Chapter 59
My moment with Sifrid and Fulla has passed. Now I am alone with my thoughts. Never have I felt so empty. Never have I been so ashamed.
Taking quick steps to my house, my head is consumed by a battle between dread and relief. Sigurd could have taken my house, my privileges. He could have ended my life. I must have some use to him. Something must have convinced him that I can do better. That I can be of value.
Shadows loom beyond the tree line, unknown forces pulling on the strings that direct my life. Freya weeps at my station, or she spits on my deeds. Loki laughs at his work, his intentions complete. I fall in a bottomless pit.
If I could sleep tonight, tomorrow might be—
“Kilda,” I hear a deep voice behind me.
My stomach drops. I consider getting on my knees to ask forgiveness.
“My lord,” I say as I turn, my eyes on Vidar’s feet.
He stands for a second in silence, punishing me with the tension between us. My thoughts do the rest. I speak in a whisper, to avoid breaking into tears.
“Forgive me, my lord.”
He sighs, putting a light hand on my shoulder.
“I forgive you,” he says. “I overheard my father reprimanding you.”
I look at his face to make sure he is sincere, that he isn’t laying a trap. His eyes are wide with concern. I was expecting anger.
“Thank you, my lord.”
“Just call me Vidar. I told you.” He releases a low, short laugh.
I sniffle once, then twice to stabilize myself. Blowing out a long stream of air completes the task. Vidar continues.
“Njord was a great man. He died with honor. He went into the Holmgang knowing how it could go.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Just listen,” he says. “I have thought about what you did. It’s honorable to protect your friend—even if your actions are based on a lie.”
A lie? The word hurts. But it’s true. Eidunn said it herself. It wasn’t Njord. But it was someone. A monster lurking in the shadows.
“Thank you,” I say.
“You should learn from this. Remember your status. You are a slave, but if you behave well, you could be freed.”
His face displays pity, as if he understands the weight in my heart. The crushing pressure that hasn’t let go since Eidunn attacked me. How is he not angrier for his friend losing his life?
“The jarl would free me?” I ask, severely doubting it after all of this.
“If not him, then I will.” He holds both my shoulders and lowers his head, looking into my eyes. “You are the wind, Kilda. A deer. Not a bull chained in the field.”
I snort at his intended pun.
“Even if you have the balls of a bull,” he clarifies.
“But how could the jarl—”
“Stop thinking, start behaving. That’s how you will please my father. He rewards loyalty, not rebellion.”
“Yes, Vidar.”
“Be loyal to him, be loyal to me, be loyal to Opdal.”
“I will.”
“Good, and oh, stop spending time with that mangy skald. He’s trouble.”
“Trouble?”
It was I that convinced Ari to duel Njord. He was doing the honorable thing, aiding a woman in distress. Ari was helping a slave girl with no one to turn to, no one to help her out of her tormentor’s grip. But I was wrong—Njord was innocent.
“Yes, trouble. Don’t go to him for aid, come to me.”
“But I did.”
“You did at first, and that was the good choice. I gave you good advice. I warned you.”
“You did,” I concede as tears press behind my eyes.
“Njord was a hard man, but not an evil one.”
“I can’t believe I—”
“Let it go, you must move on. Be loyal to Opdal.”
I nod and wipe my nose on my robe as he continues.
“Time will pass. Things will get better,” he concludes.
“Thank you, Vidar, thank you for—”
He puts a careful finger on my lips.
“We are fine. We are even. It’s just important to me that you remember who stands with you.”
“I will.”
“Then go catch some sleep,” he says with a laugh as he turns. “You look like a mess!”