Chapter 34
Snoring shakes my ears. Ari lies on his back, his chest expanding in the rhythmic breath of rest.
The lavvu is dark. I must have slept through the whole day. That mushroom potion really took a toll on my mind. I hadn’t even noticed Ari lying down. My stomach rumbles as I raise myself. Even though hungry, I feel rested, sharp.
Everyone is sleeping. This is my chance. I need my knife, I need my blanket. I will roll it up when I have cleared a little ground.
Careful where I place my feet, I sneak out of the tent. Fresh air sweeps over my face, cooling the beads of sweat fleeing my skin. The cooking pot is empty. No food at hand.
Fuck it. I’ll figure something out. I’ve stolen before. I can steal again.
This is my chance.
I can’t believe it was that easy. Or maybe I can. Ari is probably happy I’m gone. Even if I woke him, he would surely let me slip into the night. The bastard.
Ylvin? No doubt she collapsed onto her furs in a drunken stupor after being hammered by her loyal sex-monster. Elof sleeps like a bear in winter.
I actually did it. I’m free again. In the wild. Kilda the Wild. I knew it. No chains, no orders. No dirty benches and tables to clean.
Just the moon lighting my chosen path. The moon and me. My moon. Many fear the forest at night. Every plant casts a haunting shadow. Every branch is a threat. Not me, I trust my eyes, I trust my ears. I trust my—
A twig snaps behind me. I turn. Shockwaves ripple across my skin. I see his face. His beautiful stupid fucking face. In the moonlight.
Ari.
Our eyes connect. No time for words. I bolt into the night. To the darkest patch of forest around me. A runaway slave. The time for games is gone. No time for goodbyes. I am a runaway slave. The penalty is death. Or worse.
I hear his footsteps behind me. He follows. He wants to drag me back to camp. Beat me into submission.
“Wait,” he whispers.
Why doesn’t he shout? Why doesn’t he raise the alarm? He wants to extort me. Use me. Ruin me. Make me a victim, like Eidunn.
I pull my knife and turn, keeping my body low. My teeth flash. Savagery. I’ll cut him, spill his guts, slice him open. Let him try.
“Stop, Kilda,” he says, reaching out a hand to me. “Let’s talk.”
I don’t think, I don’t speak. The risk is too great. The price is too high. As I turn to run, I quickly slash his open palm. He grunts behind me as I sprint into the darkness. I must have landed the blow. Anything to slow him down. I wish it was his leg. His knee. His heart.
The thundering of the river grows as I approach. I had planned to reach the falls, cross at the pool where the current would pose little challenge.
No time. I have to cross right now. Ari might follow. I step into the dark waters. Instant chills run through my body. No turning back. I wade out, holding my blanket over my head.
Up to my waist in rushing water, I doubt my decision. What if it goes deeper? Should I turn back? Give up? Fuck that. All or nothing. I am Kilda. I will be free if it’s the last thing I—
A rock is dislodged. My foot slips. A split second allows me to reflect on my terrible decision. Stepping into a roaring river in the dark. An idiot’s plan. A dead idiot. I draw as much air as I can before I get pulled under.
Submerged. My body a leaf in the wind. A victim of the mountain’s power. No chance of finding footing. My shoulder slams into the riverbed, making me scream, but no one can hear.
It’s strange, but I am enveloped in a calming warmth. I don’t need to resist. This is the end. Should I have stopped? Listened to Ari? Hardly. I refuse to live as Kilda the slave. I will die as Kilda the Wild. I will die free.
My body is thrashed about. My head takes a hit. My elbows and legs. Destroying my shell. My body and I. Too numb for the pain.
I open my eyes. Perfect darkness. Stillness. How strange. I thought I was drowning. Maybe I am already dead. Pushed downstream by the merciless river. The river where Ari bathed, under the rainbow.
The image flashes in my mind. My back crashes into a rock, forcing me to face the torrent. I’m unable to move. Constant pressure needles my face. What’s the point? The Norns have decided. Who can defy fate? Change what is carved?
The fucking point?
My body is more than a shell. It is my anchor. To this world. I am meant to be. I regret my decision. I’m willing to die, but dying to breathe. Time to inhale the rushing waters. Drown in the shallows.
Freya forgive! Odin save me!
Desperate, I throw my hand up, as far as I can. The current bends my arm backward. My finger barely breaches the surface.
A ray of light banishes the terror of night. Someone takes hold. A firm grip ripping me out of the darkness. Wet, drenched. Sputtering. Born again.
I lie on my stomach, squirming like a baby. I can’t stop coughing. Liquid shadow exits my lungs. These waters were meant to kill me. Choke my resistance.
I look at my hand, where I was held. It’s covered in blood that isn’t my own.
I don’t want to die. I’ll never give in to the stillness. My journey has no end.
Kilda will live forever.