Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Finn
One week of consistent breakfasts and I've seen Eris come back to life.
Her confidence has grown, and her face is brighter.
I know she isn't fully healed. She still has night terrors and to my sorrow flinches if I move my hand too quickly to grab something near her.
Sometimes I lie awake and listen as she struggles with the nightmares.
I have the strongest urge to burst through her door and gather her in my arms until the pain of her past subsides.
But I know we're not there in our friendship yet.
As much as I'd like to be, I have to move at her pace. Not mine.
Seeing her enjoy dirtying her hands in the garden and learning to bake has sparked a bit of courage in me.
Today I am determined to ask her if she'll take a walk with me.
She's not stepped foot outside these grounds since she first arrived in Tronovia and not only do I want to show her my home, but there's also something I want to surprise her with.
I plate our breakfast and carry the tray to the dining room. I hear her feet bounding down the steps. She seems to be in a good mood from the lightness and speed of which she descends. Perhaps she's finally allowing herself to move on from what happened in Hydra.
"Good morning," she smiles brightly as she rounds the staircase. "What are we having today?" She takes her seat across from me and swipes her mug of hot coffee and brings it to her lips.
"I made breakfast muffins. Let's hope they're good. I haven't made them in quite a long time."
"Well, let me see." She spears her fork into the egg and sausage muffin and slides it in her mouth in one smooth motion. Her eyes sparkle. Her hand flies to cover her lips while she speaks. "Finn, what do you mean this might not be any good? This is delicious!"
"Thank you," I smile. "I'm glad you like it."
"Like it? I think this might be my new favorite dish."
"More than the blueberry scones?" I ask and her eyes dart upward to meet mine.
"How'd you know I liked those best?"
I shrug, internally cursing myself for being so observant. "Every dessert I've made you've had some left over. There was nothing left from the blueberry scones. Figured it was your favorite."
For a moment she just stares at me, a thousand thoughts clearly running through her mind. I hold my breath, wishing she'd just say something. I gear up to apologize if I was too forward or if I made her uncomfortable when her sudden grin silences me.
"So you were trying to figure out my favorite dessert," she chuckles. "I thought that's what you were doing."
"How'd you know that's what I was doing?"
"I grew suspicious when I was never served the same thing twice in weeks. No one goes through that much effort if they're not trying to figure someone out."
"What a burden we bear, Eris," I set my mug down. "We're both observant and tiptoe around one another. Is it because we don't want to make the first move?"
"Maybe it's due to the fear our observations might be wrong that we choose to say nothing."
A comfortable silence stretches between us. But as the seconds tick by, my courage wanes and I fear I might not ask her to go on that walk after all.
She wipes her mouth with her linen napkin. "Are we tending to the garden again today or baking?"
I swallow hard. The knot in my throat doesn't subside but I force myself to be brave. "Actually, I was hoping maybe we could go for a walk. If you're up for it, of course." Her eyes flash open and I fear she's not quite ready for that step. "If you'd rather not, I completely understand – "
"A walk would be nice." She nods, offering a reassuring smile. "Where do you want to go?"
Our rowhouse is centrally located and the shops and canals are just a short walk away.
The chill in the air causes Eris to tug the jacket I leant her tighter around her frame. Where the coat lands about my upper hip, it drapes down to hover just above her knees.
"While we're out, we should buy you some clothes," I mention as she eyes different dresses through the shop windows we pass.
She whips her head to look at me. "Oh, I couldn't ask you to spend your money on me."
"I'm offering. Besides, you can't go through the winter season with my clothes. They're far too big for you."
She pouts her lower lip. "What if I like your baggy clothes?"
My stomach flips and I clear my throat, not allowing the budding blush to cross my cheeks. "I mean, you're welcome to whatever you want of mine. I just thought – "
Her giggle makes me pause. When I meet her gaze, she full blown laughs. "Finn, I'm kidding. I wouldn't want to steal your clothes. I'm sure you're tired of me borrowing them as it is."
But that's just it. Seeing her wear my clothes does something to me. I'm filled with a hunger I've never known before. A joy I've never tasted.
I realize I'm staring so I smile and tear my eyes from her. "Borrow them for as long as you like."
"Is that why you asked me on a walk?" She questions, her eyebrows pinching together when a few Tronovians notice me and cross to the other side of the street. "I hate that they do that," she grits her teeth.
"I'm used to it," I say softly, even though their fear of me doesn't hurt any less.
"Well, one day they'll realize how wrong they were about you and will finally appreciate you for who you are." She speaks with such confidence I almost believe her.
"As long as you aren't scared of me, I'll consider it a win." I stop when her fingers clamp down around my wrist. "Are you – "
"I could never be scared of you." She squares her shoulders to mine, not caring a bit that the sidewalk is crowded and we're hindering progress. "I've seen monsters, Finn, and you're nothing like them."
I stare down into her sea-blue eyes and restrain myself from wrapping my arms around her. I'm not sure how she feels about physical touch after everything she's been through. But the fact she knows what I'm capable of and doesn't fear me warms my cold soul.
Suddenly, she jolts forward and snakes her arms around my torso, burying her face against my chest. My heart thunders against my ribcage and there's no way she doesn't hear it ringing in her ear.
Slowly, so slowly, I slip my arms upward from my thighs and envelop her.
Other than my mother, I couldn't tell you who the last person I hugged was.
"I wish you could see yourself the way I do," she whispers.
Tears threaten to streak down my face, but I inhale deeply to steady myself.
