Chapter One #2
And that’s what I would keep telling myself.
It wasn’t as if she and I had truly talked before that first bar meeting. I’d only seen her from afar, and we’d never actually met.
“So you ready to move out?” I asked before taking a bite. “Hold that thought. Dear God, this is amazing.”
Aiden looked over Sienna’s head and glared at me.
I flipped him the bird before eating some more.
The other man just rolled his eyes, a laugh twitching his mouth before he moved his attention back to his woman. Good. That was where it was supposed to be. Not on me and the amazing skewers I was about to come over.
“Good stuff, right? As to your question, I don’t know. I don’t really know if I’m ready to move out. But my friends and I all want to get a place while we’re in school. You know? I don’t really want to stay with Cameron forever, even though I kind of do.”
I nodded, understanding, even though I hadn’t really had that growing up.
Then again, maybe I had. I’d moved in with a group of friends when I was about Dillon’s age.
But they’d gotten me into a whole shitload of trouble.
Stuff that I couldn’t erase, even though I wanted to bury it.
I’d moved in with them not for college like Dillon, but because I’d thought they were my family.
Blood in and blood out and all that shit.
Jesus, I needed to get those thoughts out of my head. I’d been thinking about my past a lot lately. And I had a feeling I knew why. And that reason was currently standing on the other side of the room.
I ignored her—I had to.
“Cameron’s been taking care of you forever. He’s like another dad, right?”
Dillon nodded. “Yeah. Ever since Mom did her thing. I’m okay, though.”
I gave him a look that said I didn’t really believe him, but I knew he was better than he had been.
Honestly, he was probably the steadiest of us all.
That meant I needed to watch out for the kid.
Anyone who was that solid, usually had something to hide.
And since I knew most of the kid’s background—as much as he let anyone know—I had a feeling that when Dillon broke, he would need all of us.
After all, I’d needed people when I cracked. Sadly, I hadn’t had anyone.
I wouldn’t let that happen to Dillon.
“Anyway, I’m excited to move out. It’ll be nice for Cameron and Violet to have their own place. Without me killing their buzz.”
“Knowing those two, I’m sure they find ways to get together without having to worry about you.”
Dillon visibly shuddered, even as he grinned. “Yeah. I don’t really want to think about that. But it’ll be nice not having to tiptoe around if I need something to drink in the middle of the night.”
“I can see how that might be a little weird. But if you ever need anything, let me know. Okay? I know you’re close to your brothers now, but I’m here for you, too. Just say the word.”
Dillon smiled, his eyes warming. “You’re a good man, Beckham.”
I wasn’t good. I was anything but. There was a reason they said you had to atone for your sins. And I was working my way through that. There would never be a happy ending for me. That was something I had learned long ago. But I could at least try not to be the person I once was.
So, I smiled and took a bite of my chicken before Dillon wandered off to talk to the rest of his family.
When I was finished with my appetizer, I set down my plate and went to wash my hands.
I didn’t know why I was still here. I usually showed up at places and events and then left as soon as I could. But I figured it’d be good for me to at least pretend like I belonged. Not that I always felt that way.
I leaned against the wall, watching everybody dance, smile, and act like they were having a good time.
When Meadow walked by, I wasn’t even sure she noticed me.
It took everything within me not to notice her.
Or try not to. But I couldn’t help it. She was always there.
In my thoughts, my past. And, lately, physically right in front of me.
And so, without thinking, I reached out and grabbed her hand.
She froze, her eyes wide as she turned around. I wanted to curse at myself.
I knew where she had come from. And, in general, I knew you didn’t just go around touching women like that. Especially not when I had a feeling Meadow had been through hell.
I was such a fucking asshole. I slowly let go of her fingers and slid my hand back into my pocket.
“Hey,” I said, trying to sound casual. Attempting to come across as if I hadn’t seen the fear in her eyes, or the way she looked as if she were about to run.
There was fight or flight for a reason, after all. And I was bigger than Meadow. So, flight was the logical response.
Damn it.
“Hi,” Meadow said, her throat working as she swallowed. “Having fun?” she asked, her voice soft.
“Yeah. The Connollys sure know how to host a party.”
“So I see. It looks like everyone is having a great time.”
A voice slid out of the speakers, and we froze.
“Okay, now this is where we’re going to have fun on the dance floor.
Before the bride and groom do their thing, they want you guys to come out.
So, find the person nearest you, doesn’t matter who it is, and take them out to dance. Let’s make this wedding memorable.”
The announcer’s voice echoed in my head, and I wanted to curse. There was only one person near me. The one I shouldn’t dance with. And because I knew it would be better if we didn’t, because I was really good at doing what would cause the worst pain, I held out my hand.
“You want to dance?” I asked, my voice low.
Meadow looked at me then, her eyes wide, and she smiled. She had on this jeweled green dress that hugged her curves and made her look sexy as fuck.
There were a lot of attractive women here, some showing off a lot of skin, others wearing more expensive and conservative pieces.
But Meadow was the only one I couldn’t keep my gaze off, and that’s why I’d tried so hard not to look.
“Okay. Only because it’s part of the wedding and all.”
The justification wasn’t necessary. The reasoning had been going through my mind, as well.
I nodded and led her out to the dance floor.
I slid one arm around her, palm resting on her lower back while the other clasped her smaller hand in mine.
“I promise I’ll try not to step on your toes,” I said.
She raised a brow, showing me some of the fire I knew lived inside of her. “Okay, but I’m wearing high heels. I could probably hurt you more.”
I looked down our bodies to her toes and saw the same jeweled green peeking out from the bottom of her dress. I swallowed hard. Huh. Apparently, I have a thing for her feet.
“Okay, then. I guess we’ll see who hurts the other the most.”
She met my gaze, and I had a feeling we both understood the double meaning of that statement. At least, partly. But I simply smiled and started to dance.
Other couples were on the dance floor with us, so I had to pull Meadow closer to my body. She wasn’t pressed against it, but she was close enough that I could feel the heat of her. Every once in a while, my body brushed along the soft curves of hers.
We didn’t speak because there really wasn’t much to say.
She always turned from me when we were around the others, and I did my best to not stare when I was around her.
I didn’t know why she resisted being near me, but I sure as hell knew why I did.
And I didn’t want to push. I was going to have this dance, and then I would get the hell out of here.
It would be better for both of us if I did.
When the song neared its end, we found ourselves at the edge of the dance floor. There were other people around, but no one I knew. The rest of my friends were on the other side of the room.
It sounded as if the music was far away. It felt as if it were only Meadow and me in the space. This was a mistake. I knew it had been from the first touch. But I couldn’t help myself.
Meadow and I kept dancing, though I wasn’t even sure the music was still playing. I didn’t know if anyone was around us anymore at this point.
And then, because I couldn’t help it, and I was the same bastard now as I’d always been, I leaned down.
I brushed my lips along Meadow’s—just a soft caress that meant nothing.
It had to be inconsequential. But it meant everything.
She let out a shocked breath, her lips parting.
My tongue brushed hers, a bare whisper of a kiss.
And as I pulled back, her eyes went wide.
“Hey,” I said, sounding like a fool.
She blinked at me and then released my hand. I let mine fall, and she took a step back. Then another. Before I could ask Meadow what was wrong, or apologize for doing what I did, she turned on her heel and ran.
She zigzagged through the crowd of others, but no one was really paying attention to us.
I watched her go and knew I had fucked up.
I had kissed Meadow.
And though I knew it had been a mistake, the part of me that had always been an asshole, was positive I would do it again in a heartbeat.
And that, most of all, made me ashamed.