Chapter 84
“Stop with your fucking questions,” laughs Ylvin with a wave of her hand.
“Answer me and I’ll stop,” I insist.
“How can I answer something I don’t know?”
Elof slams his bowl on the table—empty.
“Just answer her, by Odin,” he mutters as he stands to fetch more stew.
Ylvin sighs. Shaking her head in disbelief. Eidunn’s eyes flicker between us, trying to calculate if this might escalate to a real conflict. It won’t, if I know Ylvin. She just needs to be pushed to her limit so she opens up. A silly smile grows on my face, the face of a child teasing their parent.
“It’s a yes or no question!”
Ylvin points her spoon at me, ignoring the drop of stew that splatters on the heavy wooden table.
Eidunn reacts, her eyes widening. Since she was a girl, she has been trained to keep everything around her clean and tidy.
Her eyes stay on the Volva’s nonchalant spillage.
Ylvin clears her throat, keeping her spoon up.
“You ask it as a yes or no. Reality is a little more complex than that.”
I throw my hands in the air. If she keeps dodging, I’ll go mad. Her answer to my question could change my life. My fate. Nothing would be the same.
“You and your mysteries. Just share truth!”
Ylvin snorts.
“Though there is one truth, folk tend to have different perceptions of it.”
Eidunn’s will breaks. She stands and takes swift steps to the washing cloth.
Ylvin turns to her, amused, watching the younger woman fret.
Eidunn swipes the blotch of steaming stew, careful to remove every drop so as not to leave a stain.
The sight is warming, reminiscent of daily life.
Seeing her fuss over a stain is… relaxing.
A small, ordinary moment. We are still here. Even after everything—we’re here.
Ylvin gestures to Eidunn.
“Observe, Kilda, Eidunn is so beautiful even the moon is jealous, but she is dutiful and polite. She could have a life of ease, yet she has learned, and chooses, to keep her space clean.”
It’s Eidunn’s turn to snort.
“I had to learn that. No choice there.”
Ylvin places a hand on Eidunn’s shoulder, smiling with her pointed teeth.
“They called you slave, my child, but now you are free.”
Eidunn nods and smiles as she tosses the cloth on the table and sits to resume eating. Ylvin continues.
“Besides, some slaves are disorganized, clumsy, and messy. Slavery doesn’t promise a clear mind and effective habits. Eidunn is sharp and well-tempered, slave or not. Learn from her, Kilda.”
I can’t stop my brow from furrowing. Ylvin just goes on and on. What kind of mad rant was that? She just wants to avoid my question.
“I will learn from her,” I laugh, unable to contain my amusement at Ylvin’s ploy. “Though I will never match her feminine elegance.” I wink at Eidunn. “But you still haven’t answered my question.”
Elof returns with a bowl full to the brim of elk stew.
“Just answer,” he groans. “So life can go on.”
A false expression of surprise appears on Ylvin’s face. A brilliant actress. Even if obvious and overplayed.
“I think that’s more words than you’ve said all week, Elof,” she says.
Elof pushes a finger against the wood, his shoulders filling half a side of the massive table.
“Kilda is the student. You are the teacher. Answer her question before I go berserk like Ari.”
“Oh, I’m sure you would,” laughs Ylvin, their little argument clearly not one to be taken seriously. “Real charmer, this one… Fine then…”
She places both her palms on the table.
“Maybe, it might just be possible, maybe, one day, you would, if the stars align, be able to shapeshift like I do.”
My heart soars. I throw my hands above my head, unable to contain my excitement. What would I be? A wolf? An eagle? A lynx? I hope it’s an elegant animal. No one wants to be a giant rat.
“Really?”
“Maybe. I was born with it but—”
“You really mean it?”
“Possibly. If you take your training seriously.”
“Oh, I’ll take it seriously. I won’t stop until—”
A door slams open. My heart jumps in my chest, still on edge. Elof stands, fists clenched, ready. The rest of us turn in surprise.
“Ari!” I shout with a smile so wide it hurts my face.
“Kilda,” he replies, leaning on the doorframe, still wobbly. “Hello everyone.”
Ylvin shoots up.
“No, no, no! Troll or not, you need to rest at least one more night.”
Ari looks surprised, turning quickly to escape the advancing Volva. He laughs as he speaks. His natural, naked laugh I have grown to love.
“No, but,” he mumbles, “I’m starving.”
“Good sign,” shouts Ylvin as she ushers him back to bed. “I’ll have some stew sent to you.”
She comes out, looking stricter than I’ve ever seen her. The door slams behind her. Throwing her arms to her sides, Ylvin approaches the table.
“These fucking giants,” she growls. “I swear they find no peace.”
A chortle escapes Elof, like he’s heard it said a thousand times. I can’t believe that Ylvin would deny a healing man his rations.
“He’s hungry!” I complain.
Ylvin’s wolfish eyes widen playfully as she sits.
“Good, then go feed him. He’s your man after all. Woman’s duty and all that.”
As I stand, Elof turns to Ylvin.
