Chapter 75
“What the fuck do you mean you need the ring?”
I storm around the room, my arms folded. I can’t take my eyes from the sneaky skald. The sneaky bastard skald. He looks at me like I’m a mad storm, but he’s the one tearing me apart. He shifts in the chair.
“I can’t leave without the ring,” he says simply.
“Can’t leave? Why?”
“I told you. I’ve been sent. I’ve been here for years. I have no choice.”
“There’s always a choice.”
He scoffs. Leaning over and holding his forehead in his hands. His dark hair hangs on the sides, only a small braid is in the back.
“Not for me. No.”
“Why not?”
“My orders are clear.”
His orders? Here I was thinking he was a free soul. Free like the wind. How am I supposed to trust him now? He has ties. He has a chain of his own. He will leave me. I fucking know it. Why wouldn’t he? I’d be a fool for hoping otherwise.
“What orders?”
He stands. For the first time, I see irritation on his face. Or maybe fear. He cuts the air with his hand.
“To steal her fucking ring.”
Her ring? Her ring? Of course, I fucking knew it. I’m not even a part of his story. Of all the things he could say. I feel sick. He’s been hers all along. A queen’s toy. I just warmed his furs in the meantime. I quench my jealousy, refusing to show him weakness.
“You said we would escape together. You said I was… That I was yours. Now you have other loyalties? You said no one would touch me.”
How could I trust him? Believe his honeyed words. I’m such a fool. A stupid silly girl with stupid silly dreams. His eyes dive into mine.
“I just need the ring. Then I am free, like you.”
“Like me? I’m a fucking slave, Ari.”
“No,” he says as he steps forward, holding my shoulders in each of his hands. “You are Kilda the Wild.”
Freya help me, I want to believe him. I want to lean into the lie. Iron chains tell a different story.
“And you’re Ari the bastard skald. Why can’t we just disappear together then?”
“I can’t… I can’t betray the Queen.”
There it is. Clear as day. This is where he stands. Blood simmers in my veins.
“Oooh, the Queen? What are you her secret lover? Her little sex Jotnar?”
“Very funny, Kilda.”
“I’m not being funny. I’ve heard of the velvet-clad southern queens and princesses… of their appetites.”
Of course, he’d rather sleep in the lavish bed of a southern queen. Why would he want to be with a runaway slave? A murderous runaway slave. The Queen wants him for his body, for his endearing smile. His smell.
Ari just laughs. Without humor, just disbelief.
“She only hungers for power.”
Hunger for power? Does that not translate to hunger for flesh? Vidar is proof of this. A queen dominates. She dominates Ari.
“Come on, be honest! Who can resist a man like you?”
Gods, I sound pathetic. A tragic tale, old as time. The woman left to rot after a good night’s fun in the orchard of flesh. He surprises me with a playful grin.
“I knew you liked me from the start.”
“I’m not fucking joking, Ari!”
Unbelievable. Here I am with this bastard skald.
Thyra’s body isn’t even cold yet, and he’s focused on stealing some ring for his whore queen?
He can’t be serious. And me? I’m not even mourning, I’m just breaking apart from this man sticking a knife in my heart.
Or in my back, rather. He opened a door within me, now he’s slamming it shut.
Shit-toothed mangy crow. He sighs and sits down again.
“Neither am I,” he says.
“So, tell me, why can’t you betray the mighty queen?”
He stays silent. I can hear my own breathing. My chest is puffed and my arms crossed. I’m not the most supportive. But for fuck’s sake, what’s this man thinking?
He still doesn’t speak. Just sits there like he’s thinking some deep poetic thoughts. I push his shoulder.
“Tell me!”
“She… She will hurt someone dear to me.”
My mouth gapes. Is it true? Here I am raging about imagined infidelities.
Infidelities done before he even met me.
Is this queen extorting him? He’s probably fucking lying, the sneak.
Protecting someone else, what a surprise.
I’m just here to support him when he needs it.
Is there any man in Midgard who stands for his word?
My father, Vidar, Ari? Fucking liars the lot of them. Spineless bastards.
I wait. He doesn’t even look at me. Doesn’t explain or defend himself. He doesn’t say who. His lover? His child? His mother?
Probably his fucking lover. Or his lover and their fucking child.
It’s so unfair. It’s probably some southern beauty with soft hair and golden anklets.