"As long as you see me in some form of light, that's all that matters."
Quicker than I would like, she pulls back from me and tilts her head upward.
Her lips are so close to mine. I suffocate the urge to kiss her.
I can't be selfish. I can't lose the first friend I've had in ages.
But then again, I'm not sure friends look at one another the way we're staring at each other.
"Finn."
She says my name with such care it makes my knees buckle. My resolve to keep my hands to myself wavers but I have no choice. She needs to be the one to make her own choices. I don't want to muddy her thoughts or feelings.
I clear my throat and retreat a step. There's disappointment glistening in her gaze, but before I can say anything, snow begins to fall.
She extends her hands and allows snowflakes to land in her palms. A bright grin stretches across her face and her eyes widen in wonder.
"You've never seen snow before, have you?" I ask.
"No," her voice cracks. She turns and stares down the street as snow dusts the streets and the awnings above storefronts. "It's beautiful."
I brush the back of my hand against hers, drawing her focus. "There's something I want to show you."
The next street over, I lead Eris to an empty storefront. The snow is starting to come down harder, but she doesn't seem to mind. She examines the empty bay window and when there's no sign identifying what the shop is, she turns to me in confusion.
"What is this place?"
"Well," I kick my shoe against a small pile of fluffy snow. "It's mine."
"Yours?"
"I bought it yesterday." My chest constricts. Nerves kick in and suddenly I'm questioning my decisions.
"Wait," she holds a hand up, once again taking the shop in. "Are you starting your apothecary shop?"
I nod. "Do you want to go inside?"
"Do I want to go inside?" She shuffles her feet in excitement. "Of course!"
I fumble with the keys as I pull them out of my pant pocket and unlock the door. The inside is nothing special. It's an empty space.
"This is incredible!" She squeals, powerwalking across the wooden floors as if she owns the place.
She waves her arm across the expanse of the brick wall.
"We could put floor-to-ceiling shelves here where we can display all your products.
" She spins to the opposite side. "And we can put a welcome desk here where we can greet customers.
" She faces the back wall where a wall of windows overlooks one of the canals.
"I think we can have a cozy area back there.
A couch, maybe a couple chairs, and a coffee table where we can eat lunch on days we can't get away. "
We.
She keeps saying we.
My treacherous heart leaps with excitement at the thought of her willingly spending more time with me.
She pivots to face me, and her smile nearly knocks me off my feet.
"You seem excited to decorate," I laugh, shoving my hands in my pockets so I don't reach for her.
"I am! This place is going to be so great, Finn!" Realization suddenly flashes across her features, and she blushes. "I'm sorry. I'm over here making plans for your shop when I'm – "
"Plan away," I interrupt. "I'll need all the help I can get. If you want to help me that is?"
"You mean it?"
"I think we could make something great together." I extend my hand to her. "Partner?"
"Mmm, I'm more of an assistant than a partner." She reaches for my hand, but I pull mine back.
"Partner," I reiterate.
"Fine," she succumbs. "Partner. But don't expect me to be as knowledgeable as you. I prefer being in the background."
"Oh, I'll put your name on the sign." I grab her hand and shake it. "Eris and Finn's Apothecary Shop."
"That's too wordy." She shakes her head. "How about Harland Apothecary?"
"But – "
"And before you go on about how you want my name on the sign," she interrupts, "please know this is what I want. You need to have your moment to shine. You are so deserving of that. This is your dream. Your name should be front and center."
"You're hard to argue with when you look at me like that."
"Like what?" Her voice has a rasp to it that ignites the deepest parts of my soul.
My heart pounds in my chest and suddenly I'm alight with a flame blooming in my stomach. I so desperately want to kiss her.
I force myself to purge the desire. If I make that move, she might feel obligated to reciprocate when she doesn't feel the same about me.
Or worse, she might leave, and I'll lose a friend.
I'm just now feeling alive again. I don't want to go back to living in black and white when I've finally experienced the world in bright and vibrant color.
"Like what, Finn?" she asks again, taking a step toward me.
My mouth opens and shuts several times, words failing me.
"Like you won't take no for an answer," I say softly, though I'm sure we both know I'm being dishonest.
Disappointment floods her gaze, clawing at my heartstrings, but her face smooths, the let down quickly replaced by a playfulness.
She takes one more spin around the space, tucking her arms behind her back, and turns to me. "What made you decide to actually do it?"
"To buy the place?"
She nods. "And start your apothecary."
Nerves kick in and I peel my glasses from my face, wipe them clean and slip them back into place. It's best to be transparent. "You."
"Me?"
"You made me realize if I want people to see me differently, I have to make the first move.
" I motion around the empty space. "This is my first move.
I'm not saying it will be easy, I know it will be difficult.
But if nothing else, you've given me the encouragement I need to try.
My magic doesn't define who I am. My character does.
I hope they give me a chance to show them my heart. "
She approaches until she's standing directly in front of me. She peers up at me and slowly reaches for my hand, taking it in hers. Her hand is soft and warm and when she squeezes mine, I fall prey to her hypnotizing smile. "They will."
"And if they don't?"
"Then you have me."
Two lonely and broken souls somehow managed to find one another. Nothing romantic may transpire between us, but knowing I finally have a friend is enough. I can die a happy man knowing one person has finally seen me for who I am.
"So," I rub small circles with my thumb over the back of her hand. "Harland Apothecary?"
"Harland Apothecary."
Maybe one day she will be a Harland, too.