“You never… How can you—”
Ylvin waves her hand to dismiss his coming accusations.
“Come on, I cook for you—sometimes.”
“Sometimes…” he confirms.
Eidunn giggles at the couple’s endless back and forth. Ylvin and Elof love each other. That much I know. Eidunn seems to like them. I do too. Not the worst people to be stuck in a cabin with.
I fill a bowl of steaming stew for Ari, making sure to fish out extra pieces of elk. Healing men need meat. Lots of it. And Ari is… A healing troll giant man? They probably need more.
I inhale, steadying myself. Seeing him awake brings heat to my cheeks. I have been longing for a private moment. Just the two of us. I need to come clean with him. Be honest—for once.
With swift strides I bring the food to his room, closing the door behind me.
Ari laughs.
“Oh, what blessed maiden brings a lone man food?”
“Spare me,” I say with a smile.
I hand him the bowl and sit on the end of the bed.
He pushes an overflowing spoon into his mouth, like he’s never tasted food before. His smile is like the sun after the darkness of winter. I want to crawl beside him and stay there forever.
“Thank you,” he mumbles while chewing.
“There’s a lot more.”
“I can make it fit.”
I snicker. It feels good seeing him eat. Seeing him heal so fast. Tomorrow he will probably walk like normal. No limp or anything.
A lump forms in my throat as I prepare to tell Ari the horrible truth—Njord’s innocence. I stare at the floor, disappearing into my thoughts as I practice my words internally.
“Uh… are you okay?” asks Ari.
I’m jolted back to reality.
“I… No, I’m not.”
“What’s wrong? What can possibly be worse than what—”
“It’s… When you…”
“Just say it, Kilda.”
“Njord was innocent.”
Ari’s eyes widen. He looks into his bowl of stew, processing the information. I hope he doesn’t hate me. I made him spill another man’s blood—of course he will fucking hate me.
“Forgive me, please, I—”
“You wanted to help.”
“Exactly! I just didn’t—”
“When did you learn this?”
“Since Eidunn told me, after the duel.”
“And you’ve been carrying this alone?”
I nod, holding my tongue.
Ari leans back, running a hand through his hair. A long exhale. He speaks slowly.
“Njord challenged me. He chose the duel. He chose death over first blood.” He meets my eyes. “The law was followed. He’s in Valhalla now. Odin decides.”
I can’t believe he’s just going to forgive me. I’ve been lying, plotting. The shriek of Njord’s bride-to-be rings out within me. A sob sticks in my throat. I can’t even bring that up. That’s a weight I will carry alone.
“I should have told you sooner.”
“You should have.”
A heavy silence. He reaches out and takes my hand in his.
“But I understand why you didn’t.”
“You do?” I avert my gaze, looking to the floor.
“Of course. You were afraid that—had I known the truth—I wouldn’t bed you.”
His face. A shit-eating grin. That same shit-eating grin as always. I slap his shoulder.
“You mangy bastard crow!”
He laughs that naked laugh of his. Throwing his head back in honest pleasure.
I grow a grin of my own as I sneak a hand under the cover and stroke from his foot to his knee.
“I’m so happy we’re here,” I whisper. “So happy to be with you.”
“Me too,” he says without taking his eyes off the bowl, still shoving food in his mouth.
I want him close. Feel him next to me. Smell him.
“I just…” I hesitate, unsure how to put it. “I just wish we could be alone.”
That makes his eyes rise to meet mine. He captured my intent.
“Ylvin said we would share one of the rooms, when I’m healed.”
He sips warm liquid from the edge of the bowl, closing his eyes as he tilts his head back. His hair is matted and oily. Tomorrow, I will cleanse it.
“Just the two of us?” I say in a light voice, letting my hand stroke up his thigh.
“Yes, Ylvin and Elof will sleep here, Eidunn said she—”
He stops, giving me a look that could either be judgmental or playful. A playful hand glides along his inner thigh. My smile grows. I feel like a predator. Heat pools low in my stomach. Memories of us sharing bodies flicker in my mind.
“Everyone’s awake…” he whispers as his breath grows heavy.
“I know, I’m just… giving you a taste of what’s coming.”
His breath catches, and I can feel it. Like a pull in my chest. It’s like our bodies remember each other.
Remember our connection. He opens his legs slightly, giving me better access to his body if I want it.
And I do, gently stroking his softness. What was missing when Ari was a giant has returned.
My pulse quickens as he hardens in my hand.
“Then I have a good reason to heal,” he says, placing his bowl on the bed side table and leaning back to enjoy my touch.
I keep going, gently stroking up and down before cupping his weight and massaging them.
My own body reacts. My blood simmers. Desire hums under my skin, begging to be unleashed.
Touching him reminds me I’m alive. That he lives.
I get the impulse to slip under the covers.
To taste him. I’ve never tasted a man. Ylvin said I should.
That it’s fun. When it’s good. When it’s intimate.
I fight the temptation. There will be plenty of time.
“Many reasons,” I tease. “You have no idea.”