A woman he actually chose, not a slave he’s forced to protect by guilt.
Or it’s the gorgeous well-behaved child he has with the gorgeous well-behaved woman. Or…
“You’re lying,” I whisper, voice weak like a child.
His jaw tenses. I struck a nerve, it would seem. Finally. Here I am, desperate, alone. It’s about time he had a reaction of his own.
“I don’t lie.”
“You don’t lie? You’ve literally lived here for two years to steal a ring from the jarl. You’re a hidden Jotnar, for fuck’s sake.”
“That’s different.”
Tears press behind my eyes. My chest feels hollow. Everything is gone. Thyra is dead. Ari is the last log I have to keep my fire going. What am I without him? Vidar’s victim.
“Who will she hurt, Ari?” I ask, softer now. My voice sounds wrong even in my own ears. Small. Afraid. “Who?”
My throat squeezes tight. Of course he won’t fucking tell me. Why would he? I’m just the girl he dries off. The girl he wipes clean. The girl who warms his bed. A distraction. Some lighthearted entertainment. Fuck it all.
“Oh, gods,” I say, pressing my palms into my eyes. “It is her, isn’t it? Some queen cracks her whip and you crawl after her like a tamed dog?”
“Kilda—”
“Shut it!” I snap, stabbing a finger at him. “Don’t Kilda me. You promised we would flee. You promised—”
“I meant it.”
“Then what… why?”
“I need the ring. Then I am free. She promised.”
“Fuck her!”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
“Who is she to you?” I scream, louder than intended.
“She… She is… She’s like my mother.”
My face screws up. Mother? The word rattles my brain. Too soft. Not witch? Not warrior queen? He’s a Jotnar skald and this woman he calls his “mother” controls him? Is he serious? I huff.
“If this is some sick game to you—”
“She adopted me as a child, along with many—”
“You think I’m stupid!” My voice cracks. “You think I don’t see your plan? As soon as you get your grimy fingers on the ring, you’ll run back to her. I’ll be left here waiting for Vidar to gut me.”
Maybe I deserve it. The gods haven’t spared me any pain. And I cause it by the bucket. Thyra, Njord… Who else will die for my mistakes? In any case—I’m fucking dead. Worse even, I’ll be tortured. I should flee. I should—
“Never. I promise I—”
“Save it,” I spit. “Save your oaths for your queen.”
He shuts his eyes tight. I hope he’s fucking hurting. Let him feel like I do. I lean close to his ear.
“You fucking liar,” I whisper.
“I never lied.”
I bark an insulting laugh.
“You lied every time you looked at me. Every word you spoke.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I’m a fucking slave, Ari. Life isn’t fair.”
He reaches out for me. Gently. His eyes display sadness. Loneliness. Good. Let him wallow in it like a pig in shit. He strokes my arm.
“I want you,” he whispers.
“Don’t touch me,” I hiss and pull back my arm.
He freezes. The worst part is, I want him to want me. But that ship has sailed. He has shown his true face. I point at the bed.
“You fucking stay here. I’ll get your fucking ring. Then we will see.”
“Kilda, please, let’s go together.”
He doubts me, of course. He thinks I’m some useless thrall girl. They all do. It will make what’s coming taste sweeter.
“Shut the fuck up.”
I head for the door. But a thought enters my mind. Of course. The bone I enchanted with Eidunn. I go to the bowl where I store all types of shit.
It sits in my hand. I feel its thin magic. A slight hum against my skin. It will have to do. There is no time. Morning will come.
I don’t turn to Ari. If I do, I might just stay. Pay the price. I’ll fucking show him. I stomp to the door.
“Don’t fucking move,” I say as I open it.
No one is around the house. The darkness swallows me. Gone is the lightness of summer, the long nights. Autumn is here. Snow will follow.
The cool air refreshes me. Time to focus. No more begging. No more crying. Just the job. The goal.
If I fail now, it’s the end of my story. No time for emotions or impulse.
This is the moment. If he thinks I’m nothing without him, I’ll fucking show him.
Freya, guide my hands, or curse them. Like it makes a fucking difference. Like I give a shit. I don’t look back. I barely have a plan.
A deep breath helps my senses come alive. I belong in the night. My feet seek the shadows. I’ve done this a dozen times.
Let’s steal this fucking ring.