Chapter 82
Warm light strokes my nonexistent body. My edges are gone. I am being, breath, nothing more. I am unmade.
I am.
This is the place before birth and after death. This is where names dissolve.
Imagine all the worries we carry. Washed away as we realize how insignificant our mortal selves are. Our battles, our desires, only relevant when we are trapped in our cage of flesh. How silly am I? When confronted by the white of unity.
Resisting the path only leads to wild roaming in the darkened forest of doubt.
And yet.
Who first walked to lead the way?
Who first trampled the often treaded path?
A fraction of my identity returns.
I am Kilda.
Falling. Out of the white. Out of the warmth. Away from my mother and father who are in me and with me. This is where I end up.
The room is dark. A green glow fills the space without surrendering its source.
Who pulled me here?
The pool of water before me grows ripples as a cloaked shape descends.
“Kilda…” a whisper teases.
My eyes lock onto the mythical figure before me. The air ripples around her, like it bends to her will. Surely this is a goddess. Surely this is who I hope to be. The peak we all climb toward.
“Wrong,” she says, like she can read my mind. “Though I appreciate the compliment.”
“Who… who are you?”
The black cloak unfurls, revealing the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Even Eidunn cannot be compared to this unnatural being. My mouth gapes at her surreal demeanor. She hovers over the water, moving with the grace of a cat or an eagle. A combination of the two.
She throws her head back in laughter, making her loose-fitting dress swirl around her.
The body beneath is sublime. Freya would feel intimidated.
Challenged. She isn’t tall like elegant Thyra or slender like gorgeous Eidunn.
She is exquisite. Femininity expressed with perfect proportions. She points her finger at me.
“I’ve been keeping an eye on you, Kilda.”
“You… you know who I am?”
“How could I not? You have stolen what is mine. Of course I was curious.”
“Stolen? Stolen what?”
What is she talking about? The necklace? The hammer? The… Of course.
“Think, girl,” she whispers right in my ear, even if she is standing before me.
“You’re… You’re the Queen!”
My stomach sinks. Everything falls into place. The ring. The hammer. All of it.
The Queen giggles like an innocent little girl. The sound echoes across the chamber, coming at me from all angles.
“Ah, she has a brain to go with her foolhardy courage. That’s something, at least.”
This is the woman who forced my Ari to steal. Forced him to transform. All the pain she has caused. The death. The burning of Opdal. Sigurd…
Ari’s pain.
She tortured my man.
“Fucking bitch!” I scream as I storm forward.
Claw her eyes out. Rip at her hair. Scratch her skin until she bleeds. Leaping across the water, I hope to reach her face. Fuck up her perfection.
But I freeze. Mid-air. Impossible to move. Struggling leads nowhere. Every muscle I activate just burns as it is controlled. This realm has its own rules.
The Queen’s smile melts away.
“You’re an animal, like the rest,” she says, her sweet tone evaporated. “I tame animals like you, break them. I reshape them.”
I try to activate my throat to respond, but it won’t budge. I can only breathe. The Queen regains her honeyed voice as she glides around me.
“I know what you’re thinking, sweet child. ‘Oh, but you tortured my Ari.’ Such a cocky slave.”
She strokes my cheek. Every instinct tells me to pull back from her touch, but I’m immobilized. Stuck in stone. The Queen continues.
“Ari is not yours to keep. He is mine. You have no idea what such men cost to raise and train. It takes decades, my dear. He longs to return, you know…”
My heart stutters. Ari is not a free man… he’s a weapon. A bred weapon. I’ve been such a fool. Her claim coils around my mind like a snake. The Queen rolls her eyes. Like she’s tired of raising and training men for decades.
“What surprises me is that you agreed to help him. How did he make you do it? What did he tell you? He needed to save someone? Family, perhaps?”
She laughs viciously, like she enjoys tearing hearts apart.
“Let’s just say it wouldn’t be appropriate to be so… intimate… with family.”
Fucking bitch. Lying fucking bitch. More filth escapes her lips.
“I’m impressed by you, Kilda. I’m not going to lie. You have a certain presence. You defy your place again and again. It’s entertaining, yes, but also very useful. For me. Your free will was easier to control than my own puppet.”
Thyra. The Queen is talking about Thyra. The Valkyrie. The noblewoman. A grieving widow, puppeted. Thyra’s blank eyes flood my mind. Gods forgive me… I walked right into the Queen’s trap. Poor woman. Murdered by a foul curse.
“I wish you were a man,” she continues. “I would raise and train you too. As a Volva, you are way too impulsive for my use. Not to be trusted.”
I try to push my head from side to side. Back and forth. No chance. The Queen notices and leans in with a wicked smile, whispering in my ear.
“Ari will return to me now. To his home. To his lovers. It’s been a while since I enjoyed his… touch.”
A snarl runs through my body. The image of a lynx flashes in my mind. Not the calm, wise posture of the observant feline. The twisted face of the animal baring its teeth, threatening to kill. No more fear.
My head breaks free of its invisible chains. The Queen notices and hovers backward.
“You really are something,” she mutters.
I stare into her eyes, past her lavish smile.
“You’re fucking dead!” I growl.
Fuck decorum. This bitch will burn. I spit upward, hoping the angle will allow me to reach her. My spit lands square on her face, making her grimace. But she doesn’t pull back or flinch. She raises a hand and clenches it to a fist.
Pressure builds around my body. I might be crushed. I might choke. Her smile returns.
“Not if I kill you first,” she says as she pulls down her fist.
I descend. Dragged into the water. To the depths. Looking up I can see the Queen’s blurry shape, growing smaller and smaller the deeper I go.
Darkness envelops me. How far down does this pond go?
I try to scream, but only bubbles leave my mouth. No sound.
Her realm spits me out like a body rejecting poison. A crack echoes through the dark. Ice breaking.
I fall. Soon I will hit the ground. It’s over.
Shocked awake.
Raise myself up on the bed.
I push off the heavy sheepskin covers that are laid over me.
My body is drenched in sweat. I thought I was dead. For good. My chest heaves, like I really was drowning. The Queen’s laughter clings to me like frost on grass.
Someone stands in the room. A flash of lush blonde hair swings with her movements. Unbraided. Loose. I’ve never seen her so relaxed.
It’s my friend. My closest friend. I lie back as she runs to my side. Tears of relief pour from my eyes.
“Eidunn,” I whisper.