraya?”
Kyros levels me a sharp look.
“Well?” I push.
“Yes. A few times. When we were younger.” He pauses, pursing his lips, then continues. “Several weeks ago, she asked me to spend this year’s red bloom with her. It would be…meaningful. I had told her I would consider it.”
I flex my jaw as anger—maybe even jealousy—surges through me.
Kyros changes the subject. “But before we go any further, I need to explain mating to you.”
“Okay. Explain.”
Kyros isn’t quick to do so. He draws in several deep breaths, his chest rising and falling as his torso continues to occasionally flicker crimson. He looks nervous, which isn’t like him. Kyros is too arrogant to be nervous.
He looks toward the ceiling, bubbles erupting from his nose.
“The anticipation is killing me,” I try to joke.
Kyros cracks a half smile, but it doesn’t meet his eyes.
“I—” He clears his throat. “I would like you to know that there will be no other women for me.”
Oh. So that’s where he’s going with this. If I weren’t underwater, my palms would be growing sweaty. I was hoping to avoid this conversation. Evara warned me that marking means he won’t desire other women during the red bloom, but that’s only a short time of year.
“You don’t have to do that,” I force myself to say. “I don’t expect that from you. I know it might be hard during the red bloom, but—”
Kyros shakes his head. “No. You don’t understand.” He runs a hand through his hair, groaning, as if this conversation physically pains him. “I’m a marked male, and my body physically can’t get aroused for anybody other than you. Ever.”
My stomach drops.
“What?”
Kyros looks away before continuing. “Marking permanently alters a Mer’s body. As a hybrid, you’ll be unaffected. You’ll be able to move on, but I won’t. I just… I just felt like I should tell you that before we go any further. I’d want to know if I were in your position.”
He must be joking. He must be.
The room suddenly feels too small, and my pulse pounds violently as the full weight of his words crashes over me. This is forever. Not just during the red bloom. He’ll never know another woman.
I stare at Kyros, unable to breathe.
“You’re joking.”
“I’m not.”
“What about children?”
Kyros looks down, refusing to answer.
Evara said it was permanent, but I thought she meant the title was permanent and only mattered during the red bloom. It never occurred to me that she meant…this.
I push against him, swimming away. “What the fuck, Kyros?” I drag my hands down my face. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”
Guilt twists violently in my stomach, coiling and coiling until I’m pretty sure I’m about to vomit. I press trembling fingers to my lips. He did try to warn me. But I didn’t listen. I begged Kyros to fully mark me—all out of spite. I just wanted to anger my uncle, the consequences be damned.
Kyros swallows.
“This is fucked up,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
Kyros’s face immediately hardens. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I made you—”
“You made me do nothing,” he spits. “I’m a grown man. I could have said no. I knew the consequences, and I chose to do it, anyway.”
Tears blur my vision. I turn away and wipe furiously at my face, but it’s useless. Kyros drifts closer, continuing until he’s in my direct line of sight. He places his fingers underneath my chin, gently tilting my face upward.
“Sadie…”
“Why’d you do it?”
Kyros shrugs, looking me in the eyes. “I don’t know. I feel something for you, and I just…wanted to. I want to be mated to you, even if we can’t be together. Having something with you, even if it doesn’t last, is better than never having anything.”
His words are a knife to the heart.
“I don’t want to leave,” I choke out.
There. I said it. It’s terrifying to admit.
“I know I should,” I continue. “I know this is wrong and insane, but—” My voice breaks. “I don’t want to go.”
Kyros is a large reason for that. I can finally admit that to myself.
But it’s more than that.
I want to explore this world. I want to see these thermal vents Kyros told me about and hear the stories about Tideborn. More than anything, I want to learn about my mother. She was Coveborn, and I’m desperate to learn how she and my dad met.
And why she left.
I especially want to know why she left.
Kyros guides me back to his bed, then sits me on the edge of his mattress. His hands are everywhere—on my shoulders, down my arms, up my thighs, then cupping my cheeks. I’m faintly aware that he’s trying to comfort me, but it’s no use. There’s no fixing me.
Fixing this.
The red bloom is coming, and the Mer loathe my very existence. I’ve already brought the Coveborn to them, and I highly doubt my uncle is going to let this slide. I can’t stay here. It’s not an option.
Kyros pulls me against his chest, his movements gentle and slow. He gives me plenty of time to pull away, which I don’t. I bury my face in his chest and cry instead.
I let myself feel all the emotions I’ve been bottling up.
“I’m so sorry,” I sob.
Kyros clears his throat.
“Me, too.”
His tail curls tightly around my legs beneath the water, holding me like he’s terrified I’ll disappear if he loosens his grip. We were never an option.