Chapter 5
Chapter
Five
BLACK FRIDAY
Zane: Are you idiots awake?
Damon: Look who made their way into a group chat. I thought you hated these things.
Caden: Zane started a group chat? How much did he drink last night?
Damon: How much did we drink last night? Some Thanksgiving party.
Zane: You are aware that the women kept pushing the drinks so we would sleep in? They ran away earlier this morning.
Damon: I don’t know if going Black Friday shopping counts as running away.
Zane: Semantics. Fucking double-shot eggnogs.
Caden: About that. Can you two get your women in check? They stole my wife before sunrise.
Damon: As if you would have been more accommodating had it been after sunrise. Plus, shopping is not Poppy’s idea of a good time. She’s just as much a victim.
Caden: I don’t give a shit. I want my wife back.
Damon: That’s the only sentiment I agree with.
Caden: How long do women shop on Black Friday? It’s been hours.
Zane: Last night, I saw something called “Sparkles Only” on Piya’s list of stores to visit.
Damon: That’s all fucking day.
Caden: This is unacceptable. I’m going to pick Rose up now.
Damon: Same. Poppy’s probably trying to make a break for it as we speak.
Caden: Rose’s location isn’t showing up on my phone. What the fuck’s going on?
Damon: I can’t track Poppy’s location either.
Zane: That’s why I texted. Piya turned off her location sharing.
Caden: Fuck. They planned this. Rose’s phone is on do not disturb.
Damon: Poppy’s too.
Caden: They’re probably at the Hudson Yards. I’ll hop in my car.
Damon: I’m right behind you. The nanny should be here in five minutes to take care of Arya.
Zane: Don’t bother. I already scoured the place and all the nearby shopping centers for stores with “sparkle” in the name.
Caden: You’ve got to be shitting me. Add Xander to this thread. Maybe Jordan knows where they went.
Damon: Good call.
Xander has been added to the conversation.
Xander: What the hell do you guys want?
Caden: What’s got your panties in a bunch?
Xander: I’m hungover. I am in a shitty mood. And my fiancée was kidnapped at the crack of dawn by YOUR women.
Damon: Not you too?
Xander: What do you mean?
Damon: The girls made extra-strong eggnogs, then turned off their location sharing so they could be off-the-grid for the day.
Xander: WHAT!?
Xander: Fuck. I can’t track Jordan’s location.
Caden: We just covered that, dumbass.
Damon: You’re not helping, Caden.
Xander: Why the hell did I drink so much last night? Fucking double-shot eggnogs.
Zane: *face exhaling emoji*
Caden: Once more, dumbass. We’ve already covered this.
Xander: Add Jasper to this thread. The girls talk to him.
Jasper has been added to the conversation.
Jasper: What’s this…
Damon: The girls are missing.
Jasper: I thought they were going Black Friday shopping.
Caden: That’s what we mean. They’re missing.
Jasper: Umm…
Damon: Did they tell you where they were going?
Jasper: No.
Caden: Fuck, Zane. Piya’s driving. Why didn’t you put a tracker in her car?
Zane: Do you think I’m an idiot? Of course I did. She took it out and left it on the table with a note.
Damon: What did it say?
Zane: “Nice try, but it’s mother-daughter day.”
Jasper: *laughing face emoji*
Xander: How did they know about the tracker?
Jasper: Umm. They’re not idiots, and they’ve met you before.
Caden: Are you telling me that my wife is out there alone?
Damon: They are not alone, thank fuck. Piya’s security detail follows her whenever she leaves the house. Right, Zane?
…
Damon: Right, Zane?
Zane: They also gave the eggnog to the guards. Piya left before any of them woke up.
Caden: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Xander: This is bullshit. I wish Jordan hadn’t given our security detail the weekend off. Then someone would’ve been on her tail.
Damon: Poppy gave our guards the weekend off, too.
Caden: Rose convinced me to do the same. Suggested we didn’t need them cuz we’d be staying in.
Jasper: Translation: you thought you’d be getting laid all weekend and took the bait. She set a honey trap.
Caden: Shut up, Jasper.
Jasper: Can’t. Feeling too proud of my cousin-in-law right now.
Damon: Fuck this. The nanny just arrived. I’m hopping in my car.
Zane: And go where?
Damon: I don’t know, but I can’t sit at home knowing my wife will be out until God knows when.
Jasper: Just a thought. If your wives went out of their way for an interruption-free girls’ day, maybe you should just let them.
Caden: Shut the fuck up, Jasper.
Damon: If you’re not going to help, don’t talk out of your ass.
Zane: Kick this kid out of the group chat.
Xander: Delusional motherfucker.
Jasper: Did you learn nothing from the last time, you Neanderthals?
Xander: That’s different. Their location sharing was on the last time they went out for girls’ night.
Jasper: And you showed up halfway through their dinner. Can you blame them for changing tactics?
Damon: *laughing face emoji*
Xander: Seriously, Damon? You showed up five minutes after me.
Caden: You two are pussies.
Damon: Says the man who showed up before all of us.
Caden: Only because I saw Zane hiding at the bar when I dropped off Rose. It would have been rude not to keep him company.
Zane: I was having a drink with a client, and it happened to be at the same restaurant.
Xander: Sure. Your invisible client that none of us saw.
Jasper: Christ. No wonder Jordan said it was nice to have alone time away from you sometimes.
Xander: She didn’t say that. Jordan just needs a break from mom duties once in a while, but never from me.
Jasper: All women like their space. Piya said they hadn’t spent a minute alone since you arrived in the States, and Jordan agreed.
Zane: Piya said that? When?
Jasper: Last night, before they got you shit-faced on eggnog. And she wasn’t the only one saying it.
Caden: Bullshit. Rose never needs time away from me.
Jasper: Need? Maybe not. Want? Definitely.
Damon: I’m just glad not to be a part of this equation. Poppy used the words ‘This is kidnapping’ when my mother-in-law barged in for retail therapy.
Jasper: Poppy was the one who ripped out the tracker from Zane’s car. That’s before the girls chose Black Friday shopping as the activity. Technically, she protested the activity, but not the company.
Damon: Impossible. My wife doesn’t need time away from me.
Jasper: Maybe not. But she wants time with her mother.
Xander: This conversation is entertaining and all, but did you guys forget that our women are missing? What are we going to do?
Caden: Jasper, tell us where they went.
Jasper: How the hell would I know?
Damon: Apparently, the girls told you everything last night.
Zane: Let’s go over to his place and make him talk.
Caden: I’ll grab a few scalpels.
Jasper: For fuck’s sake. They didn’t tell me because they knew how you would behave. Just leave them alone for one day. Surely, you can survive a few more hours without your wives?
Caden: I’m on speakerphone with Alex. He can probably track them down if we send men to every shopping center in the tristate area.
Zane: I’m on the phone with Levi. They can cover more ground if they work together.
Damon: Conference me in.
Xander: Me too.
Jasper: You are all hopeless.
Jasper has left the conversation.